Chapter 25 Paid in Full
Paid in Full
Tae
Why was the traffic so freaking bad? God, he had to get to the hospital, and at this rate it was going to take them two hours
to do so. Tae contemplated the feasibility of jumping out of the car and running his way there. That was a good indicator
of how out of his mind with worry he was.
Tae’s knee bounced anxiously watching the freeway as Julia weaved in and out from lane to lane to maneuver them through the
sea of red brake lights. She was doing her best, he knew. But he was getting increasingly frustrated that they were barely
moving.
She’d insisted on driving. She was worried Tae was too freaked out. And she was right. If it weren’t for Julia, he’d probably
have been in a fender bender by now.
Tae gripped his phone, waiting for any updates from Min about the status of his parents.
Had it been raining all evening? Tae was so engrossed in his time with Julia, he hadn’t paid attention to the rain. And now,
he was stuck in traffic with a bunch of people who couldn’t drive at the sign of a raindrop. And his parents were in the hospital
because they were those people.
“Tae,” Julia said softly, stealing a glance at him. She reached over and placed her hand on his. “They’ll be okay. It’ll be okay.”
Tae swallowed the lump in his throat and just nodded. It has to be, he thought to himself. His dad didn’t survive cancer only
to get fucked up by a stupid car accident.
“It’s my fault,” he said.
“What? No. Why would you say that?”
He pulled his hand away from Julia’s and raked his fingers through his hair, tugging hard at the ends. He couldn’t listen
to anyone trying to convince him otherwise.
“I told my dad they should celebrate his remission. I told him to take Mom out on a date. They’re not great drivers as it
is, but they’re even worse in the rain. The only reason they were out, the only reason they left the house and got in the
accident, was because of me. I was just in such a mood to pretend that things were normal again. And I wanted, for just one
night, to not have to worry about them. To make them have their own fucking fun while I went to have mine. Fuck.” Tae’s logic
was flawed, but he couldn’t help adding up everything with the only conclusion being that he could have stopped this from
happening if he’d been home.
He saw Julia’s grip on the steering wheel grow tighter. God, he was an asshole. This was his fault and he was making it feel
like it was hers too.
“Tae, you cannot put that on yourself. And you can’t keep your parents locked up in their home just because there’s a risk
of them one day getting hurt. It was an accident. It could have happened to anyone. This is not your fault.”
“But it didn’t happen to anyone, Julia. It’s my parents. I take care of them. And it’s my fault.”
Tae knew in the back of his head he wasn’t making any sense.
His parents were adults, and he was not their babysitter, nor even legally their caregiver.
But he couldn’t help thinking that if he had been there, he would have told them not to go out tonight.
That, or he would have driven them himself.
If he hadn’t been all the way up in LA at Julia’s, he could’ve prevented this from happening.
It was a familiar feeling, to shut down, to blame himself, to get lost in the darkness. And it was front and center right
now. Tae needed to be careful before he said or did something he’d regret to the one person he didn’t ever want to hurt.
“I’m so sorry, Tae. Let’s not invite worry just yet. Let’s just get to the hospital and see what we’re dealing with. I’m sure
they’ll be okay.”
We.
She kept using the word we. Tae wasn’t used to having someone by his side through problems. He hadn’t experienced having someone want to help him. And
he appreciated Julia being here, driving him down to the hospital even. But for her to tell him that it wasn’t his fault felt
all too much like when Kari used to tell him he was doing too much for his family. No one understood. Maybe Tae didn’t even
understand.
“You’re right, Julia. Just ignore me. I’m rambling because I’m freaking out. Don’t listen to me. I’m sure they’ll be okay.”
Tae’s voice sounded like a robot to his ears. He wasn’t fooling himself, and he wasn’t fooling Julia. He still couldn’t turn
to look at her.
Julia just nodded while Tae continued to bounce his leg and put all his focus on hoping they’d get there faster.
They pulled up in front of the emergency room forty minutes later.
“Go,” Julia said. “I’ll park the car and be in right behind you.”
“You don’t have to stay,” he said. Don’t stay.
“Go, Tae. Hurry. I’ll be right there.”
Tae ran through the doors looking left and right for his brother. Min was standing at the nurses’ desk nodding and listening.
“Min,” Tae called out.
“Hey,” Min said as he grabbed Tae and pulled him into a hug.
“Where are they?” Tae asked.
Min turned back to the nurse. “My little brother.”
