Chapter 27
The drive to the airport was silent.
Will forced himself to focus on driving and ignore the way his heart was beating unsteadily, as if it had forgotten what steady and normal felt like.
Normal. His life would go back to normal now. No more irrational decisions and instinct-driven nonsense. No more Gadiel.
His heart stuttered in his chest, and Will ground his teeth, fighting the fresh wave of anger, fear, and possessiveness.
Focus , he snapped, barely keeping himself from looking at the quiet young man in the passenger seat.
Gadiel hadn’t spoken a word since he’d left Will’s room to pack, his expression blank, betraying none of his feelings.
It felt fundamentally wrong. He was used to knowing everything Gadiel thought. Not knowing put him on edge, and the unease roiling in his gut was becoming worse, making him feel almost nauseated.
Focus .
Will parked the car and got out to retrieve Gadiel’s suitcase.
He silently followed him as Gadiel got through customs, and then accompanied him to the gate where Zain’s private jet was waiting for him. All the while Gadiel didn’t look at him once.
Wrong. This was so damn wrong.
His heart pounding as he tried to make sense of his emotions, Will almost didn’t hear it when Gadiel finally said something, breaking his silence.
“What?” Will said.
“My suitcase,” Gadiel said without quite looking at him and stretched out his hand for the suitcase in Will’s grip.
Will stared at those beautiful, elegant fingers, everything in him burning to grab them.
“Give me my suitcase, p-please.” Gadiel’s lovely voice wavered and broke, and something inside Will broke too.
He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t say goodbye like this, pretending as though they were nothing to each other but the client and his bodyguard.
“Is that really what you want?” Will said, his voice coming out as rough as the emotion that lodged itself into his throat.
Gadiel went still before his lips twisted into a weak approximation of a smile. “It never matters what I want,” he said, looking at some point to the left from Will’s ear. “Could you—could you do something for me?”
Anything , was his instinctive thought.
“Of course,” he said.
Gadiel finally met his gaze, his blue eyes looking lost. “Could you... could you tell me that you love me?” He blushed. “Obviously that would be a lie, but. I just. I’d just like to know what it feels like—” He cut himself off, his face red as he crossed his arms over his chest defensively and looked down. “Forget it. Never mind. It was silly of me.”
Looking at his small, mortified form, Will nearly choked on the emotion that spread from his chest to his throat. It was fierce protectiveness, and it was love, a desire to shield this boy from the rest of the world.Itwas helpless, all-consuming, ravenous. It had dug its claws into hisheartlong before Will had even recognized it for what it was: love.
He loved him. He really fucking loved him.
Finally admitting it to himself felt oddly freeing. It was still terrifying, but mostly it was freeing, like a weight off his chest. Like unlocking a part of his soul and allowing it to step out into the light.
“I love you, Gadiel.”
Gadiel went still. It was like he stopped breathing altogether.
Slowly, he lifted his gaze, something heartbroken and yearning in it. He stared at Will for a long moment, as if trying to imprint his face into his memory, before swallowing and giving a tight nod. “Thank you.” He took the suitcase and turned to the gate.
His heart sinking, Will stepped forward and grabbed his shoulder. “I’m not lying, Gadiel. I really love you.”
Gadiel’s shoulders were stiff under his touch. “Please don’t,” he whispered. “Please, Will.”
Will turned him around and looked at his pale face, into his fragile, frightened eyes.
It broke his heart.“I love you,” he repeated, holding his gaze.
Gadiel blinked a few times. “You don’t. You—you can’t.” And yet, despite his words of denial, he looked at Will like a starved thing at the only source of sustenance. And there was hope in those eyes, a fragile, desperate hope—but fear too.
“I can,” Will said, cradling his lovely face with his hands and pressing their foreheads together. “I do. Or I’d never fuck you. I never fuck my clients. You were the exception for a reason. I love you, baby.”
Gadiel inhaled sharply, as if his words hurt him. “Please don’t,” he whispered hoarsely, squeezing his eyes shut. “Please.”
Will kissed the corner of his trembling mouth. “It’s true, love. I love you.” He kissed the other corner. “I’m in love with you. You’re all I think about.”
Tears fell from Gadiel’s closed eyes. He shook his head. “You can’t mean this. I can’t—If I actually believe it, I won’t survive it when you leave me.”
His throat thick with emotion, Will hugged him. “Look at me, love.”
Gadiel shook his head, a whine leaving his throat.
“Look at me,” Will repeated firmly.
Slowly, Gadiel blinked his eyes open, wet and impossibly blue.
