Chapter 11
“Brand, you can’t just feed me a bottle.”
“Why not?”
“Well, because I mean we haven’t even discussed how this would work.”
“I figured you could rest back against my chest, and I’d hold the nipple to your mouth. Or you can sit on my lap and rest back against my arm. Maybe that would be better.”
“Not that.” She rubbed at her head as she tried to explain what she meant.
“Do you have a headache?”
“Um, no. Not really. I just, I’m having trouble working out how to explain this. It’s just a lot is happening and maybe we need to go slower.”
There. That was a reasonable request, right? He couldn’t get upset over her wanting some time to get her head wrapped around the change in their relationship.
But when her gaze was drawn up to his, she felt a stab in her gut at the look of vulnerability on his face.
What have I done?
Brand never looked like this. He was arrogance and confidence personified.
He didn’t do uncertain.
And she didn’t like him looking that way.
She definitely didn’t like that she’d caused it.
“Is it because you can’t see me as a Daddy Dom?” he asked. “As your Daddy Dom?”
“What? Brand, no.” Ahh shit. It was so hard to carry on a freaking conversation when she had to stop to cough so often.
Picking up the glass instead of the baby bottle filled with water that he’d appeared with, he handed it to her.
He wasn’t… he wasn’t going to help her with it.
Tears flowed down her face, and she sobbed, then coughed. Oh, she was a freaking mess.
“Hey, calm down.”
She couldn’t. She couldn’t seem to catch her breath. The glass slipped from her hand, spilling water everywhere.
Crap. Just crap.
Why couldn’t she do anything right?
“It’s all right. Baby, I have you. I have you.” To her shock, he gathered her up into his arms, holding her cradled against his chest with one arm under her ass.
With his free hand, he patted her back while bouncing up and down.
The shock of him bouncing her around like she was a baby actually helped break through the coughing fit. She managed to take one breath, then another.
“That’s it. That’s my good girl. Just calm down. You’re all right. You’re safe.”
He was taking care of her… just like a Daddy might with his Little girl.
And it felt so good.
So right.
She buried her face in his chest as her coughing fit died off, feeling her cheeks flame. She knew she had to look like a fright. And she didn’t feel ready to face him.
Right now, she just wanted to be held and coddled.
Like she was precious and special.
“Bumblebee?”
“No.”
“No?” he queried.
“I don’t wanna.”
“You don’t want to what?” he asked.
“Face reality.”
“What part of reality?”
“The part where I realize that I just started crying in front of you, then wiped my wet, snotty face on your shirt.”
“My shirt will wash.”
“Or that I hurt you,” she whispered.
He stilled. “I never said you hurt me.”
“You-you looked… shit!” She was croaky. Her throat hurt. Her head was spinning, and she felt like she could sleep for a hundred years when she’d only just woken up. “It’s not me, it’s you.”
He let out a choked noise that sort of sounded like a laugh, sitting on an armchair with her on his lap.
“Look at me, Bumblebee.”
“I really don’t want to.”
“Well, I want you to,” he said. “And I’m more stubborn than you are.”
“I’m not sure that’s true.”
“It is true. Eyes on me.”
“Can I have a tissue first to clean up?”
He shifted, reaching over. She held up a hand without looking.
“Nope. Lean back and look at me.”
With a grumble, she did as he said. The expression on his face wasn’t one of barely veiled disgust. Instead, he appeared unexpectedly tender.
He held her chin with one hand while he used the tissue he’d grabbed to clean her up.
Brand Starr, the multi-millionaire, three-time Grammy winning rock star, was wiping up her tears and snot.
Perhaps it should have been embarrassing.
But he was being so caring that it kept her mesmerised. She couldn’t look away from him, even when he reached for another tissue and held it to her nose.
“Blow, Bumblebee.”
“I really think I should do that.” She was a snotty, gross mess.
“Blow,” he said more firmly.
So, she blew, knowing her cheeks were likely going as red as her nose. She flinched slightly as he wiped her nose.
“We need to put some cream on your nose.”
“Why do you even want me right now? I look awful!”
“I don’t think anyone looks their best when they’re ill?—”
“I knew it! I’m disgusting!”
