CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE #2
“You do realize that you can do what you want, right?” Julian asked. “You’re a Burke. We’re not restrained by the fashion rules.”
Annie laughed. “Yeah. Two problems with that. First, Dad. Second, Elizabeth. Also, I’m not keen on drawing attention, and being a fashion rebel would do just that.”
“Do we need to talk to Duncan and Elizabeth before we leave?” Cole asked.
“I’ll tell them you’ve gone,” Julian said with a wave of his hand.
“Are you sticking it out to the very end?” Annie asked.
“I’m usually expected to.”
Annie stared at him for a long moment. “You don’t look happy about it.”
“I’m not,” Julian said. “But I’ve survived hundreds of these types of events over the years.”
“I feel like I owe you,” Annie told him. “Since you’ve always had to come to these things, while I never did.”
“Even if you’d had to come to them, it wouldn’t have meant that I didn’t. Duncan would have insisted I be here, regardless.”
“Maybe you need to just say no,” she said. “If what you say is true about being a Burke, then it shouldn’t matter if you’re here or not.”
Julian wondered if maybe it was time to have a conversation with Duncan. Being in this environment so soon after going to rehab was a challenge he hadn’t expected. Unfortunately, it had taken being put in the situation for him to realize that maybe he wasn’t strong enough to handle it just yet.
“How long are you guys hanging around New York?” Julian asked.
“I think we’re going to head home tomorrow afternoon. Dad said we could use the plane. Are you coming back to the estate soon?”
“No,” he said. “I’ve got meetings here all week.”
Normally, he would have been excited about them, but right then, he just felt drained.
Still, he was sure that once the week got underway, his excitement would return.
Sean and Ava were there to present information about FemPulse and the steps they were taking for FDA approval, so it was an exciting time.
“Well, hopefully you’ll be back soon,” Annie said. “Not long until your baby boy is born.”
Yet something else that was weighing on him and making him question himself. Would he be a good father? Right then, he didn’t feel like he would.
He wished that Elijah had been able to come to the fundraiser, because he would have been a good support… an understanding support. But he’d had to go to Texas with his mom and sister to deal with some family matters.
“Hey, Dad.”
Julian looked over his shoulder to see Duncan and Elizabeth approaching them, hand-in-hand. They came to stand next to Julian and Annie.
Duncan rested his hand on Julian’s shoulder. “Where’s Kiara?”
“She was tired and went upstairs.”
“That’s understandable,” Elizabeth said. “I’m just glad she was able to join us for a little while.”
“I doubt she feels the same way,” Julian told her. “Emilia cornered her for a conversation.”
“Jarrod Levine’s wife?” Duncan asked.
“Yes.”
“Did she upset Kiara?”
“I haven’t had a chance to talk to her about it yet. I was talking with Clarence when she and Lucy went upstairs.”
“I hope that she’s okay,” Elizabeth said. “I wanted this to be a special evening for her.”
When Duncan moved his hand from Julian’s shoulder, Julian got to his feet. “I hope you don’t mind, but I think I’m going to have an early night tonight.”
“Are you okay, Son?” Duncan asked.
“I’m fine, but we’re moving into the part of the evening at these events where alcohol is… tempting for me.”
“I see,” Duncan said. “Then by all means, feel free to leave.”
Julian appreciated that his dad seemed to understand his struggle. He hated that it was still a struggle. He wanted the time in rehab to have equipped him to the extent that he wouldn’t be tempted by alcohol anymore. But that wasn’t the case. And he wasn’t sure it ever would be.
“I’ll probably see you tomorrow,” he said as he held out his hand to his dad and then to Cole. He gave Elizabeth and Annie quick hugs, then looked around for Sean and Ava. When he spotted them, he walked to where they were chatting with several other people Julian recognized as Burke board members.
They’d all be meeting that week, so it was good that Sean and Ava were socializing with some of them. It would make the meetings later on a bit easier since the introductions were already taken care of for some of them.
“We can meet for dinner tomorrow,” Julian said after he’d let them know he was leaving the event. “I’ll give you a call.”
He shook hands with Sean, Ava, and the other board members, then made his way out of the ballroom with Anthony by his side. As they neared the door, he spotted Emilia with her husband. He met her gaze for a long moment, then looked away, dismissing her.
When they reached their floor, instead of going to his suite, he headed for Kiara’s. He rapped lightly on the door, anticipating that no one would answer, but instead, the door swung open to reveal Lucy.
“I know you told Anthony that Kiara went to bed, but I just wanted to check on her.”
Lucy stepped back to let them into the suite. “I haven’t seen her since she went into the bedroom.”
“How was she?”
Lucy didn’t answer right away. Since she technically worked for his family, Julian could force her to answer him. However, he didn’t want to put her in that position. If Kiara confided in Lucy, Julian didn’t want to take that away from her.
“She felt a bit out of her comfort zone.”
“Did you hear her conversation with Emilia Levine?”
“The tiny blonde?” Julian nodded. “I heard a bit of it.”
“Did Kiara seem upset by it?”
Lucy hesitated. “I’m not sure if she was upset, but she definitely didn’t seem happy to have made a new friend.”
Julian looked toward the closed door, wishing he had the right to go in and check on her. He wanted to speak with Kiara and make sure she was okay.
He felt like he’d failed her that evening by being so focused on his own struggles. Could he ever make it up to her?
“Can you let her know I’ll come by tomorrow morning?” Julian said.
Lucy nodded. “Will do.”
When he got back to his suite, Julian paused in the shared living space, staring across the room at the bar. He had no idea if there was alcohol in the cupboards or fridge. Something told him that Anthony had made sure there wasn’t.
Turning away, he headed toward the door to his room. In the bedroom, he took off his jacket, vest, and bowtie, and laid them on the bench at the foot of the bed, then sat down at the desk in the corner of the room.
He had to try to make things right with Kiara. Remembering how they’d communicated through letters when he was at the treatment center, Julian felt compelled to open the drawer and pull out the stationery provided by the hotel.
With pen in hand, he stared out the window at the twinkling New York skyline. Away from all the distractions of the evening, and with silence surrounding him, Julian realized just how much of a mess his emotions were.
Anger. Resentment. Concern. Self-recrimination. And more that he wasn’t really prepared to dwell too much on just yet.
Dear Kiara ~ I want to apologize for how this evening turned out.
I hadn’t even considered how this event might unfold for me, given it was my first one since becoming sober.
But the closer the gala got, the more anxious I felt about it.
And today, the worry I had about it eventually overshadowed everything else.
Even your experience attending something like this for the first time.
I am sorry for that. I should have been more aware of what you were facing tonight. I wouldn’t blame you if you were angry with me for what happened.
Emilia told me about her conversation with you. Just know that she is wrong for what she said to you, and no one in our family feels the way she does.
Julian stared at the words he’d scrawled on the parchment. They seemed so… simple when the situation was so complex.
He was tempted to crumple the paper up and start over, but he wasn’t sure a second attempt would be any better.
With an exasperated sigh, Julian pushed away from the desk and got to his feet. He removed his cufflinks and then took off his shirt.
He wanted to divest himself of the clothing he’d had to wear that night. Clothing that felt like a costume because he’d had to play the role of dutiful son and heir apparent to Burke Pharmaceuticals. It was a public role that had always been easier when alcohol was available.
After he’d changed into a pair of sweats and a T-shirt, he sat back down at the desk, determined to finish the letter. He wasn’t sure he’d actually give it to Kiara, but he needed to get it out.