Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
F inn
Luckily, the drive cooled him some. Not a lot, but some. The whole time he checked in with Dax, he was burning to be inside with Ajax, who’d pretty much run down the hall. He heard the shower come on and knew the man was cleaning himself, readying himself for Finn, and Finn’s hands closed into fists as he worked to keep from joining him.
Dax, smart as he was, picked up on what was happening instantly and didn’t keep him, slipping back outside with a wink.
Finn strode down the hall, thinking he should really shower, too, after sweating in that club, but a naked Ajax stole all the thoughts from his head. Finn stripped off his clothes as Ajax just stood in the center of the room watching. Then he moved forward and pressed Ajax face-first against the wall.
He kissed down Ajax’s back. “I can’t get enough of you,” he breathed onto Ajax’s skin. He cupped his buttocks, squeezing the firm globes with relish. “Dancing with you—fuck, Ajax. You’re so hot, you make me feel like I’m on fire, and all I want is to be inside you.” He knelt and spread those cheeks. “Every part of me inside you.”
He thrust his tongue into Ajax’s hole.
Ajax cried out, pounding his fist on the wall. “Yes!”
Finn slid his tongue in and out, flicking it all around, getting him nice and wet. “You taste so good.”
“Fuck, I love this. Nobody has ever done this to me. I had no idea what I was missing.” He panted between words. “Deeper!”
Finn went deeper, fucking Ajax with his tongue. He’d meant what he’d said—he couldn’t get enough. He kneaded Ajax’s cheeks, thrusting his tongue over and over while Ajax writhed against the wall.
“Fuck me. Want your cock.”
Finn stood, pressed his palm to the small of Ajax’s back. “Don’t move.”
He made quick work of the condom, wishing he didn’t have to use one so he could better feel the way Ajax’s body would slide around him. But that was a discussion for another time. And possibly something they wouldn’t reach. Not if he wanted to keep a thread of his sanity after this was over.
Using two fingers to spread the lube, he noted with satisfaction that his tongue had already loosened Ajax a lot. He was fairly shaking with the need to slide his shaft in there. When he finally did, he let out a long, guttural groan of pure pleasure. One that Ajax returned.
He enveloped him in heat and tightness, pushing back to take Finn deeper. Finn opened his mouth over Ajax’s shoulder, biting gently. Ajax moaned.
Finn started pumping his hips, one hand splayed over Ajax’s stomach, the other braced on the wall.
Ajax placed his hand on the back of Finn’s, intertwining their fingers.
That small bit of affection went to his head. He pulled out slowly, then pushed in as deep as he could. Ajax’s head came back to rest on his shoulder, frantic moans and gasps filling the air. A rush of love filled him, overwhelming and fierce.
Finn nuzzled into his soft hair, kissed his ear, keeping up the slow thrusting of his hips.
Ajax’s breath hitched. “I’m gonna come!”
“Untouched?”
“Pretty sure you’re touching me.” He snorted, then gasped, thrusting his hips back. “Feels so damn good.” His voice broke on the last word.
Finn bit the side of his neck just as Ajax stiffened and started to shake, then painted the wall with cum.
Pulling out, Finn turned Ajax around and took his mouth as he peeled off the condom. He jacked himself until his orgasm slammed through him and he splashed his release on Ajax’s stomach.
He didn’t stop kissing Ajax as he rode the pleasure out. It seemed to be endless, and he shot another small load just as his legs started to shake. He leaned into Ajax, who wrapped strong, firm arms around him.
“Christ, Finn, we’re fucking good at this.”
“Mmm…” Words weren’t happening, not with his brain this scrambled and complete satiation warming his limbs. He let Ajax hold him up until he felt he could move, then pulled back to stare at him, at that beautiful face he wanted to look at forever.
He’d been right to worry. Ajax was going to break his heart.
Ajax
Ajax woke with Finn plastered to his back, but he could tell by the way he breathed that he wasn’t asleep. “Something on your mind?” he whispered.
Thick arms tightened around him. “I know we’ve been together every night, but I’m still not used to sleeping with anyone.”
Ajax wasn’t sure how to take that, his skin prickling at the thought of Finn not liking this as much as he did. He started to pull away.
“No.” Finn held him even closer. “That wasn’t a complaint,” he said softly. “I was actually lying here and thinking about how much I like this. That it feels right.”
“It does to me, too.”
“I’ve never wanted to hold anyone like this. It’s new. But it’s…good.” He gave a sort of strangled chuckle. “And I was really thinking about how much I like the fact you smell like me.”
