Chapter 28
BAILEY
While I got fast and helpful feedback yesterday after my request for help getting information about Jared Stone’s pack, things aren’t working out with my other request the way I expected.
In fact, I’m kind of devastated. The support I expected… that’s not what I’ve gotten. I wrote on the chat group:
Thanks everyone. I know this request is less than articulate, but I’m in shock, I’m devastated, jetlagged and I’ve had some traumatic experiences the last few days, so I’m not sure when I’ll feel like discussing this but I would really, really appreciate your support ASAP as I need to make things happen fast. Hugs.
I glimpsed at the signatures I’ve gotten through the online petition and all but a handful come from my own pack, from those who know both Jase and me personally.
After checking that, I looked on our group chat server and found a flood of comments as well as some private messages that have me spiraling, questioning everything.
Instead of support for my petition and my request of testimonials from other females who were mated to an alpha against their will, I’ve found myself red-faced reading the back-and-forth discussion that’s not on my side.
A few of the early replies accused me of making a joke. I’ve read a few comments indicating resistant females always come around. In fact, there’s not one case detailed with another outcome, nothing about a female suffering abuse or who’s mated but wished she could’ve had a choice.
Testimonials would help me illustrate how the ability to hit a pause button on a pending mating to an alpha would’ve saved lives or did good things for the female in question, but nope, none of that.
And I’m discouraged and feeling emotional because I’ve gotten outraged comments and direct messages that range from people asking if I’m overreacting to telling me I should take a minute and think about the can of worms I’m opening.
More than one comment said I should at least give Jason a chance to redeem himself. Another comment gently accused me of forgetting why I fell in love with him and being clouded by my anger, encouraging me to forgive.
I got a message from an old summer camp friend accusing me of being ungrateful that I’m getting everything I ever wanted when most females could only dream of landing an alpha, let alone the exact super alpha I’ve been pining for.
Though she wrote it in a joking tone, the obvious snarkiness between the lines left me reeling.
I got one comment that said,
“Are you joking? Please say you are. Jase identified you as his and you’re not drowning in super alpha cum by choice? WTF? Who is this and what have you done with our friend Bailey?”
There were several emoji reactions on her comment including laughing, 100% symbols, question marks, and hearts.
Am I being ridiculous? And not one testimonial of a female who wishes she could’ve stopped herself from being claimed by an alpha? Are there really that few females mated to alphas out there that are miserable? Is Sherry Creed’s tale truly rare?
Do I just need more time to get those testimonials? It’s only been a day since I asked.
The group chat isn’t huge, just twenty-six of us, with about sixteen who are super-active. Some are other pack librarians and several are summer camp friends who joined what started as a book club and morphed into a group chat of friends who support one another.
I only have one more day.
I fully expected to open a flood of support and help. I thought my pals would rally behind me and take up my cause with me, but I’m left with what mostly feels like jealousy, bitterness, or downright skepticism because I’m getting something they’ll never have.
“Oh poor you. That gorgeous Adonis we all know you’ve wanted your whole life suddenly wants you and just you?
Poor Bailey. Getting everything she ever wanted including love and protection.
Just kidding girl. But seriously though…
you can’t at least give him a chance? Lick all those tattoos like you’ve been dreaming of for years and then see if you’re still mad at him. ”
“What happened to forgiveness, Bailey? This is the guy we’ve heard about for years. Is it possible he deserves some forgiveness? After all… things have been hectic around your pack lately. Is he just being an a-hole because you’ve had a spell put on him?”
“Make him work for it, girl, but don’t wait too long or it might be too late because maybe he’ll request the severance because he thinks this is so hurtful of you.”
“I support you and I support the rights of all females. But don’t you think fate knows what it’s doing?
You being mated to a council alpha could be so good for females.
Think of the good you can do from that position.
I can’t sign that petition in good faith because girl, I am so so happy 4 u and think you’ll realize this is the best news once you’ve had a chance to process everything. ”
Someone piggybacked off that last response to say,
“And you get the alpha knot and purr for your efforts. Use this to your advantage. I’ll bet a hundred bucks once you mate with him you’ll forgive him.”
