13. Christmas Infiltration #2
Scarlett pulled on the handle and the door flew open.
The quartet found themselves blinking in sudden bright stage lights.
They were standing in the wings of what appeared to be a 1970s game show, complete with furniture in avocado and mustard colors, a host in a spangled tuxedo and a studio audience full of people in ugly Christmas sweaters.
A Herb Alpert-style theme song burbled away in the background.
“Perfect timing!” The host bounded over. “Our final round of contestants have arrived!”
“Our what?” Delilah managed, but she was already being hustled onto the stage. Somehow she found herself shoved onto a stool beside Jasper while Scarlett and Nate were settled onto stools across from them.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” the host announced, “welcome to the Houdini Casino’s Christmas edition of—” the audience joined in, shouting the answer along with the host “—Made! For! Each Other! That’s right, folks, it’s everybody’s favorite romantic game, Made for Each Other, where we pose telling questions to charming young couples, to see if they are truly destined to last! ”
Nate grabbed Scarlett’s arm. “We’re not doing this, are we? Why are we doing this?”
“Just play along,” she said. “Be glad we didn’t end up in a casino that has a live wrestling show. That happens sometimes, you know.”
He made a face. “What do you know about live wrestling shows?”
Meanwhile Delilah squinted into the bright lights and focused on not throwing up. She was on a stage. In front of many strangers. Expected to answer questions about someone who didn’t even remember meeting her.
This was going to be a disaster.
Jasper’s brows were knitted in bafflement. He leaned close and whispered, “ What did you say we were researching? Because this is the strangest research trip I’ve ever?—”
“First question!” the host’s voice boomed through the excessive sound system. “Players, please write your answers on the provided whiteboards, and then we’ll see how you did. Ready? The first question is, what is your partner’s preferred coffee order?”
Delilah stared at the little whiteboard they’d given her, marker hovering uncertainly. This was ridiculous. She barely knew Jasper, and at the moment he didn’t know her at all. She glanced over at her sister, radiating smug confidence in her superior knowledge of Nate.
Welp , Delilah thought, the truth is what it is . She wrote “Black” in her careful script and turned the board face down on her lap.
“All right, let’s start with our first couple!” The host turned to Scarlett and Nate. “Sir, tell us: what is your lovely partner’s absolute favorite coffee?”
Nate held up his board with a confident flourish: “Grande triple shot soy cappuccino with three and a half pumps of vanilla.”
Scarlett’s face fell as she revealed her answer: “Oat milk latte with cinnamon.”
“Now hang on a sec,” Nate protested. “He said favorite.”
“Yeah, but that mess you wrote is only on holidays, it’s not my daily order. Don’t you know my everyday order by now?”
“Of course I know it! It’s just that... Wait, when did you switch to oat milk?”
“Moving on!” the host cut in cheerfully. “Let’s see what our other couple wrote!”
Delilah’s stomach clenched as she turned her board around. Jasper revealed his answer and?—
“Black and black!” the host called out gleefully. “We have a match!”
The crowd applauded. Delilah caught Jasper’s eye and he gave her a shy, precise smile. For a moment she almost forgot that he’d forgotten her.
But Scarlett was glaring at them. “Those dum dums got lucky,” she muttered.
“Next question,” announced the host with oily game-show enthusiasm. “Name a movie that was an improvement on the book it was based on.”
Oh, for crying out loud! Delilah thought. But she heard her sister crack her knuckles in excitement.
The marker squeaked against her whiteboard as Delilah wrote down the only logical answer.
“Let’s check in with our leaders over here!” The host turned to Delilah and Jasper first this time. “What did your lovely partner write?”
She turned her board around just as Jasper revealed his answer: “The question is moot.”
“No film,” they said in unison, then stopped, staring at each other.
“. . . is better . . .” Delilah continued hesitantly.
“. . . than a novel,” Jasper finished.
The audience broke into delighted applause. Someone actually shouted, “So cute!”
We’re not cute, Delilah thought. We’re correct .
“Oh come on!” Scarlett protested. She flipped her board around to reveal Jaws written in huge letters. “The movie was absolutely better! Even Peter Benchley said so!”
“ The Godfather ,” Nate’s board read. He shrugged apologetically at Scarlett. “I mean, Brando, Pacino...”
“How is this happening?” Scarlett demanded. “I’ve known you my whole life and those two goofballs literally just met!”
Well no, Delilah thought. We didn’t just meet. Except... we did. Except... we didn’t . Her head was starting to hurt.
“Moving right along!” The host was practically levitating with excitement; Made For Each Other didn’t get many word-for-word answers. “For our next question: name a quotation or motto that your partner lives by.”
Delilah scribbled without thinking: “The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable.”
Her hand shook slightly as she looked at what she’d written. There was no way Jasper would?—
He turned his board: “The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable.”
The crowd went wild. Someone shouted, “Soulmates!”
“This is ridiculous,” Scarlett announced from behind them. She revealed her board: “Not all who wander are lost.”
“There’s no place like home,” read Nate’s answer.
“Yikes,” said a woman in the front row. “Those two are in deep shit.”
As Scarlett and Nate bickered over their bad answers, Delilah glanced over at Jasper.
She could see him trying to catalog this bizarre moment, to figure out where to store it in his well-ordered mental filing system.
He glanced up and gave her an awkward little shrug, like he wasn’t sure if he should apologize or not.
