November 16 #2
If he wanted to kiss her, he would have done it already. They’d been stuck together for two solid days and he didn’t do anything. It was a simple fact that he just didn’t want to. So what the hell did that look mean?
Maybe she should just ask him. Clear the air and just ask him. He was always honest, so why should she suffer with so many unanswered questions?
“What do you wanna ask me, Jazz?”
His voice yanked her out of her inner ramblings. “What?”
“Your face is an open book and right now I can see that you have a million questions racing through your mind, so what do you wanna ask me?”
No time like the present. “Do you…want to…” It wasn’t easy to phrase it and she eventually just blurted it out. “Am I kissable? I mean…would you kiss me?”
“I have kissed you.”
“No. Not like that. Not as a joke…For real.”
“Who said that kiss was a joke?”
“Stop fucking with me, Kevin,” she said, barely holding back her exasperation. “I’m being serious.”
His eyes flicked across the room, probably looking for a way out of this conversation.
“That’s…um…that’s a bit of a loaded question,” he began awkwardly.
“Are you asking if I would kiss you…hypothetically? Like if we had to meet at a party and we got to know each other a little…would I kiss you? Or are you asking…if I would kiss you…right now?”
Those options made her nervous, because no matter what her answer was, there would be consequences. Either he’d reject her or he might actually kiss her. She didn’t know which one she feared more. “Uh…both, I guess.”
“Well, for the first one, no.” He said it quickly, not bothering to sugarcoat it. “You’re not my usual type. I probably wouldn’t give you a second glance at a party.”
“Really?” Her shoulders slumped. Rejection was a really tough pill to swallow, but she reminded herself that she wanted the honesty. “Is it because I’m not pretty?”
“You’re beautiful, Jasmin.”
The offhanded way he said it made it seem like it wasn’t a compliment, so she didn’t take it as one. “So I’m just not someone you’d be attracted to?”
“I didn’t say that. I said you’re not my usual type.”
What the hell did that mean? Was he or was he not attracted to her? She needed to do some research and find out if there was a book out there on how to understand men. “What is your usual type?”
“Not you. You’re so…closed up. Your clothes are four sizes too big. You’re all boundaries and layers, completely inaccessible. You won’t even show your arms, for fuck sakes.”
“Are you…are you saying that I don’t dress…slutty enough?”
He cringed. “We talked about that word. And that’s not what I’m saying. It’s not about the clothes you wear. You wear your insecurities openly for everyone to see. And you become ten times worse when you’re in a dress.”
“That’s not true!”
“It is,” he fired back without hesitation.
“You don’t wear sweatpants because they’re comfortable.
You do it to hide your body. I can’t speak for all guys, but confidence is the number one thing that attracts me to a girl.
You’re skinny and small…and short, but even if you’re built like a twelve-year old boy, you should own that.
If you love that about yourself…it would still be sexy. You get what I’m saying?”
Well, at least she could always count on Kevin for a harsh dose of reality. She was still trying to absorb all that when his eyes locked on hers.
“Will you come here for a second?”
She scooted towards him on her backside and he shifted on the bed until they were sitting cross-legged, knee to knee.
“There’s nothing wrong with the way you are,” he said. “You have guys like Dean hitting on you even when you’re dressed like Justin Bieber on a fat day. I’m not saying you should change. Just loosen up a bit and try to be comfortable in your own skin. Let your hair down once in a while…literally.”
He slowly leaned forward and he seemed apprehensive as both his arms went around her. Gently, he tugged the band off her hair and undid the braid, allowing the thick mass to fall over her shoulders. Feeling his breath tickle her ear made those girly tingles go berserk.
“See?” he said, shifting back again. “It doesn’t take much at all.”
He smiled, and if the girly tingles weren’t bad enough, she had to endure girly bashfulness. Her face got so hot, she knew it would be impossible to hide the fact that she was blushing. Yep, she definitely preferred his asshole side. His asshole side wasn’t worthy of a blush.
“What…” She paused, petrified to ask. “What about the second question?”
He froze, staring at her for a good minute or so. He seemed to be mulling the idea over in his head and again, she braced herself for rejection.
“You’re asking…if I’d kiss you right now?” If it was possible, he sounded more anxious than she was.
“Yes.”