He frowned. “You didn’t let me finish. And you are in no way disgusting. That’s two.” He held up a finger.
“Two?” she queried. “Two what? Two spanks?”
Okay. She could handle that.
“Two punishments. I haven’t decided how many spanks you’ll get for each punishment since I don’t know your pain tolerance. Everyone is different. Some people can barely handle five spanks. Others need about fifty.”
“Fifty? You’re making that up!”
“Nope. Guessing your pain tolerance isn’t that high.”
“You’d guess right. I’d never sit again.”
“Slight exaggeration.” His lips twitched as he brushed her hair off her face.
“You took care of me,” she whispered. “You -you weren’t put off or disgusted.”
“You thought I’d run because of some tears and a snotty nose?” he asked incredulously. “You really don’t have much trust in me.”
“No,” she said quickly. “It’s not you!”
“Shh. Calm down. Every time you get upset, you start coughing. I need to get you another glass of water.”
“No, please. I have to tell you something first. About me.”
“All right, as long as you promise to remain calm. Otherwise, I’m putting you back to bed and banning you from talking for the next hour.”
“You can’t do that,” she said.
“Sure, I can. I’m in charge. I make the rules.”
That was not a rule she was going to accept. Sheesh. But she took a calming breath. It sounded a bit wheezy, but she ignored that. “It really is me. I can’t… I’m not good at letting go. At giving myself permission to let my Little out. That’s the real reason I didn’t name the teddy bear. Derek’s wife Sadie gave him to me when she learned I didn’t have any stuffies. But he doesn’t feel like mine because I can let myself have him.” She groaned. “It’s difficult for me to enter Little headspace unless I fully let go. And I don’t usually fully let go. Sometimes at the club, I can. But mostly its pretense. Because I always have to be on alert. I have to take care of myself. Am I making any sense?”
“You’re one of the most hardworking musicians I’ve ever met. You push yourself to be better every day and you’re already amazing.”
Wow. Those words were huge coming from Brand Starr.
“I didn’t see it before, but you kept pushing yourself so hard when we were touring because you thought you had to prove yourself.”
“I did have to prove myself, Brand.” She didn’t say it in an accusatory voice, but he grimaced.
“Yeah. I get that I made you prove yourself. I didn’t believe you were going to last when you first joined the tour.” He studied her face. “But everyone needs to relax and have a break at some time.”
“That’s why I’m here. My friend, Addie. She’s a doctor. I’ve had anxiety for years that I’ve managed pretty well. I thought it was flaring up, but Addie thinks I had that freak-out that last night because I overworked myself.”
He narrowed his gaze. “You can’t push yourself too hard. You’ll get burned out.”
“Yeah,” she agreed.
“Fuck, baby,” he muttered. “Not happening. Not on my watch. That’s probably why you got so sick.”
“Yeah,” she said again. There wasn’t much more she could add.
“Which means I need to make sure my girl rests and relaxes. And that she feels like she has permission to let go and slip into being Little.”
Okay, he got it.
“And that’s not going to happen by me just shoving a baby bottle in your mouth,” he said dryly. “Who knew?”
She giggled.
“Not me, obviously,” he added.
“The, um, the way you just took care of me. That, uh, that helped.”
“Yeah? That was just instinct.”
“Your instinct is good.”
“Hmm, it always has been. Right now, my instinct is telling me to do something else.”
She slammed her hand over her mouth. “Youcannotkissme!”
Brand’s eyes widened as he stared down at her incredulously. Then he threw back his head and laughed.
Surprise filled her, followed quickly by irritation. “Hey! Why are you laughing? Why is kissing me funny?”
“Baby, kissing you isn’t funny. It isn’t funny at all. But the first time I kiss you, I’d like to not be worrying about whether you can breathe or not.”
“I can breathe out of my nose. Sort of.” Wait. Was she trying to convince him to kiss her now? She was an idiot.
“Ah, so you want me to kiss you?”
She slammed her hand over her mouth again. Then realized it was rather hard to breathe through her nose.
Brand removed her hand hastily. “Breathe.”
