Chapter 13 Making Kimchi
Making Kimchi
Tae
Tae hated confrontation. It was probably why he was stuck in this limbo in his life. He could make the tough decisions if
he had to. He just didn’t want to have to disappoint people with his choices.
And thus, sitting on his sofa, staring at his phone screen at Kari in tears, Tae’s stomach was in knots. They’d been broken
up for months, but because Tae had put off having the kind of closure conversation Kari seemed to need, she couldn’t let it
go. She couldn’t let him go. And it was hurting her.
He wanted to tell her he wasn’t worth the tears.
“Kari, don’t cry, please,” he pleaded.
“I’m sorry, Tae,” Kari said. “I just wish this wasn’t so hard.”
“Me too. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that my life and the choices I’ve had to make have made this hard on you. The last thing I ever
wanted was to hurt you. I swear.”
She let out a sob, and much to Tae’s surprise, tears welled up in his eyes as well.
Knowing that he’d hurt a person he cared about felt like shit.
But he didn’t have the heart to tell her he’d never really been hers to lose.
That the Tae Kim who lived and worked in Chicago, the one she’d been dating, was a shell of his real self.
That he was just going through the motions fueled by societal pressures on what he thought he needed to be.
“I know we weren’t together that long, but for some reason, I just . . . really wanted this to work,” Kari said through her
tears.
“I know, Kari. I’m sorry. But we’re so different, and our lives are going in opposite directions. I don’t think it’s fair
to either of us to try and hold on to something that wasn’t working.” God, he hoped this didn’t sound like some practiced
bullshit, because it was all actually what Tae was feeling.
“So you’re staying in Irvine for sure? You’ve decided,” she asked. Her shoulders slumped as if it had been the final blow.
Thing was, Tae hadn’t officially decided. He knew what he wanted. He just didn’t know if it was a choice he could make. It
was one thing to say he’d be happy, but another to actually have to live a life without a steady paycheck, without full privacy
and independence. But he wouldn’t tell Kari about his doubts.
“Yeah, I’m staying,” he said.
She sobbed harder.
He hoped she could accept this now and move on. Probably wasn’t good timing to let her know that based on his track record,
she’d likely be marrying the next man she dated. But he took heart that maybe it could happen.
Tae was tempted to stay in bed the rest of the day and feel sorry for himself. He’d ruined a relationship and broken a girl’s
heart. It was a pretty shitty day.
Dark. Life felt dark. If he closed his eyes for a little bit here in bed . . . just for a minute . . .
But he promised his mother he’d carry some boxes of cabbage and cucumbers over to the Songs’ house for their monthly kimchi-making
day. So Tae forced himself up, forced himself to put his shoes on, and forced himself to head upstairs and help.
It took him three trips between their houses, and each time he entered the backyard, he marveled at the ladies crouched down in the infamous kimchi squat, rubber gloves on, hunched over large plastic basins filled with vegetables and spicy red chili powder.
It looked like hard labor, kimchi-making, but he had to admit, he was very thankful that they did it so he could eat it all.
“This is the last box, Umma. Do you need anything else?” Tae asked.
“No, but Tae, if you’re not busy, why don’t you sit and make kimchi with us. You will be the first man in the neighborhood
to know how to do this. What an honor,” she said jokingly. Mrs. Song and Grandma Song both laughed along with her.
Tae wasn’t sure if she was serious or not, but he actually was interested in learning how to make kimchi. Some good old-fashioned
manual labor with his hands could be just what he needed right now as a distraction. “Okay, I’d love to.”
“Whaa, our Tae really is a special man,” Mrs. Song said.
Grandma Song grunted in what Tae hoped was agreement.
After only twenty minutes of hunching over, stuffing and coating cabbage leaves with peppers, Tae’s back was killing him,
his hands were tired, and his eyes burned. At this rate he’d never keep up with the ajummas.
A phone rang from inside the house.
“Tae, can you please run and get my cell phone from the kitchen counter and bring it out here? Just answer it on Speaker.
I don’t want to take my gloves off,” Mrs. Song said. Tae wasn’t going to point out that he, too, was wearing gloves. He was
just thankful for the reprieve.
