13. MJ
M J
T hursdays have become my days to hang out with Shannon, and today we’re going to have some girl time by the creek.
The time is much needed since I haven’t been able to fully debrief her on the time I spent with Mac on Sunday.
I’ve only seen him once since then—on Monday, when he had another meeting with my dad.
We didn’t talk much though, and it was kind of awkward.
I hit the bottom of the stairs and the banister squeaks under my hand as I use it to propel myself to the front door. Shannon is waiting out front and we cut across the yard to the little trail leading down to the creek.
Halfway down the hill, I’m huffing and puffing, but Shannon seems to be just fine. This walk must be easy for her. “So, are you gonna fill me in on what happened on Sunday, or do I have to pry it from you?”
I laugh and shake my head. “No, I’ll tell you, just,” I take a breath. “Let’s get down by the water and then I’ll tell you all about it.” She nods and we continue down the hill.
Finally, making it to the campground area, we both place our bags down on the picnic table.
I stretch, trying to catch my breath, and take in my surroundings.
Birds are chirping. The water is rushing down below.
This really is my happy place. Smiling, I pull out the small picnic I packed and lay it out on the table while Shannon does the same.
We sit down to eat, and I finally spill my guts about Sunday. From the wildflowers to the bookshop, all of our heavy conversations, everything.
“He was really pushy about law school though, like he couldn’t believe I hadn’t even applied yet.” I take a sip of my water and Shannon nods.
“Do you blame him? That’s all you would talk about when we were in high school. It was always law school for you.” I nod in understanding. “Why haven’t you, really?”
I gulp down more water, buying myself a few precious seconds to think about my answer.
It’s a great question, one Mac asked me and I skirted around.
Truthfully, I think it’s a lot of reasons.
Law doesn’t feel like the right fit for me.
I struggled a lot at Caracrest, and I don’t even know if I would get into law school, let alone graduate.
Since being back home, Shannon and the guys have nudged me here and there, giving me the idea there might be something else out there for me besides being a lawyer.
Law has always been the thing I would do.
It was a given. Brad is a lawyer, but he didn’t want to take over the family business, he didn’t want to be s tuck in Oakridge and much prefers the larger city.
I always figured it would be up to me then to take over, but if I’m being honest, I don’t love it.
It’s not exciting. Law is actually downright boring to me.
Do I want to be a lawyer? No offense to my dad or my grandpa, but I don’t want that life.
I want excitement. Law has always been shades of gray, but I want a life filled with adventure and fun and beautiful colors.
I want to help people see the beauty in life and I don’t know if I can do that as a lawyer.
“Em?” Shannon pulls me out of my thought spiral.
“Sorry, Shan. Honestly, I don’t know if I want to do law.” I blow out a breath. There, I said it out loud. Shannon doesn’t look the least bit surprised though. “Am I that obvious?” I ask.
“No, I just know you. When you’re passionate about something, you light up from the inside out.
I have never, not once, seen you light up about law stuff like you do when you’re taking photos or creating content for your Insta.
” She reaches across the table, grabbing my hand. “You’ll figure it out.”
I nod slowly and while we’re on the subject, tell her about the program at Caracrest I found for digital marketing.
She’s so supportive and encourages me to check out a few of the businesses in town to see if they would want some help with their social media or advertisements to give me some experience.
It’s not a bad idea and maybe between that and the research I’ve been gathering, I can put it all together and show my parents.
Maybe, just maybe, they’ll let me take a year off to pursue this.
A few minutes pass. W e finish eating and then clean up our little picnic before heading down to the water. We float together, taking in the serene quiet of being in the creek, when Shannon splashes me to get my attention.
“You never finished telling me about your day with Mac.” She smiles like she knows something.
“He did say something that I found kind of odd.” I tell her about the conversation we had before we parted ways—how he thought I was going somewhere and he wasn’t.
“Well, it’s true though, isn't it?” she asks.
I shake my head. “Em, he was so busy with the shop, keeping it afloat for his family, and you were so full of determination to go away to college. I think he knew if he asked you, if he gave you any reason to stay, you would.” Her words are gentle, but her meaning seems clear.
Is she saying what I think she’s saying?
“But that would have been my decision.” My chin wobbles.
“True. But come on. He knew you had feelings for him. I think . . .” She pauses like she’s not sure how to tell me the next part. “I think he had feelings for you too, but he didn’t want to hold you back. He didn’t want you to have to choose between him and your dreams.”