“I know you’re scared,” Will said, stroking his cheek with his thumb. “Frankly, it scares the shit out of me too.” He gave a rueful smile. “You know me, I’m not exactly good with emotions. But I think of you as mine—I’ve thought of you as mine for some time now—mine to protect, mine to keep happy. I was just in denial about it. But I’m done lying to myself. I love you. It’s real. It isn’t going to change. I love you.”
Gadiel’s throat moved a few times as he swallowed audibly. “But you never took my feelings seriously because of my age. You said I was too young to feel anything real.”
He had said that. But did he really think that?Gadiel wasn’t fickle. He wasn’t someone who loved endless parties and fun. His emotions ran deep, his need for love, home, and stability uncharacteristic for someone his age.Will knew it, rationally. He’d spent nearly two months staring at this young man and obsessively learning what made him tick, what made him smile, what made him happy and upset. Willknewhim. So had it been just senseless fear, fear of getting too attached to someone who could fall out of love and move on? Christ, he wasn’t sure. He’d like to say that it wasn’t true, that he was more rational than that, but Scott might not have been entirely wrong when he said that Will tended to ghost his girlfriends if things started becoming serious. Maybe he had beenafraid of getting too attached—and getting his heart broken. Maybe Gadiel’s youth was just another excuse he’d used to protect his heart.
Either way, it hadn’t worked. He’d still fallen, and fallen so hard hecouldn’t imagine loving someone else in this way. It was a singular thing, toointense and crippling.It gnawed at him like a hungry beast locked in the cage of his chest, pacing and clawing at his heart. It wanted out. It wanted in . It wanted to get into Gadiel’s heart and own it.
“It doesn’t matter to me,” Will said, brushing his thumb against Gadiel’s bottom lip. “I don’t want you to be any different. I don’t want a life without you. Stay here, don’t go back.”
Gadiel’s lips trembled as he opened his mouth several times, but no sound came out. He stared at Will with such naked longing, but his eyes were welling with tears and he was shaking his head. “We can’t. I’m supposed to get married in a few weeks. My father will never let me be with you. He’ll kill me rather than let me dishonor him like that. He’ll kill both of us.”
“You were willing to risk it for Scott but not for me?” Will said.
A laugh tore out of Gadiel’s throat. “It’s not comparable at all, silly. Scott was just a distraction, a temporary escape. I convinced myself that I could be happy with him for a while, but looking back, I didn’t really give a damn about him, about the danger I was putting him in. But you—I’d rather die or be miserable for the rest of my life than have anything happen to you because of me.”
Frowning, Will took Gadiel’s hand in his, watching their fingers entangle and entwine without any conscious thought. A perfect fit. An impossible choice.
“It’s not just your decision,” he said, squeezing Gadiel’s hand. “I won’t let you die or be miserable for the rest of your life. Those can’t be the only two options.”
Gadiel shook his head. “Will, please. Don’t make this harder.” Stepping closer, he pressed his lips against Will’s in an achingly gentle kiss and whispered, “Thank you. Thank you for loving me. I’ll always, always love you.” Hot tears fell from Gadiel’s eyes onto Will’s face. “Part of me doesn’t want you to be happy without me, but I want you to live a long, happy life full of love and laughter. You deserve nothing less.” He laughed wetly. “I lied—I’m not sorry to have met you. I’m happy I have gotten to know you. I might be just a short page in your life, but you—you made mine so much better. Thank you.” He started pulling away, but Will clamped his hands on his arms and jerked him close.
“No,” he said.
“Will—”
“No, listen to me, damn you.” Will glared at him. “You don’t get to make the decision for me. Fuck that self-sacrificing bullshit.”
“Will,” Gadiel tried weakly, but Will shook his head.
“You’re the only person who got under my skin in years—in decades. You aren’t a fucking page in my life. You are mine. You feel more mine than anything else in the world. I don’t give a fuck if we’ll have to spend the rest of our lives in hiding. As long as I have you in my life, it’ll beworth it.”
“But—”
“Besides, I’ve looked your father up. If your marriage falls through, he’ll be in big financial trouble. He isn’t going to waste his limited resources on looking for his wayward son for the rest of his life. He’ll give up in a few years at the latest.”
“You can’t know that,” Gadiel said, but his body was already melting into him, his eyes shining with hope.
“I can’t know for sure,” Will conceded, stroking his back. “But even if I’m wrong, I don’t care.” He met Gadiel’s gaze. “I haven’t had a home since I lost my family. Until this month with you. So I’m more than all right moving around forever as long as I have you. Home isn’t a place.”
A small, fragile smile dawned in Gadiel’s eyes before spreading to the rest of his face.
He believed him. He finally believed him. “I’m never letting you go, you do realize that, right?” he said, wrapping his arms around Will’s neck.“You’ll never get rid of me.”
Will laughed, crushing him in his arms. “That’s the idea.”
And then they were kissing, and nothing else mattered.