Chapter 55
55
The smell of something sharp, cutting, ammonic.
I jar awake and cough out the putrid scent that is caught in my nose hairs, singed into my brain.
My eyelids are dry, tacky, sticking to my corneas.
Bella Marie kneels in front of me in a sheer white dress, almost bride-like. Her hair is twisted into two braids, black bows tied at the ends. She sets down the pot of foul powder—it’s that scent that must’ve shocked me awake.
I glance around. High ceilings, marble floors. We’re in the dining room. They’ve taken away the tables and chairs and drawn all the blinds, casting us into darkness except for a few flickering candles here and there.
My head throbs like my skull has been split. “Did you hit me over the head?”
“We had to,” she says, a crease forming between her brows like she’s truly pained. “But trust me, we didn’t want to. It hurt us a lot to do that.”
“I was the one who bonked your head,” says Sophia. She’s with the rest of the girls at the far end of the room. They’re all wearing matching white dresses, their hair tied up in milkmaid buns. “It might have hurt extra since I’ve been taking kickboxing classes. I hope it’s not too bad.”
“It hurts a lot, actually.” I lift my hands to rub my head. Resistance. I glance down. My arms are shackled to the wooden chair with metal chains. Panic beats into my throat in choking pulses. What the fuck? They’ve tied me down?
“Oh no! I’m sorry!” Sophia weeps.
“Ouchie,” says Lily.
“Poor, poor, Julie,” coos Emmeline.
“Don’t worry, it only hurts for, like, three days,” says Maya.
“Four for me,” says Ana. “But I have a low pain tolerance. You are so strong, Julie. I’m sure it’s not going to be a problem.”
It takes everything within me to play nice. Not to scream: Fuck you!
Is Iz also tied up somewhere right now? She must be so scared and alone. I have to get out of here and help her. I just need to get this last step over with, and then I’ll escape. I’d rather throw myself into the fucking ocean, get torn to shreds by sharks or squished by a colossal squid, than be stuck here.
“How do I become a part of the family?” I ask. “I’m desperate. Want it quick because I love you all so, so much.”
“Oh!” Bella Marie exclaims, jumping in the air. “I love your enthusiasm and I love you, Julie. Let’s get started then.” She floats to the end of the room where an old gramophone lies and adjusts the needle. Mozart’s Confutatis scratches into existence.
“Viktor!” she calls. “Bring in Nikolai.”
Viktor comes in with Nikolai’s portrait. He sets the painting on a marble pillar and places a candle in front of the frame.
Nikolai stares at me with his single blue eye, the flickering candle making his outline twitch.
Viktor stands behind the painting.
Bella Marie caresses the frame gently. “Nikolai was the first to swear fealty to Eto. One night, in a dream, Eto gave him a message. Asked for something dear: an eye. And when Nikolai woke up, he knew in his heart he had to follow Eto’s instructions. So, he took a spoon and—” She gestures gouging out one of her eyes. “A week later, as he was hoeing the fields, he found the pocket watch and his life—all of our lives—were changed forever.”
Christ. Who did Nikolai think he was? An off-brand Joan of Arc? He probably had psychosis from being a peasant with malnutrition and chronic stress. One bad dream and some dumb luck later, he makes his entire lineage follow some delusional religion.
And now, here I am. Just perfect.
Bella Marie flattens her palm over the back of my hand. “For you to truly join the family, for Eto to listen to you, you must do the same.”
I wince, pulse spiking with alarm. “Gouge my eye out?”
She laughs, a quick ha. Delighted.
The other girls giggle too. Titter, really.
“No, no, no, darling. Promise something dear to you. Something close to your heart. The more significant the promise, the more significant the reward.” Her eyes are intense. She really believes this.
“What about you? What did you promise?”
