3. Mac
Mac
M y Chemical Romance blares from the garage speakers and I bob my head to the rhythm while tightening up the last spark plug.
Finishing this car is the last thing I have to do before lunch.
Then one more car after that and I get to call it a day.
I’m looking forward to a quiet evening with some pizza and a movie later.
I wipe my sweaty brow with the back of my hand and grab my water bottle off the workbench.
Taking a swig, I hear the ping of my phone in my back pocket.
In the group chat “BAMF” that I’ve had with my best friends Blake and Austin since we got cell phones years ago, there’s a new text. BAMF stands for Blake, Austin and Mac but then Austin, ever the goofball, realized if we added an “f” it could also stand for bad-ass-mother-fuckers.
Austin: She’s baaaaccckkkkkk
I roll my eyes. He’s talking about MJ and, of course, I know she’s back.
Not only did I see her red Jeep rolling through town earlier today, but I also got a text from Beck a few hours ago.
Not to mention, the Quad Squad group chat, also named by Austin, has been blowing up about plans for tomorrow.
I am well-the-fuck-aware she’s back. My phone pings again.
Austin: We’re having a Grill and Chill down by the creek like old times as a welcome home kinda thing. You should come
Me: I’m busy
Austin: You’re always busy dude
Blake: You can’t avoid her forever
Austin: Gonna be kinda hard with her home for the summer and you working with her dad
I shake my head, sighing. Yeah, her dad, who so graciously agreed to handle my case even though I know he’s constantly looking down his nose at me. Mr. Lawrence is a nice guy, always has been, but it’s clear he believes all the town gossip he hears. The case has just solidified his opinion of me.
The Lawrences and my family have always been friends.
As kids, we made it hard for them not to be because the four of us were practically inseparable.
But as we got older, my brother got into trouble, Dad got sick, and I had to make adult decisions.
Suddenly, the friends my parents had were few.
Which is fine by me. We do better on our own, anyway.
Me: Not avoiding her, just don’t need to be a part of some welcome home when we haven’t talked in six years .
I send my half-truth and then slip my phone back into my pocket. The full truth is maybe I have been avoiding MJ, and I sure as fuck don’t want to welcome her back home after she’s been away at her fancy-pants college for four years.
Almost seven years ago, when we were sixteen, I realized MJ was so far out of my league that I needed to give up any hope of her and me being a thing.
She was growing up and getting too big for this little Podunk town.
Too big for me. MJ and me, we have always connected, and there’s always been an attraction there.
She is both smart and funny, as well as kind.
She got me like few people do. Connecting over books and movies when we were kids, MJ could coax out my softer side, a side most people don’t see.
But that’s MJ—breaking down walls I didn’t even know I had.
The summer before our junior year, MJ was already talking about what college she was thinking about going to and then which law school after that.
She had dreams; she was going somewhere, and I wasn’t— didn’t .
Case in point, she’s back home after four years away at college and I’m here working in the auto shop.
The same auto shop I will continue to work at until I die.
MJ has always been the pipe dream. I knew it back then and I still know it now.
I knew she had a thing for me; well, I guessed at least, but from the moment I realized I wanted her in more ways than one, I kept my distance.
The last thing I needed to do was give her false hope that we could be something.
I’m not sure if she noticed considering I didn’t hear from her after they all graduated high school, aside from lurking in the Quad Squad group chat.
I’m guessing she didn’t care to notice. She’s got a whole new life and all these experiences, and I just don’t fit in with her anymore.
So no, I won’t be joining in on the little “Grill and Chill” to welcome her back home; she’s better off without me around.
A few hours later, sitting at the small table across from my mom, we eat in a comfortable silence.
I don’t get to do it often, but I try to bring her lunch while she’s working at the bookstore every now and then.
Today I brought simple salads I threw together from what she had in the fridge at home.
The bell dings over the door and my mom pops up from her chair to check on the potential customer.
There are already a few milling about the small bookstore, but in a small town like Oakridge, it’s unlikely anyone will steal a few books.
If you believe the rumors, Mom should really be more worried about me stealing something in here.
I continue eating my salad but practically choke when I hear a familiar voice.
