Chapter Tyler
Tyler,
This might be the last letter I write. Keeping this tether to you only makes my heart ache.
I know I’ve said this in previous letters, but Chad works out of town, and I feel so damn alone raising these two kids.
When he’s home, he hardly looks at me, never touches me.
He certainly doesn’t help with the kids.
We are nothing more than an obligation to him.
I can only say this on paper, never aloud, but at times I think to myself, I’d rather do this completely alone than in our current state.
I am not happy. Not even a little bit. Anyway, I still think of you and hope you’re doing well.
Josie
P.S. This will definitely be my last letter.
Stupid, stupid me left it lying on the bed, and Chad found it.
I grabbed it from him before he could read too far down the page, but still, it’s the worst fight we’ve ever had.
I tried explaining to him that these letters are more like a journal than anything, but that doesn’t make up for the fact that I address them all to you.
I miss you, Tyler. I knew you for one night but I’ve never stopped missing you.
At this point, I don’t even know if I miss you or the idea of you, but either way, I do so quietly, never uttering your name to a soul.
What the hell is wrong with me? I can’t keep torturing myself like this while my marriage is also falling apart.
If Chad and I don’t make it, I don’t think I’ll go looking for love again.
I can’t risk it. So with tears trickling down my face, I’m writing my last words to you.
I’m re-reading the last letter for at least the fifth time, but finally I fold it back into thirds, and place it in its spot at the bottom of the stack, carefully tying the purple ribbon around them.
And fuck, I feel devastated for the person Josie was when she wrote these words.
Being kind when she cries is the bare fucking minimum he could have done, not an eye roll or a scoff.
No wonder she feels like she’s too much.
All those years, was she in a loveless marriage, thinking of me as often as I thought of her?
What can I do to earn her trust? Logically, I know this takes time, but after being without Josie for so long, it’s hard not to want everything at once.
Leaning my back against the couch, I wrack my brain for a plan, coming up empty. I slide my phone from my back pocket, swiping to Kate’s contact, who answers on the first ring.
“Any news?” I ask as soon as she’s answered.
“Not enough on the principal to report. I’m following a lead, but keep hitting dead ends.”
I release a sigh.
“But I do have good news. Chad was easy to find.”
Kate gives me an address and I grab a pen and paper to jot it down.
“What does he do for work?” I ask.
“Let me see…” I hear papers shuffling.
“Looks like he works for the same company as always. I guess he traveled when he was married to Josie?”
I give a hum of agreement.
“He lives in the town he traveled to. He has a wife and one child.”
Kate gives me the name of the company Chad works for, and after thanking her we hang up.
Next up, I need advice. Scrolling to Cassie’s phone number in my contacts, it rings four or five times before she answers.
“Hey, Ty.” I think I hear a male voice in the background, but can’t be too certain. It could be a TV show.
“Hey, Cass. I need some advice from a woman. Think you could come over? Or I could come there?
“Um, I’m not home right now, but I can be there in…” She pauses. “Say, thirty minutes. Will that work for you?”
My brows furrow. “Where exactly are you, Cass?”
She clears her throat, and there’s the murmur of a male voice again. Definitely not the TV. “Liam’s. I’ll see you in thirty.”
I briefly recall that Liam is a member of Penny’s studio band.
“Sounds good. I’m gonna call Penny and ask her to join us. This is something she knows a lot about, so I want her input as well.”
“Ahh, so you need advice on Josie. Got it. Yeah, see you soon.”
She hangs up, and I scroll to Penny’s number.
“Penny Miller, soon to be James, phone,” Austin’s voice rings through my speaker.
Rolling my eyes, I say, “Hand the phone to Penny, please.”
Austin chuckles, and a second later Penny’s voice comes on the line.
“Hey, Ty! What’s up? To what do I owe the pleasure of a phone call from my favorite cousin-in-law.”
Repeating what I told Cassie, Penny tells me the door’s unlocked and to head over. With a quick text to Cassie telling her where to meet, I grab my keys from the kitchen table and head their way. It’s too damn cold to walk anymore today.
Letting myself in through the side door that leads to their kitchen, I’m greeted by Penny’s cat and the sight of Austin backing Penny up against the kitchen counter, kissing her jaw while she giggles and bats him away.
“Austin, Tyler is on his way,” Penny murmurs.
Clearing my throat from where I stand, Penny gives Austin a playful shove and straightens her disheveled clothes. Feeling only slightly awkward, I divert my attention by kneeling to pet Penny’s cat who is rubbing against my leg, purring loudly.
