November 25
Amarillo, Texas
Kevin woke up in an empty bed. He’d never woken up with Jasmin in the room because she always snuck out at the crack of dawn to workout.
Today was no different, but the sound of running water told him that she was already back and in the shower.
He moved to sit on the edge of the bed and dropped his head into his hands.
Last night they went past the point of no return.
This was exactly the type of complications he’d been trying to avoid.
He didn’t know what the next step should be, which path he should choose.
He’d never been that vulnerable around anyone before.
Perry’s death was a loss he’d carried by himself for three months.
He’d told her the things that hurt him to the depths of his soul and now he felt completely exposed.
His first instinct was to close up and shield himself from her.
But he didn’t know if he could do that again.
He cared about her too much, and if anything, last night had solidified that even more.
He still had his doubts. The guilt and pain hadn’t eased because of one night, but it felt so good to let it go for a while.
Just a little. Just so that he didn’t feel it every single second.
Being around Jasmin did that. She didn’t take it away, but she made him forget.
He just had to keep reminding himself that this was temporary.
It would end soon and he would go back to being miserable, but until then there was no reason to keep hurting her.
She walked out of the bathroom and completely avoided eye contact when she saw him. She was feeling as vulnerable as he was. They were definitely in this together.
“So I was thinking that we could have breakfast at the Little Texan,” she began nervously, “and if we get on the road early enough, we could still do some sightseeing in Oklahoma. It won’t be too dark by the time we get there and…”
She was rambling on about nonsense and he realized that she was giving him a choice to opt out, treat it like a one-night stand if he wanted. But that wasn’t what he wanted.
“Are we gonna pretend last night didn’t happen?” he cut in.
She froze for a moment. “Last night was sort of…unexpected and I’m not sure what to make of it. We were both in a weird place and…that’s not us. We don’t like…emotions and we don’t cry. We’re them big dick motherfuckers…well, at least I am. Yours is just kinda…average.”
He chuckled, shaking his head. He’d missed this. “That joke’s a little offensive now that you’ve…actually seen it.”
She gave half a smile, her eyes darting to his boxers, and when she noticed that he caught her doing it, she flushed and immediately looked away. “My point is that if it was about comfort for you—”
“It wasn’t.”
“Or…if you maybe got caught up in the moment…and one thing led to another…If you regret it…or if you didn’t really want to do it…”
It was that stupid pity make-out comment that had her bouncing through these various levels of insecurity.
He fought the shame and forced his eyes up to meet hers.
“Jasmin, last night was hard for me, but I don’t regret anything that happened.
Being with you…I couldn’t possibly regret it.
And I want you to know that I’ve never wanted anything… or anyone more in my entire life.”
That was all she needed to hear. She smiled and visibly relaxed. “So…how…how was it?”
It was natural for her to want reassurance after her first time, but he couldn’t understand why she needed it. He thought the answer was pretty obvious. “It was…awkward…and amazing. How was it for you?”
“Awful,” she replied instantly. “Absolutely terrible.”
“I guess I misread those orgasms…or the sexy way you whispered my name every time I made you come.”
Just remembering it had his cock stiffening beneath his boxers. She saw it. It was impossible not to. A blush rose to her cheeks, not pink, not red, crimson and he had to hold back a smile when she couldn’t keep eye contact anymore.
“I told you I didn’t want my first time to be special and then you had to go and make it…incredible and…beautiful. You should be ashamed of yourself.”
“I’m a despicable human being.” He stood up and she became nervous again as he walked towards her.
“But we were in a weird place yesterday, so…I guess I forgive you.”
“Thank you. I feel better already.”
“Maybe…maybe there’s a way we could rectify this…horrid event.”
He grabbed the front of her sweater and tugged her towards him. “I’m listening.”
“If you want…we could…we could do it again.”
“Fuck, yes.”
He didn’t need to be asked twice. His mouth claimed hers, raw and hungry.
He gripped the edge of her sweater and yanked it off.
She was still nervous and he was really trying to restrain himself, but it was incredibly difficult now that her tits were exposed, the lacy cups of her bra barely leaving much to the imagination.
Using his body weight, he shoved her onto the bed.
