9. Judge
CHAPTER NINE
My fingers toy with the next button on my shirt, unsure if I can give her what she wants. I want more. I want to be seen, and I want something real. However, now that I have her right in front of me, asking to see all of me, I’m choking.
“It’s okay. I’ll take whatever you give me,” she says, her voice dripping with desire rather than worry at my obvious distress.
A wave of self-loathing crashes over me as I realize I’m delusional to think this could be something more. She’s just asking for a temporary fix, not a future. As long as I can satisfy her body, she doesn’t care about the turmoil raging inside of me. I’m a fool to believe she would want anything more from someone as damaged as me, but I said I’d give her this, and I won’t be another disappointment in her life.
It’s not like it’s a hardship. This gloriously naked and willing woman wants me. What does it matter if this is all it’ll ever be? I’d kick my own ass if I turned her down now.
I step between her legs and lean over her body, holding myself up on my elbows and coming nose-to-nose with her. Her eyes widen and her arms pull up to her chest, a defensive move so she can push me away if she needs to. I’m sure it’s pure instinct for her these days, and even though she says she trusts me, she must have her limits.
“Breathe with me,” I say, unclenching one of her fists and placing her flattened palm over my heart before placing my own over hers.
“What?” she croaks.
“You heard me. I want you to breathe with me.” I demonstrate a deep inhale and exhale. “In and then out.”
“Judge, I don’t?—”
“Trust me, angel.” I’ve called her many things, from sweetheart to darlin’, but angel feels right in this moment. Abdu’l-Baha says angels are a confirmation of God. Looking down at this woman with a dark past, a damaged soul, and a broken heart still fighting to survive, I’ve never believed in God more.
Her forehead wrinkles, but she mimics my breaths until we’re in sync. I let my affection for her shine through my eyes, even though the only thing reflected back at me is skepticism. Her heart, which was pounding hard when I first laid my hand on her chest, slows until even our heartbeats are synced.
“Good girl.” I run my fingertips along the soft skin of her throat, down between the valley of her breasts, all the way to her belly button and back up again. “Remember not to come until I tell you.”
She nods, and I push off her, sliding to my knees. With one hand, I apply gentle pressure on her lower abdomen while a finger on the other slips between her glistening folds, gliding up and down. The plan for tonight is to go slow and keep her on edge in order to shut down her logical brain, something she desperately needs. Controlling her orgasms is about so much more than building tension. It’s about relinquishing control and learning to trust again.
Glancing up from between her legs, I notice her eyes are closed, and that just won’t do. She needs to see me, needs to see I’m the one making her feel good.
“Eyes on me,” I say. “I want you to watch the way I worship your cunt.”
Her lids flutter open and land on me. She bites her lip, a flush spreading over her face and neck. I know what she did for a living, and I know she’s well-versed in the art of fucking. I also know that most of the girls keep a level of detachment while working, and eye contact can break one of those barriers. To give her what she wants, I need to break down a few walls.
I try to keep my wits about me when I part her pussy lips and get my first taste of her, but fuck if it’s not the hardest thing I’ve ever done. She tastes salty-sweet, and I go nearly feral as I eat her out. I’m constantly checking in with her body as I rotate between fast flicks on her clit to slow, sensual drags of my tongue from hole to hole and back up to nestle my nose in her neat curls. When her abdominal muscles clench, I ease up, and when they loosen, I get back to it.
“Judge, I can’t. I need to come. Please let me come,” she begs, her thighs shaking and her body coiled tightly.
With two fingers, I push into her tight heat and stroke upwards. “I’m having too much fun.”
“Judge,” she shouts, her eyes wild and her hands fisting the bedding at her side. I smile, pleased that I took the time to learn the basics of Tantra and the Kama Sutra during my deep dive into Eastern religion. Bringing spirituality and sexuality together to create intimacy heightens pleasure, and whether she realizes that’s what I’m doing or not, it’s working.
“Now. Come for me, angel.” I latch onto her clit and suck while continuing my ministrations inside her. Her back bows off the mattress as she nearly cuts off circulation to my fingers with how tight she clenches.
“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” she screams so loud, there’s no doubt her neighbors can hear, but I don’t give a shit.