She gasped for air.
“Don’t do that again or it will be three.”
Jolie pouted. “I don’t think you should threaten me with spankings while I’m sick.”
“I won’t spank you while you’re sick,” he reassured her. “But you’re going to have difficulty sitting when you feel better if you keep going like this.”
Well, that sucked.
“Please don’t spank me.” She gave him her best puppy eyes.
“Aww, damn you’re cute. Too bad that doesn’t sway me.”
Drat.
“I’ll kiss you when you’re feeling better.”
“Probably a smart idea,” she mumbled. “I can’t actually remember the last time I brushed my teeth.”
His eyes widened. “Right. We need to take care of that. Oral hygiene is important.”
Yeah. She leaned away from him. Drat. He could probably already smell her breath.
Then there was the fact that she hadn’t showered in a while.
“Let’s go brush your teeth.” He stood with her held against his chest.
“I need a shower.”
“No shower.”
“I have to have a shower,” she said.
“No shower unless I shower with you. I don’t want you getting light-headed and falling.” He paused in the bathroom. “This is nice. And there’s a bath. You can have a bath. If you let me help you in and out.”
Probably not an ideal way for him to see her naked for the first time. But she was desperate.
“Deal,” she croaked.
“Good girl. You need to drink some water too. Are you hungry?”
“No.”
“I’ll let you get away with that for a bit longer. But you need to eat something today.”
She nodded tiredly as he set her on the counter and turned away to run the bath. Where was her toothbrush? Oh, there it was. She picked it up and put some toothpaste on it.
When Brand straightened, he frowned.
What? What was wrong?
Then he took the toothbrush from her. “That’s my job.”
It was?
“Little girls don’t brush their own teeth.”
“Pretty sure a lot of them do,” she replied.
“Let me reword that. My girl doesn’t.”
Oh god.
She was Brand Starr’s girl.
She swallowed heavily, her throat scratchy. “Okay.”
He looked surprised. He’d probably expected her to protest. But the fact was that her Little felt like she was parched. As though all the life was being sucked out of her.
She didn’t know if it was like this for other people. But ignoring and neglecting that part of herself… it felt like a part of her was dying. She wasn’t who she wanted to be.
And Brand taking care of her like he was… it was bringing her back to life.
He very carefully brushed her teeth. He was thorough and didn’t rush through it.
“There we go. All clean, Bumblebee.”
“Thanks,” she said croakily. “Can you get me a hair tie?”
He handed her toilet bag to her, and she sloppily put her hair up into a bun. Urgh, it needed washing. She didn’t think she had the energy for that today, though.
He frowned. “Let’s get you a drink.” He turned away, then swung back. “Probably shouldn’t leave you sitting on the counter. You might fall off.”
Heat filled her cheeks once more.
Brand was constantly surprising her.
Jolie thought about reminding him that she was actually an adult. But she was enjoying his care too much. Cradling her to his chest once more, he carried her out through the bedroom to the small kitchenette.
Placing her on the counter again, he got her a glass of water. To her surprise, she felt upset he wasn’t using the baby bottle.
She sighed sadly.
“What’s wrong?” he asked after helping her take a few sips.
“I’m just being silly.”
“Hey. Nothing you feel is silly. What’s going on?” He placed his hands on the counter on either side of her, caging her in.
A shiver of pleasure ran through her.
“You like this?” he murmured.
“W-what?”
“Me surrounding you. Stopping you from moving. You like it.”
Well, it wasn’t like she could deny it when she was practically licking her lips.
“Yes.”
“Good girl for telling me the truth. Now, what upset you just now?”
Great. She’d forgotten about that in her lust-haze. Was that a thing?
“It’s really dumb.”
“That’s another one.” He held up a third finger. “Racking them up, Bumblebee.”
“That’s not fair. I haven’t told you what it is yet, so you don’t know whether it’s dumb or not.”
“It’s not. And you shouldn’t be calling anything you feel or say dumb. Tell. Me.”
“I was just wishing you were using the baby bottle. See? Dumb.”
“Four.”
“Brand!” she cried. “You can’t keep adding on punishments.”
