Chapter 27 Crock of Shit
Crock of Shit
Julia
It had all been a lie.
Worse, it had all been a job.
That revelation made Julia feel pathetic and . . . dirty.
Tae didn’t have feelings for her other than pity. And dollar signs. She couldn’t even feel furious at him because she knew
how much he needed the money. She just wished he’d been honest with her from the beginning. Why keep it a secret and then
make her out to be the fool? It didn’t feel like the Tae that she knew.
Question was, Did she ever really know him at all?
She’d thought she was in love with him. She’d almost said the words in bed the other night. What a fool.
Julia dropped her head in her hands, unable to focus on any of the work strewn all over her desk. She handled business transactions
all day long. She just never thought she’d ever be one.
“Shit, it’s worse than I thought.”
Julia looked up as Rachel entered her office, brown takeout bag in hand.
“I appreciate you stopping by, but I’m not in the mood—”
“Yeah, well, Annette sounded the alarm, and I was closest to the pho restaurant. So you can’t turn me away.”
She played so freaking dirty. It wasn’t fair.
Rachel put the bag down and pulled out the containers of broth and noodles and veggies. She walked out to Annette’s desk where
an outstretched arm offered her the familiar bottle with the green top. Rachel returned with sriracha chili sauce in hand.
“We’re gonna stink up the office,” Julia whined. It was a weak excuse. There was no lying about her need for pho.
“Just the office? More like everywhere you go. It’ll be coming out of your pores, in your hair, and on your clothes all day.
But, desperate times.”
Julia nodded. Desperate times indeed.
“You wanna tell me what happened?”
Julia shook her head.
“Look, I already promised Sonia I’d get the scoop, so might as well tell me before she comes over here and loves all over
you to death to get it out of you. With me, you only have to spill the facts. I’m the preferable option.”
Julia replayed the truth in her mind. “My halmoni paid Tae to date me.”
“What? Shit. Maybe we’re going to need Sonia after all.”
“Oh, and he said I was ‘too much’.”
“Fuck.” Rachel’s one-word reaction said it all.
Julia closed her eyes and dropped her head. The shame and embarrassment magnified in the light of day. She couldn’t handle
seeing the look of pity on her friend’s face. She swallowed the lump in her throat and fought back the tears.
“Are you sure this isn’t some sort of misunderstanding? This really doesn’t sound like something Tae would do,” Rachel said.
“I thought that too. But honestly, doesn’t it? He would help anyone who asked him in that Korean community. Imagine him trying
to say no to my grandmother. Him. Her. I can absolutely see how this went down.”
“Okay, but that’s different. Being kind and agreeing to help an elder is one thing. And it’s not the worst thing. It could be kinda cute actually. Sweet.” Rachel was not the type to bring up the sweet side of things. Nice try.
Julia pulled piping-hot noodles into her mouth. She didn’t blow on them first. She didn’t proceed with caution. She wanted
to feel the sharp sting of the burn in her mouth.
This was why she wanted to be alone. She didn’t want to relive it all by having to tell the story to her friends and have
them try to make her feel better. There was no feeling better about this. There was no bright side.
She squirted more hot sauce into her broth. Spicier. More pain.
“You trying to punish yourself with spicy butt later?” Rachel asked.
Julia rolled her eyes at Rachel.
“He doesn’t want me back, Rachel. He doesn’t want me at all.”
“Yeah, I’m gonna call bullshit on that one. I’ve seen you two together. I’ve heard him talk about you. It’s there. He’s just
too messed up in his head to go for it. I find it fascinating how you both think you’re undateable but can’t figure out that
you’re undateable to other people because you’re the most dateable for each other.”
“Rachel, please, stop. I get that you want the happy ending for me, but it’s not gonna happen. Not with Tae, at least. You
didn’t see him. He was mad, and then hurt, and then defeated. I couldn’t keep up with all those emotions. He mentioned money.
Us being on two different levels because of it. He mentioned not wanting to pay me back, which confused me since he never
let me pay for anything, even on our practice dates.” God, Julia hated the topic of money. It brought out the worst in people.
“That’s weird,” Rachel noted.
“Yeah, I kinda pieced it together. I think someone paid off his dad’s medical bills, and he assumed it was me. But Tae never asks for help. He never lets anyone help him, especially when it comes to his family. It’s like he considers it a mark of failure.”
“Huh. Sounds like someone else I know,” Rachel said, staring directly at Julia.
