Chapter Fifteen #3
She whipped back the covers and glared at him with red-rimmed eyes.
“Are you that great of a fool?” She shook a finger at him.
“I want this baby more than anything. But I have so much to do already. So much to learn. Redecorating Ambrose’s rooms. Learning how to run the household.
Missing my best friend, who betrayed me.
Being a wife who cannot sleep with her husband because of that bloody war that scarred him.
Entertaining and settling in as a married woman of the ton, and straightening out the donation dilemma to my charities.
And now, setting up a nursery. I cannot stomach any additional obstacles to conquer! I simply cannot!”
His shattered heart immediately healed and leapt with happiness. He caught hold of her hands and pulled her into his arms. “I will help you, my love. I will help you with everything.”
“Let me go. I smell worse than one of Gracie’s dogs after it’s rolled in something nasty.
I’ve not washed since yesterday morning and perspired buckets because of Flora and her superstition about those infernal windows and fresh air.
” She pushed away and backed up against the headboard.
“I do not know any more about being a mother than I know about running a household. This poor child is being saddled with a complete fool.”
“Now that is just ridiculous. You are wonderful with children. Your sister’s newborn twins adored you. You were the only one who could appease them when they cried. We will have nannies and nurses to help. I am sure your sisters will help, and I will help too.”
“What do you know about caring for babies?”
“I will learn.” At least he would try. He hoped he sounded braver than he felt.
“And I can help with all those other matters you are worried about—at least, most of them I can help with. Ambrose’s rooms will not be an issue.
I shall turn that over to a decorator. The same with the nursery and the nanny’s rooms. Of course, everything must be approved by you.
I cannot help you with Aurelia, but I am not opposed to your writing to her if you wish.
See if she has learned her lesson yet. And we will figure out your charities.
” He made a show of squinting and tapping his chin.
“And what else worried you? Ah, yes…not being able to sleep with your husband.”
“I know there is nothing you can do about that. I am sorry I said it.” She held her head and slightly weaved back and forth as if about to retch again. “I should not have mentioned it. That was rude of me.”
“Denby is helping me try something that he swears will help. Just give me a little more time, my love. Soon, very soon, we shall unite our bedrooms into one.”
She peered at him through her fingers, her expression dubious. “Suddenly, you are cured from a condition you have endured since the war?”
“No, not yet, but I am working on it.”
“I see.” She shuddered with a heavy sigh, her head still in her hands.
“I wonder if Mama felt this way when she realized that Chance had taken root?” Shoulders quivering, she unleashed a keening wail.
“I need my mother. Why did she have to die? And why am I constantly on the verge of tears about it even though it was over four years ago?”
Carefully nudging the chamber pot out of the way with his toe, Jansen scooted closer.
“Life can be unfair, my love. If crying helps, then sob to your heart’s content.
” Gads alive. What else could he say? He had never seen a woman so inconsolable.
“Shall I send for Lady Blessing or Lady Fortuity? Might they help you with any questions?”
She snatched up her pillow, curled herself around it, and lay on her side. “I do not know. All I know for certain is I am currently very miserable.”
He rose. “I shall send for them both.”
“No! Do not leave me.”
He seated himself once more, thankful that she had changed her mind about banishing him from her life. “I am right here, my love. Nothing could pry me away from you.”
“Then how are you going to send for my sisters?”
“I shall ring for Flora and have her tell Mrs. Copper. She will take care of it.” He stretched and yanked on the rope beside the bed. Twice. Hard.
“Are you going to retch?” Joy asked as she wiped her nose with a handkerchief.
“No. I do not have any ailment. Why would I retch?”
“Because my aroma rivals that of Lord Smellington.”
“Never, my love. Trust me. If you were that bad, my eyes would be watering.”
“Tell Flora to let me have a bath.”
“I shall tell Flora several things as soon as she decides to grace us with her presence. What the devil is taking her so long?” He yanked on the bellpull twice more.