“Sure I can.” He pointed at himself. “Me, Daddy”—his finger turned to point at her—“You, Little.”
She rolled her eyes at him as a wave of tiredness hit her. He eyed her for a long moment. “What is it?”
“Just tired.”
“Back to bed, then.” He picked her up in his arms.
“No! I need that bath. Please.” She was feeling so gross. Nurse Beverly had helped sponge her off, which had been rather humiliating. But she still didn’t feel clean. “Please.”
“All right. Bath. Then I’ll help you reach Little headspace.” He frowned. “Hopefully.”
She’d never heard him sound unsure before. It reminded her that this was new for him, too. Although he seemed to be catching on awfully quick.
Moving back to the bathroom, he set her down on her feet and started to strip her off. He undid the buttons on her pajama top, pulling it off. She couldn’t stop herself from covering her boobs with her arm.
He didn’t say anything though, just crouching to pull down her pajama bottoms and panties.
Great. Now his face was eye level with her pussy. Thank god she’d had everything waxed before coming to the Ranch.
“Hold on to my shoulders,” he ordered. “Right foot. Now, left.”
Jolie wasn’t sure whether she should be grateful for how matter-of-fact he was acting about stripping her naked.
Or upset.
Because he didn’t even look like he was sneaking a peek. Did he not want to see her?
Jolie, stop it.
You don’t want him to look at you. You’re not exactly in top form. There is no way he’d be attracted to your germ-ridden body right now, anyway.
Unfortunately, her pep talk didn’t really work, and she found herself sniffling.
She was so unattractive right now. Gross.
“Bumblebee? What’s wrong?” He stood and attempted to get her to look at him.
“Nothing. I’m going to get in now.” She turned to the bath, but she moved too fast, and the room started to spin. Days of little food were catching up on her.
“Whoa. Be careful.” He grasped hold of her, keeping her steady. “Easy, baby.”
“S-sorry.”
“This is why I didn’t want you doing this alone. You’re dizzy and not well. You need help.”
Somehow, that made her feel worse.
She tipped her face forward, a tear dripping off her cheek and landing on his forearm.
“Baby? What is it? Do you want to go back to bed?”
“I want to be less gross and disgusting and sick, so you won’t avoid looking at me.”
There was silence behind her.
“Sorry. Ignore me. I’m just feeling sorry for myself. I hate being sick.”
“Don’t think anyone likes it, Bumblebee.”
Yeah, but not everyone had the guy of their dreams taking care of them and probably realizing that he had signed on for more than he’d anticipated.
“I bet this wasn’t how you were imagining things would go when you chased after me, huh?”
“No, it’s not,” he agreed. “In a way, it’s better.”
“Me being sick is better?” she gasped.
“I didn’t mean that. But it does mean I get to take care of you. To show you that I can do that. That you can trust me to do that.”
Okay, she guessed she understood that.
“Spending time with you, looking after you, is never something I will regret, Bumblebee.”
She sagged as the tension left her. “Oh. I just, I wish I felt attractive right now.” That was hard for her to tell him, and she hoped he didn’t try to fob her off with platitudes or what he thought she wanted to hear.
“I can understand that. This is new. And scary. And you want to put your best foot forward. I feel the same.”
Okay. He got it.
“A normal relationship might start with attraction, dates, getting to know one another, but don’t forget we’ve spent months together. And while we might not have been in a relationship, we did get to know each other.”
He was right.
Maybe they hadn’t known they were going to become interested in one another, but she did know him.
Well, as much as he’d let her.
“There’s still a lot to find out.”
“I know. But that’s the exciting part, isn’t it?”
“And when that part is over?” she asked.
“Then we move on to the next. It’s like having a child.”
Huh?
“You need to enjoy your child at every age,” he said. “Every stage. It’s the same with a relationship. From the initial, exciting getting-to-know-you stage. To when we’re old and gray, sitting on rocking chairs on our front porch.”
“You plan on owning a rocking chair?” she asked in surprise.
“Nah. I plan to be that crotchety old bastard still making music when I’m eighty-three.”
Now, that she could see.
