Chapter 15 #2
Dallas gave me a reassuring smile that was the echo of Avery’s and said, “Don’t call me sir, Wilder. I already feel old enough standing next to this little shit.” He slung an arm over Avery’s shoulder, hard enough that Avery stumbled forward a step, and the pair of them grinned at each other.
I relaxed some. Dallas had the same confident, relaxed air about him as his brother did, the one that instantly put me at ease, and most importantly, nobody had mentioned my dick-sucking comment, so I guessed I was in the clear.
“Come in,” Avery said, stepping aside. I hesitated. It would look weird if I didn’t go inside now that I’d come over, but what reason could I give for turning up on his doorstep unannounced?
In the end I followed him inside, and we went and sat in the living room. I was aware that I had to sell this as just Avery’s neighbor doing neighborly things. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat and willed myself not to think about Avery’s dick.
It was harder than it sounded. The not-thinking part, not Avery’s dick—although I doubted that was hard right now either, what with his brother sitting five feet away and watching us avidly.
I blurted out the first thing I could think of. “I wanted to invite you over next Saturday. We’re firing up the grill for the twins’ birthday since they’ve never had a party.”
Avery’s brow creased. I hadn’t told him the whole story of how the guys had ended up living with us, but he’d obviously picked up enough to know they’d been through some shit in their formative years. Plus he had a soft spot for Cash.
He leaned forward in his seat, eyes bright. “I’m in. And if this is their first proper birthday, I feel like we should decorate. I can get some balloons and stuff, and—”
I held up a hand, biting back a smile at his enthusiasm. “Calm down, Crafty McPaperfold. I’m talking a few beers, maybe some steaks, and a cake. They don’t need some bullshit paper chains.”
Avery looked so offended I almost laughed out loud. “I don’t make bullshit paper chains! I know some tricks with bunting that would blow your mind!”
Hearing him say “blow” had me remembering last night all over again, and I had to bite back a smile and duck my head so Dallas wouldn’t see me blushing and think I had some weird bunting kink.
There was an awkward silence until Avery cleared his throat and said, “Anyway, it’s good of you to ask me. Can I bring anything?”
I glanced up at Avery. “Maybe your potato salad?”
Avery nodded. “Of course. Do you need my help with anything else?”
“Nah, Danny and Miller have it under control.”
“Should I bring a gift? What do they even like?”
I grinned. “Give them a six-pack and a box of Lucky Charms and they’ll be over the moon.”
Avery laughed, then gave me a smile that was more real than whatever he’d had going on before, and I relaxed back into my chair.
Dallas was looking between us, his brow creased like he was trying to figure out what our deal was, and I suddenly remembered we were supposed to be acting like we were just neighbors.
Avery must have thought the same thing because he straightened up in his seat and said, “Thank you for the invite. I never realized how neighborly people were in small towns, but y’all are going out of your way to make me welcome.”
It was as subtle as a brick through a window, but I ran with it anyway. “Right,” I said. “It’s totally a small-town thing. And they don’t come much smaller than Goose Run, so we’re extra friendly!”
Just neighbors! Nothing to see here! Definitely no dick sucking!
Avery cleared his throat and said, “Did you want a beer or a soda or something?”
“No,” I said quickly, standing. “I gotta get going. Yard needs mowing.”
“I’ll see you out,” Avery said and followed me to the front door. Once we were outside with the door pulled closed behind us, I said, “Shit, Avery, I didn’t know you had a guest or I never would have mentioned your dick!”
To my surprise, he laughed. “I mean, I appreciate the hell out of the offer, and I’m definitely taking a rain check.”
The tightness in my chest eased. “You’re not mad?”
“Why would I be mad at you because my brother came to visit unannounced? Dallas just decided he needed to drive down from Richmond and check on me. He’s protective like that, since I’m the youngest.”
I tried to imagine what it must be like to have a family that actually gave a shit. My parents knew where I lived, but I hadn’t heard a word from them in almost six years. It was probably for the best, but it still stung.
I pushed the old hurt down hard. Screw my parents and their shitty, judgmental attitudes.
I had a new family now, one that did care.
And it felt like maybe Avery was… not exactly a part of that family, not quite, but maybe my tiny little pool of people I trusted had expanded so that his toes were dipping in the edges?
I didn’t know. The only thing I knew for sure was that whatever my brain said about this being casual, the warmth in my chest when I looked at him told another story.
“And just so you know,” he said, “I’m totally making decorations. Gracie can help me. She’ll love it.”
She would. Nothing got Gracie more excited than a craft project. And a craft project for a birthday party? That shit was like crack for five-year-olds.
His face fell. “She’ll be there for the party, right?”
“Yeah, it won’t be a problem.” It would be a problem, since everything lately was a problem when it came to the Moores, but there was nothing they could do about it.
I was Gracie’s dad and I was in charge of when they got to see her, not the other way around, which was something they were finding hard to remember now Cassidy was out of town.
