CHAPTER SIX #2
Kiara's breath caught as she read those words. He'd been through withdrawal? The casual way he'd mentioned it could be fatal made her stomach clench. She pressed one hand to her chest, feeling her heart rate quicken.
She continued reading, her eyes scanning the handwriting that was becoming easier to decipher.
I really didn’t think I was that reliant on alcohol. Or that my body had become so dependent on it. In my mind, it was just to help me mentally. Clearly, I was wrong… but don’t tell Duncan that.
This second week has been better physically, but worse mentally.
They have us in group therapy sessions where we're supposed to "share our stories" and "identify our triggers.
" I sit there listening to people talk about losing their families or their careers because of drinking, and I feel like a fraud.
My problem isn't that severe. I still have my job waiting for me.
I have money. I have a roof over my head.
Even though everyone here is from a wealthy background, many have suffered more than I have.
Many have had people cut them out of their lives completely because of their drug or alcohol use. I, at least, still have all of you.
Kiara was glad that he understood that. His support system was strong, and despite the lack of closeness with his parents and siblings, they did care about him.
I’m not sure why I’m writing this all down. I guess I just need to get it out. Sorry for choosing you as my confidante.
How are you doing? How is the baby doing? Do you know yet if it’s a boy or a girl?
If you want to vent about anything to me, you’re welcome to write back and lay it on me. It would be a nice distraction from life here.
I’m still not sure how long I’m going to be here. Hopefully not too much longer.
Guess I’d better end this so I can get it into the mail. Take care of yourself and the little one.
He just signed it, Julian, without any love or even sincerely, but that didn’t really matter. He’d written to her. Of all the people he could have chosen to confide in, he’d picked her. And while she wasn’t going to place any importance on that, she was grateful that he wasn’t shutting her out.
Shifting, Kiara stared out the window, but her mind wasn’t on the scenery. She mulled over everything Julian had shared with her.
Her romantic side really wanted to grab hold of the fact he’d written to her. It wanted her to believe that she was important to him beyond being the carrier of his child.
Realistically, however, she knew it was because she was the safe one.
The convenient one. She knew nothing about what other relationships Julian might have in his life.
He could have a best friend he’d never introduced her to.
Maybe a circle of close friends that he hadn’t told her about.
And he probably hadn’t told them about her either.
Why would he share about a temporary marriage?
Looking down at the letter, Kiara spread her hand out over the words. Regardless of the reasoning behind Julian choosing her, it was a moment she wouldn’t take for granted.
As she sat there, Kiara remembered Duncan’s request for an update on his son. She wouldn’t divulge the details of what Julian had told her, but she could offer some reassurance to Duncan.
Kiara carefully folded the letter and slipped it back into the envelope. She would write to Julian later, but first she needed to let Duncan know that his son was okay.
Not that she'd share the details about withdrawal symptoms or Julian's reluctant acceptance that he had a problem. Those confessions belonged to Julian alone.
She pushed herself up from the loveseat, fatigue making her movements slower than usual. The walk had taken more out of her than she'd expected. Still, she made her way downstairs to Duncan's office, pausing outside the heavy wooden door to collect her thoughts before knocking.
"Come in," Duncan called.
Kiara stepped inside, the familiar scent of leather-bound books and Duncan's subtle cologne greeting her. He looked up from his computer, his expression softening slightly when he saw her.
"Did you read the letter?" he asked, gesturing for her to take a seat in one of the leather chairs across from his desk.
"Yes," Kiara said, settling into the chair. She rested her hands on her lap, the envelope containing Julian's letter safely upstairs in her room. "He seems to be doing okay. The physical adjustment at the start was a bit of a challenge for him, but he’s doing better now."
Duncan studied her face for a moment, and Kiara wondered if he could tell she was holding back details. "That's good to hear. Has he mentioned how much longer he expects to be there?"
"He's not sure yet," she replied honestly. "I think they evaluate his progress as they go."
Duncan nodded, seeming satisfied with her answer. "I appreciate you letting me know. I've been concerned. I know he probably thinks I sent him to the treatment center as a punishment, but it really wasn’t.”
Kiara didn’t know how to respond, so she didn’t. She suspected that Duncan just needed to talk.
“I was worried about him,” he said, his gaze going distant. “No parent likes to see their child destroying themselves, especially when they don’t know why it’s happening.”
Kiara found herself nodding, even though she couldn't fully understand Duncan's perspective as a parent. The closest she'd come to that kind of protective love was what she felt for Angie, and now, increasingly, for the tiny life growing inside her.
"I'm sure he knows you care about him," she said softly, though she wasn't entirely certain that was true. Julian's letter had carried undertones of resentment, even if he'd tried to mask them with humor.
Duncan's expression grew thoughtful. "I hope so. Sometimes as a parent, you have to make decisions that your children won't understand or appreciate, at least not right away."
The weight of his words settled over her. Soon, she'd be making those kinds of decisions for her own child.
"Was there anything else in the letter that concerned you?" Duncan asked, pulling her from her thoughts.
Kiara shook her head, pushing aside the memory of Julian's description of his withdrawal symptoms. Those details felt too personal to share, even with his father. "No, nothing that concerned me. He was just updating me on how he's adjusting."
Duncan's shoulders relaxed slightly. "Good.
Thank you for sharing that with me. I know Julian values his privacy, so I appreciate you giving me what you could.
I know this whole situation has been overwhelming for both of you.
An arranged marriage isn't likely what either of you had planned for your lives. "
The understatement almost made Kiara laugh, but she managed to keep her expression neutral. "No, it wasn't."
"I hope you know that my decision wasn't made lightly," Duncan continued, his voice taking on a more formal tone. "I believe it's what's best for the child, and ultimately for both of you as well."
Kiara nodded, though privately she wondered if Duncan truly believed that or if he was simply trying to convince himself that his ultimatum was justified.
“Do you plan to write Julian back?” Duncan asked.
Kiara hesitated, then nodded. “I think it’s important to keep the lines of communication open while he’s there. And since he chose to reach out to me, I figured I should write back.”
“You’re right,” Duncan said. “Thank you for doing that. It’s good he’s communicating with someone, and I’m glad it’s you.”
Kiara wasn’t sure what to make of that statement, but she didn’t press for an explanation. Pushing up from the chair, she said, “I’ll let you get back to work. I just wanted to give you an update.”
Duncan also got to his feet. “Thank you for that.”
As Kiara made her way back upstairs, her mind was already composing the letter she wanted to write to Julian. Back in her room, she settled at the small desk and pulled out a sheet of the cream-colored stationery that had been in the drawer when she'd moved into the room.
Propping her chin on her hand, she stared at the paper, her mind suddenly blank as she considered what to share with Julian.
There was so much she wanted to tell him.
Things like how she’d felt hearing the baby’s heartbeat for the first time.
Or how she worried about becoming a mom.
They were things soon-to-be parents might normally share with each other in the course of a pregnancy, but she didn’t think they were at a place in their relationship for her to do that.
And they might never be.
Regardless, she felt she owed him something, so she picked up her pen and began to write a letter to her husband.