4. MJ
MJ
A fter running a few errands throughout town, Shannon and I make it back to my parents’ house mid-afternoon, and we have a few hours before meeting the boys by the creek.
I’ve been wanting to ask her about the gossip we heard at the bookstore, but I haven’t figured out the best way to approach it yet.
Shannon is no stranger to my curiosity about Mac over the years but sometimes I worry I ask about him too much.
While I didn’t know what the ladies were even talking about, I couldn’t just stand there and let them bad-mouth Mac and his family.
Especially when Mrs. Macdonald was right there.
I swear some people have no class. The gossiping is one of the few things I definitely did not miss about Oakridge while I was away.
Shannon plops on my bed and starts scrolling through her Instagram feed while I sift through my boxes, looking for some nail polish and my bathing suit for later.
I find a few different nail polish colors and toss them on the bed by Shannon.
“Em, your Insta feed is gorgeous. A little gray, but still so pretty!” she says as she grabs the bottles of nail polish and picks an emerald green .
“Thanks, girl. It’s definitely a lot gray, but I’m excited to get some shots of home into the mix, that’s for sure.
” With all the city pictures of Piermont, my feed is mostly cityscapes or gloomy skies.
I tried to mix it up as much as I could with pops of color from my apartment and around campus, but the city was just the reality of my life for the last four years.
I can’t wait to add some gold, orange, and pink tones to my feed now that I’m back home.
I sit on the floor while Shannon readjusts and puts her feet on my thighs like we have always done when painting each other’s toes. I shake the bottle of nail polish, and Shannon looks down at me. “So, are we gonna talk about it?”
I look up at her with a questioning look, and she continues. “You told me you ran into Mac at Spoon, but I didn’t think you talked. So why would you defend him so vehemently like you did back at the bookstore?” Oh .
I shrug and paint her toenails. “I don’t know, it just felt like the right thing to do. What were they talking about, anyway?” Focusing on her toes, I can’t see her face, but I can tell her body went stiff for a second. I look up, but her face isn’t giving anything away.
“Maybe you should talk to him and find out.” She raises one eyebrow in challenge, but I shake my head.
“Nope. The phone works both ways,” I say. She rolls her eyes and laughs.
“You’re just as guilty of not reaching out, though,” she points out. I shrug.
“Enough about that. Who’s got your eye lately? You’ve barely mentioned going out on any dates or anything. What’s been going on with you?” I ask.
Her cheeks flush slightly, and I smile. “Eh, no boys, Em. You know how it is here. Oakridge is so small, and if I didn’t date them in high school, they probably weren’t worth dating.”
“I guess that’s true. You never dated Austin or Blake in high school, though, and we know they’re good guys.
” Neither of us dated within our friend pool.
For me, it was because the boys are like my brothers though I’m not sure that’s how Shannon feels.
It’s a small town, but we still had neighboring towns and, of course, Cedar Bend.
Shannon looks down at her toes, suddenly very interested in the lines of paint I’ve already put on. “Come on, Shan!”
“There’s nothing to tell, Em. Seriously.
I know I wasn’t off at a fancy school like you, but I was still taking classes and working at the bar.
I’ve been too busy to date.” I try not to wince at her calling Caracrest a fancy school.
Looking up at her face, she’s annoyed and not going to budge on this, so I back off and focus on painting the rest of her toes.
A little while later I push out of the bathroom door after changing into my bathing suit. I’m greeted by my best friend’s smile which grows wider as her eyes trail my body.
“Damn girl, you look fucking hot! ”
“Really?” I turn so she can see the back. “I bought this before my Spring Break trip to Mexico, but then never wore it. At least it still fits. Maybe it can be my summer suit.”
“It looks great on you. The high waist shows off your ass and the halter top . . . my god, your boobs look so perky. Interesting color choice, though.” She gestures at me with a pointed finger, eyebrows raised.
“You haven’t worn a red bathing suit since we were sixteen, even though I always tell you it looks amazing with your skin tone and makes the green in your eyes pop. ”
I roll my eyes and shake my head. Shannon is the best hype girl whenever I need it, and I’ve been needing it.
I’ve been self-conscious about my body for years now, especially considering I put on more than the usual freshman fifteen while I was away at college.
