Chapter 23
CHAPTER 23
JACE
All I see is her smile.
All I hear is her laugh.
All I smell is that damn toasted vanilla shampoo she still uses.
And all I feel is the racing of my heart when she’s near.
It’s been three weeks since Kinsley stumbled back into my life and much like the first time, she’s consumed every single one of my thoughts.
Do I linger a little longer at practice, hoping to catch a glimpse of her?
Do I have to hide my keys when I get home so I don’t drive to the coffee shop she works at?
Do I lay awake at night wondering what she could be doing, only to fall asleep and have the memories of us together play like a movie?
Do I have multiple tabs open on my search bar with articles written about her accident and read over them for any hint as to what could have happened?
Do I wish I could go back in time so that I could hold her in my arms and never let her leave my flat that morning?
Yes. To all of it.
But there’s nothing I can do.
After Sydney told me everything, I gave myself a few days to be upset, not at her, not at Kinsley, but at the universe for thinking it was okay to play with someone like this. To play with her like this.
Then I got myself together, opened my laptop, and researched everything I could about amnesia caused by traumatic accidents. I talked with multiple doctors, seeing if there was any way I could help get her to remember, but they all said the same thing.
If she hasn’t regained her memories by now, there’s a chance she never will and I couldn’t tell her about our past.
If I did, she could lose whatever there is left of them forever, replaced by false memories.
And I’d never chance that.
I’d never chance her.
So I watch her from a distance. From here, I won’t slip up and cost her everything. From here, I know she’ll be okay. From here, I can protect her heart… and mine.
Shoes scuff on the pavement and Lawson stops next to where I stand. He leans against the open garage bay, arms crossed and signature scowl on his face. “Ready for this?”
“Not at all.”
“Not even going to ask what I mean by ‘this’?”
“Nope. Because I’m not ready for any of it.”
“Seriously, J, are you okay?”
I shrug. “None of this is okay. What happened to her isn’t okay. What Sydney did isn’t?—”
“You know she didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“Don’t.” I glare at him.
He squares up on me. “Don’t what?”
“Don’t take her side like you always do.”
He sighs. “There aren’t any sides, stop acting like you’re five and not almost thirty years old.” He twists his head in the direction of where the girls stand. “Do I think the way she went about this was wrong? Yes, she should have told you the moment she found out. But do I think what she did was wrong? No. You would have never done it for yourself.”
He meets my eyes. “And you need this. Don’t act like you didn’t. Do you really think after all the years we’ve known you, none of us would pick up on the fact that you have never once hit on someone with brown hair or brown eyes?”
My jaw ticks and he chuckles. “Yeah, you’re not that discreet. I once saw you scream ‘stranger danger’ while you lifted your hands over your ears when a girl tried to hit on you.”
“She had crazy vibes.”
“Whatever you have to tell yourself, bruv.” He claps my shoulder, walking towards the girls backwards as he continues. “You can say you’re upset with all of this as much as you want, but I know there’s a part of you that is thankful for this second chance.”
Is it a second chance if she doesn’t even remember the first one?
Sydney beams as he walks over and she wraps her arms around one of his. Kinsley nods and holds out her hand, my own fisting when Lawson shakes it.
“Collins, you’re up next,” Mitch calls from inside the garage and I nod.
With one last look at Kinsley, I stalk off to my drivers room and change into my gear. I’m slipping my earphones in as I walk back into the garage when I nearly take someone out.
“Oh shoot. We’ve really got to stop meeting like this,” Kinsley laughs.
If you only knew.
I swallow and she glances down to my helmet. “Are you heading out there?”
I nod, my throat suddenly dry at her proximity.
Jesus man, get it together.
Her eyes dance over my face. “You know, everyone’s warned me that you’re a bit of a talker, but maybe they have you confused with a different Jace Collins?”
I open my mouth but nothing comes out and her lips tip up as she sighs.
“Good luck out there. I’ll make sure to get your good side.” She steps around me and I watch her walk down the hallway.
“Left,” I yell out after her, suddenly finding my voice.
Smooth as ever, mate.
“What?” She turns back and the sunlight coming from the doorway creates a halo around her.
“My good side. It’s the left.”
She smiles and my heart skips. “Noted.” With that she disappears into the sunrays.
I watch the space she stood for a moment, memories knocking on the back of my mind. Locking that mental door, I slip my helmet on and hop over the halo, sliding into the cockpit.
Pre-season testing is underway and four of the ten teams have already used up their twenty-four hours on the track. Lawson and I have each been out there twice already, and each time the crew or us found something that needed tweaking.
Here’s hoping the third time’s the charm.
Overall, my hopes for the season are high. We have a killer car ready to be let loose. And after winning a championship two seasons ago, I’m hungry for another.
My race engineer gives me the thumbs up and I hit the ignition, the car rumbling to life around me. I pull out of the garage and exit the pit lane as his voice comes over the radio.
“Okay, mate. Let’s give her a rip and see what she’s got.”
“Understood.”
When I’m given the all clear, I let the roar of the engine chase away all of the outside worries as I make my way around the track. On my fourth lap, I’m called into the garage after a cool down turn.
Hopping out of the car, I shuck off my help as Mitch walks over with hiked eyebrows.
I guzzle down water, speaking through labored breaths. “What?”
“Do you have any idea how fast you were going out there?”
“Uh, fast?”
He chuckles. “Incredibly. You beat the record by two seconds.”
“What?”
He nods, eyes glancing at the car. “How’d she feel?”