“She is fetching more tea and some biscuits. If I do not have anything to cast up, the retching is worse.”
“Oh, my darling, I am so very sorry.”
“You should be. You did this to me.”
His heart fell again, but then it rose as she gifted him with a smile.
“But I am glad you did this to me,” she said with a softness that touched his very soul. “Our first child. Already.”
Flora burst into the room with a tray balanced on her hip. She came up short and appeared to panic when she saw Jansen, then noticed the open doors allowing a refreshing breeze and warm rays of sunshine stream into the room.
“’Tis bad luck for the babe. We must keep everything dark and warm.”
“I actually feel better with the fresh air,” Joy said. “Please leave it open.”
“But my lady—”
“Your mistress wishes it open. It stays open,” Jansen said. “And she wants a bath. Prepare one for her immediately. It stands to reason that if the mother feels better, the babe feels better as well. Is that clear?”
Flora bowed her head. “Yes, sir.”
“Now, tell Mrs. Copper to send word to Lady Fortuity and Lady Blessing that Lady Joy needs to see them right away. I shall take care of pouring her tea. You may tend to her bath upon your return.”
The maid stared at him as if she hadn’t quite understood all that he had said.
“Flora—did you understand my requests?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Then do it,” he urged with quiet steeliness.
Flora twitched as if waking from a dream, curtsied, and hurried out.
“How do you like your tea, my love?” he asked Joy.
“A great deal more honey than is wise and lots of lemon as well. No milk.” She nibbled on the edge of a biscuit, wrinkling her nose at the taste. She returned it to the plate.
“Shall I fetch you a toasted crust of bread?” He handed her the teacup, then poured and prepared just as she had requested.
With a thoughtfulness that gave him hope she was calming, she sipped her tea. “A toasted crust of bread?”
“Aurelia always nibbled on a toasted crust of bread with no butter or jam after having stomach ailments. She said it seemed to calm the upset. I tried it one morning after drinking myself legless the night before, and it helped immensely.”
“I should like to try that, but wait till Flora returns. If you ring for her again, she will think something is sure to be wrong.”
“I can fetch it for you.”
“No.” She took another sip of her tea. “I want to hear how Denby thinks to cure you of your night demons.”
“He has instructed me to relive my nightmare but change the outcome.”
She leaned forward the slightest bit. “He said to do what?”
“Before I go to sleep at night, I am to run the nightmare through my mind but change the outcome to where I am the victor and overcome the demons.” When she didn’t comment, he continued, “After I have done that over and over, the nightmares should either change or go away completely.”
“I see.” But her tone said she thought it a load of rubbish.
“He swears it worked for him.”
“He had night demons, the same as yours?” She finished her tea and held out the cup. “More, please.”
As he prepared it the way he had done before, he nodded. “Yes. Denby was on that battlefield with me. He lived through those horrors just as I did.”
“But it has yet to work for you?”
“I just started trying it. He said it could take some time.”
“I am sure it could.” She accepted the cup, then eyed him while slowly stirring, ever so gently clicking the spoon against the porcelain sides of the vessel.
“I suppose you could say that your believing it would matter as much as anything. Papa always said if we truly believe in something, it will come to be.”
“Denby did stress that believing is most important.” Her willingness to entertain the idea also helped. “If you believe, it will help me; that will help too.”
“Then I most certainly believe,” she said. “Soon, maybe even before the baby comes, we shall share a bedroom, permanently.”
“That is my goal, my love. To fall asleep each night and wake each morning with you in my arms.”
“That would be lovely.” Her look changed to one of shock, and she shoved her tea into his hands. “Chamber pot! And get out!”
He hurried to hand her the spare chamber pot he’d spotted under the bed, then vaulted across the room to the door. “I love you, my angel!”
“Get out!”
Once in the hallway, he leaned back against the door and closed his eyes. A child. Already on the way. The Almighty had truly blessed him beyond belief.
A sense of elation rushed him down the hall. There was much to be done.