She smiled and shrugged back.
“Final question!” The host beamed at them all like a demented Christmas elf. “Ladies, tell us how your partner would complete this sentence: The proper way to organize books is ...”
Oh no . This was a topic that had started wars. At the Oak Haven Library, two librarians came to blows over the merits of different organizational systems. They didn’t speak to one another for years after.
But then she thought, What do I have to lose? Her marker was already moving: “Dewey decimal system with additional subcategorization by acquisition date and condition assessment.”
The second after she revealed her answer, she wanted to die of shame. To sink through the floor and never emerge. Nobody would ever guess that level of?—
Jasper’s board came up: “Dewey decimal system, but with secondary categories that factor in acquisition date and condition assessment.”
The audience erupted.
“Who even are you people?” Scarlett demanded. Her board read: “By color because it’s pretty!”
Nate’s answer was: “Alphabetically by author,” and then he added verbally, “Because I’m not a monster?”
“But the rainbow shelves look so nice on Instagram!”
“Scar, the question was about what I think, not some dingbat influencer.”
“And that’s the game!” The host’s voice cut through their bickering.
“Thanks for joining us on another edition of Made! For! Each Other! Don’t feel bad, you runners-up.
Just remember: there’s lots of fish in the sea, okay?
As a consolation prize, I’ll give you the name of a good lawyer, ha ha ha.
Now, audience? Please congratulate our winners! ”
Confetti rained down, the trumpet-heavy theme song blared, and the audience was on their feet.
In the mayhem, Delilah caught Jasper’s eye.
Reflected in his face, she saw the same surprised delight that she was feeling.
But then she remembered: this nonsense was all he’d take away from his Oak Haven adventure.
He wouldn’t remember the inn or the witches or walking arm in arm through the snow.
He’d remember matching answers about the Dewey decimal system with some nerdy stranger.
This moment was destined to become nothing but an amusing cocktail party anecdote: “Did I ever tell you about this time at a casino?”
Delilah and Jasper were taken off stage to collected their prize: a gift certificate for the casino’s magic shop, because of course.
They looked at one another, uncertain what to say.
Much to their relief, Scarlett came bounding over and grabbed them both by the elbows.
“C’mon!” She pointed to the far side of the stage, where a new group of well-dressed people were heading out of the theater.
“Those are definitely council members. Come on!”
They followed at what they hoped was a discreet distance, though Delilah suspected they were about as stealthy as those mechanical rabbits out front.
Nate was muttering to himself, “I hope we stumble onto The Gong Show next time, I bet we could win that ...”
The hall grew darker and quieter, with only the faint sound of “White Christmas” drifting up from the casino floor.
“This is it,” Scarlett whispered excitedly. They found themselves before an unnecessarily tall door.
“Scar, c’mon.” Nate sighed, clearly at the end of his infiltration enthusiasm. “Maybe we should quit while we’re ahead?”
Delilah nodded. “We can’t just crash through every scary door we come across, Scar. We should probably?—”
“It’s stuck!” Scarlett announced, yanking fruitlessly at the massive handle. “Everyone help!”
“I really don’t think—” Jasper began.
“ Push !” Scarlett threw her shoulder against the door.
Before Delilah could object, Nate was helping, then Jasper reluctantly joined in, and finally Delilah surrendered, adding her weight to the effort.
“On three!” Scarlett ordered. “One . . . two . . . three !”
They gave it everything they had: a united, unstoppable force straining against the immovable door. Then Delilah heard a soft click from the other side, like someone had just released a latch, and suddenly?—
The door swung open effortlessly, inviting them in. Having committed their full momentum to the push, the four went tumbling forward, skidding across polished marble in a tangle of limbs and startled yelps. The least dignified entrance in the history of magical espionage.
“Aw, dammit,” Scarlett muttered, “George Clooney would be so ashamed of me right now.”
Meanwhile, Delilah found herself at the bottom of the pile, her face pressed uncomfortably against cold stone, with Jasper half on top of her and someone’s elbow (Nate’s?) digging into her ribs. Well, she thought, this couldn’t possibly get any worse.
Then she looked up.
They were in a narrow chamber with what appeared to be an infinite ceiling, soaring upward into shadow.
Delicate tendrils of light crawled up the walls like kudzu made of stars.
At the far end of the room was a U-shaped table on a raised dais where sat what could only be the High Council of Magicians.
Intricate carvings ran along the edge of the table—a riot of runes and symbols that made Delilah’s eyes water if she looked at them too long.
The four had to crane their necks to peer up at the council members, who sat in high-backed chairs that probably weren’t actually thrones but were certainly trying their best. Each magician wore formal evening wear in dark jewel tones that made them look like a murder of very well-dressed crows.
“Wow,” Scarlett whispered. “They’ve gone full Evil Overlord with this throne room.”
Jasper nodded. “Saruman’s interior decorator has been keeping busy.”
“Shut up, guys,” Nate said between gritted teeth.
“Fuuuuck,” Scarlett said, “I wish I had my magic right now.”
A woman at the center of the table rose.
She wore an elegantly cut suit in deep burgundy, and her long hair was twisted into a complicated knot that looked like it could turn into glittering silver snakes at any moment.
“Good evening.” Her cold smile unfurled slightly.
“Welcome, witches of Oak Haven. We’ve been expecting you. ”