Chapter 32
The second time I give myself completely to Tyler is in the witching hour of the night, silver moonlight casting shadows around my room. I must have fallen into a deep sleep, our naked bodies tangled in the sheets.
Tyler stirs me awake, kissing across my cheeks, along my jaw, and down the curve of my neck to my shoulder. His hardness nudges against me, and I respond instinctively, wrapping one leg around his waist. I draw him into me with a soft gasp, my body already slick with need, and he sinks in deep.
We move together face to face, eyes locked.
The world stills around us, just the sound of our love making, and it’s the most intimate thing I’ve ever known.
It’s as though I can hear a million unsaid words passing between our joined bodies.
This moment between us, it feels almost sacred.
Though I’ve long since lost faith in religion, I recognize what holy feels like.
Tonight, it’s my body, moving together with this man who was once just a guy I met.
No, that’s not true. For one night he was everything.
The two of us were infinite and then were lost. But against all odds, every single one of them, we found each other again, wholly different but still the same.
The intensity of my release leaves my body trembling and Tyler holds me through it, his own release spilling into me seconds later.
He pulls me even closer till we’re chest to chest and we lie in the dark, him trailing fingers up and down my back until we both come down from our climax.
Tyler finally stands to grab a cloth from the bathroom and he lowers to clean me up.
With half-lidded eyes, I watch him tend to me, and as he’s climbing back into bed, pulling me close, this thought occurs to me.
All this time, I thought I wanted to fan the tiny, burning ember in my heart. But I’ve had it wrong. So very wrong.
I want—no, need—newness. I need a spring rain, the kind that arrives after the harshest winter, drenching me in its sweetness creating newness where nothing existed before.
I want to burrow into him until I carry his scent like a second skin, until his very presence lingers, clinging to the threads of my clothing.
I’d breathe it in until it softens the vortex of noise that forever hums inside my mind.
I want to stumble across a memory of him in the middle of an ordinary day, pulling me from whatever I’m doing with such quiet tenderness.
I want to lie with him, my fingertips speaking words I’ve dared not say aloud, tracing confessions across the rise and fall of his chest—silence shutting out the world.
And one morning, I want to wake, not knowing where he begins and I end.
These are my postcoital musings as I allow sleep to claim me, wrapped in the warmth of Tyler’s body.
I bolt upright at the sound of a key rattling in the front door. Oh my god, oh my god. Abby must be home early, since I haven’t yet entrusted Jay with a house key. Shit, shit, shit.
“Tyler.” I give his shoulder a shove. “Tyler, wake up.”
“What?” he asks, voice sleep graveled.
I’m already jumping from the bed, throwing on whatever clothes I can find.
“Abby’s home,” I say in a frantic whisper.
Tyler jumps up quickly and together we scramble around getting dressed. His pants are on but not zipped and he’s turning everything over.
“Where’s my shirt?”
I turn to him with wide eyes, and simultaneously we say, “Front door.”
“You stay in here. I’ll go talk to Abby and distract her. You can quietly slip out.”
“Wait!” Tyler hisses. “My car is in your driveway.”
I point a finger at him. “Ya know, I didn’t think of that. Okay, new plan. You’re here fixing something.”
Tyler nods his agreement, and I slip from my room.
Looking down at myself, I see that I’ve grabbed Tyler’s hoodie, once again.
My sweats are on inside out, but Abby won’t think much of that.
Abby still stands on the porch, not yet inside, yelling things to Amelia.
They’re both laughing, so I take this opportunity to grab Tyler’s ruined shirt and shove it behind a pile of shoes just as Abby steps through the door.
The smile on my face is too bright and my voice too high when I ask, “Did you have fun?”
Abby’s eyebrows narrow, but she nods her head. “I’m exhausted, though. Amelia and I basically stayed up all night. We watched the ball drop then spent hours sending each other TikToks.”
“You hungry? I can make you something?” I say, tugging her toward the kitchen.
“Nah. Amelia’s mom made us pancakes. I wanted to come home early so I could get in my bed for a few hours.”
Abby starts down the hallway, but stops, turns to the front door and back to me.
“Did I see Tyler’s car outside?”
“Mm-hmm…toilet emergency. No clue what in the hell happened, but when I woke up water was pouring from it. It’s a disaster, towels everywhere. But good thing we have Tyler to call, am I right?” The more I talk the more my hands move along with my words.
