Chapter 1 #2
“Gonna hold you to that.”
We’d shared a long kiss. Then I’d told her to have fun, and she’d left, and I’d woken up with her beside me.
In the present, in this mediocre coffee shop that I’d never be able to walk into again, Jesse stopped the video, put his phone down, and whispered, “I’m sorry. If I’d known…”
There was a part of me that wanted to tell him to go fuck himself. To save all his apologies and quit pretending to feel guilty.
But… I didn’t believe he was pretending.
And why would he? What did he have to gain?
Because I didn’t imagine he saw any outcome where he ended up with Selena.
Either she’d dump him once she found out about this, or she’d be disgusted with him for lying about it and trying to split us up.
There was no flowchart for this situation that ended with him “winning” Selena.
I sipped my cooling coffee. It tasted terrible, but that probably had more to do with the bile in my throat than anything.
After I’d swallowed it, I folded my hands in my lap and sat back in my chair.
I studied Jesse. Nothing about his expression or his body language telegraphed that this was an act or that he was enjoying this.
His brow was pinched, his eyes full of too many emotions to count—none of them pleasant.
He looked as miserable as I felt right then.
Which made me wonder…
I moistened my dry lips. “Were you two serious?”
Jesse leaned back, jaw working, and he watched himself turning the phone between his hands again. “I, uh… I thought we were.” He huffed a humorless laugh, and his voice sounded close to cracking as he added, “I was looking at rings.”
Fucking Christ. Couldn’t he just punch me in the face? Because that sounded like it would hurt a lot less than this.
He sat up again and pressed his elbows into the table.
Rubbing the back of his neck, he said, “I honestly had no idea about you two. I thought—I mean…” He let his hand fall to the table and met my gaze with exhausted eyes.
“I still don’t even know how to process it.
I… Literally the only thing I’ve been able to make sense of is that you deserved to know. ”
A lump rose in my throat, and I fought it back.
“Yeah. I, uh… I appreciate that.” The words sounded like a lie—I hated this.
I hated everything about it. But I did mean what I’d said.
I appreciated what he was telling me in the same way I’d appreciate my doctor giving me a cancer diagnosis; it fucking sucked, and I wished he’d take it all back, but at least now I knew. Now I could do something about it.
Do what, I had no idea. But… something.
“Have you said anything to her?” I croaked.
Staring at the table between us, Jesse shook his head.
“No. Like I said… still processing.” He chewed his lip, then met my gaze through his lashes.
“I’m going to end it with her. Just so we’re clear.
This isn’t—I’m not doing this so I can have her.
” He gave a caustic laugh and shook his head.
“I’m not wasting my time with a cheater. ”
“Same,” I growled. As I reached for my coffee again, I rolled my eyes. “It’s funny—the two exes I had before her always bitched that they thought I’d end up cheating on them. And now this.”
Jesse’s lips quirked. “Let me guess—can’t be trusted because you’re bi?”
With a dry laugh, I nodded. “Every time.”
He chuckled almost soundlessly. “Yeah. Same.” His humor, such as it was, faded, and he added more to himself than me, “Should’ve known someone who was that into bi men was too good to be true.”
Well, shit. Selena hadn’t just accepted my bisexuality—she’d loved it.
There’d even been times it had felt close to a fetish—times it had made me uncomfortable and even worried me—but I’d brushed it off.
I’d had a string of exes who’d thought I couldn’t be trusted because I was bi, so her enthusiasm about being with a bi man had been the opposite extreme.
Maybe I should’ve trusted my gut after all.
Maybe I didn’t know a goddamned thing anymore. Least of all the woman I was supposed to marry in…
I closed my eyes. Twelve days. We were tying the knot in twelve days.
The whole thing was paid for. People were coming in from out of town.
Hell, we’d just signed a one-year lease on the house we were renting.
The very near future had multiple tentacles wrapped around me, dragging me forward and offering no easy way out.
“Fucking hell,” I muttered, pinching the bridge of my nose.
“I don’t… I don’t even know where to start.
” I let my hand fall to the table and met Jesse’s gaze.
“The vendor deposits aren’t refundable. And we spent so goddamned much, I don’t know how I’ll rent a place, and…
” I swallowed against a sudden wave of nausea.
“All the money I’ll lose by canceling this wedding seriously sounds like the least painful part.
But I don’t even know…” I trailed off, shaking my head. “Christ…”
Jesse tapped his thumb against the side of his phone as he watched me silently. Then, “I have a spare room.”
I straightened. “What?”
He shrugged, some color blooming in his otherwise pale face. “Look, I feel terrible about—”
“None of this is your fault. If anything, you’re doing me a solid by telling me.”
“Still. Even though I had no idea she was cheating on you, I feel like shit about it.” Another shrug. “Let me at least make it up to you by helping you get out of there.”
I chewed the inside of my cheek. Some part of me still wanted to be angry with him for all of this even while I believed he hadn’t known. He’d had the same wool pulled over his eyes that I had. But still—this man had been carrying on an affair with my fiancée. He’d been sleeping with my fiancée.
The thought made my insides shrivel, but the anger still refused to bubble up. I mean, it was there. Not far beneath the surface was table-flipping rage. But I was still so numb in some ways and devastated in others that I couldn’t reach that rage.
And even if I could, I couldn’t justify aiming any of it at him. Especially now that he was trying to help in ways he had no obligation to do.
Plus, was I really in a position to turn down his offer? Once I pulled the trigger on canceling my wedding and leaving Selena, I was going to be out a shitload of money and I’d need a place to live.
My shoulders sagged as I said, “I don’t know how much I can offer for rent. Not until I see how things shake out with… God, with everything.”
Jesse waved a hand. “Don’t sweat it. We can figure something out if it turns into a long-term situation, but in the short-term, I’m happy with just knowing I’m helping you leave her.” He chanced a sly, if tired, grin. “The fuck-you will be payment enough.”
I managed a halfhearted laugh.
“I’m serious, though,” he continued. “Even though I didn’t know, you wouldn’t be getting the rug yanked out from under you right now if I hadn’t started dating her.”
I winced. “Something tells me if it hadn’t been you, it would’ve been someone else sooner or later.”
“Maybe. But it is me. So… at least let me help.” His eyes pleaded with me to take him up on the offer. Maybe that was what he needed to soothe his conscience. Or maybe he really was itching for that extra fuck-you to Selena.
Either way, I wasn’t in much of a position to turn down a place to live temporarily while I got my feet back under me.
Exhaling, I nodded. “Okay. Okay, yeah. Thanks. I… still need to figure out logistics, but… thanks.”
And for the first time since he’d walked into the coffee shop, Jesse smiled.