Chapter 20 Noelle
NOELLE
It’s late in the afternoon when Dean pulls into the driveway.
The sky is dim, bruised blue fading into silver as snow continues to drift down from the sky.
The Christmas tree flickers from the window, casting a faint glow across the windowpane and bathing it in multi-colors.
I stare at it for a second, letting myself sink into the warm seat under me.
Dean shifts the car into park but doesn’t turn off the engine yet.
The heater hums, filling the silence between us.
I can feel the exhaustion pulling at my shoulders, but for once it’s a good thing.
It isn’t from my nightly spirals and only having nightmares flood my dreams, this is from actually moving for once.
“Callum’s swinging by later tonight,” Dean says as I reach for the door handle. “Don’t let him eat all those gingersnaps you plan on baking tonight or else I’m boycotting Christmas dinner.”
I glance at him over my shoulder, a small smile tugging at my mouth despite myself. “You’re assuming I’m sharing with either of you.”
That earns a grin from him, wide and teasing, and it almost makes me forget the knot of fear that’s been living in my chest for days. “Ah, there she is. That’s the Noelle I remember. Thought I lost her for a bit.”
I shake my head, hooking the shopping bags around my arms—gifts for Eli, flour and sugar for the cookies I’d gotten inspired to make after being talked into that chocolate shop, and a few decorations I couldn’t resist.
The normalcy of it all feels fragile, like glass, but god I’ll take it.
“Only if you promise to bring me that cinnamon blend eggnog tomorrow morning,” I shoot back.
He presses a hand dramatically over his heart. “You’ve got yourself a deal.”
I exhale slowly, stepping out into the cold air.
A shiver runs up my spine, making my shoulders bunch up toward my ears.
Before I swing the door shut, I lean into the warm cab. “Thank you. For today, I mean. I really needed it.”
The smile he gives me is softer this time.
The space between us fills with something unspoken: a quiet warmth that doesn’t need words.
Dean’s always been like that.
A solid presence that’s never asked for anything more than just me. “Anytime.”
My boots crunch on the icy driveway, the bags swaying against my legs.
I pause, tightening my grip on the bags just as Dean leans across the passenger seat and calls out through the open window, “Don’t forget: gingersnaps are community property! Don’t let Callum talk you into another deal!”
I can’t help it, I laugh. It’s a real one this time, not the forced kind I’ve been faking for Eli so he doesn’t worry about me.
“We’ll see about that!” I call back and he grins, throwing me a mock salute before pulling out of the driveway.
His taillights glow red against the pale lighting, disappearing down the road until I’m left standing in the cold with only the soft hiss of wind for company.
The smile lingers long after he’s gone and for the first time in what feels like weeks, my chest actually feels lighter.
When I finally step inside, the house greets me with warmth and the faint scent of sugar from this morning’s cinnamon buns.
The floor creaks softly under my boots as I toe them off by the door and set them on the mat.
It’s around nap time for Eli, so I quietly tip-toe through the house.
Dad is in the kitchen when I round the corner and head for the dining room, setting the bags on top of the table one by one.
He peeks out of the doorway, arms crossing over his broad chest while he watches me.
I glance at him, seeing the tight expression on his face. “What’s wrong?”
For a split second before he opens his mouth, my mind runs through a million possibilities, all of them having to do with Jared and the cops.
That they still can’t find him and are giving up the search, that they did find him but are closing the case because there’s not enough evidence to arrest him for anything.
That I’m shit out of luck trying to figure any of this out going forward.
The last thing I expect him to say is, “Old buddy of mine from the station called. You remember Tom Harlan?”
My brow raises instantly. “Yeah?”
“He said he was out with his wife today doing some Christmas shopping. Saw you with an older man getting cozy at a cafe? What the hell’s going on, Noelle?”
Heat rushes to my cheeks instantly.
Tom Harlan, nosy as ever.
He was probably sipping coffee a few feet away from me, spying on my breakdown with Dean and reported it back to Dad the second we walked out the door.
I can’t believe something like that got twisted into gossip, but then again why am I surprised when this town is small enough for someone to sneeze and everyone hears it?
“It wasn’t like that.” Even to my own ears, I sound defensive.
His eyes narrow on me. “You’re twenty-eight, Noelle. He’s nearly twice your age! Getting swept off your feet by a man old enough to be your father? I raised you better than to fall for that nonsense. And he knows better than to ever touch you like that.”
The words slap me.
For a moment I just stare at him, frozen in place.
I’ve imagined this conversation before, over and over again, but it still burns hearing it out loud.
The disappointment.
The judgment.
The assumption that what I feel is some kind of mistake that needs correcting.
How can he think such horrible things about his own friends? Men who he’s trusted for decades?
That’s what finally does it.
The slow, simmering frustration that’s been living in me for months—no, years—flares hot and bright.
It’s been building since the break-in, since Jared showed up at the hotel, since I realized that every time I tried to rebuild my life, someone is always standing in the way, telling me I wasn’t allowed to choose for myself.
And underneath it all, there’s that secret I’ve been carrying for six years.
The one that’s been eating through me from the inside out, leaving me hollow and raw.
My jaw tightens.
“Why is that such a bad thing?” I snap, taking a step forward before I can stop myself.