My stomach is not toned and flat like it used to be; it’s soft and squishy and my thighs jiggle when I walk.
My mom raised me to believe I’m beautiful no matter what, but society and social media tell me otherwise.
It’s been something I’ve had to work on, my mental self-image, over the last few years.
Trying to find clothes that make me feel good about myself is a big step on this self-love journey.
Accentuating the things I do like about myself, like my ass and boobs, as Shannon so graciously observed, has helped.
Learning how to dress this new body has been a struggle, but I finally feel like I’m figuring it out.
Shannon is also not wrong about the red.
I still wear red clothing but never a bathing suit.
The summer I turned sixteen, I wore a red bikini down to the creek almost every day.
I thought I was so hot because it was my first true bikini.
That was the summer my body “took on its womanly shape” as my mom told me back then.
That was also the summer Mac pulled away.
Maybe I subconsciously tied the two together and avoided the color; I’m not even sure what made me buy it earlier this year. It just felt right.
Shannon speaks, but I furrow my brow, not sure I heard her right. “I said, if Mac doesn’t fall at your feet with you in this bathing suit, then he’s blind.”
I roll my eyes. “Okay, one, I’m not wearing this for Mac. And two, I don’t even think he’s going to be around, and he’s definitely not coming tonight.”
Shannon shrugs and reaches for her beach bag. I throw my jean shorts and T-shirt on over my suit and grab my bag, too. We head downstairs and catch my parents in the kitchen. “Hey guys, we’re about to head down to the creek. You’re still going to swing by later, right?”
Mom replies, “Of course. Can’t wait to see the boys. It’s nice to see you, by the way, Shannon.” Shannon smiles and nods her head in agreement.
“Will Alexander be one of the boys there tonight, Emmalynn?” my dad asks in more of a stern tone than he usually uses.
“Um, I don’t think so, but I don’t know for sure. Why?”
“No reason, Peanut. Do you need us to bring anything down when we come by?” he asks.
“Actually, could you guys bring an ATV down for us to drive back later? You know how much I hate walking back home in the dark.”
Mom laughs and nods her head. “Of course.”
Shannon and I are floating around in the creek, enjoying the peaceful trickle of water and nature when we hear voices, not just any voices, male voices.
Normally, this would be a little creepy, but after a few seconds, I realize it’s Austin and Blake.
I splash some water toward Shannon to get her attention and then wade my way out of the creek.
I walk up the creek bed, slowly trying not to slip.
Once I hit the top of the hill, I run to the boys.
Blake has his hands full with food, but Austin is only carrying a case of beer that he sets down quickly as soon as he realizes I’m not stopping. I plow into him and wrap my arms around his neck in a giant hug.
“Fuck, MJ, you’re getting me soaked here!” Austin says with laughter in his voice.
“Dude, you’re at the creek. That is our natural state around here. Get over it,” I tease back.
He squeezes me around the waist and lifts me up slightly. “It’s been way too long.” I look over my shoulder and see Blake has set the food down and is greeting Shannon with an awkward side hug. I disentangle from Austin and jump on Blake next.
Blake squeezes me just as tight and seems to inhale my hair. “Uh, Blake, that was a little creepy.”
“I’ve missed you, okay? Just let me enjoy this for a moment.” He nuzzles back into me and if he wasn’t practically my brother, I would think this looked indecent. I just shake my head and soak him up.
“Okay, top chef, what did you bring to cook?” Shannon asks in a voice laced with sarcasm after hugging Austin hello. This grants us an evil laugh from Blake.
“Well, I figured we’d go with the basics. Cheese-stuffed hot dogs, hamburgers that have been marinating in my special sauce”—this earns a crude gesture from Austin, while Shannon and I try to contain our giggles—“and then some good old-fashioned potato salad.”
He unloads the cooler bag and lays the food out across the picnic table.
“Well, that sounds amazing, Blake. Seriously, thank you for bringing all of this down. I can’t wait to try something you’ve cooked, finally.
” Blake heads over to the grill and turns the knobs to get it heating.
“I think you brought enough for a small army, though. It’s just the four of us tonight. ”
Austin and Blake exchange a look I can’t quite read. “What about Mac?” Austin asks.