Chapter 21 #2
I turned and started to make my way back towards Evan’s half-open bedroom door.
‘Daisy. Wait.’
I turned. ‘Yes? What is it?’
Evan studied me. A myriad of emotions crossed his face. ‘What’s going on here? Between us, I mean?’
My heart spun. Had I heard him properly? ‘I… I…’
He took a couple more strides towards me. Outside, I could hear an owl hooting through the trees in the darkness.
‘You know what I’m talking about, don’t you?’ He let out an agonised sigh. ‘We can’t keep dodging it; pretending it’s not there. That there’s no attraction between us.’
I could feel myself sinking into deep water. I was struggling to keep myself afloat. My feelings were drifting away from me, and as for my commonsense, well, it was as if that had already sailed off towards the horizon, and I’d waved it goodbye.
‘And yes, I did deliberately drive up to the woodland that day when Dane took you out.’
‘Why?’ I asked in a hushed voice.
‘Why do you think?’
My heart thumped harder. My thoughts drifted to Sacha. ‘And where does Sacha fit into all this?’
Evan studied me. ‘What about her?’ A teasing smile hinted at his lips. ‘Wait. Are you jealous?’
‘Don’t be so ridiculous!’ I scrambled for something to say. ‘It’s nothing to do with me if you’re seeing her or not.’
Evan gave me a steady look. ‘Then why mention her if you’re not bothered?’
I moved to speak, but Evan cut in. ‘Oh, and I’m not, by the way. Seeing her, I mean.’
I hated this. I didn’t feel like I was in control of my thoughts whenever Evan was around. Or in control of anything else, for that matter. His words pinged in my head. ‘But the other day,’ I struggled. ‘When you went out, all dressed up.’
Evan screwed up his eyes in thought. His face cleared.
‘I wasn’t going out with Sacha. I was off to meet up with one of my old journalism lecturers, Martin Campbell.
I wanted his advice on a piece about dementia that I’m pitching to one of the national newspapers.
’ Evan eyed me. ‘I’ve kept in touch with him ever since I graduated. ’
Shame gripped me. Why did this man have the ability to turn me into a green-eyed, emotional goblin?
‘I insisted on taking Martin and his wife Polly out for dinner, as it was his sixty-fifth birthday last week.’
I’d assumed wrong. I wanted to disappear into the floor. ‘Right. I see. But, like I said, none of my business.’
I was still in his bedroom. It was like I was juggling fire. His expression was focused; intense. It was like there was nothing else in the world right now except for me. I was fighting not to mention Sacha again, but I couldn’t help it. ‘But the gig? Dane’s gig? You left with her.’
Without saying a word, Evan took a couple more deliberate steps closer. I could make out the brush of his dark stubble. ‘I’m surprised you noticed. You seemed too preoccupied with my baby brother to see what I was doing.’
I let out a shaky laugh. ‘Now who sounds jealous?’
When Evan didn’t respond, I wrapped my arms around myself as though it might offer some protection.
Finally, he spoke. ‘Yes, ok. I did leave the gig with Sacha, but not for the reasons you might think.’
I trained my attention everywhere in his room but at him. From his open, whirring laptop to the long, swishy drapes at his bedroom window, and then to the Brentford FC mug sat on his writing desk. It was half-filled with cold coffee.
This was excruciating. It was like I had this wound, and I couldn’t stop myself from prodding it and aggravating it. Part of me wished that Evan, in his sharp, sophisticated suit, had never interfered that day with my exchanges with Fox so I wouldn’t be in this situation right now.
Evan’s rumbly voice dragged me back. ‘If you must know, Sacha told me that night that she had an interesting lead on a story which she wanted to run past me, but as soon as we left the pub, she confessed she’d lied and there was no story.’
I had my suspicions about her motives but still asked the question. ‘Why?’
‘She admitted that she’d used it as a ruse. She wanted to give our relationship another go.’
I swallowed a weird-shaped lump back in my throat. ‘Oh, I see.’