My hands curl into fists at my sides, nails biting into my palms. “Dean’s your best friend. You trust him with your life. Grant and Callum too. Why wouldn’t you approve of me dating someone you know is a good man?”
Dad recoils slightly, surprise flashing across his face like I’ve struck him. For half a heartbeat, I think I see guilt flicker there too, but it’s gone as fast as it came, replaced by that same rigid, paternal fire.
“Don’t be ridiculous! For god’s sake, I’d be a bad father to encourage any of that. You’re my daughter, not some…fling for them to chase around. You’re worth more than that, Noelle.”
“They’re not like that, Dad. You know that. They’re good men. So what does it matter? You wouldn’t keep deadbeats as friends. They’d treat me right. Better than Jared ever did, that’s for damn sure.”
His expression tightens at the mention of Jared.
A nerve hit finally, but I don’t stop there.
“So, what’s the real problem, Dad? The age gap? Because that’s not even the end of the world. Plenty of people date older or younger. Or is it just the idea of someone else seeing me as more than your little girl?”
“Are you even listening to yourself?” he barks, incredulous.
His voice rises, bouncing off the dining room walls, sharp enough to make my pulse jump. “You sound insane! You’re talking about men who’ve been in your life since you were a kid. You can’t just—”
I cut him off. “No they haven’t. I didn’t even officially meet them until I was twenty-two. So what can’t I do? Grow up? Can’t make my own choices? Can’t want something for myself that you didn’t choose?”
He stares at me, mouth parting like he’s about to argue, but no words come out. The silence that falls between us is overwhelming.
“Are you even listening to yourself?”
I nearly bark out a laugh.
Of course I’m listening to myself.
I’ve been listening for years to every version of this argument that could ever play out in my head late at night when I spiral into oblivion.
All the imaginary conversations where I finally tell him the truth, where I stop shrinking myself to fit the image he’s always wanted, and come clean with my past.
Every word I say now feels like something that’s been waiting to be said for a long, long time.
I straighten my shoulders, meeting his glare without flinching.
“You keep acting like I’m some naive kid who doesn’t know better, but I do.
Dean’s not a mistake, and neither are the other two.
They’re not Jared. They’re the kind of people you’d want me to end up with if you’d stop seeing them as just your friend and actually look at how they treat me. ”
“Noelle…” He pauses, eyes narrowing slightly. “Did something happen between you two? Or with the others?”
I freeze.
I can feel my pulse pounding in my neck, loud and uneven, like my body’s trying to warn me.
Don’t say it.
My fingers twitch at my sides, nails digging into my palms even harder.
I open my mouth, but nothing comes out.
The word is there, sitting right on the tip of my tongue, begging to be freed.
Yes.
That’s the truth.
It’s the one thing I’ve been carrying for so long that it feels like part of me now.
The guilt, the longing, the what-ifs.
And yet when I look at my father standing there with that sharp, protective glint in his eyes, the same one that’s been both my shield and my prison since I was a teenager, I can’t say it.
For all my bravado, for all the words I’ve thrown back at him today, all the anger and fire I’ve let spill out, this is the one truth I can’t seem to make myself speak.
The one that would change everything.
I swallow hard, forcing my gaze away. My throat tightens painfully. “Dad…”
He takes a step closer, studying me, searching for something in my face.
“Noelle… I need you to tell me the truth. Did something happen?” he says again, slower this time.
I can’t breathe.
I want to. God, I want to.
I want to tell him that it’s not what he thinks but it’s also exactly what he thinks.
That I didn’t plan for any of this.
That it’s not about rebellion or being recklessness or trying to fill some void when I was young and dumb.
It’s about feeling seen, really seen, for the first time in my entire life by three incredible men who refuse to give up on me.
It’s about everything that came before and everything that might come after if I were to tell the truth.
It’s about the night I realized I wasn’t just attracted to all three of them but drawn to them. The way their voices can calm me when I’m spiraling, the way they look at me like I’m something worth fighting for.
The quiet loyalty in Grant’s eyes, the steady warmth in Dean’s voice, the safety I feel when Callum’s around.
It’s messy, it’s complicated and maybe even wrong by the world’s standards, but it’s real all the same.
I want all three of them so badly it hurts.
Yet at the same time, right as I’m about to confess everything, all that comes out is a whisper. “No.”
He exhales, long and heavy, rubbing a hand over his face. “You’re my daughter, Noelle… You don’t know what kind of damage getting involved with men twice your age could do to you. To Eli, too. You need to be thinking about your future.”
“I know,” I manage, my voice cracking.
The silence that follows stretches thin, tight like a wire about to snap.
His eyes are still on me, and I know he’s trying to piece together everything I’m not saying.
I simply stare at the floor, unwilling to let anything else slip past my lips and betray me.
“I love you, honey. I’m only doing this to protect you.”
My arms fold around myself, squeezing tight. “I know.”
He sighs. “Look, let’s just focus on dealing with your shop and getting this Jared thing taken care of. That’s what matters most right now.”
I nod mutely.
I wish I wasn’t such a coward.
But once I admit it, I won’t just be his daughter anymore.
I’ll be the woman who crossed an invisible line with his friends he’ll never forgive me for.
So instead, I do what I’ve always done: I stay quiet.
I let the silence swallow the words whole and hope he doesn’t notice the tremor in my hands as I turn and head upstairs to cuddle my son.