Chapter 57
57
The way to end this.
It struck me with abrupt and specific clarity, like Eto had commanded me to carry out the terrifying plan. Like I’m a puppet at its whim.
But it can’t be. Eto is not real. Eto is a creation of delusion and psychosis.
The thunder was a coincidence. Didn’t Bella Marie mention they’ve been having summer storms? And those visions of fire… it must have been a scheme of my own nightmarish creation. Perhaps my burning anger toward the Belladonnas mutated to a more literal form. And they’ve been drugging me—hallucinogens could have remained in my blood, making me have horrific visions. The fires in my head are merely bursts of violent fantasy, not something to be actualized. Everything can be explained rationally and logically.
Eto doesn’t exist. Surely.
I step into the grand entrance hall where the Belladonnas are huddled, giggling. When they hear me, they cease their chittering and smile wide.
“Julie!” they coo, rushing to me with quick little ballet steps. “Have you done it?”
I nod.
They scream and giggle, clapping.
“What did it feel like?”
“Sadness?”
“Elation?”
“An orgasm?”
“Yes, yes, tell us!”
I swallow and glance at Viktor, wondering if he’ll warn them. He’s returned to his empty, thousand-mile Skarsg?rd stare. He cannot go against Eto, what Eto has accepted—if Eto is real. And, maybe, he trusts me.
The Belladonnas grasp at my dress, fingering my locks as if yearning to tie little knots in my hair, bind us together forever.
I whimper. They salivate.
“Girls,” I say sweetly. “It was really scary. Really, really scary. So scary, I almost cried.”
“Oh no!”
“You should think happy thoughts.”
“Yes, yes, happy thoughts.”
I glance over their buzzing heads to Bella Marie. She’s poised, ever elegant. Her thin, wiry fingers smooth down her blond hair. I stretch my arms out. She arrives without resistance, folding into me.
“Because I am so scared, I need you all. I need my family.” I peel myself from her cold, bony body. “Stay with me tonight? Protect me?”
She parts her lips and inhales deeply, as if smelling me, wanting to savor the scent of Eto that has just touched me. “Of course, my darling Julie. Anything for you. Anything for family. We will protect you. I love you.”
The Belladonnas coalesce, forming a net around my ribs with their arms, lifting me into the air, spinning me around. “ Of course! We love you. We will stay with you all night, all the time ,” they coo until we are back at my bungalow. We collapse on the bed. A mass of bodies piled like fresh, flopping fish. They nest into me, brooding chickens watching over their fragile egg, smoothing my hair, massaging my arms with their damp fingers.
“Let’s go to sleep now,” they say.
“Wait.” I snake myself out of their grasp, their eyes burrowing into me with curiosity. I disappear around the corner. There’s temporary relief from this minor separation. But I can hear their collective breaths. It’s like they’re doing group meditation, coordinated inhales and exhales. My pulse hums as I roll my thumb over my padlock. I unlock my carry-on and find the SLEEPY BEARS. The plastic safety seal shines in the evening dim. Little purple bears stare at me with their dull smiles.
I step out with the bottle behind my back. “I feel so scared. You girls couldn’t imagine the sense of doom I feel.”
“Doom?” Maya asks.
I nod. “Like I’m getting canceled.”
There’s a clap of thunder. They all gasp, horrific lines cutting into their faces, mouths gaping wide. Even Bella Marie looks terrified.
I nod, desperately, thankful they are reacting the way I wanted. “I am so terrorized by these thoughts that I know I won’t be able to go to sleep tonight.” I show them the bottle of SLEEPY BEARS. “I know taking these will help me fall asleep. But…” I swallow. “It would feel so lonely to take them all by myself.” I break the safety seal and pour a few gummies into my hand. I look at the Belladonnas with wide, adoring eyes.
They glance at one another, exchanging uncertainties.
Are you fucking kidding? They were gobbling baby mice like Sour Patch Kids, but they can’t accept some non-government-regulated, non-FDA-approved, drugged-out sleep gummies?
Get real.
My hands tremble, outstretched.
“They’re safe,” I say to Bella Marie. She’s the only one who can convince everyone else. I step close to her, take a gummy myself as a show of intent. “They taste like lemonade and lavender.”
Her eyes glaze with concern.
“Please,” I say. “I am just so lonely, and so sad, and so, so scared. And I don’t want to be the only one to take it. I thought we were family.”
Bella Marie considers me deeply. Finally, she nods and pops a gummy in her mouth. Seeing this, the other Belladonnas join in. But for security, I say, “One is never enough. It takes two for them to be effective.” I pop a second bear on my tongue. Maybe it’s because they’re chewing a gummy already, but they don’t question it and accept second bears.
Truth is, one dose is enough to make anyone drop like a dead fly. Two is overkill, especially for a new user. But I’ve been using SLEEPY BEARS every day for the past few months. I’ve built up a tolerance. Normally it takes six to lull me into a night of sleep. Two is nothing. But to the uninitiated…
Already, Sophia opens her mouth in a yawn. It catches like a disease. Everyone stretches their jaws wide, blinking lethargically.
I yawn with them and crawl into bed.
They huddle close to me, limbs stretching over my body like lace.
“Good night,” I say.
“Good night,” says Bella Marie.
“Good night.”
“Good night.”
“Good night.”
“Good night.”
“Good night.”
“Good neugh…”
Their breaths fall into slow sleep.
I am awake. And alive.
And holy fuck, this is actually happening.
But first: Iz.