CHAPTER ELEVEN
Julian lay flat on his back on his bed, his arm thrown over his eyes. After making an appearance for lunch, to stave off any worried reactions from the staff, he’d retreated to his room once again.
Dr. Carlisle had given him some slack and hadn’t forced him to attend the group sessions since his father’s visit. The tradeoff was that he had had additional one-on-one appointments with the therapist.
He was fighting a huge battle against the desire to drink, and had he had access to some alcohol, it was a battle he would have lost. He’d wondered more than once what the staff would do if he called for a ride and left the center to go to the nearest bar.
Elijah had tried to get him to talk, but Julian had shut him down.
After the confrontation with his dad, he’d had to get a tight hold on the storm of emotions inside him. However, he knew that if he loosened that grip even a little, things would spin out of control, and he would abandon all the progress he’d made so far.
The worst part of what was happening was that he couldn’t blame Duncan for his reaction. It was what he deserved. If he hadn’t thought he'd deserved that sort of reaction, he wouldn’t have been driven to drink, and he would have revealed the truth much sooner.
But where did he go now?
Duncan likely wouldn’t want him back on the estate, especially if he took his job from him. Would Kiara be willing to move? Or would he never get a chance to see his son?
Suddenly, it seemed like he had a lot more to lose than he ever had before.
A knock on the door startled him. Moving his arm, Julian lifted his head to stare at the door. He didn’t want to answer it, but he had a feeling that if he ignored the knock, whoever it was would assume something was wrong and enter, anyway.
Shifting to sit up, he swung his legs over the edge of the bed. “Come in.”
He ran his hands through his hair as the door swung inward to reveal Dr. Carlisle. The man stepped into the room and shut the door behind him, a worried expression on his face.
“What’s up, doc?” He couldn’t help himself, even though joking or laughing was the last thing he felt like doing right then.
Apparently, it was the last thing the doctor felt like doing too because he didn’t even crack a smile.
“Your father has returned,” Dr. Carlisle said.
Julian lifted his brows. “Duncan’s here?”
“Yes, he’s back, and he’s brought your sister with him.”
“Angela?”
Dr. Carlisle nodded. “She wants to speak with you.”
Julian felt cold wash over him. He was barely handling his father’s rejection. He wasn’t sure how he’d be able to deal with whatever Angela had to say to him.
In some ways, he was surprised that it was Angela who had come. She hadn’t shown herself to be confrontational. Annie was more likely to confront him on his behavior, so it would have made sense if she’d returned with Duncan.
“Can I refuse to see them?” Julian asked, leaning forward to rest his head in his hands.
“You could… but I think you need to talk to your sister to know exactly where you stand with the person who was most impacted by your actions.”
“Oh, I know where I stand with her,” Julian muttered. “We didn’t get very close after she returned, so it’s no skin off her nose if she rejects me in her life.”
“Let’s not make assumptions.”
Julian sighed and got to his feet. “Okay. Let’s get this over with.”
The doctor ran his gaze over Julian but made no comment on his appearance. It was just as well because Julian didn’t have the energy, nor the inclination, to change into something more appropriate to meet his father and Angela.
He was wearing his favorite pair of worn jeans and a long-sleeved white T-shirt. It would have to do.
Slipping his feet into his Doc Martens, he left the room with the doctor.
“Are we meeting in your office?”
“Yes, I’ll instruct Marcus to have them join us once we’re there.”
Julian assumed Jude was with them, and probably another bodyguard or two. He hoped it would just be Duncan and Angela for this meeting because he didn’t need even more people to witness what was to come.
When they reached his office, Dr. Carlisle said, “Did you want to talk at all before I have Marcus bring them here?”
Julian shook his head. He just wanted to get it over with so he could return to his room.
The doctor hesitated for a moment, then picked up his phone and instructed Marcus to bring Duncan and Angela to his office. He didn’t hang up right away, listening to something Marcus said.
“Just the two of them,” he told him.
Julian was relieved to hear that. Though he supposed that Jude would want to be there for Angela as her fiancé, not necessarily as her bodyguard, he still didn’t want him there.
When there was a knock on the door, Julian got up from the chair he’d been sitting in and moved to stand beside the desk, shoving his hands into his pockets so no one could see how they trembled.