“I smell like sex. The whole room probably does with the way we went at each other last night.”
“I was rough.”
There was a hint of apology in his words.
“I liked it.”
“You’re human and I could have hurt you.”
“I’m tough, Finn.” He turned in Finn’s arms until they faced each other. “I want you to feel like you can be yourself with me. Please don’t worry about losing yourself to passion like that. Sometimes sex is rough. When it’s good. And believe me, that was beyond good.”
“It was.” Finn stroked a finger over his lips. “Soft can be good, too.”
Ajax shivered at the thought of having that with Finn. He wanted all the kinds. He was in love. Real love. Not the affection he’d held for Alan and other past lovers. This felt all encompassing, like he needed Finn to keep breathing.
He slid his thigh between Finn’s, loving the rasp of hair. “Yeah,” he finally said, still whispering. “Soft is good, too.”
“But not right now. You have to be sore.”
“I am, but it’s a good reminder. I like sex, but that felt different. Intense.” He was quiet a couple of moments, breathing in their combined scents. “There was a time when I didn’t think I liked sex. Took me a long time to realize that I only felt attraction when I grew to care for a person.”
“You’re demisexual?”
“Probably. Though I was attracted to you faster than my usual.”
Finn didn’t say anything for a moment before he spoke, “There could be a reason for that.”
Ajax lifted his head but couldn’t see Finn in the darkness of the bedroom. “What reason?”
“For preternaturals, this sort of intense attraction can mean something pretty big. We can have soulmates. Until recently, I didn’t know that humans could be that to us.”
Ajax held his breath, his heart skipping a beat. Of course he knew about the lore of soulmates. Two souls destined for each other. Perfectly matches pieces of a whole. It permeated both literature and music, a dream lore that appealed to anyone who believed in true love. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying? Wait.” He extracted his leg from between Finn’s, sat up and flipped the bedside lamp onto the lowest setting, though he still blinked at the abrupt addition of light to the room. “I need to see you.”
Finn sat up, too, his expression serious.
“Do you think that I?—”
Finn nodded.
“Whoa.”
“That’s also why I wasn’t sleeping. Ajax, this would change everything for you.”
“Of course it would.”
“Not in a good way,” Finn added.
“What do you mean? Soulmates mean we could be together. Stay together. I don’t know about you, but six months isn’t enough time for what I’m feeling for you.”
Finn picked up his hand, then threaded their fingers together. When he didn’t speak, Ajax quickly grew concerned.
“What do you mean, Finn?” he repeated.
“We would bond.”
“Thought we’re already doing that.”
“Truly bond. For life.”
“You mean my life, right? Humans don’t live as long as you guys.”
“But if we were to bond, you would. You’re famous, live your life in front of an audience. You’d stop aging and people would notice.” Finn looked away from him, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. “You’d have to step out of the limelight. Disappear from public. I couldn’t do that to you because you’ve worked hard for this life you chose.”
Oh.
Ajax didn’t know what he’d do if he wasn’t performing. He could still write music, maybe write it for others, but even behind the scenes he would garner attention for never aging. The thought of being with Finn, truly being with Finn, filled him with incredible joy, yet he also loved music. Not being able to create it…not to perform it… He wasn’t sure what that would do to him.
“I can tell by your silence that you’re understanding the ramifications,” Finn said in a low voice. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the headboard. “You could possibly get away with another twenty years, but then you’d have to disappear. I can’t see how you’d be able to live with that.”
He didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t imagine a life without music. It had been his everything for so long. Not that he’d give it up. He could still create. But to not put his creations out into the world? To not perform? He stared at Finn, at this beautiful man who’d crawled into his heart and made a permanent place. “There has to be a solution,” he whispered. “We can’t give up on this. Tell me something. I’ve read about soulmates—is there only one for each of you?”
Finn looked at him. “Yes.”
“And it took you three hundred and forty years to find yours.”
“I didn’t expect it to ever happen.”
“What you’re feeling for me…you’re sure?”
“Ajax, it didn’t take me long to realize that what I was feeling was something powerful. And it didn’t take me long to understand that by having you, I’d be taking away the biggest part of who you are. What you are. You’re an artist, and you create beautiful music. I’ve seen you singing live in videos. You love performing. You were born to perform.” He frowned. “I shouldn’t have let this get as far as I did, but I couldn’t resist you.”
Ajax felt like he couldn’t breathe, his chest tight, lungs frozen. Twenty years. He could probably get away with twenty years. Then what? But as he stared at this kind, protective man he’d fallen for, he couldn’t imagine any kind of life without him.
Was there really a choice?