Chapter 7
If things are going smoothly between you and your partner, before long you may end up getting introduced to some of their close family and friends. Gaining entrée into your lover’s inner circle is a strong sign of their trust in you—don’t fuck it up!
Be sure to show appropriate respect and courtesy in accordance with their cultural conventions (again, that earlier research will prove helpful now).
Pay attention to names and find ways to draw flattering connections to tidbits of information your partner may have shared.
Example: [insert partner name here] has told me a lot about you.
I’d love to learn more about your work as [insert profession here].
When appropriate, eye contact, a warm handshake, and a smile go a long way.
If relevant, come prepared with an appropriate greeting gift or tribute.
Never forget how important first impressions are and begin with a positive introduction.
Christmas Eve…
Gemma
My new intergalactic companions give me a full tour of their impressive ship. It makes human space technology seem primitive at best—sorry, NASA!—but it’s the medical bay that sends me into raptures.
In seconds, I’m hitting my new alien comrades with a barrage of questions about each and every device I see.
I’m like a kid at Christmas, and I can barely contain myself from bouncing all over the room.
I could easily perform major surgery in this medical bay without a supporting team of physicians and nurses if I had to.
I ooh and ahh over everything, already itching to test out this amazing equipment. Luna stands close to me the whole time but still without touching.
That’s probably a good thing. I worry that the second we make physical contact we’re going to be all over one another. And there is no way I intend to give my new friends and my brother that kind of peep show!
Luna shows me how the biometric scanner works.
It’s basically a more advanced MRI that analyzes all aspects of one’s anatomy.
She demonstrates on herself, getting a clean bill of health.
I get similar results when I try it out for myself, amazed that it can detect diseases, organ damage, and blood readings all with a scan.
Khephren clears his throat. “I wish we could spend longer showing you every nook and cranny of the Sleigh Belle, but I’m afraid we need to ‘get the hell out of Dodge,’ as you humans say. We don’t want to wait around for the Alliance to notice us parked here illegally.”
One minute we’re on solid ground in the Nevada desert, and the next we’re sailing away among the stars. It’s all so fucking surreal, but also kind of amazing.
“You get used to it, kind of, after a while,” Felix assures me with a smile.
“Where are we going?” I ask.
Luna, who’s seated next to me, nods her head at Khephren. “He’s our ship’s captain, so wherever he wants to go, we pretty much follow.” She grins. “Trust me, he hasn’t disappointed us yet.”
“Every new place is an adventure,” Felix promises, his eyes sparkling.
I let out a silent sigh of relief, knowing that I made the right decision to join him aboard the Sleigh Belle. He looks blissfully happy and more alive than ever. I wonder if outer space will give me a similar love glow-up.
“It’s time for the Christmas Eve Extravaganza,” Khephren announces with glee, once we’re en route to our next destination. “Let us all adjourn to the movie theater.”
Felix blinks in surprise. “There’s a movie theater on the ship?”
I look at Luna wide-eyed, and she nods.
“How did I not know that after all this time?” Felix mutters to himself.
“I’ve gotta see this!” I say.
Khephren leads our merry little band to the theater, which we hadn’t managed to get to on my earlier brief tour.
I marvel as I step inside what looks like a billionaire’s home media room on steroids.
The theater has cushy seats for ten people and an enormous screen.
It’s swanky as hell. Staring around in bright-eyed wonder, I can’t believe where I’m at right now.
I’m aboard an alien spaceship heading who knows where in the universe on Christmas Eve. It’s totally surreal, and I should be freaking the fuck out right about now—but I’m not.
I’m downright giddy with excitement.
It helps that a smokin’ hot alien engineer and mechanic is giving me looks so scorchingly sexy I fear she might melt off my clothes.
Cheeks warm, I sit down in one of the ultra-comfy theater seats, and my heart does a little backflip in my chest when Luna takes the seat beside me.
I can’t help darting covert glances at her—and those fascinating tentacles of hers.
My attention is brought to the front of the room when Sasha turns on the movie screen. “Good evening, friends. In honor of this festive holiday eve, I’m delighted to debut this year’s special Christmas episode of The Cat-Tacular Tales of Princess Jonesy.”
I bounce in my seat and beam at Luna. She’s told me all about this show they all create together, and I can’t wait to see what it’s like.
Khephren stands and begins clapping loudly, hearts in his eyes. “You are so amazing, my love!”
Najar groans and covers his face with one of his tentacles.
Luna leans over and whispers, “Naj hasn’t shown Felix the episode yet. He’s probably dying from embarrassment right about now.”
