Chapter 4
CHAPTER FOUR
Romeo Ballet Academy, Sanctum
W hat comes after a kiss…?
My breathing speeds up. My heart hammers in my chest.
Moonlight is painted in silver bars across the strong planes of Swan’s back from the high window, as well as the blossoming bruise on the side of his face.
When he lets go of my hands, I open and close them in excited anticipation.
“Yes,” I tease, “your Ash Queen demands it.”
Swan’s eyes spark with fire. “Make me.”
I grin.
With pleasure.
I slip my legs around his waist and yank him closer at the same time as I bury my hand in his hair. “I have a way of dealing with rebels.”
“So far, I’m loving it.”
I can’t hold back the laugh. “Hold still.”
Swan looks confused but obeys.
That obedience is precious because Swan is the most defiant man I’ve met for everybody but me. He doesn’t submit even for Alphas.
He’s a wolf for the rest of the world but a lamb when he wants to be for his little Omega.
I close my eyes.
Tentatively, I reach out and trace over Swan’s thick, soft brows. I hear his breath hitch.
I tilt my head, concentrating as I map out my best friend and now lover’s face like I’ve longed to.
I want to be able to know Swan even by touch or feel in the dark.
Know him anywhere by his citrus and strawberry scent and the shape of his face, even if we’re locked away in shadows.
My Feathers.
I stroke over Swan’s sharp cheekbone, before finding out the slope of his nose. Then I touch my fingertip to his plush lips, which part like they’ve always been waiting there to welcome me.
His tongue swipes out and licks me.
My heart thumps loudly.
I feel the type of euphoric lightness that I’ve only had before, when I’ve been pirouetting.
When my eyes snap open, I’m staring straight into Swan’s silver flecked eyes.
Our faces are so close.
It’s agony to think that we’ll ever need to be further away from each other than we are now.
Dread forms a cold ball in my stomach that he could become Dimitri’s or that I could be sent to the Omega Institute.
If that happened, would Swan forget me?
“Let’s never stop loving each other, okay?” I whisper, urgently.
“I wouldn’t know how to stop loving you.” Swan kisses me, tender and like he can force me to believe him in each swipe of his tongue. “Remember the deal…? In secret, I’m your Beta, and you’re my Omega.”
I nod, but my pulse is roaring.
Swan’s gaze is searching. “Shh, take a breath. It’s going to be okay, I promise.”
At last, I allow myself to relax.
Swan is my mentor. Protector. And pack.
Somehow, we’re going to survive this week, together.
“Now, I believe my Queen was about to deal with this rebel. But what she doesn’t realize is that rebels fight back,” Swan snarls with a wicked gleam in his eye.
He pulls away, snatching the bottom of my jersey and teasing it between his finger and thumb. Then he lowers his nose to its purple striped shoulder and sniffs, deeply.
“Almond scented Cognac. It’s like Amby is in bed with us.” Swan arches his brow.
My cheeks flush.
Fuck, that would be hot.
“What if he is?” I challenge. “What if he’s a voyeur and is lying right next to us, demanding that we put on a performance for him?”
“Then I’d call him an Alphahole.”
“Then he’d spank you.”
“I’d like to see him try.”
“We both would.”
Swan chuckles. “While we’re naked and covered in oil and glitter.”
Swan is always good at choosing the right costumes for a performance.
When I take a deep breath of the jersey, it’s truly like Ambrose is here with us.
He’s watching me with his dominant, amber eyes.
What would it be like to be fucked by two men at once?
My pussy becomes wet.
I feel fevered.
“I’m so fucking turned on right now.” I moan. “Amby is naked. His cock is—”
“Smaller than mine,” Swan growls.
I roll my eyes. Betas and their knot envy.
Some packs don’t allow Betas to be part of an Omega’s heat. Traditional attitudes, which have seeped like poison into books, movies, and TV shows, have given Betas a sense that their role is not much different to a servant’s.
A Beta definitely isn’t seen as important as an Alpha, when it comes to pleasuring an Omega.
Swan, on the other hand, will be all my firsts like I’ll be his.
Even in this fantasy with Ambrose, it’s the Alpha who is watching, and the Beta who is allowed to touch.
Swan is learning to pleasure me because he is fucking worthy of it.