Her gaze softens. She looks down at her belly, strokes her stomach. “My father had me perform the ritual when I was thirteen. It coincided with the first time I bled. I hated PMS so much that I offered my womb to relieve the agony of my cramps. At fifteen, I was diagnosed with endometriosis and a year later I was declared infertile because of primary ovarian insufficiency.” She takes a long breath and closes her eyes in grief. I wonder if this was why she was so stone-faced about Angelique’s supposed sacrifice. “My father was beside himself when he realized what I’d done. I was rash and immature: one wish and I put an end to our lineage, severed our history by the head. But I was only a child in pain, desperate to alleviate it. I didn’t know what my sacrifice truly meant.” Her voice is hoarse and tired. Reluctantly, my heart strains. Her hurt is so ardent that I’m disarmed, shrinking in front of Nikolai’s portrait, the shadow looming behind him.
“But I promised to rectify my mistakes. That’s why I have you, my darlings. A family of my own to carry on my history.” Opening her eyes, she rests her hands on my shoulders. She stares at me lovingly, like a mother giving her daughter advice. “Think carefully. Don’t make the mistake I did by promising too much. Whatever you offer, Eto will collect as payment. Even though the timing is out of our control, it is inevitable. But the offering must be grand. Eto will not accept something too small nor easy.”
My nails dig deep into my palms, every part of me tense. I want this to be over. This is too much to take in. “And how do I do this offering?”
“This is the miracle of Eto. As soon as you declare it in your heart, set your intentions, Eto will hear you. The reply will be felt in your soul, clear and crisp. You will know. For me, it was like a hummingbird had entered my heart, a trembling, buzzing energy. But we each feel something different.”
“Soft for me,” Lily says. “Like clouds. Sweet like cotton candy.”
“I was struck by creativity and inspiration,” says Ana. “Anything felt possible. I could pen a hundred soliloquies!”
“Mine was hurt,” says Sophia. “It tore me apart. I thought I would die.”
“I was sad,” Maya adds. “I cried for hours when Eto finally heard me.”
“Mine as well,” Emmeline echoes. “I was inconsolable.”
“An orgasm,” says Kelly, eyes wide. “I felt Eto come inside me. Multiple times. It was triumphant. My limbs were spasming the entire night.”
Okay. Thanks, Kelly. Absolutely did not need to know that.
“Then why is Nikolai here?” I ask. “If all I have to do is speak it in my mind?”
“For encouragement, obviously,” Bella Marie says. “It can be so lonely and terrifying swearing fealty, giving up something dear. His painting is here to remind you of all the greatness that resulted from his sacrifice. A show that it’s all worth it.”
“Won’t you be here?”
“The offer is a sacred process. It should be endured only between yourself and Eto. A family member cannot bear witness as it may bring undue pressure. However, a witness must be present to know the ritual is complete.” She gestures at Viktor. “Once your sacrifice has been accepted, you pass the knowledge to the witness and the secret is kept forever.”
“Wait, so Viktor knows all of your promises?”
Bella Marie nods. “It was the duty performed by his father and all the fathers before. A family legacy he is bound to uphold.”
“And what if he tells?”
“He explodes in a ball of holy fire.”
I burst out laughing but Bella Marie jolts, harsh surprise pressed in her frown.
“Oh.” I clear my throat. “You’re serious.”
“Darling, I’ve been serious this whole time. I’m unveiling the truth of the world to you. It’s not a laughing matter.”
“Right.” I bite my tongue. “Sorry.”
She smooths her white dress. “It’s fine,” she says, though she’s clearly displeased. “We will leave you to it now. The three of you, behave.” She smiles at me, Viktor, and Nikolai, before beckoning the other girls to follow her out of the room. They march behind her like little ducklings, waving goodbye.
“Good luck,” says Bella Marie.
“I’m praying for you,” says Kelly.
“Soon, you will be family,” says Maya. “Officially. One of us!”
“Family,” adds Emmeline.
“I hope your head doesn’t hurt for too long or I’ll feel really bad,” Sophia says. “You still look pretty, though.”
“So pretty,” echoes Ana.
“Stunning,” says Lily. “Really.”
The door slams shut behind them, echoing through the empty hall.
I glance at Nikolai. One-eyed like a pirate. At Viktor, who stares blankly at a distant wall.
I lift my arms, testing the restraints. The chains clink, pressing hard against my wrists.
I sigh.
How did I even get here? All I wanted was to be an influencer.
I stare at the looming shadow behind Nikolai.
Time to make an offering to the devil, I guess.