Chapter 48
48
I wake up.
It is dark. Cold. I blink at the wooden beams above me. I am in my room.
My skin is dry, the remnants of salt on my lips. Sweetness and tanginess in my throat. Key lime pie. My feet are sandy, aching, tired. Tired from what? I try to make sense of it.
The dancing. Oh, how we laughed and danced.
I close my eyes and melt into the memory.
I must have had so much fun I passed out. Yes, yes. I remember. The girls, my lovers, they carried me from the water after my eyes tired of staying open, their dresses and hair soaked like seaweed, dripping. They held me as their baby, a thing to be loved from first breath and sight. They were laughing, giggling, delighted. “Oh, you are so beautiful,” one of them said. I can’t remember who. My vision was blurry, their figures dark and similar in the night. Only the barest outline, blond hair. But that’s half of them.
“You are so charming,” said another as they tucked me into bed sweetly. “I love you.”
“You are worthy.”
“You are kind.”
“You are warm.”
“You are a lie.”
My eyes pop open, heart thudding into my throat.
I turn to the voice. My blood runs cold.
Chloe.
She is alive. Sitting on the sofa, with her back turned to me. I can pick out her dusty black hair from anywhere, the shape of her head, which mirrors mine. She smells rotten, acrid.
Why is she here?
“A fraud,” she says. “A miserable human being. Selfish and narcissistic. Nothing more than a leech. A parasite. A killer. ”
“N-no.” I’m choking. Gurgling. My voice is weak. “I didn’t kill you. You died from a drug overdose. It wasn’t my fault. It was your own fault!”
She stands. I flinch and look around for someone to help me. But there’s no one to witness the ghost. My girls have left. I am abandoned— again . Am I destined to be alone?
I press my back hard into my pillows, wanting to sink into the plush fibers, become one with the thread and goose feathers, erased from this world.
“Then why?” Without turning, she floats toward me. Her feet never leave the floor. “Why did you take my place, Ju-Ju? Take my identity? Steal everything I have?”
“I-I didn’t steal anything. It was—y-you died! It would have gone to waste otherwise.”
“No.” She slowly turns around. And then I see her, finally. My mouth dries, eyes widening with horror.
She has been devoured. Nothing more than bone and hair. A few maggots nibble on some tendons around her jaw, but their grip is weak. As she looms, her foul breath a cloud around me, they shed onto my sheets, weightless bugs squirming for meat and decay.
“You’ve stolen everything I worked for.” Her jawbone clicks as she speaks. “You are a cheat and a fraud. I wish you were not my family. That you were not my sister. Not my twin. I hate you.”
“N-no. I loved you. I wanted you in my life but you abandoned me. You left me alone again and again.”
“You stole my life without an ounce of guilt.”
“I’m sorry. I swear, I feel bad, every day.”
“Liar.”
I flinch, knowing she’s right. I am a liar. The lines of our lives have blurred so much that Chloe’s life truly feels like mine. There’s nothing to be guilty for.
She climbs onto the bed, reaches for me with her bony hand, scraping my cheek, yet I don’t move. A part of me yearns for her touch. My sister. My twin.
“For so long,” I croak between sobs, “all I wanted was for you to come back into my life. I wanted a family. Mom and Dad. Our home that smelled like rice and broth. The sticky counters and dusty corners. The small, dark cabinets where we could hide together. All of it. I just wanted my family back, but it’s too late. You’re all dead, so I took what I could. The last remnants of what was left over. It just happened to be the outline of the life you left behind.” I finally dared to say it out loud, the words that were always locked inside me.
“Family,” she whispers harshly into my ear. Rattling. “Is that truly what you wanted? Not my life?”
“It’s true,” I say, desperate.
“Then it’s not too late.”
I sob harder, my palms wet, salty, and wrinkling. “It is.”
“It is not.”
She puts her hand on me again. I jolt. But then I notice it’s different.
Soft, light. Fleshy and real.
The sweet smell of flowers. Of love. I take a risk. Open my eyes. Chloe is gone, replaced by eight beautiful women in bed with me. Their stares are loving, even in the dark. They all lay their hands on me, soft and delicate. I am a wilting flower they are trying to revive. A baby bird that has fallen from a tree.
“We are your family now,” Bella Marie says. She’s right next to me. Her warm breath sweet on my cheek. A caress. “Close your eyes and focus on my voice, Julie.”
My breath catches in my throat. Julie . They know.
“H-how?”
