21. Chapter 21
Chapter 21
Milo
Rose’s rosebud mouth is parted, the olives and golds of her eyes a sea of curiosity and openness. I look back down at her lips, knowing she wants what I want—hoping it’s the right time to finally meld my lips to hers again.
Except, Callum starts to cry, and she moves away with a soft gasp. Her gaze falls to her lap. “Just a second,” she whispers as she pulls herself off the couch. She drags a hand through her dark hair as she hurries out of the room and into the bedroom she shares with Callum.
She’s gone for several minutes, and through the open door, I hear her pacing the floor in her room, patting Callum’s back, whispering quietly.
Did I think I’d want kids at age twenty-five? Not really. But we’re
talking about Callum and Rose here. All bets about my life have been upended.
Eventually, Rose returns to the sofa, slowly sinking into it, her eyes half
closed.
“How is he?”
She covers a yawn with the back of her fist. “He fell back asleep.
Thankfully, no more vomiting.”
I nod. “And how are you?”
“Apparently, seeing my child throw up all over you had some sort of weird aphrodisiac effect because I almost kissed you.” She giggles, and I just breathe. Because the adrenaline from almost kissing her is revving up again.
My mind searches for a way to respond to that when she asks, “You okay?”
I chuckle as I drop my head back. “More than okay.” I lift my head and search her eyes. “How are you?” I ask again.
“I’m good.” Her voice is teasingly sweet, tired. “It’s . . . a good thing we didn’t actually kiss. I guess.” She runs her tongue across her lips.
“You guess?” I ask softly.
“I’m moving away.”
“In four months.”
The frisson between us is palpable as she scoots so that she has her back against the armrest of the sofa. She’s wearing worn jeans, and she stretches her legs out long but lets them dangle off the side of the couch. I pat my leg and make a pointed look at her feet.
She gives me a slow smile as she gently places her feet in my lap. I start massaging the arch of one, and touching her smooth, bare skin thrills me to the core.
“I’m warning you, I have terrible feet,” she says.
“No you don’t.”
“I have waitress and housekeeper feet. Even my callouses are calloused.”
“They’re not. Your feet are tired and worn out, which is all the more reason for me to take care of them.”
Something hitches in her breath. “Well, whatever you’re doing, it feels amazing.” She leans her head back against the sofa and closes her eyes.
We’re quiet for a long while. “Rose, can I ask you something?” After her nod, I continue. “What do you want?” I ask softly. “What do you want your life to look like? You’ve said what you don’t want. You don’t want unfulfilling jobs or bad relationships. You want a better life than what you’ve had so far. But what does that look like, exactly?”
She opens her eyes and lifts a shoulder with a half-smile. “I want to be the best mother I can be for Callum. I want to give him the best life I possibly can. And I want to make a difference in people’s lives. I watched my nephew T.J. deteriorate from kidney failure and die at the age of five, Milo. He was Eden’s son. It happened four years ago, and it was torture. For him and for all of us. So I want to work with other people who have those types of conditions. I have to.”
“I’m sorry about T.J.” I can see it in her warm hazel eyes—the grief, and the desperation that comes from it. “I have no doubt you’ll accomplish those things . . . that you’ll be a powerful force in so many people’s lives. And what about you, personally? What about falling in love? Do you want that?”
She rolls her eyes, yawning again. “Of course I do, Milo. Someday. When I can afford to take the risk.” She sighs quietly, sliding her bottom jaw around like it’s stiff. “I’m tired, and I promised myself I’d be cautious when I’m tired.”
I nod, trying not to let the disappointment weigh down my chest. “Okay. We don’t have to talk about this now.”
She hedges, sighing lightly. “But I do want to say that four months until I leave for North Carolina isn’t nothing.”
I don’t know what she’s getting at, but I nod.
She worries her lip with her teeth. “I mean, maybe we could go out on dates. Casually. Knowing that nothing can happen past September. As long as we both understand that.”
“You want to just . . . plan to break up at that point?”
“I can’t date long distance, Milo. I’m already going to be spread so thin, with school, working at the resort part time, and taking care of Callum.”
“I understand.”
She massages her right temple, moving her jaw back and forth. “Besides, when I met Blaine? We committed to a long-distance relationship before I was scheduled to leave for the nursing program. We had all these plans that we could keep things going between us while I was in North Carolina. Then I got pregnant and . . . well you know how that turned out. Not that I wish for anything different now.” She sighs deeply.
