Chapter 19
WILDER
There was no doubt in my mind that I wanted to blow Avery, so my sudden hesitation when we reached his bedroom wasn’t down to that.
It was just that my brain was still all over the place from the day I’d had, like I had too many thoughts bubbling away back there, too many feelings swirling around underneath my skin, to be able to settle enough to be present.
Just him and me, and no new job, no public parking lot kiss, no roommates with a thousand questions, and no five-year-old kid who’d asked as I’d tucked her in, “Daddy, are you and Mr. Smith going to get married?”
I was still reeling a little from that one.
But Avery took one look at me, flung my cowboy hat across the room, and ran his fingers through my hair. “You all good, Johnny?”
I leaned into his embrace. “It’s been a day, huh?”
He hummed. “Sure has.” Then he put his hand on my cheek, tilted my head the way he wanted, and kissed me.
And just like that, we were the only two people in the universe.
“Want to talk about it?” he asked.
“Nope.” I kissed him this time, and his mouth opened under mine, electricity dancing across my skin and making me shiver as our tongues touched. The rising heat between us left no room for anything else, and that was exactly what I needed. And after that, it was easy.
Avery’s eyes widened as I went to my knees, hooking my fingers in the waistband of his pants.
I held his gaze and raised my eyebrows, and he nodded.
I fumbled a little with the button, not used to working a fly from this side of the equation, but got there in the end.
Then I pulled his zipper down, the metal teeth rasping loudly in the sudden silence of his bedroom.
He was already hard, and for some reason the sight of his erection pushing out of the space the opening fly made was hilarious.
But that was probably because he was wearing underwear with rubber ducks on it.
“Uh, it was laundry day,” he mumbled.
“Liar.” I smirked up at him, then back down at the ducks, and then peeled the fabric down to reveal his dick.
I ran a fingertip down the length and then, before I could second-guess myself, I licked the head.
Avery made a choked sound and his hips jerked forward.
At the same time, his fingers caught in my hair. I liked it.
I took the head of his dick in my mouth, taking a moment to get used to the taste—skin and salt and traces of soap burst against my tongue.
Closing my eyes, I savored this moment—the sensation, the taste, the heat, the trust—and Avery’s fingertips beat a gentle tattoo against my scalp as though he was trying hard not to urge me to do more.
I didn’t need the reminder. I wanted as much as I could give him.
I pressed my tongue to the bottom of my mouth and leaned in to take more of him.
“Johnny!” He gasped, and his fingers tightened in my hair.
I kept one hand wrapped around his dick to guide it and held his thigh with the other one.
It took a while to find a rhythm, but it was just like dancing—you did it until the movements felt natural.
And the sounds that Avery was making told me I was doing it right.
I wasn’t deepthroating him or anything, and it wasn’t porn-star good, but it didn’t need to be.
This wasn’t for anyone else. This was real.
His thigh tensed and relaxed, tensed and relaxed under my hand. His body shook. His fingers twitched and tightened in my hair. The taste of him got stronger all at once.
“Johnny! I’m gonna—” He tried to pull back.
I held him in place. If I was giving him everything I could, then he could do the same.
I swallowed around him, and he let out a soft groan and thrust forward.
My mouth flooded with cum, hot and salty—and holy shit, how was there so much of it?
I tried to breathe and choked instead, ending up spitting cum all over Avery’s dick.
Not the blow job I’d wanted to give, and probably not the one he’d hoped to receive.
I knelt back, sucking in air between coughs.
“Are you okay?” Avery asked, reaching down and helping me to my feet.
“Yeah,” I rasped and coughed again. “Sorry.”
“What for?” He patted me on the back, then ran his hand in soothing circles.
I wiped the mess of cum and spit from my chin with the back of my hand. “I fucked up.”
His brow creased, and then he grinned at me. “Are you kidding? Sure, it was messy, but you know what?” His smile widened. “I like messy.”
At first I thought he was lying to make me feel better. But then I remembered how hot he’d looked when I’d come all over his face and yeah, I could see how that was a thing.
“Was it okay for you?” he asked. “Apart from the choking bit?”
“Yeah, I liked it. It was kind of hypnotic. That sounds dumb, right?”