“Knowing this, I wouldn’t just cross the line he’s drawn and force my help on him.”
“So who do you think did it?”
“I don’t know. The church maybe? I absolutely would have if he had asked me. And I’m glad someone came through to help them.
But I get how he would feel shitty about someone doing it without talking to him first. Sadly, he thought that someone was
me. And it wasn’t. But worst of all, he said he had nothing to give me. Rachel, I’ve never asked him for anything. I just
wanted to be with him—however, whenever. I swear.” Julia didn’t know why she was so desperate to have someone believe her.
“I know, honey. I know you, remember? That’s not your style. But I think I know Tae too, and this doesn’t sound like his style
either. He would never purposely hurt you. Ever. Tae had to have had his reasons, Julia.”
But it did hurt.
When Julia was little and had a headache, her halmoni would press between Julia’s thumb and forefinger, her pressure point,
to make it go away. “Acupressure, it’s called,” she told Julia. “Eastern medicine’s way of healing.” It sounded mystical,
and Julia was in awe enough that she put up with the excruciating pain in order to be healed. But then her grandmother burst
her bubble by continuing. “It’s a crock of shit. It’s just bigger pain to make you forget the other pain. But the human mind
wants to believe what it will. How’s your headache?”
It worked on Julia then.
Was that what her grandma was doing by hiring Tae? The pain of betrayal much bigger so she’d forget the pain of being single and alone?
The human mind wants to believe what it will. Did Julia believe that there was someone, Tae, who finally loved her as she
was and could handle her?
Crock of shit.
She’d vacillated between hurt and anger all day. And right now, anger was rearing its ugly head.
“I don’t blame him for taking the job from my grandmother. He claims he wasn’t going to take payment, but honestly, he needs
money. And we were friends. Easy job to hang out with your friend, right?”
“Julia . . .”
She couldn’t handle her friend’s recriminations. She’d break if Rachel took his side on this.
“What? I’m wrong?” Julia challenged her.
“She might have asked him to date you, but there’s nothing she did to make the two of you fall for each other. That man cares
about two things in this life: his family and you. Period.”
It’s why Julia couldn’t even be as mad as she wanted to. He’d always been family first. She knew it, accepted it. She’d admit
that she even loved him for it. So he chose his family’s financial needs first. Even at the expense of playing Julia for a
fool.
“It’s clear as day, Julia. I get why you’re hurt. I would be too. But think of it this way. Your grandmother did this for
you because she wanted you to be happy. And, in the same sense, Tae wanted that for you too. I mean, how much are we even
talking here? Big money? Does your grandma even have big money? Maybe she only offered him a couple hundred bucks. Would that
make it feel like less of a betrayal?”
Julia was tired of talking about it. She was tired of thinking about it.
“Hey, thanks for coming over and bringing pho for healing. I’m okay, just like I texted you guys. You didn’t have to drive here to make sure. I just need to get back to work.”
Work was the only thing she had control over now. It was the only thing she was good at, the one thing she could count on.
Prepping for the big meeting with Andrew Lim was the only thing she would pour herself into.
And for the next few days that’s exactly what she did.
“I’m thrilled to be meeting in person, finally,” Julia said.
“Same here. We’ve done some great work over email and conferencing, but nothing like a face-to-face meeting to really get
a sense of how both sides are feeling.”
Andrew Lim was an impressive figure, almost intimidatingly so. Tall, broad, and handsome, his presence was felt immediately
as they walked through the reception area to the executive conference room where the two of them would be meeting.
Julia really loved how Tae had designed this room with its textured walls and wide-planked wood floors laid out in a herringbone
pattern. The ten-foot conference table was made out of a huge poured-concrete slab, but instead of typical leather chairs,
Tae had chosen softer wheeled armchairs and had them upholstered in a soft pink velvet. The entire aesthetic was a surprising
mix of industrial and chic, and Julia was obsessed.
She wasn’t sure what Tae would end up wanting to do with his life. But she hoped he kept designing and building interiors.
He was so talented.
A pang hit her heart at the thought of Tae. She’d been so careful to stay busy enough to avoid thinking about him, but he’d
sneak into her thoughts every once in a while. Usually at night when she was trying to sleep. It was super inconvenient for
him to interrupt her now, right before one of the biggest meetings of her life.
Andrew took a seat and pulled out his files. Julia had her iPad out and set up the connection to project to the screen if needed.