Chapter Twenty-Nine
Juliette
My lips curve up at his possessive tone. He’s doing his absolute best to be calm and understanding, bless him, but I can see that deep down he’s furious over what happened with Cam today.
“I knew it would annoy you when he called me his girl,” I tease.
“Annoy is too mild a word.”
“Infuriate?”
“That’s more like it.”
I giggle, and his lips curve up.
A seagull flies low in front of the deck, drawing my gaze away, out to sea. It’s such a beautiful day. This house is absolutely stunning. I can’t believe that Henry is asking me to share it with him. I know his privacy and his peace are important to him. Does he understand how me being here, especially once the baby arrives, is going to tear that peace apart? I suppose he does. He’s an intelligent guy. But I do worry that he hasn’t thought it through.
It’s been such a strange morning. I’ve fantasized about this moment, leaving Cam and telling Henry I want to be with him, and in my mind we went straight to bed and made mad passionate love for days. I hadn’t anticipated this quiet, thoughtful discussion. But I’m glad of it. I needed it, even though I didn’t realize it, and I’m so thankful he’s taking it slow.
I look back at him. “There is one thing I want to talk about.”
“Okay.”
“I’m only seven weeks pregnant. First, miscarriage is very common, so we have to be aware of that.”
“Yeah. Hopefully you’ll be fine.”
“But… I want to say… it’s not too late.”
“For…”
“To terminate it.”
We study each other quietly. I don’t know what his views on abortion are. I just feel that it’s something we should talk about.
His expression has gone carefully blank. “Gaby told Tyson that you’d thought about it.”
“If I keep the baby, Cam’s always going to be around, and part of me wishes that wasn’t the case. Terminating would be one way to cut myself off from him completely. We would never have to deal with him again.”
He looks away. He’s so handsome. His hair is still wet from his shower. He’s missed one small speck of blood that’s still on his temple. I want to reach up and wipe it away, but I hold back. He hasn’t touched me yet, apart from tucking my hair behind my ear. He hasn’t kissed me. I long for him to take me in his arms, but I understand that we need to settle everything first.
He’s still silent. Eventually I say, “What are you thinking?”
His gaze comes back to mine. “That it’s your decision, not mine.”
“Henry… come on. I know you better than that. Don’t give me the pro-choice argument. I want to know what you think.”
Still, he hesitates, and it’s only then that I remember what’s been happening with his nephew. “Oh, what happened with Rangi?” I ask.
He exhales with a deep sigh. “His girlfriend had the abortion. On Saturday evening, he took an overdose.”
I gasp. “Oh no!”
“He’s okay,” he adds hastily. “They took him to hospital, but he’s back home now.”
“Oh, you should have told me.” But of course I’d turned off my phone, so even if he wanted to, he wouldn’t have been able to call me.
“I was on my way back from Sydney,” he reminds me. “I didn’t get in until one a.m. I saw that Rangi had called around eleven but I was too tired to call him. It was only the next morning that Philip rang to tell me.”
“How was he?”
“Philip said Rangi wouldn’t stop crying or come out of his room, and he asked me to come over and talk to him.”
My eyebrows rise—I know Henry doesn’t get on with his brother, and it must have taken a lot for Philip to call him.
“I’m going to send Rangi to Greenfield,” he says. “I’m hoping it’ll turn things around for him. He’ll either forget about Ellie, or he’ll have the opportunity to qualify in a trade or something and find himself a job, and then he’ll be able to prove he’s a better prospect for a boyfriend to her parents.”
“And Philip agreed?”
“Yeah, so it shows how desperate he is. I’m glad he’s letting me help.”
I nod. “That’s good. And was Rangi pleased?”
“Yeah, I think so. He was just so sad about the baby. I felt bad about it.”
“Because you weren’t there to take the call?”
“Yeah. And because when he told me Ellie was pregnant, I said he had to keep his opinions to himself.” He picks at a piece of fluff on his track pants. “Maybe if Rangi had told her parents that he wanted the baby, they’d have let him stay with Ellie and bring the baby up together. They probably wouldn’t, but I took that option away from him.”
“You didn’t, Henry. Society did. It’s tough for guys to just sit back and do nothing.”
“I know it was the right thing to do. But I feel bad, that’s all.”