I turn and look over the car with him. “Amazing. She ran perfectly. No braking issues. Handling is exactly how I like it. Your crew built me a perfect car.”
He claps a hand on my shoulder. “This seasons going to be it. I can feel it.”
I smirk. “Let’s hope so.”
I head off to shower and change after he gives me the thumbs up that I’m done for the day. A laugh I’ll never forget catches my attention the moment I step out of the clubhouse.
I glance to my left to see Sydney, Lawson, Blake, Ryder, and Kinsley. Walking over, I instinctively throw an arm over her shoulder and everyone quiets. Reality slaps me in the face like a jilted lover and I pull my arm back, shoving my hands in my pockets.
Clearing my throat, I smirk down at her. “Consorting with the competition already?”
“Hardly competition if you keep up what you just did. What kind of fire lit under your ass and where can I get some?” Blake laughs, leaning into Ryder’s side.
Sydney bumps her elbow into my arm. “Seriously. Good job out there today, big brother.”
I glance at her and hum a quick thanks.
Her face dims and she drops her eyes, scuffing her shoe against the pavement. I look over to see Lawson scowling at me and I glare back.
Ryder and Blake glance at each other, having one of those silent conversations only a husband and wife can have, before she smiles over at Kinsley. “So. Kinsley. Have you always wanted to be a photographer?”
“Kind of? I don’t know. I’ve always liked photography but I never really thought I’d be able to make it a full time job. Even now I still have to pinch myself to make sure this is all real.”
Blake laughs. “I was the exact same when I started racing last year.”
“I may have done it for her a couple times.” Ryder smirks and she backhands his chest.
Kinsley sighs. “It’s definitely a great opportunity and I’m very thankful for it. But it’s also hard to leave my son like this.”
“You have a son?”
Kinsley nods, pulling out her phone.
I hold my breath as she pulls up a picture of the two of them. He’s her spitting image. Dark brown hair and glowing eyes.
She turns her screen and Blake coos.
“He’s my everything, so leaving him for this was extremely hard.”
“Is he with his father while you’re gone?”
Leave it to Blake to ask all of the questions. She’s really come out of her shell this past year. Long gone is the nervous, bumbling rookie. Now we have to wrangle her to leave people alone.
She’s my best friend, I can say she talks too much if I want to.
Especially since that’s usually me.
But ever since I bumped into Kinsley in that hallway, I haven’t had the words.
Her being here has quite literally stunned me into silence.
“His dad isn’t in the picture.”
My eyes shoot to Sydney in surprise.
She never told me that.
Then again, I never gave her the chance to. I couldn’t even bring myself to open the files she sent me. I tell myself it’s because I was mad, but the reality is I didn’t want to find out about her life that way. I wanted to learn who she was now from her, not some words on paper.
“My gran is watching him. She’s helped out ever since he was born. Pretty sure he prefers her house over ours since she lives to spoil him.”
Blake nods. “At least there’s a lot of good breaks where you can go see him. Maybe we can even get him out to a race or too when he isn’t in school?”
“Can we do that?”
Blake shrugs. “You have a hookup with four drivers, they can’t say no to us.”
Kinsley glances up at me and my lips tip up. “I’ll see what I can do.”
Her smile knocks me right in the chest and I lock my muscles so I don’t do something stupid like pull her into my arms.
I glance at the group, each of them watching me. Clearing my throat again, I clap my hands. “Okay, I don’t know about you all, but I’m starving.”
“I could eat. What about you, pip?” Ryder glances down at Blake who rubs her stomach.
“I need a burger in me like five minutes ago.”
He leans in, whispering in her ear and she blushes.
“Hey, stop that before I lose my appetite instead.” I point at them and grimace.
Blake laughs and glances at Sydney. “What do you say, Syd?”
My sister looks at me with hesitant eyes before she turns back to her and pastes on a smile. “Maybe next time, I have some more things to wrap up here. I’ll just grab something from the food court.”
“Are you sure?” Lawson asks, watching her fidget with her bracelet.
“Yeah, you all go, I’ll be fine.” She waves before walking off towards the Nightingale Race Teams clubhouse just on the other side of ours.
Lawson glares at me, but I ignore him as Blake asks Kinsley if she wants to come.
“Sure. Is it okay that I tag along?”
“Of course it is.” Blake links their arms together and they start walking in front of us.
Ryder and Lawson flank me as we follow them down the paddock lane.
“Have you told her?” I ask Ryder.
“I tell her everything, so yes. But she has a lot of questions—hell, so do I.”
“You’re not the only one,” I mumble.
“It’s all a bit fucked, innit,” he chuckles.
“You’re telling me,” I sigh, running a hand over my face. “The girl of my dreams is right there and there’s nothing I can do about it.”
“Why do you think you can’t do anything about it?”
“Because I can’t tell her about our past, the doctors say it isn’t smart and can distort her memories, making it hard for her to differentiate between what is real and not.”
“Then don’t tell her,” Lawson says. “She’s not the same Kinsley you met eight years ago. And you’re sure as hell not the same either.”
We stop at the curb, the girls a few feet away as Blake calls for a car.
“Lads, I don’t think I’d survive losing her again,” I confess.
“So what’s your plan then?” Ryder asks.
Kinsley throws her head back and laughs. Blake notices us staring and winks at her husband, causing her attention to follow. Her golden eyes sparkle in the fading sun as she looks at me, a smile on her face and pink tinging her cheeks.
“I guess I’m going to have to get her to fall for me all over again.”