When I can’t think of what to say in response, she continues. “Besides, both my sisters have tried long-distance relationships, and things ended terribly. The child custody issues that go along with that have been a nightmare, too.” Her pause is heavy, nearly palpable, like she’s about to step off into the unknown. “But right now, this summer?” she continues. “Things are different. I have a little more time, and I really like you. I admit it was refreshing seeing how much you didn’t freak out when my son puked all over you. Made me think, wow, I could give this a shot, couldn’t I?”
“If that’s the case, then he can puke on me whenever he wants!”
She cringes, and then I laugh. “I really like you, too.” I’d love to kiss her, but I want to let her take the lead on that.
“So? Want to keep spending time together?” She blinks rapidly. “Taking things as they come. Knowing that in September, we’ll be content with all the good memories we made . . .” She trails off and then shakes her head. “I can’t help but think that maybe Callum needs you this summer as much as I want you.”
My cheeks burn. It’s nice to feel needed and wanted.
She tucks her feet under her so she can sit up and reach out to squeeze my forearm. “I meant that.” She stops and then starts again. “You know I have feelings for you. I can’t make any promises for September, but I think I’m going to enjoy dating you for now.”
“I’m okay with that. There are no expectations, Rose. You don’t have to have everything all figured out.”
She shifts forward, going on her knees as she leans in to kiss my cheek. It’s brief, but my gut floods again with desire, and maybe a little bit of hope.
I can’t help the blip of a wry smile. “Maybe you’ll change your mind about the ‘for now’ part.”
Her bottom jaw slides forward, and she raises her chin. “No. I won’t.”
I look into her eyes. Never say never , I think to myself.
I will respect her wishes. We’ll try dating until September.
That doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy not to want more. And that doesn’t mean I’m not going to do all I can to see if we can get to the point where saying goodbye in the fall is impossible for her to do.
I get an Uber home. I’d stay there all night talking with Rose if that made any practical sense, but she’s a mother who needs her sleep, and Callum might still be sick tomorrow, so she’s going to need her strength.
I definitely don’t call any of my brothers to pick me up because I don’t need the scrutiny or teasing that would come if they knew I’d been with Rose.
The next day, Rose doesn’t come into work. I text her to see how Callum’s feeling and she replies he still seems under the weather, so she’s taking the day off. The following day, it’s lunchtime when I get a notification on my phone that I have interoffice mail. I run down to get it. If it’s from Rose, I want to know right away.
It is. And the first few lines make me smile so hard, my lips hurt.
Dear Milo,
I managed to find some old stationery in one of my boxes. I certainly feel the unicorns elevate my letter writing game. Who knows? After this runs out, I might order some Lord of the Rings stationery. I saw some online once, but couldn’t justify the purchase since I had no one to write to. But now, that I have you, I might just go crazy and get it.
It's going to be epic.
My chest warms. I want epic things with Rose. They’re already heading in that direction.
Thanks for not freaking out about Callum. In fact, you’ve done the opposite of freak out. You’ve been amazing with him. He lights up when he’s around you.
I do, too, but that’s another story for another day.
The next few lines make my stomach plunge to my knees.
Look, I need to be honest about something, and I meant to address it earlier, but I chickened out. One of my employees found some balled up pieces of paper in your garbage when she was cleaning out your suite the other day. She didn’t read them, but the name Rose caught her eye. She showed them to me and . . . well, I dumpster dived. I quickly realized you hadn’t meant for me to read them.
That said, they totally made my day. Milo, I really love spending time with you. I do feel you’re my friend, in all the best ways. And to me that’s worth a lot.
I’ve learned to guard my heart well . . . or poorly, depending on how you look at it. As nervous as I am to let you into my crazy life with my crazy family, I’m looking forward to seeing how things go the next four months. Callum needs the example of a good man, as well, and I’m grateful you’re getting to know him. For me, it’s nice to spend time with someone as amazing as you are, even if it’s temporary. It means a lot.
Love,
Rose
P.S. How about Kody? Kevin? Kaden? Kenneth? Karl?
She read those balled up pieces of paper? After some overwhelming regrets that I didn’t take a match to them right away, my embarrassment eases away through the day. Maybe it’s good she read them because now my feelings are out in the open. And this way, it wasn’t like I was pressing the issue by bringing it up.
It’s the truth. Everything I wrote and discarded was the truth.
I can give Rose that, can’t I? She’s had so much heartache from people, especially men, all these years. I can try to give her honesty, can’t I? That part is a no-brainer.
Also, the “Love, Rose” at the end made my heart pound. The change feels significant.
You want to know what else feels significant? That there’s a ticking clock on our relationship, and despite my desire to give her what she wants, I don’t know if I can walk away from this come September.