“Hi. I was just telling your brother the update on your folks. Your dad is getting checked out by the doctor. Looks like he
has a broken arm and possibly a concussion. We’ll know more when the doctor is done.”
Jesus, what more did his dad have to go through? Why was it always something? Couldn’t life just give him a fucking break
for once? It wasn’t fair. “He just finished a course of chemotherapy,” Tae informed the nurse.
“Yes, we’ve got his chart here. That shouldn’t have any bearing on his ability to recover. Your mother’s injuries, however,
were a little more severe. She has a couple broken ribs and a possible collapsed lung. It may require surgery to repair the
damage. Her injuries are pretty straightforward, but it will take some time to recover.”
His mom would go stir-crazy if she wasn’t physically able to work all day around the house. If his dad had a broken arm, he
wouldn’t be able to keep up with his landscaping work. Tae would have to step in full-time. He began making a list in his
head of everything he would have to do to cover them for as long as they needed. Maybe get a walker for his mom if it was
too painful for her to carry her own weight. Put up blackout curtains in their bedroom if the sunlight was too much for his
dad’s concussion.
He balled his hands into fists, digging his fingernails into his palms. He released them and stretched them out almost painfully.
A hand folded into his, fingers interlocking. He looked down at their intertwined hands and wondered if the warmth of this
embrace was worth what had happened to his parents.
“How are they? Are they okay?” Julia asked.
“Hey, Jules,” his brother said. “Dad’s got a broken arm, and Mom’s got a couple broken ribs and a collapsed lung. We’ll know more in a little bit.” Min sounded so matter-of-fact. So calm. Tae hated him in this moment. He didn’t have the right to be calm.
“What happened?” Julia asked.
“They took the curve off the freeway ramp too quickly, and with the slick roads they spun out of control. Another car hit
them, and they went off the side. The car is totaled,” Min explained.
The car.
The ER.
The surgery.
Would their insurance even cover all of this?
Tae couldn’t let himself worry about it right now.
“Luckily the guardrail was there to stop the car, so it wasn’t worse.”
It sounded bad enough to Tae.
“I just don’t understand why they were even driving tonight in the rain. Where did they have to go? They don’t go anywhere
on the freeway other than church,” Min wondered.
“I—I told them to go out,” Tae muttered. “I told them to go have some fun, to do something romantic while I was gone tonight.
I didn’t think they’d leave the house in the rain, though. They never know their limits. They don’t use common sense. I have
to always be there to prevent them from doing something stupid.”
Bitterness cut through his mouth. He’d held it in for so long. Used his family as an excuse but never letting himself admit
the flip side. Not being able to be whole, feel successful, live his own life. Tae was the one they called when something
happened, not Min. Because Tae would drop everything and be there. He’d drop his job, his girlfriend, his life. He’d drop
Julia if he had to.
“Don’t beat yourself up like that, Tae. You can’t control their lives,” Min said. His attempt to make Tae feel better rubbed him raw.
“Why are you here, anyways? How did you know about the accident? I’m the emergency contact. They wouldn’t call you first.”
Tae said it to hurt his brother.
Min pulled back. It was a direct hit. He swallowed and clenched his jaw, narrowing his eyes slightly. “I’m in their phone
as Son 1. Apparently, that means something to them. And if you’re gonna be an emergency contact, maybe don’t turn off your phone.”
“Sorry to have made you leave your precious job and the life you’re obsessed with above everything else to come here.” Tae
laid the accusation on as thick as he could. He didn’t know where else to focus his anger, his fear.
“Tae.” The voice was soft, gentle, too kind, too intimate for the harsh lighting and the bitter smells of this environment.
“Don’t do this. Let’s focus on your parents.”
He pulled his arm out of her grasp.
“When can we see them?” Tae asked the nurse.
Tae’s voice shook, and Julia rewrapped her hands around his arm, holding on tighter this time. She was not letting him push
her away. He didn’t want her here. He didn’t want her to ever let go either.
“It’s gonna be a while. I suggest you go home and get some rest and come back tomorrow morning,” the nurse said. How many
times did she tell families to go away and come back later? How many times had that messaging actually worked?
“Tae, the nurse is right. We’ll just be sitting here in this waiting room with no news. Let’s go home and come back early,”
Julia said.
“No, I’ll stay.”
“Go home, Tae. I’ll stay tonight. You come back and relieve me in the morning. There’s no use both of us sitting in these
uncomfortable chairs with nothing to do,” Min said.