He pulled his gloves off and ran in to get the phone, swiping to answer it. He tapped the Speaker button and held it up toward
Mrs. Song’s ear.
“Julia, I spoke to Michael’s umma, and she said that Michael said that the date went really well. Did you like him? Are you
going to see him again?”
Forget the greetings, Mrs. Song got straight to the point.
“Hi, Mom. My day is going really well, thanks for asking. Yes, my health is fine, and the weather is delightful,” Julia said
sarcastically.
Tae smiled. Julia was such a nut.
“Ya, Julia, I have no time for silly meatless conversations,” Mrs. Song said. Tae smothered a laugh considering Julia was
vegetarian. He wondered if Julia found it funny too.
“Oh, funny you should bring up meat,” Julia said.
“Julia, I don’t want to talk about cruelty to animals and how steaks hurt our planet right now. I want to hear about your
date.”
“Mom, I’ve never accused steaks of hurting the planet—”
“Why, God? Why must I have such a spirited daughter who doesn’t just obey her mother?”
If Julia’s mom was anything like Tae’s, turning to pray to God in the middle of a conversation meant she was entering precarious
territory. Tae felt slightly guilty that this was all happening for everyone to hear. He tried to get Mrs. Song’s attention,
to signal to her that she should take this off Speaker. But she didn’t even acknowledge him standing there awkwardly holding
her phone.
“Fine, Mom. The date was—” the pause was deafening “—it was fine.”
“Oh no. Julia, what did you do?” Mrs. Song asked.
“What did I do? Why are you assuming that I did something wrong? Why do you always think it’s my fault?”
“Julia, that’s not it. I’m just asking if maybe you were too strong about your opinions.”
Tae looked over at Grandma Song. The only indication that she was even listening to the conversation between Julia and her
mother was the deep furrow between her brows. Grandma Song was a woman of few expressions. But that furrow was clear. She
was paying attention to every word.
“What’s wrong with having opinions?” Julia asked.
“I don’t want you to scare him away is all,” her mom answered, continuing to make kimchi in the middle of what seemed like
a pretty important conversation.
Tae’s mom, to her credit, pretended like she couldn’t hear a thing.
“Mom, Michael Lee took me to a barbecue restaurant and ordered hundreds of dollars of meat, even though he knew I was a vegetarian.
He planned it for seven o’clock in K-town, even though I told him the traffic would be awful from where I was coming from.
He ordered plates and plates of uncooked meat, cooked it at our table, and then put that meat on top of my bowl as if I was
just gonna eat it. And then—” Julia stopped with a dramatic pause before delivering the knockout punch “—he ordered brown
rice at a Korean restaurant.”
All three ladies gasped loudly.
The line was silent.
“Mother! Am I on speakerphone?”
“Oh, Julia, it’s just Halmoni,” her mom answered.
“Hi, Julia,” her grandma said.
“Taehyung-a, can you bring me the last box of cabbage?” Mrs. Song asked.
“Tae is there too?” Julia shrieked.
“Um, hey, Jules,” Tae answered. “And just to round it out for you, my mom is here too.” Tae felt he owed her that much.
“Hi, Julia,” Tae’s mom chimed in cheerfully, as if it wasn’t awkward at all that they were all here listening to Julia’s business.
“Oh. My. God. Mother,” Julia hissed.
Tae knew Julia was embarrassed and angry, but he suddenly found the whole thing hilarious. He couldn’t help himself. He let
out a laugh.
“Tae Kim, are you laughing at me?” Julia asked.
“Uh, sorry, no. I mean, I am—laughing, that is—but I’m sorry too for laughing and for your bad date.” Could Tae fumble this any worse? “The dude sounds like an asshole, Jules. Sorry you had to go through that.”
“Tae, watch your mouth,” his mom said.
“I can’t believe everyone just heard me share all the details. Do the Schwartzes next door have their screen door open? Just
wanna make sure they got the deets too. I mean, really, Tae, I know my mom’s phone. How loud does she have the volume set
at?” Julia asked.
“Julia, stop yelling at Tae. Now, we need to think. What are we going to do? We can’t have you date someone who orders brown
rice with Korean food. It’s not okay.”
You do not offend a traditional Korean woman with brown rice.