“Smaller,” I agree. It isn’t. Football pants are worn tight enough for me to know that Ambrose has a giant cock. I’m definitely not saying that. “But Amby’s cock will be hard as steel at the sight of us together. Then he says in his rumbling voice: Kiss each other. Now, hold down our little Omega and make her fucking shake .”
Swan nibbles my lower lip, following Fantasy Ambrose’s direction. “Then we better put on a good performance for our Alpha.”
I moan at that thought: our Alpha .
Is it wrong to dream? This is only a fantasy.
It’ll hurt like a bitch, when we wake up in the morning to the cold, hard reality that we haven’t seen Ambrose in four years.
I don’t even know if he’s back in America.
Swan draws back, before whispering, “This doesn’t feel real. Whenever I’ve had a rare time alone in the showers to jerk off, I think of you.”
I flush because I touch myself to thoughts of Swan as well.
He makes a pleased sound, when he sees the truth in my eyes.
The feel of his warm breath, sends a tingle down my spine.
Slowly, he bunches my jersey and t-shirt beneath my armpits.
My naked skin goosebumps.
I flush at the worshipful way that Swan studies my breasts. Then the even more reverent way that he strokes over my left one.
When he thumbs at my nipple, it peaks. The sensation is electric. I’ve never felt anything like it.
Is this what I’ve been missing?
Swan’s watching me closely for my responses. He repeats the action over and over, until I’m squirming with pleasure beneath him.
“F-fuck, that feels…” I gasp. “Again.”
This time, he circles my tit experimentally, and it’s like there’s a thread inside me, yanking right to my core.
My eyes widen.
Hungrily, Swan lowers his head, attempting to tease out more moans from me. He licks across my tit, before sucking.
Ecstasy coils through me.
I lower my hand to the soft hair that curls at the base of Swan’s neck in reward, playing with it, as I’ve craved to during rehearsals.
He peers up at me, before his eyelashes flutter like I’m stroking his cock.
My Beta likes to be petted.
My eyes light up.
I’m storing away that knowledge: every place on his body that brings him pleasure in the same way that he is now with me.
When he pulls away, giving my nipple a final lick, I shiver.
Then he licks over my chest above my heart.
My brow furrows.
Are those letters?
ROMEO
“What are you…?” I ask.
“This is where the Soul Mark appears in fated bonds,” Swan replies with a hint of defiance. “We’re fated mates with Amby; I know it. If you bonded him, then we’d have a Soul Mark, just here. At least, can I pretend tonight?”
He can’t hide the pain in his voice.
He tries.
But I know him too well.
I nod.
I can feel the ROMEO like I’ve been marked.
I’m shocked by how much I love the feeling. I wish so fucking much that it was real.
Swan smooths his hands down my sides with the same care that he cradles me, during a performance.
“Is this okay?” He dances his fingers lower over my stomach.
My muscles twitch.
Then he plays with the elastic of my underwear.
Please…
I bite my lip, unable to stop myself from humping up against him. I can feel how hard he is. But he hasn’t reached to touch himself.
What would it feel like to slip my hand into his underwear and feel the weight of his cock in my hand?
I’ve lain in bed imagining that so many nights.
Swan looks up at me from underneath his eyelashes. “Does that feel good?”
Each sweep of his fingers makes me feel like I’m coming to life.
“Amazing, Feathers.” I wriggle around in encouragement.
“Fuck, I love your body.” Swan snarls like he’s struggling to stop himself from simply ripping off my boxers with a wildness that he shows everywhere else. Instead, he says, “Tell me what you want me to do to you.”
His fingers are still running back and forth along the sensitive skin of my hip, just above my underwear.
I take a shuddering breath. Why is it so hard to put this into words?
“I want your fingers inside me.” I meet his gaze.
Swan’s smile widens. “As my Ash Queen commands.”
My heart jumps, as he tears down my underwear. Yet the way that he trails his fingers down toward my pussy is as gentle, as his move with my underwear was violent.
Swan is a complex mix of sharp and sweet.
It’s why I love him.
His gaze is searching, watching me for cues, as he strokes down my pussy, coating his fingers in my slick.
He explores, slow and sensual. When he circles my clit, he looks surprised at the way that I tighten my hold on him.
“There, there, fucking there ,” I encourage
Delighted, Swan focuses his attention on my clit with both his fingers and thumb. Dazed now, and humping against him, I realize with a shock that it’s like a dance.
He’s tapping out a rhythm.
Our Love Dance.
