Chapter 3
ERIC
Staring up at the bedroom ceiling, I listened to Selena breathing as I struggled to gather my thoughts. I’d been lying here for hours now, trying to make sense of things. I needed to sleep because I had to work tomorrow, but hell if I could shut off my stupid brain.
Selena was out cold beside me. Long day at work followed by an evening of wedding prep, she’d said.
She was probably telling the truth this time, too, but I had to wonder how many times she’d lied about it.
How often had “going out with the girls for margaritas” or “doing a bunch of wedding stuff with my bridesmaids” been code for “I’m getting plowed by another man”?
I closed my eyes and wiped a hand over my face.
My stomach turned at the thought of how many times I’d been disappointed when one of those evenings had left her too wrung out and tired for sex.
My skin crawled as I wondered how many times I was with her just hours or less after she’d slept with Jesse.
Sharing had been hot and sexy the night we’d that threesome.
Not when it was supposed to be just the two of us.
I turned toward her, and I was just able to make out her silhouette in the darkness. Her shape was familiar, but her presence was so alien now. I was days away from what was supposed to be our wedding, and it was like I didn’t know her at all. Like I’d never known her.
How, Selena?
How did you have a relationship with another person right under my nose, and I didn’t suspect a thing?
I tried to rationalize how things could’ve been different.
Was the threesome a clue that she didn’t want monogamy?
Maybe she really wanted an open relationship.
She knew I had no issues with ethical non-monogamy, polyamory, or anything like that.
It had never been my cup of tea, but if that was what she really wanted—I mean, I loved her.
I was willing to negotiate and compromise if it meant making the person I loved happy.
But no. That wasn’t what she wanted. We both knew people in open relationships and polycules, and honesty and communication were paramount.
Going behind our backs? Lying to us? No, Selena wasn’t someone who wanted to be polyamorous.
She wanted to fucking cheat. She wanted to sneak around, deceive us, and—I didn’t know.
Maybe she liked the thrill of it? Whatever.
Either way, any kind of non-monogamous arrangement was off the table for us because we were done.
I’d get through this until she left for her bachelorette weekend, and then I’d bail, and I’d put it all behind me.
I couldn’t have cared less what kind of relationship she had after this because it wouldn’t be with me.
And what had her endgame been, anyway? There was a part of me that wanted to nudge her awake, turn on a light, and grill her, and that was the biggest question I had.
How was this supposed to play out? Did she plan to just keep stringing him along while she was married to me?
Or would she get bored with one of us and cut him or me loose?
Another thought wormed its way into my mess of a brain: if Jesse hadn’t told me, how long would it have gone on before I’d found out? Would I have ever found out?
Christ. I had never been so disgusted, confused, humiliated, and lost in my entire goddamned life. I still had every intention of keeping the charade going until she went out of town, but just looking at her in the darkness made my insides roil.
I couldn’t spend another minute beside her. Not right now.
Careful not to disturb her, I got up, took my phone off the nightstand, and went into the living room. There were a few bottles of liquor calling my name, but I had to work in the morning, so I settled for some ice water.
On the couch, I sipped my water and tried to mindlessly scroll my phone. What did it say when doomscrolling was less stressful than sleeping next to the woman I was supposed to marry next weekend?
God, what a mess.
I had to wonder how this all looked from Jesse’s point-of-view. He’d obviously been hurt, too, but he’d had more time to process the truth. He’d had time to find his bearings.
Maybe he could help me find mine.
I didn’t have him on social media, and I didn’t want to text him and wake him up, so I opened my email app and started typing.
Jesse,
Thank you again for reaching out. I’m still processing. It’s all a shock. I have questions about you and her. You don’t have to answer them. But if you’re willing to tell me about some things, let me know. Maybe I can buy you a beer tomorrow.
Eric
Then I sent it before I could talk myself out of it. Once the message was gone, I put my phone facedown on the armrest and picked up my glass. As I rolled an ice cube around in my mouth, I tried for the millionth time to make sense of things.
Before I got very far, though, a soft ping turned my head.
To my surprise, there was a notification that I’d received an email.
Eric,
I’m an open book. Ask anything.
Jesse
Oh. Shit. He was online? And awake?
Apparently so, because a second later, a text came through.
Can’t sleep?
I laughed outright at that. I didn’t see sleep happening any time soon. Not easily, anyway. As I crunched down on the ice cube, I sent a reply.