Abby eyes me suspiciously. “You’re being weird.”
“I’m not being weird. You’re being weird.” Maybe she’s right and I am being weird. I need to tone it down.
Abby shakes her head and turns to her bedroom door. “I’ve gotta get some sleep. Tell Tyler I said hey.” Right before she steps into her room, she gives me a once over. “How many days do you plan on wearing that hoodie?”
Totally ignoring her question, I say, “Nighty-night, sugar booger.” I wiggle my fingers in a small wave.
Abby mouths, weird, and shuts her bedroom door with a click.
When I think enough time has passed for Abby to be lying down, I open my door to find Tyler sitting on the edge of my bed.
His hair is adorably sleep rumpled and he’s wearing another one of my silly graphic tees.
This one has a raccoon riding a bike and in the front basket sits a possum.
The wording reads Get in, Loser. Trouble ain’t gonna make itself.
It was a gift from Penny a couple years ago. She said it reminded her of the two of us.
“Nice shirt,” I say.
“You literally only own shirts with goofy sayings, don’t you? I looked through them all.”
I shrug. “Pretty much. Or my decent ones are in the laundry hamper. Anyway, let’s get you out of here before Abby realizes there was no toilet emergency.”
Grabbing Tyler by the arm, I pull him up, ushering him to my bedroom door. With his hand on the knob, he turns to me. “You could give me my hoodie back so I’ll have something else to wear besides this.” He motions to the T-shirt.
“Let’s trade,” I say, yanking the hoodie up and over my head. Tyler reaches behind his head to pull off the T-shirt but his eyes heat when he sees me standing before him with no bra on.
Leaning down he sucks my right nipple into his mouth, and I let out a small gasp.
“Tyler,” I say with a sigh. “You’ve gotta go.”
He tugs the T-shirt down over my head, then pulls the hoodie over his own head.
We tiptoe to the front door, pausing for Tyler to swipe his ruined shirt from behind the shoes.
“You can text me if you want,” I say, using my flirtiest tone of voice.
“For you, I’ll text.” Curling a hand around the back of my neck, he presses his lips to mine in a quick kiss. “Talk to you soon, love.”
Cassie, Lisa, and Penny all look on in stunned silence.
It’s the day before school starts back, and with everyone back in town, Lisa and Greg invited us over for dinner. I invited Tyler, and this will be the first time I’ve seen him since we were nearly caught by Abby.
We’ve talked almost constantly, though. His good morning messages are the first thing I see and what I look forward to most when I open my eyes.
The first night Tyler indulged me with a text conversation that stretched well past midnight, but the next night my phone lit up with a call.
That’s been our routine each night since.
We exchange a treasure trove of memories: the stories of our childhood, the songs that shaped us, the foods we crave the most. I throw in funny memories about Penny, Liam, and me, just to hear his rumble of a laugh.
Eventually though, my words slur from sleepiness and I drift off with his voice still in my ear.
Now, I’m buzzing with a giddy kind of anticipation, knowing any minute Tyler will walk through the front door. He’s been at the studio all day with Austin and Liam, and us girls got here early to catch up. My kids disappeared to Lisa and Greg’s game room, so we have complete privacy.
“All of this happened while we were out of town?” Penny asks, her eyes the size of the dinner plates stacked in front of us.
“Yep,” I say, glancing around at each of my friends. “I think I like my daughter’s dad.”
Cassie lifts a brow. “Like? You’re kinda glowing, babe.”
“Maybe more?” I squeak out. “But all I keep thinking is, this is too good to be true. Surely, it can’t be this perfect, right?”
Lisa hasn’t said a word yet, taking in the conversation. Being the wise motherly figure of our group, my eyes drift to hers, searching for something, reassurance maybe?
She reaches over, taking my hand in hers.
“Josie, it might not always be perfect. No relationship is. It takes hard work and a lifetime of choosing each other. Take Greg and me, for example. We’ve had our fair share of fights and frustrations.
But we talk and we listen. We’re always communicating.
And every day, we choose each other again. ”
Lisa’s words settle over me. Communication with Tyler hasn’t been my strong suit these last few weeks, but still, I’m filled with hope.