“Mother, I starved myself through an entire meal, and I didn’t even have an antacid with me. He didn’t listen to one thing
that I had to say, and trust me, I said very little as it was. And he’s the kind of lawyer that runs small businesses into
the ground. I just can’t see him again. I’m sorry.”
“I understand,” Mrs. Song said with a sigh. “I need to do better research before agreeing to the next man for you to date.
Say, Julia, do you think, now that I know better, that I can have that date back and have three more chances?”
“Mother . . .”
“Okay, fine, no. But you’ll see, the next date will be better. The next man is going to be perfect. I know it,” Mrs. Song
said.
“There is no such thing as perfect,” Grandma Song said out of the blue. All eyes turned to look at her. She was shoving the
stuffed cabbage into large glass containers for storage. She leaned in, putting all her weight into it to get as much into
the container as possible. It took an impressive amount of strength. Tae watched in fascination.
“Thank you, Halmoni. Finally, a voice of reason,” Julia said.
“Julia, the next date will be better. Don’t worry,” her grandmother said. Grandma Song looked up and locked eyes with Tae. Tae froze.
“Okay, Julia we have to go. We’re making kimchi,” her mom said, waving the phone away from her.
Tae took the phone off Speaker and pulled it up to his ear. “Hey, Julia, I’m sorry about that. I should have warned you the
moment you started talking.” Tae felt the burden of guilt weigh on his shoulders. It was a shitty move on his part. He’d always
been too chicken to ever question an elder. And, well, the Song women scared him a little.
“No, it’s fine. I was gonna call you next with the update anyways,” Julia said.
“It was that bad, huh? You doing okay?” Tae asked. He knew Julia would likely be beating herself up over the failed date.
“Yeah, it’s just . . .”
“Jules, you know it wasn’t your fault, right? The guy sounds like a real asshole. There’s nothing you could have or should
have done differently. Except maybe make sure you have antacids on you next time,” Tae said.
“Thanks, Tae,” Julia said, her voice ten times lighter than it had been a moment earlier. That girl really needed to let herself
off the hook, Tae thought. “You know what sucked most of all?”
“What?” Tae braced himself for what could be the worst part of the terrible date.
“I didn’t even get to order any of that yummy eggplant.”
She sounded miserable.
“I’ll take you back to Seoul House sometime soon for the eggplant we had. Will that make it better?” he asked.
“Deal,” she said.
Tae hung up the phone and turned, almost running straight into Grandma Song. She barely came up to his chest, but he had a
feeling he’d be the one knocked to the ground in a collision with her. He looked down to see her staring back up at him.
“Taehyung-a, looks like we need to increase the efforts.” She was carrying one of the large glass jars filled with the seasoned cabbage.
Tae grabbed it from her and set it on the counter.
It was heavier than it looked. Damn, Grandma Song was strong.
“I think you did a good job on your date with Julia. She had a good time. It didn’t go well with the lawyer, but at least she realizes it wasn’t her fault.
This time when you date Julia, I want you to add a personal touch. ”
“Uh . . . Halmoni. I’m not dating Julia. I’m coaching her. These are just practice runs to prepare her for her real dates.”
Halmoni waved her hand, dismissing his words. “Make her really excited about something, Tae. Julia needs to have some fun.
You figure out what to do.”
That was a lot to digest. He’d have to think this over. Depending on who the next setup was with and what that guy’s plans
were for the date, Tae would need to consider what he could do to personalize it for Julia. But one thing was for sure, Grandma
Song was right: Julia needed to see dating as fun. “Nae,” he said, bowing, showing he understood her request. “I can do that.”
“Good, you have two more chances for Julia to fall in love. I’m counting on you, Taehyung. Julia’s happiness rests in your
hands. Remember, I will make it worth your efforts.”
Great. Seems he needed to have the conversation again with Grandma Song about not wanting payment for helping Julia. If he didn’t clarify this with both Halmoni and Julia, this
could get messy.
But, as usual, before he could say a word, she gave a nod and a grunt and walked away.
Julia deserved to be happy. She sounded miserable on the phone call, and it didn’t feel right. Tae honestly didn’t know how
he could make a difference. And yet, Grandma Song seemed to believe in him. And after talking to her, he felt more determined
than ever to try.