“We could feel your energy, the difference. Chloe was always a cool blue, but your soul is golden and warm. Better, in some ways. The truth of you has never been hidden from us.”
My chin trembles, I shake my head. “I’m sorry. I-I—”
She shushes me. “It’s okay. We accept you, Julie.”
“We accept you, Julie,” the rest say.
Breath enters my lungs again. They accept me. As Julie. They knew I was a fraud but they still welcomed me into their arms, held my hands, danced with me. As family.
“Why?”
“Because, Julie,” Bella Marie breathes, “we can hear you. Understand you.”
“We hear you,” hum the others, their hands all over me, rubbing, soothing. “We understand you.”
“We can see your hurt,” Bella Marie continues, “your vulnerabilities, all that you’ve had to overcome with your aunt and your childhood. Being taken from your family, a victim of this horrible world. You’ve lived with that weight, a mountain of pain, yet you’ve dug yourself out with your grit and resilience. Like last night, how you exorcised your rage through fire. It was powerful.”
“So powerful,” says Emmeline.
“Beautifully powerful,” says Ana.
“Perfect,” says Maya.
I hear bones rattle and see Chloe in the corner of the room. She has retreated, unable to break through the barrier of love that is my girls, my echo chamber of protection. She stares at me, envious. My teeth chatter with fear. I cannot take my eyes away from Chloe no matter how hard I try.
“But what about Chloe?” She’s here. Can’t you see?
“Hush.” Bella Marie presses a finger to my lips, smooths her other hand through my sweat-soaked hair. I focus on her. Only her. “It was supposed to be you all along. The wrong twin found us at first. You were the one missing.”
“Me?”
“When your sister died, you saw the opportunity and you held on to it. You acted on the unthinkable; you took a risk and maneuvered yourself to the top. Others might deem you shameful, immoral, psychopathic, but not us. Not us . You did what any of us would do. We will never judge or admonish you for your courage and determination. You are just like all of us. We understand you. Don’t you see it? We can become your family. True family. We are the only people who will be able to see you and accept you.”
I’m breathless, dizzy from her words. I wonder briefly if I’m in a dream. Such kindness only seemed possible in my head. But their energy is visceral, their sugary breaths cannot be make-believe.
“You are our pride.”
Her words are a rush of validation. I want to drown in it. “Pride?”
“Our most beautiful pride,” they all say.
I drink their words in. I am their pride. They understand me and all my faults. They understand why I did what I did, taking Chloe’s life. They don’t deem me a monster or a criminal. They won’t exploit me for their own gain. They respect me, admire me.
I can be their family—I am their family.
Trust makes my eyelids grow heavy. I shut them and focus on her voice, at her soft mercy.
“Julie, you are safe,” she says.
“Julie, you are warm,” says another.
“Julie, you are loving.”
“Julie, you are selfless.”
“Julie, you are caring.”
“Julie, you are innocent.”
“Julie, you are worthy.”
“Julie, you are one of us.”
“We are your family now.”
“We will protect you.”
Their words are laced with magic, leeching the fear from my bones. I can breathe again, full gulps of air scented like lavender and lime. I am relaxed and soothed. I take a few breaths as they hum affirmations at me.
Loving. Selfless. Caring. Innocent. Worthy.
When I open my eyes again, Chloe is gone. Exorcised. Never to return. I know this is true from the sparkling buoyancy in my chest, just like how my girls released me from my aunt. My new family—they saved me. My girls who accept me for who I am. They coo over me, massaging my arms sweetly, wiping my tears, giving my aching feet a rub, kissing my forehead, braiding my hair, stuffing it with flowers. I am loved. They love me. I am their family. Even as Julie. I erupt into sobs again, but this time not out of fear. Out of love. Of triumph. My heart is so full I must burst into tears to release the pressure or else I’d explode into a goo of pink and gold.
Then, a clamor outside. I think I hear someone scream for help. It sounds like Iz. But I’m not sure.
Wait.
Where’s Iz? I haven’t seen her since lunch. Since she stormed off.
I turn my head to the french doors, slits of light slashing through the hazy darkness. But Bella Marie grabs my wet cheeks. “Focus on us,” she says. “Focus on me, Julie. I love you, Julie.”
Even at night, her blue eyes are striking. I want to kiss them, suck them like a lollipop. She leans in and gives me a kiss on the lips. I melt. Disappear into her taste and smell, sweet and bitter like key lime pie and fizzy green drinks. I am in love. I am love. I am surrounded by it. Can feel it in the touch of those around me. The belonging. The acceptance. My family. New, beautiful, and perfect.