Chapter 38 #5
He leans in and says, “It won’t smell as good as you,” and kisses the side of my head again. “Without firsthand knowledge yet I still know it won’t taste as good as you. But maybe it’ll help hold me over.”
Goosebumps rise on every inch of my body.
“Well, you’ve always smelled a little like cinnamon, so… quite a combination.”
His eyes light up and he smiles wide, flashing those kryptonite dimples of his. “Oh yeah?”
I look away, feeling my face get hot.
Jase pays for the desserts and muses, “Interesting,” before he wraps an arm around me and we step to the side to wait.
The sounds, the lights, the excitement in the air, and all the carnival smells…
Me holding a cute little stuffed fairy with Jason Creed’s arm wrapped around me.
Is this really my life?
A future with this guy? With children. Being part of the inner council circle instead of on the outskirts, pushing myself out so I don’t have to watch Jase with someone else?
Wait. I won’t ever have to watch Jase with someone else.
Never. I was so afraid of that. Sick to my stomach over how that would feel. But it won’t ever happen.
My heart gallops hard, rattling my chest.
What’ll change when we get past the awkward stuff? When we get to everyday life?
Everyday life. With Jase.
At that thought, I’m feeling panic rise in me.
My chin is being tipped up and now our eyes are locked.
“It’s gonna be amazing,” he whispers and puts his lips to my forehead. Still speaking, he adds, “I promise you.”
It’s like he knows what I’m thinking. How afraid I am.
I want to put my arms around him, too, but I don’t.
I’m overcome with absolute terror. Because if I really do get everything I ever wanted, I’ll have so fucking much to lose.
***
When we pull into a parking spot at the drive-in, Jase reclines his seat a little and grabs my hand, kissing it, before setting his eyes on the screen.
But ten minutes later, he’s asleep, still holding my hand.
And after the first movie ends, he’s still asleep and I need to pee, so I quietly slip away to the restroom building, about forty feet away.
When I get back, he’s still out like a light. So I watch the second movie. Because I know he didn’t sleep last night.
When the credits roll and other cars around us start up, he wakes up with a startle, grabbing my leg, finding my hand. He looks around, disoriented.
“Shit. Sorry.” He rubs his eyes.
“It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. You didn’t wanna stay for both.”
“It’s okay. Want me to drive home so you can get a little more sleep?”
He blinks a couple times and gives me a look that has me ready to melt. He rubs his lips together as his eyes scan my face.
Is he going to lean over and kiss me?
Goosebumps ripple awake on every inch of my body.
“I can drive,” he says and straightens up his seat.
I shuffle uncomfortably in mine and put my seatbelt on.
***
I wake up to my seatbelt being removed. I blink away drowsiness and take in Jase’s scent as well as the sight of my house. He’s lifting me out of the seat.
“I fell asleep on you, too,” I mutter.
“That’s all right,” he tells me.
“I can walk,” I say.
He sets me on my feet and I feel disappointed that I opened my mouth. Was he going to carry me and put me to bed?
He grabs my hand and holds it until we get to the door. When he lets go, he grabs my jaw into both hands and moves in, stopping just inches away.
“I’ll give you a break tomorrow,” he whispers. “I’ll come by and see you at the library the day after. Make some plans, maybe?”
I watch his eyes rove my face, but I’m holding my breath.
He doesn’t wait for me to answer before he says, “Had a good night. Sorry I fell asleep on you.”
“It’s okay,” I tell him. “Sorry I fell asleep, too.”
“Bring these in for me?” he asks, handing me Dad’s keys.
I take them.
“Goodnight,” he says, caressing my cheek with the back of his fingers.
He stares at my mouth for a beat before he backs up and hauls his t-shirt over his head and tosses it while kicking off his shoes, leaving them in the driveway before he drops his jeans and sprints away as wolf.
“Ugh,” is the first sound I make once I’m inside, because I can hear one of the same sounds as last night. My parents’ bed rhythmically hitting the wall.
I’m happy for them. Not so happy for the traumatizing sound hitting my ears right now.
It’s after two o’clock in the morning.
I set Dad’s keys down and leave, my feet deciding where I’ll be sleeping tonight.