“But he didn’t have to just cut me off. Why couldn’t he just—”
“Babe,” Shannon cuts me off and swims closer to me, gripping my shoulders.
I look up at her. Her face is full of love and compassion.
“He couldn’t go with you. You were so set on leaving this town.
He knew he couldn’t go with you. He had to work at the shop, support his family.
” I shake my head in denial. “He wanted you to live your life and not hold you back.”
Shannon drops her hands from my shoulders and gives me a moment to myself. I take a deep breath, mulling over what she just shared and thinking back on the conversation with Mac. He said something similar. Maybe not in so many words, but he mentioned my ambition and wanting to leave town.
Is that why he pulled away? When I thought I did something wrong, was he just trying to protect me? And if he had feelings for me all those years ago, maybe I didn’t imagine him wanting to kiss me. Maybe the lingering glances, the touches, maybe they have been more than just friendly.
“Hey, Shan?”
“Yeah?” She turns to me and swims closer again.
“Do you think . . .” I take a deep breath. “Do you think we could be more than friends?”
“Is that what you want? Are you still into him?”
“I think—I think I’ve always loved him. I really don’t know if that’s ever going to go away.”
“Finally,” she breathes out. I raise my eyebrow in question. “I wanted you to get there on your own, but I know you could be more.”
“Wait, what do you mean?”
“Well, according to Blake, Mac has been confiding in him and Austin about you for the last few weeks, as well.” She rolls her eyes and laughs. “Boys are kind of dumb, not gonna lie.”
I laugh and shake my head. “Wait, according to Blake? Since when do you two gossip?”
Shannon shakes her head. “No, no, no. We’re talking about you and Mac right now. Let’s just leave my drama out of this.”
“Your drama? What the hell? Now you have to tell me. I’ve been so selfish and hung up on my stuff. Spill!” She remains tight-lipped.
“Nope. There’s nothing to spill. Blake and I text, as infuriating as it is.
He’s been asking me stuff about bartending, making drinks.
I think he’s trying to mooch my ideas for his restaurant.
” I raise my eyebrows and she continues.
“We’ve hung out a few times, mostly at his house, with Austin.
And they give me access to their parents’ fully stocked bar. ”
A smile creeps across my face. I’m so going to grill Blake later. “So, it’s just business?” I waggle my eyebrows, and she laughs.
“Yes, just business.” Her cheeks turn a lovely shade of pink, which tells me it is so more than just business, but I won’t pry just yet.
“Alright. I’ll leave it be. So, what should I do about Mac?” I ask.
“I think he’s going to woo you now.” I give her a look and mouth the word “woo” jokingly. She shrugs. “I say let him woo you. Maybe you’ll finally get what you always wanted with him.”
Kicking my legs back out, I lean back into the water, letting it embrace me into a cool cocoon. What I always wanted with him—now that’s a thought.
Later that night, I find a comfy sp ot in the library, opting to sit on the window seat for the first time in years. I set my annotation caddy down and open one of the books Mac bought for me. I’ve been reading through it since I got home Sunday night and I’m almost done annotating it for him.
As much as I love annotating, I think I love reading his annotations more. I can’t wait to see his thoughts on the book I gave him, but he hasn’t returned it yet.
I stretch my legs out in front of me, a little sore from the hike down to the creek and back.
We so should have taken a quad. Maybe next time.
It was nice spending time with Shannon, though, and I feel like I have a renewed sense of hope.
She gave me some good ideas to help potentially win my parents over.
And I feel like I have a plan on how to proceed with Mac.
A sigh escapes me, thinking about Mac. I want to text him, check in on how he’s doing, but I also am not sure how to get the conversation going again.
We agreed to be friends, but based on the conversation with Shannon, I think we both want more.
How do we step past the line of friends and into the realm of more?
Blowing out a breath, I pick up the book I’m annotating for him.
Maybe this is a start. Maybe rekindling that friendship and love of reading will spark something else between us.
Flipping through the book, I look at the things I’ve annotated so far and hav e to look twice.
Most of my notes and highlights are around the romance in the book.
Whether it’s the tension between the main characters, the moment they fall in love, declare that love, it’s all got my little heart doodles and highlights.
Pink tabs line the edges, which should have been my first clue since pink is what I use for romance.
Maybe my brain was already focusing on something my heart wasn’t quite ready to admit and subconsciously dialing in on the romance, knowing this would end up in Mac’s hands. Shaking my head, I pick up my pen and start adding more comments.