I clutch at Swan’s shoulders, unable to hold back, as ecstasy winds through me like a rubber band.
I feel taut, pulled tight.
I’ve never experienced anything like this.
It’s exhilarating.
“More,” I urge. “D-d-don’t s-s-stop.”
Swan keeps caressing my clit with his thumb but parts my folds to slip one finger inside me.
He crooks it, before slowly and sensually pumping in and out.
My back arches.
When he adds a second finger, it’s intense.
But fucking perfect.
I can hardly breath. Speak. It’s overwhelming.
“I love you,” Swan murmurs.
And it’s like something inside me snaps.
Swan swallows my scream with a kiss, as I come.
He works me through the orgasm relentlessly. I’m shaking, kicking my heels against the blanket.
Finally, as if I’m coming down from a high that I didn’t know existed, my breathing slows.
Swan slowly slides his hand out from my underwear and licks his fingers clean with a half-hooded look. “You taste as delicious as you smell.”
Well, fuck.
Woozy, I stare at him. “That was…”
“Mind-blowing?” Swan appears self-satisfied but he’s earned it. “You looked more beautiful coming than in all the times I’ve imagined it, JuJu. Was it really okay?”
And there’s the real Swan underneath the swagger.
The man who is as much a virgin as I am, who’s scared of roaches, and who gives me piggyback rides, when my feet hurt after class.
“It was mind-blowing.” I collapse onto the pillows. “I’m not moving from your bed tonight. It’s your own fault for melting me into taffy.”
Swan winces, when he throws himself down to lie on his side next to me. He’s being careful not to put pressure on his burns.
My expression becomes serious.
I will get Dimitri back for hurting Swan like that.
Swan grabs at the blanket and lays it over both of us, tucking us in together. “What a shame. You’ll just have to sleep in my bed every night from now on.”
Warmth floods through me.
“It’ll be tough, but I’m brave. I guess that I’ll have to survive it.”
I yank down my jersey and t-shirt to cover myself, before snuggling under the blanket against Swan’s side. Automatically, he raises his arm to pull me as close as possible, as if we’ve been sleeping together as a matched couple for years.
It’s familiar.
Right.
“Now,” Swan rests his chin on the top of my head, “sleep.”
He yawns, closing his eyes.
How can he sleep after what we just did…? It’s earth-shattering to finally become lovers after being best friends all these years.
Typical guy.
I huff.
I don’t pout.
Much.
Swan opens one eye and looks down at me. “Have I forgotten some important courting etiquette? You were mind-blowing too. Should I have called you a good Omega ? Thanked you?”
I snort. “Shut up. Get your beauty sleep.”
“You know that I don’t need it.” He cuddles me closer. “I just need my Omega stuffie.”
“Sweet talker”
Into the quiet, I listen carefully to hear if his breathing has evened out.
It’s hard having insomnia.
I’ve listened and watched Swan sleep so many nights. He’s impossibly more beautiful asleep than awake. It’s the only time that he looks peaceful.
Pretty.
“Do you want to know something that I’ve never told anyone else?” Swan’s voice surprises me in the dark. I stroke over his strong back. “Swan isn’t my real name.”
What?
How could I have known him for four years and not known that?
I swallow. “Why haven’t you told me that before?”
“Because no one here knows it.” Swan tightens his hold on me.
“I don’t understand.”
Swan’s silent for so long, I don’t think that he’s going to answer.
Perhaps, he’s actually fallen asleep.
Finally, however, he replies, “I don’t remember much from outside the academy. I feel like I’ve lived here my entire life, since I was kindergarten age when I was brought here. You were abandoned, but my family sold me. It’s tougher for the young ones to recover from the trauma of the first few years. You forget your previous pack.”
“Trauma?”
“It’s how we’re shaped into dancers. But I remember my older brother, Lincoln. Except, I called him Link. In my small world, he was everything. I have fuzzy memories of the elite pack who my family worked for, the Snakes. They’re the ones who encouraged me to dance. For example, there were asshole Alpha triplet sisters, who doted on me like a pretty toy but were cruel to their Alpha brother. Their Omega mom would even clap, as I danced around their kitchen that smelled of chocolate-peanut pie, while she played “Swan Lake.” She gave me the nickname Swan. It's what was written on my paperwork to the ballet academy.”
My eyes burn with tears. “What’s your real name?”
I know that sharing this is precious to him.