Another long, internal debate ensued. “I could…” Yet even as he said that, he looked uncertain about his answer.
“I could…definitely kiss you right now.” There was nothing after that.
He didn’t lean forward, nor did he make any move to touch her.
He just sat there simmering in his uncertainty until he finally made a decision. “Do you want me to?”
She could only manage a nod, because her constricted throat wouldn’t allow a sound to get out.
Whether it was verbal or not, he always asked for permission before he touched her, and he only shifted forward after he got it.
His hand went up to her face, gently brushing her hair off her cheek.
Leaning closer, his fingers moved behind her neck while his thumb caressed her jaw.
God, he smelled good. His cologne caused a riot inside her.
He leaned even closer and she doubted whether she was still breathing.
The increase in her heart rate was indicative of a lack of oxygen.
His lips were mere millimeters from hers when she finally found her voice.
“Kevin,” she whispered, “I’ve never done this before.”
“I figured.”
“I just…I just wanted you to know that going in…you know, expectation management. I’m gonna be really bad at this. I know you’ve probably…been with a lot of other girls and—”
His head dipped closer and she didn’t know if the light brush she felt on her lips was his breath or his mouth. “I’m not thinking about other girls right now.”
“That’s good…that’s really good to know. Just in case you were wondering, I’m not thinking about other guys either…Not that I know a lot of guys.”
“Are you gonna stop talking any time soon?”
“I’m sorry…I’m just…I’m just so nervous.”
His head shifted a little to her right. “Take your time.”
A soft kiss was placed on her cheek and then another on her jawbone. It really didn’t do much to settle her. In fact, it made it worse. It was a genuine struggle to take in air.
“I think…my serotonin level just dropped…and my dopamine levels are through the roof…which is causing me to feel…this exhilaration…and anxiety.”
He brushed her hair off her shoulder and then his lips were slowly trailing down her neck, leaving soft, moist kisses along the path. “I don’t need a biology lesson,” he whispered.
“My heart is racing…and my palms are all sweaty. I think I need some water. God, my throat feels so dry…and I’m tingling all over.”
His warm mouth traveled lower down her neck, his rough jaw scraping against her sensitive skin. “And I really don’t need a play-by-play of everything that’s happening in your body.”
“I think I just need to breathe,” she said, exhaling in a steady rhythm.
“That always helps when I’m anxious. And you’re so hot…
it makes me feel very flustered and—” She had to stop when she felt his tongue tracing light circles at the base of her neck.
Her eyes shut and she was pretty sure she stopped breathing again.
“Oh, my God…That feels so good. I can’t believe this is actually happening. I can’t believe—”
He lifted his head from her neck and silenced her with his thumb. Once she was quiet, he slowly dragged it off her lips. “I’m gonna kiss you now.”
He didn’t waste another second. He pressed his mouth against hers and even though she could sense his impatience, he didn’t rush at all, allowing her time to adjust. His kiss was firm, yet soft, and he massaged her lips with his before she felt the subtle moistness of his tongue.
He gently nipped her lower lip between his teeth, toying with it before he pulled away.
It ended sort of abruptly, leaving her longing for more. “Is…is that it?”
His dimples sank in as a broad smile stretched across his face. “Are you dissing my kissing skills?”
“No…no, that was really, really nice. I was…I was just expecting more.”
“There’s more.” He shifted forward again. “Okay. Open your mouth.”
She immediately let her mouth drop open.
A hearty laugh burst out of him and she closed her mouth as quickly as she’d opened it. Embarrassment would have been her primary emotion at that moment had she not been swooning over his laugh.
“Uh…no. Not like that,” he said, still chuckling with amusement. “Forget I said that.” He cupped her face with both hands, tilting his head towards her. “Okay. When you feel my tongue…open your mouth.”
He kissed her again, massaging her mouth in the same way as before and when she felt the tip of his tongue tracing the seam of her lips, she parted them for him.
“A little more,” he coaxed and she opened her mouth a little wider.
His tongue slipped into her mouth and she moaned, tingles erupting throughout her body.
She didn’t mean for it to happen, but the sensation was completely unexpected.
She’d always imagined kissing to be wet and sloppy and possibly a little gross.
This was nothing like she’d imagined. It was soft and moist and warm and wonderful.
He pulled both her arms around his neck. “Kiss me back,” he whispered against her lips.