‘No, Daisy. You don’t see.’ Evan moved even closer to me. I couldn’t help but notice the sweep of his nose and the way his full lips were parted ever-so-slightly. ‘She said she’d quit her job at the local radio station and move down to London to be with me.’
Something was trapping the breath in my chest. My emotions were a snake coiled around me in a vice-like grip. ‘And what did you say?’
Evan shrugged. ‘I told her the truth. We split up two years ago, and I’ve moved on.’ He considered what he was going to say next. ‘Yes, I was in love with her, and I was heartbroken when we parted ways, but all that’s in the past now.’ His eyes levelled with mine. ‘She’s in my past.’
My skittering emotions were like marbles dropped all over the floor.
I’d promised myself that I could handle Evan.
My acting career would be my sole focus.
I didn’t need to be left with my heart shattered into a million pieces again, desperately trying to patch it up.
Securing the acting roles I wanted was my only aim in life.
I almost laughed as I turned all this over and over in my addled head.
And how is that working out for you, Daisy?
I couldn’t prevent the next question from flying out of my mouth at a rate of knots. ‘Do you mind if I ask what happened between you and Sacha? Why did you break up?’
Evan’s mouth hardened. ‘Dane.’
I gasped. ‘Dane? Sacha didn’t sleep with him, did she?’
‘No, but it looked like it could’ve headed that way. There were lots of flirty smiles and banter between the two of them. She changed whenever she was around him.’
‘In what way?’ I asked, puzzled as to how any woman would be tempted to cheat on someone like Evan. Yes, Dane was attractive, but he didn’t have his older brother’s presence or witty personality.
Evan flipped back his hair. ‘Oh, she’d suddenly turn showy and loud whenever he was around, which wasn’t her at all. I think she thought she was impressing him.’ He smiled. ‘I think, compared to my rocker younger brother, Sacha came to the conclusion that I was rather boring.’
‘You’re not boring!’ I erupted. ‘Far from it. I’m sorry to say this about Dane, but he does come across as rather self-absorbed.’
Evan flashed his white teeth. I noticed he had pronounced canines, which added to his wolfish exterior.
‘There’s no “comes across” about it. He is self-absorbed.
I love him. He’s my brother. But he can be a right feckless knob a lot of the time.
’ He gave a resigned shrug. ‘I think Sacha sees that now. She realises she made a right mess of everything, and that’s why she wanted us to start over. ’
Along the upstairs landing, I could hear my grandpa fiddling around in his bedroom with the digital radio.
‘And is that why you broke up? Because of her attraction to Dane?’
‘It was one of the reasons, yes, but mainly because she was so ambitious. She got shortlisted for a news desk post at one of the tabloids in London and was all set to drop everything; drop me; forget our future together if she got the job.’ He let out a small laugh.
‘She got interviewed for it and was convinced the position was hers. Told me that she hoped I’d understand that she had to move on. ’
‘But she didn’t get the job.’
‘Nope. By that time I realised all the genuine love and affection was on my side – or at least had been. Kind of ironic that she’s now saying she’d follow me to London to be with me after all that.’
Evan gazed down at me, a knowing look in his eyes as the sunshine slid down the staircase ahead of us. ‘Is that why you’ve been dancing around me, Daisy? Why you’ve been so prickly? Because you thought I was involved with Sacha?’
‘I haven’t been prickly,’ I managed, imprinting his gorgeous features onto my mind.
Evan cocked his head to one side.
‘Yes. Ok. Maybe a little.’
The only sound thrumming in my ears was my rattling heart.
‘That day when I carried you upstairs,’ he began.
‘I’ve got to be honest. I didn’t want to let you go.
’ Evan’s eyes were like melting, dark chocolate.
‘I’m sick of trying to hide my feelings for you.
That first day at the cream tea, I thought you were the loveliest, most feisty and most principled woman I’d ever laid eyes on. ’
What? Wait. Did I just imagine him saying that?
My stomach was a sea of knots. I sucked in some air. What now? What should I do? What did I want to do?