The faint puff of her breath against my ear has me breaking out in goose bumps all over. I gasp at the sensation.
Luna inhales sharply, and her mysterious multicolored eyes, which I can now see are in an unusual kaleidoscope pattern, could singe me with the heat they’re sending my direction.
Danger! Danger!
I cannot attack this woman with my ravenous lust right now. Although the looks she’s giving me suggest she would be a-okay with me doing so.
Felix laughs nervously. “You know, uh, your show kind of reminds me of this obscure online story I like to read.”
Oh dear. Here we go with Felix’s favorite tentacle-porn space opera, the one he secretly writes fanfiction for. He thinks I haven’t read any of his work, but like any good sister, I totally have. There’s lots of good brotherly blackmail material in some of those stories.
Sasha zeros in on him like a man on a mission. “No fucking way. Please tell me you also read The Tentacular Tales of Captain Starblade.”
My brother’s eyes go as wide as proverbial saucers. “This is so surreal, but yeah, I’m a huge fan.”
“Look at Naj,” Luna whispers.
I glance at the golden-hued alien whose tentacles are coiling repetitively. The evil grin on his face suggests he’s more than happy about this little revelation that my brother digs the tentacle porn.
I roll my eyes. Clearly, they’re a match made in tentacled heaven.
“Fucking A,” Sasha says, giving my brother a fist bump. “I’m a major fan too, although I only discovered it when a bunch of extraterrestrials introduced me to it. You know it’s, like, a mega sensation on the intergalactic web, right?”
Luna groans. “Here we go. They’re gonna geek out big time now.”
As if to prove her point, Felix sits up straighter. “No way. Hardly anyone on Earth knows anything about it. I honestly felt a bit weird for my level of investment in it.”
Sasha shakes his head. “Dude, it’s amazing, and totally inspired the title for my show. But we’ll get to that in a minute.” Sasha grins at Felix, puffing his chest out with pride. “I actually know the author.”
“Shut the front door,” my brother says with a gasp. “You know KirklovesSpock4eva?”
“Fuck yeah. His real name is River Sullivan. And, get this, he works for the Alliance for Neutral Alien Lifeforms on Earth.” He smirks. “He calls it Team ANAL. Get it?”
“No freaking way! You’re joking.”
“Gay jokes always involve dick or ass,” I lament.
“So predictable, right?” Luna agrees.
We share a mutual sympathetic look.
“I’m so glad to have another woman on board the ship now.” Luna leans closer, licking her pale green lips. “Especially you, gorgeous.”
“For real,” Sasha continues. He and Felix are clearly oblivious to everyone else in the room at this moment.
“I’m fucking pen pals with him. We write each other emails on the regular.
He hasn’t had a chance to travel to outer space yet, but he’s dying to do so, and from what he’s told me, he should be able to in a couple more years.
We’re gonna try to meet up and go to Tentacular Tales Con. ”
Felix jumps to his feet, eyes alight. “What???”
Sasha grins knowingly. “That’s right, there’s a fucking intergalactic fan convention for Tentacular Tales that happens every year. It’s one of the biggest conventions around the universe.”
“What is even happening right now?” Najar mutters to himself.
Luna and I chuckle in unison.
Felix reaches out and grabs Sasha’s hands. “We have to go.”
He’s clearly found his tentacle-porn brother.
Sasha grins evilly. “Fuck yeah, we do.” He looks over at his husband and mock glares. “Make it so, Tentacle Boy.”
I arch an eyebrow at Luna and mouth, “Tentacle Boy?”
She waves a tentacle in the air. “It’s their thing. You’ll get used to it.”
Khephren clearly doesn’t mind the endearment and happily flaps several tentacles in the air, blowing Sasha a kiss. “Anything for you, my love.”
Finally, it seems Najar can hold back no longer.
“So, you read that tentacle-porn space opera, huh?” he asks my brother, eyes intent.
Felix’s cheeks turn bright red.
I can’t help it. I start cackling with laughter. “You don’t know the half of it, Najar. Not only does he read it and fanboy over it like nobody’s business, but he also writes his own Tentacular Tales fanfic.”
Felix groans and covers his face with his hands. “Gemma,” he whines, “I hadn’t told him about that yet.”
I shrug, wholly unrepentant. “You snooze, you lose, bro.”
Luna gives a soft snicker.
“Are you sure we need to bring her along with us?” Felix stage-whispers to everyone while pointing at me.
I reach over and flick him on the forehead.
“Oww!” he protests.
“Serves you right.”