“Come on in,” Penny says, waving me inside. “Where’s Cass?”
“She said she’d be here in about half an hour. She wasn’t home,” I say to Penny, not making eye contact with Austin. But out of the corner of my eye, I see a muscle in his jaw tick.
Standing in the kitchen, we make small talk until Cassie arrives, exactly thirty minutes from the time I hung up with her. Penny leads us all to the living room, including Austin who takes a seat on the arm of the couch next to Penny.
“I’m not missing any of this.”
I squint my eyes at Austin, head tilted. “When did you get so goddamn nosy? Is Henry rubbing off on you?”
“Just never thought I’d see the day when you were needing advice on a woman. Was beginning to think you were living a life of celibacy.” Then, to be a little shit, he adds, “Some of that forty-year-old virgin life.”
I chuckle and shoot him the middle finger. But that’s not far from the truth these last few years.
“So, what can we do to help?” Cassie asks, steering the conversation back on track.
The story of Josie and my time together so far begins to spill from my lips and the three of them sit, full attention on me. When I get to the part about Josie telling me all I’ll do is hurt her, Penny and Cassie exchange a look.
“What’s that look mean?” I ask, my eyes bouncing between the two of them.
“If she refuses affection from you, then she can’t get hurt,” Penny explains.
“Well, yeah, that much is clear. But what do I do about it? How do I show her that I’d never be like those other men?”
Penny studies me, eyes roaming over my face. “Are you falling in love with Josie, or do you feel an obligation to create a family with her for Abby and Jay? That’s what you have to decide. What do you feel?”
I take a few seconds mulling over her words.
Admitting that I’m falling for Josie is on the tip of my tongue, but I bite it back.
There’s no denying every fiber of my being wants to exist in her orbit.
I want to support her and be a source of stability for her and the kids.
No, what I feel for Josie can’t quite be summed up with three words.
Still, I keep it to myself, until the time is right.
But Cassie must see the answer in my expression because she speaks up.
“You have to prove to her you’re different from past men. Words don’t mean anything. Words are nothing more than lip service. Show it with your actions. There’s a reason the saying is Actions speak louder than words.”
“And how do I do that?” I ask.
“What have you done so far?” Austin asks.
I tell them about helping Abby, hanging out with Jay, and spending the day decorating the Christmas tree.
“And you signed up to coach Jay’s team,” Austin adds. “It sounds to me like you’re on the right track, man. Maybe this is one of those things that’ll take some time.”
We fall silent at Austin’s words, but then Penny’s face lights up.
“Tyler, you don’t know this about Josie yet, but she’s a hopeless romantic on the inside. The idea of romance enthralls her—she’s just given up on the idea for herself. Maybe you need to woo her. Like I’ve been saying, Operation Woo Josie.”
I lift a brow. “This again?”
“Oh, this could work!” Cassie jumps in. “Deep down, she wants to be cherished. She wants someone to make her feel beautiful and sexy. Josie wants to feel seen. To notice the little, seemingly insignificant things that only the love of your life would notice.”
I chew over this advice for a second. The seemingly insignificant things.
Like how, when she’s in the kitchen cooking, she stops mid-stir to pop an orange slice in her mouth. Or how her eyes lit up when I told her I love her curls. I think back to when I asked her favorite color and rather than naming it she had to mix it for me, because it lives in her head.
Casting my mind back fourteen years, I think about the song that played while we lay there on the floor of that library.
How I hummed it, however off key, and sometimes she’d jump in and sing the words along with me.
While she’s not that devil-may-care girl she once was, her laugh still makes my chest squeeze in the best damn way.
She’s still funny and silly when she lets herself be.
She’s exactly the splash of color my life has been missing.
I might be jumping into her life, feet first, but she’s changing mine just as drastically, with her curls and chaos.
Her silliness when her walls are down and she’s comfortable enough to be herself.
Josie wants to feel cherished, to be cherished.
She already is, but doesn’t know it yet.
I see her. Every version of her. The strong-willed woman who carries too much on her shoulders.
The mother who loves so fiercely it’s woven into everything she does.
The girl who once believed in love and fairy tales before the world taught her not to.
Maybe she’s given up on the idea of love for herself, but I haven’t. Not when it comes to her.
Because if she wants someone to make her feel beautiful and wanted, someone to memorize the smallest details simply because they’re hers…then I’m already halfway there. And I’ll spend the rest of my life learning the rest.