He tugged off her bra strap and felt her body stiffen as his mouth moved down to her collarbone.
“Kevin…”
He shut his eyes and groaned inwardly. That wasn’t a moan. He was moving too fast again. Being with someone with no experience wasn’t easy and he needed to learn how to pace himself. He could tell by her tone that she was going to start talking.
“Yes, Jasmin,” he said, keeping his mouth against her shoulder.
“I’m a little nervous.”
“I know.”
“I just wanna slow down a bit. You’re excited…and that’s a good thing. I wouldn’t want you to be…not excited. I think my body just needs a little more time to get to that level of…excitement…and then…it could be…exciting for both of us.”
“Okay. But going forward, maybe we should put the word excite and all its variations in the box.”
“Is this awkward for you too?”
“It is now.”
“I was thinking…maybe we should play around with some dirty talk…to ease the tension.”
He was glad that she still couldn’t see his face because he cringed just hearing that. “You’re actually making awkward sex…more awkward. Dirty talk shouldn’t be planned. And you already know this about me. I prefer not talking at all.”
“I’ve done some research on it and if we want this time to be…a little rough and nasty…I really think it will help set the mood.”
That was the worst idea ever, but she was new at this and he didn’t want to discourage her, so he lifted his head to look down at her. “Okay,” he said, feeling a little apprehensive. It was the word research that threw him off. “What did you have in mind?”
“Well…how do you feel about the word…cunnilingus?”
“I feel like it shouldn’t exist.”
“Okay.” She searched her mind for another one. “What if I said…I wanna milk your cock?”
His eyebrows creased. “Am I a cow?”
“That one doesn’t work for you either, huh? Uh…oh, this one is good. I want you to fuck me…with your penis.”
That one cracked him up. Laughter rolled out of him and he dropped over onto his back beside her. Clasping his hands over his forehead, he gritted his teeth, not knowing whether he was frustrated or amused.
“Where did you read that shit?” he asked, lifting his hands to look at her.
“Flaccid dick dot com?” He let out a deep breath as his laughter subsided, simultaneously trying to let go of his pent-up sexual energy.
“Maybe we should try this again later. I only have one condom left anyway, so we’ll buy more after breakfast and then maybe… by tonight, you won’t be so nervous.”
She pulled her bra strap back on and sat up. “Do we…need condoms? I mean…I’m on the pill…and you’re…”
He knew what her question was without her asking it. His last test was four months ago and he hadn’t been with anyone since then. “I’m good…All good on my side.”
“So…do we need it?”
He’d never had unprotected sex before and he was a little skeptical about it, because the thought of it felt very intimate. Then again, Jasmin was a lot of firsts for him too. “I guess not.”
She smiled and took his hand. “I’m sorry I ruined the mood.”
“It’s okay. I don’t want to rush you into anything. Sometimes I just get a little ahead of myself.” He turned his head to give her his full attention. “Why are you so nervous around me?”
“I don’t know,” she replied with a shrug. “I guess these last few days were very confusing for me. You were so cold…and then last night you changed. I don’t really understand what happened.”
“Nothing changed,” he said, gently squeezing her hand. “This is still a bad idea. Every thought racing through my head is telling me that I should stay away from you, but…you make it so hard to listen.”
A smile stretched across her face. “I can definitely relate to that.”
She leaned down to kiss him, but chickened out at the last second.
Lifting his hand to her face, he brought her down the rest of the way and kissed her.
The feel of her lips was something he could never get tired of—fleshy, alluring softness.
His tongue played with hers, drawing her in until her reservations melted away.
Very slowly this time, he moved his other hand up to cup her breasts, his thumb massaging her nipple over her bra.
She gasped, but didn’t pull away and he took that as a sign that he could go a little further.
“Climb on top of me,” he whispered.
Her eyes widened. “What?”
“Strip down and climb on top of me.”
She thought about it for a few seconds before she stood up, and she was hesitant as she slowly kicked off her sneakers. As she shimmied out of her sweatpants, his eyes were drawn down from her toned stomach to the sexy tattoo on her hip. She was about to climb back onto the bed when he stopped her.
“All of it.”