I stare into her unflinching gaze, and it’s like I’m peering into the depths of her soul. It’s a sacred privilege, an otherworldly connection, that fills me with euphoria. As if I’m in the presence of a divine being, every fiber of my body electrifies with raw emotion, and I’m not even the one coming.
It’s over too fast, but I make each second count, feeling her little bundle of nerves swell between my lips and watching her cum drip down my fingers. This is the most awe-inspiring sight I’ve ever witnessed, and I swear to myself that this won’t be the last time. It can’t be. I’ll do whatever it takes to help her through whatever happened tonight, to show her she can trust me. Once I break down her walls, she’ll see how powerful we are together.
Her body relaxes, one muscle group at a time, as I slow my movements, pumping in and out in time with her contractions. When I’m sure she’s felt every last tremor, I release her clit and flatten my tongue to languidly lick up every last drop of her arousal.
I earned it; it’s mine.
“Oh my god, what was that?” She pushes a few strands of hair off her damp brow.
“An orgasm?” I chuckle.
“That wasn’t an orgasm.” Her boneless legs fall open. “I’ve had orgasms before. Lots of them. They don’t feel like that.”
I grin. “I’m just getting started.”
I trail kisses up the soft skin of her trembling inner thigh and higher, pausing to sink my teeth into the flesh over her hip. She gasps in pain, but I ignore it as I continue my journey. I could stop now and let her mind revel in the temporary bliss, but I push on, determined to give her an extended respite from the demons that haunt her.
“Climb up higher on the bed,” I say, pleased when she doesn’t argue. She stops when her head meets the pillows, never taking her curious gaze off me. Kneeling, I climb on after her and settle between her legs. “Damn, these tits are gorgeous.”
I lean over to finally give them the amount of attention they deserve. Licking a circle around a nipple, I then blow, watching as it puckers beautifully before moving on to the next. Her breasts are more than a handful, spilling out from around my hold. The sight makes me groan and my cock weep. It’s as though her body was constructed with me in mind, every inch of her absolute perfection.
I pinch one nipple with my fingers, tugging and twisting to deliver a bite of pain as I suck the other into my mouth, taking long draws. Her hands go to the back of my head, holding me in place as she squirms underneath me, lifting her hips and seeking friction as her arousal builds all over again.
“Do you have a vibrator?” I ask before burying my face between her gorgeous tits. If I suffocate, so be it.
“W-what? No.” She shakes her head. “I mean, I do, but I want you, Judge, so badly. Please.”
“I told you I was just getting started.” Reluctantly, I release her breasts and lean over to the nightstand on the left, which appears to be used more than the other. Opening the drawer, I’m pleased to find a multitude of toys. “Naughty girl.”
“Get out of there. That’s for alone time, not when I have someone in my bed.” She reaches out to cup my hard-as-stone cock that’s not happy to still be restrained behind my boxer briefs and jeans. Her touch feels better than it should, but my pleasure isn’t the priority, so I swallow my own need down.
I grab one of the toys and lower to my haunches, putting myself out of her reach. “What’s this?”
The interesting-looking vibrator is black with a curved main shaft and two smaller ones curving out from the base, one on top and one on the bottom. The shaft on top has a two-pronged tip, and the bottom one looks like a row of tapered, connected beads, the largest bead on the bottom. I’ve never seen anything like it but it’s obvious now how it’s used.
“I like that one,” she says, showing interest now. She twists to reach into the drawer and pulls out a packet of lube. “This is necessary, though.”
I hand her the toy. “I want to watch how you fuck yourself with this while I play with your tits.”
She tosses me a coy smile, still calm and relaxed. For now, the dark clouds that were behind her eyes are gone, and a twinkle of excitement lies in their wake. Using her teeth, she opens the packet and drizzles lube onto the beaded end of the device. It’s not comfortable to bend over and cover her tits with open-mouthed kisses, but if I lie down, I won’t be able to watch her play with herself.
“I think I could come from your mouth on my breasts alone,” she says breathily.
“Maybe next time.” The words are out before I can stop them and I glance over at her, worried any mention of a future will have her retreating, but she doesn’t react, and that fills me with more hope than I have any right to feel. “This time, I want to watch this toy fill your greedy holes.”