I catch his eye. “That’s why I want you to be honest with me. I want to know what you really think about me having this baby. I’m not saying the decision is up to you. But I do want to know.”
He drops his gaze to my tummy for a long moment. I can see him fighting with himself, debating whether to do as I ask, or keep his opinions to himself. He said that Shaz accused him of not being open with her. I’m sure that’s going to affect his decision.
Sure enough, he looks back at me and says, “I want to be with you. But… I don’t want you to terminate it for me.”
I inhale, then let out a long, relieved breath as I smile. “All right.”
His eyebrows rise. “You’re okay with me saying that?”
“Yes. I wondered whether you were secretly hoping I’d get rid of it so we could start afresh, that’s all. I’m glad that’s not the case.”
“We’re two healthy adults, with no real problems and plenty of money. And I can’t have kids, so I need to accept that another man will be the father of your child.” He huffs a breath. “And although it pains me to admit it, Cam’s not a bad guy. He’s honest and hardworking. Decent enough. He won’t be a bad father.”
I’m not so sure, but I don’t want to spoil the moment. I’m just so relieved he wants me to keep it.
I look into his eyes, which are filled with love and affection. Then I drop my gaze to his mouth. “Are you going to kiss me?” I whisper.
His lips curve up. “I thought you’d never ask.” He slides his arm down around me and pulls me close.
“You were waiting for me to ask? You have grown.”
He chuckles. “I didn’t want to rush you.”
I lift a hand to his face. He shaved this morning, and his jaw is smooth. “I’ve been starved of physical affection. I want you to kiss me and hold me and touch me and make love to me as much as you possibly can.”
His eyes light up. “Yes, ma’am,” he says. And then he crushes his lips to mine.
Mmm… at last… I lift an arm around his neck and slide my hand into his short hair as he presses kisses across my lips. My fingers slip through the wet strands, then move down to touch the warm skin on the back of his neck. He’s so strong; everything about him is big and solid. He feels like my rock, a man I can anchor to when the world wants to sweep me away.
He slides his other arm beneath my knees, and before I can say anything he lifts me up onto his lap, then lies back on the cushions so I’m half lying on him. His body is taut and muscular, his arms like steel bars around me. He tugs at my bun, and so I push myself up, take out the pins, then let the locks unravel. He takes them in his fingers and unfurls them, smiling as they fall to my waist like brown ribbons.
“So soft,” he murmurs, tangling his fingers in them.
Then he slips a hand to the back of my head and brings me down for another kiss, brooking no refusal.
I don’t want to stop him, though. I don’t ever want to stop him kissing me. His kisses are addictive, and they’re like chili or a spicy curry, almost too hot to bear, searing into me, heating my blood as it speeds around my body.
He kisses me for ages, his tongue teasing mine, his teeth nipping my lips, and then he progresses to my jaw, my ears, my neck, my throat, as if he wants to reclaim every inch of my skin.
I give a long, heartfelt sigh, and he moves back then to look at me. “All right, baby?” he asks. “You feel okay?”
I nod. “I’m happy,” I whisper back. “So, so happy.”
He grins and, before I can catch my breath, sits up, bringing me with him. “I want you,” he says firmly. “Right here.”
I blink and look around. We’re halfway up a cliff and miles from anywhere, but even so, I’m not used to having sex outdoors. “What if someone has a pair of binoculars?”
He barks a laugh. “Then I hope they enjoy the show.” He takes my top by the hem and says, “Lift.”
Obediently, I raise my arms, and he peels the top up my body, watching the way my hair goes with it then floats down as he drops the top onto the deck. Next, his eyes lighting up, he undoes my bra and peels the straps down my arms.
Bashfully, I let him take it off and toss that away, too. I never did anything like this with Cam. He wasn’t a spur-of-the-moment kind of guy at the best of times, and certainly not in the latter part of our relationship.
But Henry is a whole new ball game, and I have a feeling I’m going to have to get used to some very different experiences.
He turns me and lowers me onto my back, then undoes my trousers and slides them down my legs.
“What about you?” I protest, flustered, as he slips his fingers into the elastic of my knickers and removes them as well.
“All in good time.” He moves up over me and, a hand on either side of my waist, looks at me. Slowly, he slides his gaze down my body, drinking his fill.