I’d hoped things were settling down again, but the look Mrs. Moore had given me on Friday afternoon?
Hell no. “Do you, uh, need any money for supplies and stuff? For the decorations? I mean, you shouldn’t have to pay for—”
He cut me off with an embarrassed laugh, and I didn’t know which one of us he was embarrassed for. “No, it’s all good. I have a bunch of stuff on hand. You never know when you need emergency bunting, right?”
“That hasn’t really ever come up for me.”
He smiled, his cheeks pink. “Trust me, it’s an issue.”
I lingered on his front doorstep like a teenager not knowing how to end a date, awkward and idiotic. Then, remembering his brother was right there, I jerked my head toward my house. “I should…”
“Yeah,” Avery said and bit his lower lip. “Bye.”
“Bye.” I hauled ass before I said anything else stupid.
Didn’t stop me from tripping over the bottom step and almost face planting on his lawn, though.
I didn’t look back.
Dignity intact, right? As long as I didn’t see him laughing at me.
That evening was a quiet one. We sat out on the back porch and drank a couple beers. Avery’s brother’s car didn’t move, so I didn’t go over there again.
Danny told the twins about the birthday party because neither of them was good with surprises. Chase rolled his eyes and scoffed but didn’t refuse to come, so that was as good as approval. Cash smiled a little, ducking his head like he was trying to hide it.
He had a nightmare that night. No surprises there.
None of us was really sure what triggered them, but it wasn’t a big leap to think that imagining next week’s birthday party had brought up memories of his past—starting with birthday parties they’d never had before and leading a whole bunch of other places that he and Chase never talked about.
In their case it wasn’t so much a trip down memory lane, more of an assault in a dark alley.
It wasn’t one of his worst nightmares, but he did clock Chase in the face again, and Danny and Miller put ice on Chase’s cheek while I sat hunched over with Cash on his bed, waiting for him to go to sleep again.
He was curled up under his blanket like a pill bug, refusing to come out, and every line of his body was tight and angry with self-loathing.
“Chase is fine,” I said. “He won’t even have a bruise. You know he’s not mad.”
Only one of them was mad, and it was Cash. He burrowed deeper into his blankets.
Danny leaned in the doorway. “Hey, Miller’s going to the gas station to pick up ice cream. You want some?”
“Hell yeah,” I said, even though all I really wanted to do was go back to bed. “Cash?”
He mumbled something.
“That sounds like a yes to me,” Danny said. His tone was light, but his expression was grave.
I shrugged in response to his unasked question: Was Cash okay? Hell if I knew.
Miller hadn’t been in our lives long, but he and Danny made a good team. They had from the start, even though they’d just been fuck buddies then. I thought of Avery and wondered if we were a good team too. It felt as though we were, but apart from the bedroom, when had it ever come up?
The Adventurama, maybe. That counted, right? It was only one thing, though, and it didn’t prove anything except that we led lives that never really crossed.
But Avery had also been there in a heartbeat when I’d nailed myself to the porch, and maybe him performing first aid while I tried not to puke wasn’t exactly teamwork, but it was something.
Or maybe I was looking too hard because I wanted it to be something, and we were nothing but neighborly fuck buddies.
Who hadn’t technically fucked yet.
Figuring shit out at three in the morning was impossible.
I turned my attention back to Cash and made soothing noises like I used to do when Gracie was a baby and wouldn't settle.
Cassidy had called me the baby whisperer back then, claiming I had some kind of magic power, and apparently it worked on Cash as well, because the blankets inched slowly down and he peered out the top at me.
“I didn’t mean to hit him,” he murmured.
“I know,” I said. “He knows. You were sleeping. It’s nobody’s fault.”
Well, it was somebody’s fault—the assholes who’d raised the twins in the first place.
I didn’t get it. Well, I did. I wasn’t dumb.
I knew there were a lot of kids out there in bad situations.
I knew horrible stuff happened. But what I didn’t get was how you could hold a baby in your arms and not feel so overwhelmed with love—so terrified and dizzy with the suddenness of it—that you’d burn the fucking world down rather than hurt them.
That was the part I’d never understand, and I never wanted to.
Chase wandered in, still holding an icepack to his cheek. “Move over,” he said.
I shifted, and he climbed into Cash’s bed with him. Chase slept with Cash whenever Cash needed the comfort, which sometimes ended badly for them both, like tonight, but he wouldn’t have it any other way. I got it, and I loved that about him.
“Miller’s getting ice cream,” I said.
“Wake me up when he gets back,” Chase replied and closed his eyes.
“Okay,” I said. I put a hand on his arm, half expecting him to throw me off, but he only opened his eyes and flashed me a rare-as-hell smile. It was gone before I even registered it.
I stood up and turned the light out as I left the room.
Then I went into the living room and sat there with Danny while we waited for Miller and the ice cream.