“I don’t know.” Swan gives a sharp laugh. “Hilarious, right? I can’t remember any of the names of my old family, including my own. It’s like that wasn’t even me. Yet I can remember my brother’s name because I have one distinct memory left: Link sobbing and screaming… Don’t take him, don’t hurt him, don’t send my baby brother away …when Miss Katerina came with a fake smile to tell me how lucky I was to be selected for their elite dance program. Dimitri told me afterward that Link was also sent away somewhere. I don’t know where.”
“Fuck.” I nuzzle against Swan’s chest. “Once we’re out of here, we’ll find Link, I swear.”
“I know that I always make a big deal about being a star.” Swan’s voice is tight. “Some of the dancers like Rem and Ari take the piss behind my back about how much I care about being a soloist. But it’s hard not knowing your own name. Guess I’m actually a nobody . Huh, maybe you should call me that.”
I nip at Swan’s neck in a move that’s taboo enough for an Omega to do to shock both of us. “A name means fucking nothing. You’re my Swan, Feathers, and a fucking soloist who deserves to care about being one. You’re still simply you . And I’m your Ash Queen and JuJu, as much as I’m a member of the rival Cinders. Swan suits you as a name. You’re as fierce and beautiful as one.”
Swan kisses the crown of my head. “I am, aren’t I?”
I can feel the curve of his smile against my hair.
For once, I’ve managed to make him smile. It makes up for the thousands of times that he’s made me smile.
“Plus, as vain as one.”
“You’ve forgotten that swans mate for life.”
My heart flutters. “Good because you’re not allowed to leave.”
“Where would I go? My old pack rejected me or are missing.” I don’t miss Swan’s hurriedly buried anguish.
I clench my hands in his t-shirt, as my scent sours in distress.
Swan hushes me, tucking the blanket more firmly around me. “Let’s just sleep. A busy day of classes and ruthless competition tomorrow.”
“It’s just…” I take a deep breath.
If Swan has been brave enough to share a secret part of himself, then I can do too.
But it hurts.
“JuJu?” Swan asks, concerned.
I look up through the barred window at the stars. They seem very far away tonight.
I wish that I could see them, standing outside in the cold night air.
“Once, a hurricane tore through the state, back when we were kids,” I say. “It caught most people unawares.”
“I remember.”
“The ranch that I grew up on with my family, as well as my uncle and cousin, which was attached to the Cinders Ballet Academy and Company, was devastated. Trees were torn up from the roots and stable roofs blown off. My Omega Dad and Alpha Mom were caught in it. I remember running from room to room in the ranch the next morning, calling: where’s Mom? Where’s Dad? I want them. When are they coming home? They didn’t come home. They were never going to. It took me weeks to accept that.”
“I wish that we’d known each other then. I’d have done anything to have been able to support you through that.”
“I had my Beta mom, Nova, who was the prima ballerina in the company. Until then, I’d barely seen her. She didn’t raise me. My Omega Mom, Lena, did. Lena was gentle and kind…amazing. But after I lost her, Nova stepped up. She had to take me to rehearsals and with her to her performances. Uncle wouldn’t let her take more than a week off after the hurricane to grieve. The life of the dancer, right? I grew up in the theater and dance studios. I dreamed that one day, despite being an Omega, I could be a ballet dancer like her. One night, she sat with me on the ranch’s porch and pointed at the stars. She told me that she believed after people die, they become stars. And that I’d never be alone because I’d always have her. But if I missed my mom and dad, I could look up, and they’d be in the night sky, protecting me. Loving me .”
My eyes are blurry with tears. The stars are misted to fractured light.
Are Mom and Dad truly in the stars?
Have they been watching everything that I’ve achieved? Have they been with me all this time, even when I lost Nova?
Or have I been alone?
“You have me,” Swan says, firmly. “But perhaps, we can look up and see everyone we’ve lost. We’ll know that they’re looking out for us. I bet that if they can see the woman who you’ve grown into, they’re fucking proud. Now, let’s get some rest, right?”
I purr, listening to the steady thump of Swan’s heart, as his breathing evens out to sleep.
Except, I lie anxiously awake under the starlight.
Nova means a star that suddenly appears with a bright, burst of energy and then gradually fades away into the night sky.
Isn’t that what happened to my mom, when she vanished?
And isn’t the danger that Swan and I will burn just as fiercely on Friday night and then fade away to nothing?