Can’t sleep.
Same. What do you want to know?
I wondered if he was a night owl by nature, or maybe an insomniac. Or maybe, like me, Selena was the reason he was wide awake at 2:00 am. It occurred to me I knew absolutely nothing about him aside from…
Well, I mean, I had some carnal knowledge from our threesome, and there’d been that revelation that he’d been my bride-to-be’s sidepiece for the better part of a year. Apart from all that, though…
I was curious about him, but we weren’t texting in the middle of the night to get to know each other. He was helping me sort through the wreckage of my relationship, and I needed to focus on that, even if asking about his non-Selena life would’ve been much more pleasant.
Did she talk about me?
I cringed at my own message. It sounded pathetic, but also… did I really want to know? Was there any answer that would make me feel better? Because I was pretty sure whatever response he had was going to make me feel exponentially worse.
He started and stopped typing several times before a response came through.
She was really weird about talking about exes. Mine or hers.
I furrowed my brow at the screen. Huh? She hadn’t liked me maintaining friendships with the ones I was on good terms with, but weird about discussing exes at all? Since when?
Oh. Since she was cheating on one of those “exes.”
Maybe that’s just as well. I’m not sure I’d want to know what she said about me, now that I think about it.
For what it’s worth, I don’t believe anything she said about anyone. Not anymore. So if she had talked about you… (shrugging emoji)
I guess there’s that. I don’t know why I asked.
Eh. I’d probably wonder too. But no she always shut down conversations about exes.
At least she wasn’t talking shit about me.
No. Definitely not. She didn’t like mentioning the threesome, either.
Oh, really?
Yeah. At the time I just chalked it up to not wanting to mention her ex. And because she insisted that night was the reason you two broke up. Now… well.
I had to think about that for a minute or so. Selena had loved talking about the threesome. It had always gotten her seriously hot. Though neither of us had ever made any noise about having another one with Jesse or anyone else, it made for some great dirty talk.
Which now made me feel absolutely disgusting, because I’d basically been turning her on by talking about the man she was screwing on the side. No wonder she—
I sat straighter.
No wonder she’d never liked me talking about the things Jesse and I had done to each other, only what we’d done to her.
She’d wanted the threesome because she’d thought it would be sexy as hell to see two men as into each other as we were into her.
Afterward, though, she only wanted to hear about the things we’d done to her. Especially the things he’d done to her.
I swore into the silence. As if I hadn’t already walked away from that night feeling a little less than adequate below the belt.
“It was fun one time,” she’d assured me after I’d mentioned how much Jesse was packing compared to me. “Like a novelty thing. But you’re not lacking anywhere, baby. Trust me.”
Yeah. About that.
I took another swig of water to rinse the sudden bitterness out of my mouth. Then I picked up the phone again and wrote out another text.
I still can’t believe I never caught on. Like there should’ve been some red flags somewhere.
Me too, man.
Neither of us wrote anything for a long moment.
There was so much I wanted to know, but now that I had him ready and waiting to answer those questions, maybe I didn’t want to know.
I was still trying to comprehend that this was even real.
Maybe getting into the nitty gritty would be… counterproductive.
I think if I keep asking questions tonight, I won’t sleep at all.
Plenty of time to ask after you move.
After I moved. To his place. Fuck, that’s right, I was moving in with Jesse until I got on my feet. And as much as I appreciated his offer—shit, was that really a good idea?
Did I have any other options, at least in the very short term?
Still, I wrote back,
Are you sure about that? I appreciate the offer and all, but—I mean, we’re basically strangers.
My last couple of roommates were strangers. It’s all good.
As long as you’re not the type to let leftovers turn into science experiments in the fridge.
That made me laugh, which felt amazing.
I’m not. I promise.
Don’t sweat it, then.
I appreciate it. For now, I think I’m going to try to get some sleep.
Me too. Good luck.
Same to you.
Then I put the phone aside. For long minutes, I stared into space, just trying to quiet my thoughts. I couldn’t say if I felt better or worse after the brief conversation with Jesse. A little less irrationally guilty about moving in with him, at least, so there was that.
The rest—well, I’d just have to sort that out in time. This was only my first night of processing that Selena had been cheating on me.
I was pretty sure I could be forgiven for not having it all figured out quite yet.