Chapter 28
Twenty-Eight
I t had been a perfectly domestic day. Everything Abby thought of when she thought of taking care of her family. Of course, she didn’t love that Katy was sick, but she loved that John trusted her enough to take care of his daughter.
Katy had come out, rubbing her eyes and asking for something to eat, just as they finished washing the dishes and picking up from their meal. Abby situated her on the couch with some fruit cereal and Katy quickly found her way to Abby’s lap. John wasn’t far behind, rubbing little circles onto his daughter’s back. She’d fallen asleep not even ten minutes later.
Now an hour into some nature documentary John put on, Abby looked down at Katy, laying across her lap still fast asleep. She brushed away a strand of her hair and smiled as John squeezed her other hand.
“You seem more relaxed than when I got here,” she whispered.
“I think every parent hates seeing their kid sick, but I don’t know why it throws me into a panic. What if I don’t take her symptoms seriously enough? Kids get sick all the time, but what if I brush it off as a stomach bug and it’s really something that ends up landing her in the hospital? I don’t have maternal instincts to listen to, and I don’t want to fail her.”
“You are such a great father. It’s so clear that she feels loved and safe and cherished. No one has a crystal ball, but you are doing a wonderful job with her. Your paternal instinct is enough.”
He laughed. “You know, when she’s been sick in the past, I’ve called my mom in a panic.”
“But you didn’t today.”
“For the first time, I had a partner here with me. I had you.”
Abby smiled. “I’m glad I was able to help a little.”
“A little? You did our laundry, cared for Katy, let me have some time to myself after a rough night with little sleep. You are amazing, Abby. But even if you just came over and spent all day cuddled up on this couch with Katy and me, I would still be in your debt.”
“No…”
“Yes. Sure, Katy loves when my mom is here, doting on her, but I’ve never seen her want anyone other than me when she’s sick.”
Abby looked down at the beautiful little girl in her lap and felt tears well in her eyes.
“She’s the sweetest little girl I’ve ever met, John. I love her with my whole heart.”
“I know you do, baby. So why are there tears in your eyes?”
“I don’t want anything to happen to either of you. I don’t want to lose her.”
“You’re not going to lose her. Why would you think that?”
She sat silently as John’s free hand came up and gently brushed at the lip she had trapped between her teeth.
“Stop biting your lip, Abby, and tell me what you’re thinking.”
“I’m not sure you’re ready to hear what I have to say.”
“I am. I want to know.”
God. Her stomach flipped. She hated being vulnerable. But this was John. The man who had saved her life. The man who had carried her home when she’d been drugged and stayed the night on her uncomfortable couch when she had a migraine. The man who had made love to her so thoroughly she was ruined for anyone else.
“It’s all so new. Everything between us.”
“It might be new, but it feels right. You fit with us. This is how it’s supposed to be.”
“I love you. And Katy. I see so much of my future here, with you, and I just am scared of it all going away. I’m scared to admit that I want this. I want forever with you.”
“You don’t need to be afraid of that, baby. I want forever with you too.”
“You do?”
“I think about it constantly. Coming home to you and Katy after work. All of us sitting around the table at dinner time. Planning family vacations. Laughing as we fight about whether the Christmas tree should be real or fake every year. Trying to keep the magic alive for Katy when we forget to slide money under her pillow from the Tooth Fairy.” His hand slid low on her stomach. “Kissing your belly as you grow our baby…”
“You really think about all that?”
He nodded. “You’re mine, Abby. You’re who I want by my side. There is no falling in love with you because I already am. I’m so in love with you it hurts. Katy and I know you’re the missing piece to our family puzzle.”
“I feel it too. How perfectly I fit in here. But I can’t help that I’m still scared.”
“Of what?”
She reached her hand up to her scar. “Of this happiness being taken away.”
“Hey.” He pulled her hand away from her neck, pressing a kiss into her palm. “I’m never going to let anything happen to you. Never again.”
“I think you should put Katy in her bed. It seems like she’s going to be out for a while.”
“Yeah, I can do that.” The desire in his eyes had Abby squirming, but she wasn’t going to let him distract her. There was one more thing they needed to talk about before she’d be ready to truly give all of her heart to him. And she was finally going to bring it up.
“Good. Hurry back.”
John scooped Katy up from the couch and curled her close to his chest. Her fever had lowered and she’d gotten more color back in her face over the last few hours. The panic was slowly receding, and he had a feeling both he and Katy would sleep like logs that night.
He placed Katy in her bed, pulling up her comforter before kissing her head. John looked at the small trash can at the end of her bed, and moved it closer to where her head laid. There was a fifty-fifty chance she’d find it if she was sick again, but that was better than nothing.
“Lay down here.” Abby patted the pillow on her lap when he walked back into the living room.
“With my head on your lap?” he asked.
“Mhm. You had a tough day with Katy. I helped take care of her, now I’m going to take care of you.”
God, he loved the sound of that. “Okay.”
As soon as his head hit the pillow, she began to move her fingers through his hair. The touch had his eyes drifting close.
“That feels so nice, baby.”
“I want to take care of you, John. You’re always the one taking care of me. Saving me that night. My migraines. Even when I struggle with my nightmares. You were there. I’m here for you, too.”
Fuck. How did he get so lucky? They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes as Abby continued to scratch his scalp and massage away what felt like years of tension.
“Will you tell me about her?” she whispered.
His eyes popped open. “Who?”
“Katy’s mom.”