When he first arrived, I’d never have entertained the possibility that someone would rise each morning, choosing me, day after day.
But his steady presence makes me believe maybe he could.
While I sit with my complicated feelings, Penny and Cassie give updates on Austin and Cassie’s mom.
Apparently, when she was visiting over Thanksgiving, Henry took a liking to her and they’ve been emailing with the occasional phone call.
Their mom is in no condition for a relationship yet, not after years of abuse from Austin and Cassie’s dad, but I find myself smiling at the idea that she might finally have a good man around.
I’m pulled from my thoughts by the front door bursting open. Austin barrels in and immediately wraps an arm around Penny.
“You ready to tell them, Penn?”
Cupping a hand around her mouth, Penny yells into the den for Greg and Liam. As soon as they’ve joined us in the kitchen, she tilts her head to look up at Austin, smiling, and from behind his back Austin produces an ultrasound picture.
Cassie and Lisa jump to their feet to hug Penny, eyes shining while Greg and Liam clap Austin on the back, congratulating him.
I join the group hug, but my attention snags on the doorway where Tyler stands, hanging back, hands in his pockets.
He’s been so open and talkative with me, I’d nearly forgotten he’s usually quiet and reserved.
His eyes instantly find mine with that quiet steadiness I’ve come to crave, and for a second I forget how to breathe.
Separating from the group, my pulse quickens with every step I take and the rest of the room disappears when I reach him. This is the man who knows the sound of my sleepy voice and the late night stories I never meant to share.
“Hey, you,” I say softly.
“Hey, love,” Tyler murmurs, folding me into a hug.
Suddenly, the room falls dead silent, and I realize everyone heard him call me love. Biting my bottom lip, I look at each of them and shrug, threading my fingers with Tyler’s to pull him further into the room.
The evening goes by with entirely too much food and plenty of laughs. Tyler nearly does a spit take when Penny tells him about me chasing the paparazzi with a broom last summer. No way was I letting them snap photos of Penny and Austin, though. I protect my people.
The men all drift to the den where a basketball game plays on the TV.
Something in my chest pulls tight when Jay joins them, plopping onto the couch right next to Tyler.
Abby joins the ladies in the kitchen, so we have to keep our conversation tame for young ears, which proves to be pretty difficult for my friend group.
Lisa stands to clear the table and I jump up to help her. As we quietly wash dishes, she leans and brushes her shoulder against mine.
“You’re happy,” she says quietly.
I nod, lips curving before I can stop them. “I think I am.”
Liam is king of the Irish goodbye, and like we’re all too stupid to know what’s going on, Cassie calls it a night exactly five minutes later.
Austin and Penny follow soon after, and Jay and Abby head out to my car.
Abby loves cranking it, so on her way out, I toss her my keys to get the heat going.
This leaves Tyler and me alone in the kitchen.
He’s standing across from me, leaning against the edge of the counter.
“You alright?” I ask, stepping into his space.
His gaze softens. “I am now.”
I lace our fingers together and rest my cheek against his chest. “I’ve missed you,” I whisper. “Can we FaceTime tonight so I can see your face?”
Tyler’s eyebrows cinch, but then his features smooth. “Sure, love.” He gives me a soft kiss and after telling Greg and Lisa goodbyes, we head outside to our cars.
We’re only on the road for less than a minute when Abby shifts in her seat to face me.
“Mom, we aren’t dumb. You’re dating Tyler, aren’t you?”
I clear my throat. “How would you two feel if I was in a relationship with him?” I ask, looking first at Abby and then in the rearview mirror at Jay.
Jay shrugs. “Tyler’s cool. I’m fine with it.”
“Me too,” Abby says. “He’s great.”
I glance from the road over to Abby. She has a trace of a smile on her face, which loosens the knot of nerves that were building in my chest.
What I want is to confess everything to her, but still, the courage I desperately need eludes me.
With each passing day, I’m finding it more and more, though.
I know in the back of my mind that prolonging the conversation isn’t helping anyone.
It’s not helping him, and it’s damn sure not helping her.
Without knowing who he is, Abby is already forming a relationship with Tyler—a good, healthy relationship.
My mind knows the time is drawing near to come clean to her. The words of Mawmaw rise to the forefront of my mind. You can do hard things, Josephine.