He smiled. “Nothing you say ever sounds dumb, Johnny.” He stroked his fingers down my cheek. “You were so hot when you were blowing me. I mean, you’re hot all the time, but that? That was incredible. Want me to return the favor?”
I opened my mouth to agree, then closed it.
Opened it again. He’d said nothing I said sounded dumb, so I guessed it was time to test that theory.
“There’s something else I’ve been thinking about.
It’s not really a sex thing.” I traced one hand over the soft, pale skin of his belly.
“Can we—can we lie on the bed? Last time we did, it was nice, and I kind of wanted to use your stomach as a pillow.”
Avery raised his eyebrows.
God. He thought I was an idiot.
Then he smiled again. “Can I play with your hair?”
My heart skipped a few beats. “Please.”
Avery stepped out of his pants and pulled his rubber duck underwear up. I pulled my clothes off as well but left my underwear on, because this wasn’t about that. I was hard but not in any urgent way. And right now I wanted Avery’s fingers in my hair more than I wanted to come.
He drew me over to his bed and kissed me. When we lay down, he took off his glasses and I scooted down the bed so I could rest my cheek on his stomach. He laughed, and for a second my head bounced like it was a trampoline.
“Sorry,” he said, still laughing. He twined his fingers in my hair, and his laughter slowly died away and was replaced with repetitive gentle scritches to my scalp. “This is nice.”
It was better than fucking nice. It melted all my bones, and my eyes slid closed.
I hummed my agreement. It would have been easy to fall asleep like that, but I didn’t want to miss a single pass of Avery’s fingers through my hair or the way his stomach moved under my head as he breathed.
Sex was great, but this was the real prize.
With Avery, I could let go completely and relax.
I hadn’t felt this safe in a long, long time.
Was it asking too much to hope it’d last forever?
I stayed the night, making sure the volume on my phone was up in case Danny needed me to get home for Gracie.
Though, honestly, he could probably just open a window and yell.
Avery and I ended up watching a movie and talking.
I helped him sort out construction paper—he needed the right number of sheets in the right colors for something he was planning for his class—and we probably messed it up because we kept losing count between kisses.
For once I didn’t wake up in the morning to the sounds of one of the guys coming or going because of work.
It never mattered how quiet they tried to be—sleeping in the living room meant I heard the front door every time.
Instead, I woke up to sunlight filtering through the curtains and the scent of fresh coffee.
My grumbling stomach drew me out of bed before my brain had even registered where I was.
I pulled last night’s clothes on and stopped off at the bathroom, then wandered out to the kitchen.
Avery gave me a bright smile. “Hey, sleepyhead. Grab a seat.”
He poured me a cup of coffee and handed it over and then had the decency to let me drink it in silence, which was its own kind of bliss.
By the time my coffee was finished, Avery was done with whatever he was doing at the stove, and when he slid a couple of grilled cheese sandwiches in front of me, I found myself swallowing around a lump in my throat.
“Johnny?” Avery said, sitting down opposite me. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah,” I said. “Just… yeah. You’re the best, you know?
” My throat ached and my eyes stung. I hadn’t cried in years, not since I’d first held Gracie in my arms, and this felt almost the same.
I was overwhelmed with the sheer happiness of being here in this moment with Avery, and at the same time totally fucking terrified I was going to mess everything up.
I could hardly even meet Avery’s worried gaze. “I’m okay, I promise.”
Except I was definitely crying, which was humiliating. Stupid to be embarrassed since Avery had literally had his fingers up my ass more than once, but I didn’t make the rules.
Avery didn’t say anything, just stood up and moved around behind me. He leaned down and put his arms around me and pressed his cheek to mine.
I closed my eyes, and the moment stretched out. The tears stopped, and the sting of humiliation faded into something warm and safe, just like last night when he’d been stroking my hair.
Avery turned his head and pressed a kiss to my temple. “One day we’re going to talk about everything that happened to you that makes you think you don’t deserve good things, Johnny. Also, if someone burns down your dad’s church, I might need an alibi, just saying.”
I couldn’t stop the strangled laugh that escaped me. “Okay.”
He kissed me again. “I’m joking about the arson thing. Probably.”
“I know.” I opened my eyes. “I meant what I said. You’re the best.”
“I bet you say that to all the boys that make you breakfast.”
“Just the ones who are also my boyfriend.”