I don’t question it, I just go, taking the stuffed fairy with me, squatting to grab Jase’s t-shirt on my way.
***
Jase’s house is locked for a change, probably because he’s intentionally not here for now. He usually leaves it unlocked, like most folks in the village.
I go around to the backyard and it looks a whole lot tidier back here than usual. The house has a big, two-tier back deck with a space where, at some stage before the council moved into it, held a hot tub.
Things have definitely been spruced up. Now I’m looking at Mom’s old patio furniture from three or four summers ago that was in her potting shed. There’s nothing wrong with it, she just got a new set so brings this one out when there’s a bigger crowd. I guess it lives here now.
There are also some big pots of flowers.
Upon closer examination I recognize those pots, too.
More stuff of Mom’s. She obviously came over to carve a nice outdoor space out of the mess that was back here with Jase’s fancy barbecue and smoker combination, which looked very out of place in that mess of old tools, tires, and weeds. This vibe matches the fancy barbecue.
I reach under the mat in front of the patio doors, find the spare key, and let myself in.
The dining table is still laden with gifts. The welcome home sign still hangs on the wall.
The house smells mostly of Jase, though there are traces of his mom and sisters Taylor and Gwen as well as faint traces of Linc.
I go upstairs and wash my face as well as brush my teeth, using the hers washcloth and towel before I mosey down the hall to the open space by the tall second-floor window that overlooks the street.
The space around it is definitely big enough for a wall of tall bookshelves and that plush, pink reading chair.
And the ceiling is quite high, so a rolling ladder makes sense.
.. except for my fear of heights and clumsiness.
But it’ll look great, even if I never climb past the first rung.
There are four bedrooms up here and two in the basement along with a big rec room. It’s a big, old house with good bones. A nice yard. It’d be a good place to raise a family.
Am I really letting myself think seriously about this? I’ve spent hours upon hours thinking about this over the years, of course, but this is the first time I’m letting myself ponder it since it became apparent that Jase really is my future.
After grabbing a flannel from his closet, I peer out his bedroom window, which overlooks the back yard and the river. Beyond the riverbank, my eyes are drawn to a bonfire in the drum outside Roxy’s.
Oh… Jase and Linc are wrestling out there. Cade and Joel are watching. Jase must have gone straight there from my house. I don’t know where he got the shorts he’s wearing.
They’re pushing one another, feet wide apart.
Jase’s face is angry. Linc looks like he’s egging him on.
I clench the blind cord when Linc slaps Jase’s head before throwing his head back to laugh. Jase trips him and as Linc falls down Jase comes down on top of him with his elbow pointing to hit Linc’s gut.
“Sheesh!” I exclaim with a wince as I see Linc’s reaction to Jase’s elbow and weight. That looked painful.
Both are on their feet again and I watch Linc lift Jase up in the air and drop him. He lands so hard, I gasp, grabbing the window but stopping myself from throwing it open to shout at them. Luckily, Jase bounces back to his feet like he’s made of rubber.
Immediately, he pulls a maneuver that puts Linc on the ground and they roll around in a tangle of alpha limbs for a minute before Linc grabs Jase by one leg and an arm, flipping him over, but Jason hooks his other ankle around Linc’s neck. And now they’re rolling around some more.
Thirty or so seconds later when Jase headbutts Linc, it doesn’t look like their usual wrestling.
Linc is holding his head.
Jase’s chest is rising and falling like he’s either out of breath or about to absolutely lose it.
“Omigosh!” I manage before I snap the blinds closed.
They’re usually fun to watch when they wrestle, but this match doesn’t seem like much fun.
I poke a finger through to look one more time and am relieved to see Joel between them, looking like he’s giving Jase a talking-to. Linc and Cade disappear into the building.
I wait, watching Joel and Jase and Jase’s body language has my stomach dropping because misery is written all over him. He’s massaging the back of his neck, throwing his other hand out as if he’s ranting about something.
They go inside and I stare, in a daze, at their campfire for another couple minutes before Cade comes out with a bucket to douse the fire.
I kick off my shoes and change into one of Jase’s button-down shirts to sleep in, though instead of putting the t-shirt he wore today in the laundry basket where it belongs, I snuggle it. Miraculously, I sleep for a solid seven hours.