I look up at the sky, trying not to squirm, and just enjoy being admired. I’ve longed for this all my life, and I can’t believe I’ve finally got my wish. Is this really happening, or am I going to wake up at any moment?
He lowers on top of me then, and kisses me again. “Taku kuru pounamu,” he murmurs as he kisses down my neck. ‘My precious one.’ “E te apa tārewa kei raro au i tō ātahu.” I don’t speak Māori quite as well as he does. I think it means something like ‘enchanted one, I am under your spell.’
He kisses my breasts, then trails the tip of his tongue around each nipple before covering them with his mouth and gently sucking. I groan and arch my back, need already burning inside me, and he growls and does it harder, until I cry out, “Oh God!”
Heat flares between us, and he moves down between my legs and pushes them up before saying, “I want to taste you.”
“Mmm…” I lift my arms above me onto the cushions, and close my eyes.
He nuzzles me down there and inhales, then licks me all the way up. “Me te wai korari,” he murmurs, ‘as sweet as honey.’ “Ahhh…” He circles the tip of his tongue around my clit and begins to tease it with slow licks and quick flicks.
I bathe in the warm sunshine, feeling like a part of summer, ascending into the sky with the seagulls and the clouds as he arouses me. He strokes the outside of my thigh with a hand while he teases my entrance with the fingers of the other, and he’s so gentle, it brings tears to my eyes.
Unsurprisingly, it doesn’t take long before I feel the approach of an orgasm. “I’m going to come,” I whisper, just in case he wants to stop and slide inside me. But he doesn’t; he murmurs his approval, then sucks my clit carefully, and I relax into my climax and clench around his fingers, feeling pleasure flow over me, sweet and warm as the summer breeze.
When the pulses stop, he lifts up, tears off his tee, and rids himself of his track pants and boxers. Then he stretches out beside me on the daybed and pulls me into his arms.
“You want me to wear a condom?” he asks.
I shake my head. “I got tested after Cam… you know.”
“And I had to be tested at the clinic.”
“And there’s no worry about getting me pregnant.” My lips twist.
He tightens his arms around me so our bodies are flush from chest to thigh. I thought he would be inside me immediately, but he takes his time to arouse me again, skating his fingers over my skin while he kisses me. It’s heavenly, lying there in the shade of the daybed while the summer breeze brushes over us, just taking our time. And there’s no rush. No reason to feel guilty. I’m not cheating. I’m with the man I love. He wants to marry me. There’s nothing wrong with what we’re doing. The realization hits me, and it’s only then I understand how the weight of guilt and regret has been weighing me down up until now. I’d thought my time with him was wonderful, but this is so, so much better. Finally I understand the power and the beauty of freedom, and everything it entails.
When I’m sighing again, my body feeling as if it’s humming with pleasure, he finally lifts my leg over his hips, positions the tip of his erection at my entrance, and slowly slides inside me. He takes his time, easing in gently, then withdrawing, until he’s coated in my moisture, and I’m relaxed enough to allow him to slide all the way in.
Mmm… I tip back my head, feeling full and stretched, and give a long, satisfied moan of contentment.
“Ko Hine-tītama koe matawai ana te whatu i te tirohanga,” he murmurs, kissing me in between the words. Something about being like Hine-tītama, the dawn maid, and a vision that makes his eyes glisten.
Oh this man… I kiss him, delving my tongue into his mouth, enjoying his answering deep groan. I want to give him pleasure, to watch that fierce frown on his face, and to feel him come inside me. I begin to thrust my hips to match his, and our bodies move together in a slow, glorious dance, gradually speeding up as our desire grows.
Ahhh… I want to do this every day for the rest of our lives. I’ve already wasted so much time. Sorrow mixes with the pleasure in a kind of painful bliss, and tears prick my eyes as he holds me so tightly, as if he wants us to become one person, so we’ll never be apart.
“E taku kōmata,” he says, which is the highest point of the sun, and I know he’s saying I’m perfect, I’m everything he wants, and I watch as he can’t hold back any longer and comes, his whole body stiffening as he twitches and spills inside me.
Even before he finishes, he rolls me onto my back and continues to thrust, grinding against me, and it takes less than a minute before I come too, shuddering and squeezing him so hard that he groans.