“Mrs. Macdonald, it is so good to see you,” she says in a cheery tone.
“Oh, Emmalynn, it’s wonderful to see you, dear.
Are you back in town for a while?” my mom asks.
Her soft footsteps get closer to the tiny office behind the counter.
I know MJ can’t see me, but I can see my mom making a come here motion.
Fuck that . I love my mom, but I’m not going out there.
I try to tune out their small talk and focus on my salad.
Mom’s footsteps get closer, and I look up at her exasperated face.
“Why didn’t you come out?” she asks.
I put my finger to my lips and in a lowered voice say, “I really don’t feel like being social right now, Ma.” Mom huffs but then nods and takes her seat. “Is she still here?” I ask.
“She said she was just going to look around for a bit, so yes, she’s still here with your friend Shannon.
” She replies in a hushed tone, matching mine, and shakes her head as if she can’t make sense of me.
Mom wouldn’t understand why I don’t want to see MJ, and I don’t bother trying to explain it.
Mom digs back into her salad, and we eat in comfortable silence. Well, mostly.
“I really don’t know how she stands it, having two criminals for sons,” a customer says quietly. They must be down the aisle near the office because we can hear them fucking perfectly.
“I know. I really feel for her. First Jake and now Alex. In a way, I hope Judge Matthis lays down the law on Alex. First offense or not, he needs to be taught a lesson,” another customer chimes in.
I roll my eyes and shake my head in disgust. This fucking town, always quick to judge and never quiet about it.
My mom may not own the bookstore, but she works here almost every damn day.
They know she’s around here somewhere, and it annoys me they would so blatantly talk shit about her and her family like this.
I look across the table at my mom, who’s looking into her salad like it’s the most interesting thing she’s seen.
“That boy has been on a downward spiral for years. I’m surprised it’s taken this long for anything serious to happen.
I feel for Nancy and Jim, though.” The first customer replies.
Oh, now they feel sorry for my parents? I stand from the table to go give them a piece of my mind, but my mom grabs my hand and holds me back.
I open my mouth to protest, but then hear that familiar voice again.
“Feel for Nancy and Jim. Why? Because they have an amazing son who works hard to take care of them?” MJ confronts the two customers. My body slumps back into the chair, and I feel like someone has sucked all the air out of the room. I try to take a deep breath, but it doesn’t fill my lungs.
“Sounds to me like you ladies need to find another bookstore to shop at. I hear Cedar Bend just opened one, maybe go there because I don’t think Nancy would appreciate your business if she knew what kind of bullshit you were spouting,” MJ continues, and it feels like a punch to the gut.
“Em, let it go. Come on, let’s just come back later,” Shannon, her voice of reason, chimes in.
There’s slight shuffling, likely Shannon dragging MJ away, and then the bell over the door dings again.
Mom lets go of my hand, but I reach back for it and squeeze it tightly, closing my eyes even tighter.
I take a few deep breaths, doing the box breathing technique Mom taught me. Inhale for four, hold for four, exhale for four, hold for four. Again. My heart rate finally slows back to normal, and I open my eyes to see my mom’s eyes shining with concern .
“You okay, kiddo?” she asks. I nod my head but then shake it.
“Yes, no. I mean, the panic is gone, but Ma, you deal with that kind of bullshit regularly? They know you’re here and still spew their gossip like that?” I ask her with more venom in my tone than necessary. She winces but then nods.
“It’s okay, kiddo. Really. We know the truth, right?
I know I have some of the best boys in the world.
Your brother has his troubles, but he’s still a good kid.
And you,” she steps toward me and gently places her palm against my cheek.
“You are our rock, Alex. Who cares what other people say?” She rubs her thumb against my cheek lovingly, and I nod.
“I’m sorry you have to go through this because of my decisions though, Ma.”
“It’s okay. Really.” She smiles softly and then nods her head, directing me to sit back down and finish my lunch. “I thought you said you and Emmalynn don’t talk anymore,” she says while stabbing more lettuce with her fork.
“We don’t,” I reply with my mouth full.
Mom shakes her head. “Well, she sure came to your defense back there. Maybe there’s hope yet for you two.”