“You really want to talk about her now?”
She shrugged. “Seems like you’re pretty relaxed, and I think it’s important I understand the whole picture. I think I deserve to know if I’ll be fighting off some random woman who decides one day to come back for my family.”
Her family. Fuck, he loved the sound of that.
“You have nothing to worry about, baby.”
“I know I don’t. Because I would use every single one of those self defense moves you taught me to stop anyone who thought they could break us apart.”
“I have no doubt you would unleash those pretty claws of yours, kitten.” He sighed and closed his eyes again. “But like I said, you have nothing to worry about. Katy’s mom was a free spirit, and I think that’s the nice way of putting it. We weren’t serious, and back then I was a bit of a…”
“Rebel without a cause?” she offered.
“Sure,” he chuckled. “I think that’s probably saying things in a very kind way. I’m afraid I didn’t live up to my mom’s expectations of me back then.”
“You had a sow-your-wild-oats phase?” She tugged at the root of his hair, and he let out a moan.
“Oh yeah. Big time. I was out west and had all this money from working the oil fields. It went to my head fast. I think the man I am today would like to go back and kick the shit out of the asshole I used to be.”
“So, a free spirit and a man who was sowing his wild oats got together, and along came Katy.”
“Pretty much. All I was thinking about was having a good time, and I think it was the same for her. I was three hours away from Bell Ridge, working and partying, loving my single life. I’ll never forget the moment I read her message about being pregnant. I was such an asshole. Asked her if she was sure the baby was mine. Fucking told her I didn’t believe her, that I wanted a test.”
“You weren’t monogamous. You weren’t in any sort of committed relationship with her.” She swept her fingers over his forehead and gently pulled another fistful of hair at the roots. “Asking for that doesn’t make you a bad guy.”
“Yeah, it does. If someone ever did that to Katy, got her pregnant and then acted like it couldn’t be their baby, I’d be meeting them in a field with my shotgun.”
“John!”
“What? It’s the truth. But she invited me to the first ultrasound, and when I heard Katy’s heartbeat and saw her wiggling around on the screen, I knew I wanted to step up for the both of them. It was like something finally clicked in my brain and in that moment I knew I would do anything for Katy. We moved in together, but the relationship we had by then was purely as co-parents.”
Abby smiled as John continued. “The day she was born, and I held her in my arms, I cried. This precious little girl was mine to protect. Miranda tried. I know that she did. We just weren’t enough for her. When Katy was three months old, I woke up to a screaming baby and no one else. She’d left in the night and never looked back.”
“She’s never tried to contact you? Never tried to see Katy after that?”
“Not once. After I moved back to Bell Ridge and became a deputy, my parents pushed for me to file for sole custody and dissolve her rights. It was a long process because we couldn’t find her. Last year, a judge finally signed off on the claim of parental abandonment, and I got sole custody of her. Her mom isn’t even listed on her birth certificate anymore.”
“Why not? Won’t Katy want to see that one day?”
“It makes it so Katy can be adopted. So she can have a real mom. Someone who wants the privilege of holding that place in her life.”
“That’s something you would want? For someone to adopt her one day?”
“Is that something you would want?” he replied.
“Yes,” she whispered. “More than anything.”
Tears gathered in her eyes and she leaned to press a kiss to John’s forehead. “God, John. She’s so lucky to have a dad like you.”
“I don’t know about that. I do the best I can, but it never feels like enough. I feel like I’m always dropping the ball and failing her somehow.”
“You are not failing her. You cannot possibly think that when all you do all day, every day, is make sure she’s safe and feels loved. You do that for every member of your family. You do that for me. You are an incredible man. You are enough.”
He sat up, spinning on the sofa to face her. His hands slid around her waist as he held her until she was straddling his lap. John lifted her chin and kissed her.
“It’s getting late. You should spend the night.”
“I can’t. What will Katy think if she wakes up and I’m here?”
“She’ll think you are a part of this family. Which you are.”
“What will I sleep in? I don’t have pajamas here.”
“Even if you did, you wouldn’t be sleeping in them. It’s one of my shirts or nothing, sweetheart.” John’s brows furrowed and Abby laughed, reaching up with her thumb and smoothing out the skin.
“Don’t look so worried. You’ll get more wrinkles.”
“More? I’m not that old.”
He raked his teeth over the skin on her neck as he pressed his fingers into her side, making her laugh again.
“I want you to move in with us, Abby.”
“You do?” She stilled beneath his fingers and he decided to lay it all out in the open for her.
“Move in with us. I want this to be our everyday normal. I want to wake up with you by my side. I want to watch as you braid Katy’s hair before school. I want to dance around the kitchen with you after we’ve finished Katy’s nighttime routine. And I sure as hell want you to fall asleep in my bed every night.”
“Really? You’re ready for that step?”
“More than anything.”
Her eyes searched his, and he knew she was looking for any hesitation on his part. For any doubt. But she wouldn’t find any.
“Okay. I’ll move in.”
“Tomorrow.”
She laughed. “I’ll need some time to pack. To let Emma know I won’t be there anymore. Maybe one night towards the end of the week I can be ready.”
“That’s too far away.”
“You’ll survive. In the meantime, I really need to see the doctor about my tummy ache.” She ground her hips down over his growing erection. “It’s hurting me something awful right now.”
John growled, standing up while keeping a tight hold on her ass as she wrapped her legs around his hips.
“Don’t worry, baby. The doctor will see you now.”