“I didn’t peg you as a dirty talker,” she says through a laugh, and fuck, if it isn’t the most beautiful sound. It’s a shame she keeps her joy locked up tight.
“I guess I’m full of surprises.” I grab a throw pillow to put under her ass, wanting to make the anal penetration easier for her, then I push her thighs open and position myself near her left hip so I have a good view but can still access her tits.
With a nipple pinched again between my fingers, I watch as she lowers the vibrator between her legs. She presses a button and the gentle whir of a motor sounds. Wasting no time since she’s already worked up, she pushes the main shaft into her cunt, tilting it up toward her clit. The two wiggly prongs on top make contact with her clit as she slowly tilts it back down the other way. Her little asshole easily takes the first two smaller beads, but she takes her time with the two bigger ones.
My mouth goes fucking dry at the way those beads disappear into her hole. I get the urge to finally let my cock out, the bite of pain as it strains against my zipper feeling good, and for a second, I picture the beads moving in and out of me. My ass clenches, wishing I was the one on my back. Memories of how good it felt to be stimulated that way flash through my mind before I remember how I know how it feels to begin with. There’s something seriously wrong with me for wanting to revisit my abuse.
Myla whimpers, shaking me out of my thoughts, and my face burns with shame while the scars on my back stretch and tighten to the point of pain. Guilt gnaws at my insides like a rabid animal, clawing and tearing until I want to wail in agony. It’s not just thoughts that haunt me though; it’s the desperate craving, the overwhelming desire for something forbidden. Panic sets in as I feel the burning need to flee, to escape to my cabin in the woods where my altar awaits, my leather whip ready to punish me for this twisted need to recreate the pleasure he gave me.
“Judge?” Myla asks, removing the toy.
“What?” I snap.
A look of hurt washes over her, and I immediately soften. I’m such an asshole. This is supposed to be about bringing her out of her darkness, and here I am, bringing my own into it. I stroke a thumb over her cheek, gazing down at her the way I should’ve been the whole time.
“I’m sorry.”
“Where did you go?”
“Nowhere.” I gesture to the toy resting on her inner thigh. “I’m right here with you, watching the way you make yourself come apart. Keep going.”
“Are you sure?” Her brows draw together, tension there that’s the exact opposite of what she should be feeling.
“Fuck yeah.” I dip down to suck on her nipple—partly to try and save this experience, but also so she can’t see the lie on my face. “Show me, angel. Then I’ll make you come on my cock until you’re too exhausted to move.”
“Why are dirty words spoken by a priest so hot?” she mutters, making the vibrator come to life once more.
I’m not a real priest, but I don’t correct her. It doesn’t matter. I’m just glad I didn’t kill the mood completely. Staying lowered to her chest, I leave biting kisses over her breasts, creating a collection of half-moons that bloom over her unmarred skin. I secretly hope I leave marks, staking a claim on her body.
As much as I want to, I don’t look between her legs again, too worried my own desires will have her or me running away. I can’t become one of the many people who have failed her, not even with this.
“Oh, god. I’m coming,” she cries out, her body tensing.
“That’s a good girl.” I draw a nipple into my mouth and pinch the other, adding even more sensation to her orgasm while my excitement grows, knowing it’ll be my cock she comes around next. This orgasm doesn’t last as long and isn’t as powerful as the one from my mouth, but I still carry her through it, making sure she gets every last ounce of pleasure she can.
“Fuck, that was good. My tits are so sensitive,” she gasps out. The toy gets tossed to the side, and then she’s rolling on her belly, her clever hands going for the button on my pants. “Please let me.”
“Are you sure?” I ask, reaching down to palm one of her round ass cheeks.
“Judge, please let me suck your cock.”
How can I argue with that? I lift up on my knees and nearly choke on my own tongue as I watch her eagerly unzip me before reaching into my boxer briefs and freeing my hard dick. The blood that was restricted by the confines of my pants flows freely through my length now, and I groan in pleasure as she takes me in hand.
“Myla,” I whisper as if her name is a plea.
She peers up at me. “You have a beautiful cock.”