Downstairs, I could hear feet clipping on the tiles as Louise bustled around. Upstairs and just a matter of feet away, behind his closed bedroom door, Grandpa was humming along to Andy Williams.
Without waiting for my reply, Evan lifted one finger and tilted my chin up so I was staring into his face.
I knew I was ignoring my own advice. I was discarding everything I’d promised myself I wouldn’t do: that I wouldn’t fall for someone else. That I wouldn’t put myself out there to be hurt again. That I’d protect myself; protect my heart.
But right now, in this glorious stately home with its creaking floorboards, gilt-framed portraits and shimmering woodland, I knew what I wanted right now without any shadow of a doubt.
I wanted Evan.
I didn’t make any attempt to move away as Evan glided one finger down the side of my face.
The wait for him to kiss me was agonising.
Every movement seemed considered and deliberate.
It was as if he knew I was burning up inside with anticipation.
His lips moved closer to mine. I wanted to snatch his face and taste him over and over.
‘Don’t keep trying to deny you feel the same way, Daisy. I can see it in your eyes whenever you look at me.’ His hand caressed my hair.
‘Evan,’ I stumbled.
But I didn’t say anything else. When our lips gently met, my legs performed a little tremble of anticipation.
His kisses were soft at first, like butterfly wings, searching me out and savouring me for the first time. But after a few more moments, our mouths wanted more.
Our kisses became greedier, with a growing ferocity. Urgency tore through us as Evan slid his hand up to my hair and laced his fingers in it.
I caressed his back as we pushed ourselves against each other.
I could feel his muscles and sinews; the cuts and angles of him from every glorious direction.
Our bodies moulded together as though they were one.
Every contour of each of us, fitted together in perfect harmony.
This was exhilarating. Leon had never made me feel like my world was tipping on its axis.
I’d loved him. I’d been in love with him.
But this rampaging feeling of wanting someone so badly was running amok in my chest. It was out of control.
I’d never experienced this passionate urgency before.
I’d never known a kiss or feeling like it. Everything was slipping away, twisting and dancing around me, and I couldn’t get a grasp on reality.
A growl escaped from the base of Evan’s throat. Our kisses were harder and more insistent.
‘Evan? Son? You around at the moment?’ Bennett’s voice shot up from the great hall, tearing us apart.
‘Oh, for Christ’s sake!’ groaned Evan against my mouth.
I stifled a laugh.
Evan smoothed his T-shirt. ‘What is it, Dad? I’m upstairs.’
‘What are you up to?’
‘None of your business,’ murmured Evan, reaching for me and planting another kiss on my tingling lips. I grinned against his mouth.
‘It’s just, I’m having problems with that bloody PC again. Could you come and take a quick look for your old man please?’
Evan contorted his face, which made me laugh. ‘Dad, can’t you switch it off and switch it back on again?’
Bennett’s reply was brimming with frustration. ‘I’ve already done that, and it didn’t make any difference. The screen keeps freezing.’
Evan slid his arm around my waist and groaned into my hair. ‘My father has immaculate timing.’
I reached up and delivered a slow, sensual kiss to Evan’s mouth. Then I tapped the end of his nose. ‘Go. He sounds desperate.’
Evan gave me a long look that caused my stomach to somersault like a circus act. ‘He’s not the only one.’
I playfully raised my hand and ushered him away. ‘I’m sure you can contain yourself for now. Now go, please, and help your dad.’
‘Ok. Ok. I’m going. But I promise you, Ms Madden, we will be continuing from where we left off, later.’ He gave me a lingering look. ‘Sacha made me wary of wanting to get involved with anyone again, and then you came along and turned my well-ordered world upside down.’
Me with Leon. Evan with Sacha. We both had relationship ghosts from our past who had been haunting us; holding us back from moving on. They’d made us apprehensive in case we made the same mistake again; loving someone who didn’t deserve our love.
But now, both of us had been brave and taken that step towards the future.
Evan darted back, seized my face in his hands again and planted another passionate kiss on my lips before leaving.
I returned to my room, closed the door behind me and almost slid down against the wall in delirium.