When we’re sated, he withdraws and lowers down beside me, then gathers me up in his arms. We lie there together, legs tangled, skin glistening, and listen to the cries of the seagulls as our bodies slowly drift back down to earth.
*
We stay there for ages, letting the summer breeze cool our hot skin, talking and laughing, while he strokes my back and gives me occasional kisses. Eventually, though, he asks if I’m hungry, and when I tell him I could probably manage a snack, we dress and go into his kitchen.
We go through the cupboards and fridge, and I cut thick slices of homemade bread spread with butter and put it on a plate with cheddar cheese, pickled onions, and cold chicken while he makes us another cup of fruit tea, and we take it outside again, and curl back up on the daybed.
He puts some music on his phone, and we listen and talk while we eat. Henry asks what I want to do about our living arrangements, and we talk about options. I don’t want to go back to the apartment I shared with Cam, even if he isn’t there. I could go to a hotel temporarily. Then rent a place of my own.
But in the end, I think what’s the point? I want to be with Henry, and he wants to be with me. I know myself well enough to understand there’s a small percentage of fear hidden inside that desire, because I don’t want to be alone, and he’s an easy option. In the end, I tell him that’s what’s bothering me, and he just looks puzzled.
“I don’t care,” he says. “At root, we’re just animals. You’re pregnant, and it’s natural to want a man to look after you and protect you. I don’t find that an insult. It’s a compliment, if anything, that you’ve chosen me.”
That makes me laugh, because it’s a very Henry answer. It’s old-fashioned, and I’m sure it would make some women inhale with indignation. But I know him well enough to understand that he doesn’t mean it like that. I’ve watched him talk to many women over the years, and he’s never anything but respectful and kind. He believes in equality and that women can do and achieve anything that a man can. But at heart he’s a caveman who wants to protect his woman. And why should I be indignant about that when it warms my heart so much?
“I love you,” I tell him. “And if you definitely want me to, I’d be thrilled to come and live with you.”
He’s so speechless at that, it brings tears to my eyes again. It must be the baby hormones; I’ve never cried so much in my life. He holds me and lets me sniffle, then suggests we go back to my apartment and collect as many of my things as we can fit in his Range Rover.
“I might call Cam and suggest he goes out,” I tell him.
“Not a bad idea.”
I hesitate. “I’m worried he’s going to be nasty.”
He tips his head at me. “You want me to stay? You don’t have to do this alone. We’re a team now.”
I nod, and so we sit together while I call, and I put it on speaker phone so Henry can hear what Cam says.
The conversation is brief. “It’s me,” I say when Cam answers. “You’re on speaker phone, and Henry’s with me.”
“What do you want?” he says gruffly.
“I wanted to let you know that I’m moving in with Henry. And I want to come back to the apartment and pick up some things.” I wait, heart racing.
Cam’s silent for a moment. Then he says, “Whatever.”
“Are you at the apartment?”
“No, I’m at Mum and Dad’s. We’ve had to call the doctor out. She freaked when I told her we’d broken up. She’s had a complete meltdown.”
I press my fingers to my lips, hating the thought of Kathy being upset. But it’s not my responsibility now. Henry strokes my back, and that gives me the courage to go on.
“Okay. I’ll pick up what I can,” I whisper. “Then later we’ll have to talk about you taking over the rent.”
“Fine.” He speaks curtly, maybe upset that I didn’t say I’d come over and help.
“Bye.” I end the call, shaking like a leaf, but relieved it’s done.
Henry pulls me back into his arms. “It’s all right, sweetheart. Well done.”
I bury my face in his shoulder. “Why’s it so hard? I just want him out of my life.”
“I know. But we can take something positive from that call.”
I move back a little, trying not to cry. “What?”
“He told his parents that you’ve broken up.” Henry lifts my chin and looks into my eyes. “He’s accepted it’s over. That’s a big step for him.”
Tears tip over my lashes. “I want to be happy,” I say, sniffling, “I don’t want the shadow of my past hanging over me.”
“I know. But it’s a fresh wound at the moment, that’s all. It’ll heal. He rā ki tua.” It means better times are coming.
I let him hug me, trying to believe him. Cam is my past. Henry and the baby are my future. He’s right; I just have to be patient, and let time heal me.