“Just because I’m not looking doesn’t mean I’m not admiring. It doesn’t mean I don’t want you,” he whispered. “It just means I know you’re sick and I respect that now isn’t the right time to perv at you.”
“There’s a right time to perv at someone?”
“Course there is,” he said with clear humor in his voice. “Now, let’s get you into the bath.” He leaned around her to turn off the taps before picking her up and placing her in the hot water. He’d added bubble bath, so the bubbles covered her. Actually, they were almost suffocating her, and some spilled over the side of the bath.
“Hmm, think that might have been too much bubble bath.” He looked troubled by that, as though he didn’t like getting it wrong.
She giggled as bubbles covered her chin and cheeks, then smiled up at him. “I think it’s just the right amount of bubbles.”
“Oh, look, I’m dating Santa Claus,” he joked.
“Ho, ho, ho.”
“Or is it Rudolph?” He tapped her nose.
She wrinkled it. Not nice. It wasn’t her fault her nose was glowing.
Grabbing a cloth, he put some shower gel on it before he started washing her arm.
“Um, I can do that myself.”
“I assumed so since I’ve never thought of you as dirty or smelly.”
“So, um, you don’t have to do it now,” she explained.
“But I’m going to.” He moved to her other arm to wash it. “Oh, by the way. That’s five.” This time, he held up his entire hand, fingers splayed..
She gaped at him. “What for?”
“Well, if I go back over it in detail, I think you’re going to end up with more punishments, and I don’t think you want that. But basically, there was a lot of talking bad about yourself. Unacceptable. And against the rules.”
“What rule?”
“The rule about putting yourself down.”
“Wait. I have a rule about that?”
“You do now.”
“Well, should I be punished when I didn’t know the rule?”
Hello loophole.
“Do you think it’s acceptable to talk down about yourself whether it’s a rule or not?” he asked.
Loophole closed.
“Darn it. You speak too much sense. Who thought you’d be such a strict Daddy?”
He narrowed his gaze at her. “You really thought I’d be indulgent and let you speak badly about yourself?”
Hmm. Maybe not.
He washed her legs before moving to her tummy and breasts. Under other circumstances, she might have found this a turn-on, but she was starting to feel miserable again. Her eyes were kind of itchy and she needed to blow her nose.
“I need a tissue,” she said.
“I’ll get you one.” Standing, he dried his hands before he grabbed a tissue. Then he crouched and held it to her nose. She was too tired to protest his help.
Besides, her hands were wet, and nobody liked a soggy tissue.
After blowing her nose, she felt some relief. She could breathe easier.
He continued to wash her, the cloth moving down to her pussy.
“Part your legs,” he said in a soft, husky voice.
She moved her legs apart, and he gave her a surprised look.
“I figure if you haven’t been put off already, then washing my pussy isn’t going to do it.”
Okay. She could not believe she’d just said that. It had to be the cold talking.
He held up the hand holding the washcloth and then his other, his thumb extended.
What?
“Why?”
“Talking badly about yourself.”
Darn it. “This is going to take some getting used to. Can’t I have like an earn five get one free?”
“So, you earn five punishments and then you get an extra for free?” he asked as he finished cleaning her. Grabbing a clean cloth, he had her sit forward so he could wash her back.
“No, that’s not what I meant!” She coughed.
“Calm down,” he ordered in a low voice.
“I mean, if I got five, the sixth would be wiped.”
“Ahh. Yeah, that’s not happening.”
Rats. Maybe his memory would slip, and he’d forget one or two.
“I need to start writing these in your notebook.”
“I don’t have a notebook,” she told him.
He gently helped her lie back. “You do now.”
With a sigh, she closed her eyes.
“You doing okay?”
“Yeah. Just wanna lie here for a moment. Is that okay?”
“Of course it is, Bumblebee. I’ve got some things to set up in the other room. Promise you won’t fall asleep?”
“I won’t. Wish I could wash my hair, though.” Unfortunately, she didn’t have the energy. And it would be better to do it in the shower. All of these bubbles weren’t going to do her hair any good.
“Leave it for now. We’ll sort that out later.”
She nodded tiredly.
Sounded like a good idea to her.