Another supposed friend who prides herself on being blunt messaged me to tell me that this ‘crash and burn’ isn’t a good look but she can understand my fear of being claimed and having sex for the first time.
She thinks I should take a beat and count my blessings before deleting my post and alluded basically spreading my legs directly afterwards.
To read all that and feel the humiliation of it all followed by him bursting in here and punching the wall makes me feel even worse.
None of their comments, none of his apologies have improved the way I feel.
Though I haven’t really allowed myself to feel, have I?
I’ve been trying my hardest to shove every emotion other than anger and determination away for the last few days.
Am I ready to sit down and sift through my emotions?
Process all of this? And if I do, would it change what I’m feeling or will I feel even worse?
***
I log onto the SCC portal that shows multiple request forms. I have to go three levels deeper to find the mate bond severance form.
I back out of that, feeling a strange, cold sensation crawling through my veins at even the sight of that form. I shove the unpleasant sensations away to click on a basic / general request form for immediate intervention by the SCC on an urgent issue.
I fill it out, requesting contact for immediate assistance with a law change request, describing what I’m proposing and filling out the comment section with a brief but succinct paragraph that states it’s imperative that females are given the right to request a formal, urgent review before being claimed by an alpha, if they so wish.
Instead of sending it to the secure general delivery server, I message Erica and ask her for contact details for Lucinda Walsh, the SCC witch who was here when Aviva Starling died, who was involved in the sanctions against Erica.
Erica immediately calls.
“Hey,” I greet warily.
“You okay?”
“No. I’m freaking out and maybe you should talk me down.”
“You at the library alone?”
“Yes,” I confirm.
“You’re ready to send your petition to Lucinda?”
“Well, my petition doesn’t have the weight I’d hoped for, but I’m running out of time. I could use a favor.”
“Talk me through it.”
“There’s a general request form I can submit.
Instead of submitting it through the regular channel where it could sit for days before someone looks, I was hoping I could submit it to Lucinda and seeing, maybe, if she’d be able to expedite it with our tight deadline of tomorrow.
Maybe if you sent her a text asking her to look at it, that’d also help. ”
“Good idea. Time is of the essence.”
“Yep,” I whisper, my voice cracking.
“You need girlfriends right now, don’t you?”
“I… um… actually I don’t really want to talk about it.”
“You need to talk this out. I know you’ve been avoiding that but I think you need to have at least one conversation with your friends before you submit that.”
“I… don’t know.”
“Gimme twenty minutes and then I’m on my way,” she informs.
“I’m not sure I can, Erica. My head is a mess.”
“You need support. Even if you’re not ready to talk it all out, you need support right now. See you in a few.”
***
I’ve done it. I’ve hit send feeling like I needed to do it before someone tried to talk me out of it.
I found Lucinda’s contact details on the secure forms server. And now I’m almost hyperventilating. My group chat has been dinging and I can’t read any more of that right now, so I decide to slip outside for some air, wishing I had my waffle box here.
The library has always been my sanctuary, never a place I’ve felt the need to have a stress smoke. But sending that in, feeling like it definitely doesn’t have enough back-up, along with that fist-sized hole in the wall being in my periphery… everything is screwing with me.
Once I step outside, I’m looking at Malachi sitting on the pavement with his back against the building beside the entrance. He’s reading a Dean Koontz paperback.
He startles when he sees me, going wide-eyed and scrambling for his pocket.
I frown watching him yank his phone out. His body language has me thinking he’s about to call for help.
But he sits there, poised with the phone in hand. Waiting. For what, I don’t know.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
“Nothin’,” he quickly says, his voice coming out almost soprano.
And he waits, staring at his phone, holding it in a way like he’s about to call someone.
“Hey Mal, can you help us move a couple picnic tables over here?” Misty calls, poking her head around the corner. “Hey, Bailey!”
“Hi,” I reply.
“Can’t,” he says. “In the middle of something.”
“In the middle of what?” she asks.
“Ask someone else,” he answers, annoyed.
Her eyes flit from him to me. “What’s good, Bailey?”
“Not much,” I reply.
“Sorry,” she says softly.