Not sure anyone has described it that way before but I choose to take it as a compliment. Her fingers go to the buttons at the bottom of my shirt, and I hold my breath, ready to stop her if she goes too far. Once three buttons are undone, she drops the fabric so the tails fall to either side of my protruding dick. Breathing easy now, I tangle my fingers into her short hair as she scoots close enough to wrap her plump lips around my tip.
It has been a long time since someone has sucked me off, and the warm wetness of her mouth is sublime. My head falls back, and I curse as she fists my base with a firm grip and licks up the sensitive underside. As if I’m her favorite flavor of popsicle, she wraps her lips around me and sucks. The suction of her mouth gently tugs on the thin skin that’s overloaded with nerve endings, and I have to think about folding my laundry to keep from spurting down her throat.
She tucks her teeth away and slowly bobs up and down, holding me deep in her throat for long seconds before pulling out, only to repeat the process. Apparently, she has every intention of working me up bit by bit the way I did to her.
She hums in pleasure, the vibrations spreading through my length and settling in my balls that her other hand is now rolling in her palm and tugging on gently. Never has it felt this good. Even though the last time someone sucked me off is barely a memory, I know it didn’t feel like this, or I never would’ve given it up.
Long minutes are spent tempting and teasing me until I can’t take it and need more. I thrust my hips slightly, encouraging her to go faster. She picks up the pace, her magical tongue flicking side to side as I glide in and out of her mouth. I clench, reeling myself back in.
She gazes up at me with the same intensity I’m giving her as she worships me, and I swear to Christ, something happens between us. It’s a moment, just a second in time, but I feel it.
“Gotta get in that pussy, angel,” I say, pulling out and shifting to her side with my back against the headboard. I hold a hand out to her. “Come sit on my lap. I want you to bounce on my cock with your tits in my face.”
She bites her lip and crawls on all fours over to me, her breasts swaying with the movement. “It’s been so long since I’ve done this for fun.”
I’m assuming she’s talking about her job at the ranch. I don’t like thinking about her fucking other guys, but I’m no saint, so I tuck my ego away and remind myself we all have a past. None of it matters now because I’ll be her future if she wants me. And God, do I hope she wants me.
“Fuck, you’re gorgeous,” I say as she straddles me. Swallowing hard, I run my hands up and down her curves, settling on her hips.
She hovers just over my hard cock that’s resting against my stomach and dips down to kiss my neck. I tip my head back to give her access, and her lips travel from the base of my throat up to the top.
“I’ve wanted to do that for a long time,” she says.
“What?”
She blushes. “I have a thing for your Adam’s apple.”
“Oh yeah?”
“I can’t explain it.” She places her hands on my shoulders, and I find it odd that she’s close to my scars, but there’s no pain.
“You don’t even like me,” I mutter, wrapping my arms around her and placing open-mouthed kisses down her neck and chest. She gasps when I bite down on her collarbone.
“It’s nothing personal,” she grits out as I roll her nipple between my fingers. “I don’t like anyone.”
Her honesty is like a sucker punch to my gut. I know her attitude has everything to do with what she’s going through and nothing to do with me, but I don’t like hearing it, especially not when my cock is inches away from her pretty pussy. If I can get hard when there’s a bloody knife just feet away, surely having her say something I already knew can be ignored too.
“Are you with me?” she asks, reaching between us and gripping my cock that’s gone a little soft with my thoughts.
“Fuck yes.” My head falls back as she rubs my tip through her wet pussy lips.
“Eyes on me.” She grips the back of my neck, forcing me to meet her gaze the way I did with her. I smirk and cup her cheek, stroking my thumb over her lower lip, red and puffy from sucking my cock and from my kisses.
“I already know you’re going to feel better than anyone else ever has,” I say.
With a deep moan, her eyes narrow into razor-thin slits as she slowly lowers herself onto my throbbing cock. The sensation is almost unbearable—the heat and tightness of her pussy sending bolts of ecstasy through my body. As she finally takes me in fully, my mind goes blank with pleasure, but it’s not just the perfection of her pussy that’s driving me wild or the undeniable connection between us. It’s something more basic.
“Myla,” I say, pulling her hips up. “Condom.”