Bracing himself for what was to come, Julian tried to school his expression to not show even an iota of what he was feeling inside. Once this was over, he’d return to his room and the solace it offered.
His gut tightened as the office door opened, and Angela walked in, followed by Duncan.
Angela’s gaze swept the room, and when it landed on him, she came to a stop. Julian wanted to avoid her gaze, to look anywhere but at her. However, he met her gaze head-on.
When she finally moved, there was no hesitation as her strides brought her to him. She lifted her hands, and he braced himself for a slap. Instead, she reached out and cupped his cheeks.
“Oh, Julian,” she said gently. “It’s okay. I understand.”
Was this a dream? Was this his hope that things would be okay manifesting itself in a dream?
Wrapping her arms around him, she held him tight. Julian froze, then pulled his hands from his pockets and hugged her back.
A sob escaped him, shocked out of him by her actions. “I’m… sorry.”
“I forgive you,” she said. “I forgive you.”
He could hardly believe the words, and he was afraid to let go of her in case it wasn’t real.
Angela held him for several minutes, neither of them speaking. Julian felt the tension that had coiled in his shoulders and chest slowly begin to ease. The storm of emotions he'd been holding back threatened to break free, but for the first time in days, it didn't feel catastrophic.
When Angela finally stepped back, her eyes were bright with unshed tears, but her smile was genuine. "You were just a boy," she said softly. "So young. You made a mistake that any child might have made."
“You truly forgive me?” Julian asked.
“It’s what God would want me to do,” she said, her expression soft… loving. “But beyond that, I want to forgive you. You’re my brother, and I love you.”
She loved him? When was the last time someone had told him that they loved him? He couldn’t even remember.
Julian's throat constricted. He'd imagined this conversation a thousand times over the years, but never like this. Never with forgiveness offered so freely.
"But if I had told someone—" he started.
"Maybe things would have been different," Angela interrupted gently. "Or maybe they wouldn't have. We'll never know, and that's okay. Plus, if things had worked out differently, I wouldn’t have Kiara in my life, and I can’t imagine that. I might not even have Jude.”
“Or you might have had Jude sooner.”
“But I’m the person I am now because of the life I’ve lived and the experiences I’ve had,” she said. “If I hadn’t had that, I might be a different person who wasn’t drawn to Jude, or he might not have loved that version of me. Everything worked out as it should have. I believe that.”
“Really?”
Angela nodded. “What I do know is that you've been carrying this guilt for twenty-four years, and that's twenty-four years too long." She reached out and took his hands in hers. "I want you to let it go, Julian. For your sake, and for your son's sake."
Julian felt something crack open inside his chest at her words. The weight he'd carried for so long—the crushing guilt that had driven him to drink himself into oblivion night after night—began to shift. Not disappearing entirely, but loosening its stranglehold on his heart.
"I don't know how," he whispered, his voice raw.
"One day at a time," Angela said, squeezing his hands. "The same way you're learning to live without alcohol."
Julian became aware that Duncan had moved closer during their exchange. When he looked at his father, he saw something different in the older man's expression. Something softer had replaced the cold fury from their last meeting.
"Son," Duncan said, his voice rough. "I owe you an apology. I should never have reacted the way I did. I was out of line. I’m sorry.”
Julian wanted to accept his apology, but there was a part of him that wondered if Duncan would have had that response had Angela railed at him for what he’d done. Had he apologized because Angela had?
He couldn’t dwell on that right then. The miracle of Angela’s forgiveness was uppermost in his mind. She’d given him something more than just forgiveness, which in and of itself was amazing. She’d also touched his heart with her love.
He’d wrecked her life, and yet she’d still accepted him as her brother, offering forgiveness and love.
Reaching out, he pulled her close again, and she came willingly with a soft laugh.
“Thank you,” he murmured against her hair. “Thank you for everything.”
“You don’t have to thank me,” Angela said. “I want to help ease the burden of guilt that you carry. You can put it down now. You no longer need to feel its weight on your soul.”
Julian closed his eyes, hoping it would be as easy as that.
When they stepped apart again, he smiled down at her. “I hear that congratulations are in order.”
Angela’s face lit up in response to that, and she held out her hand so that he could see the ring on her finger. “I’m over the moon.”
Julian was happy for her. After all she’d been through in her life, she deserved to find love and happiness, even if it was with Jude.