5. Lila
FIVE
LILA
So much for Grant and I stumbling through this hike together. Turns out, the man doesn’t need any help. Makes sense. He hasn’t been bumbling through the day in the same way I have. I should have known this wasn’t his first rodeo when he showed up with his own bear spray.
Hearing everything he’s done, I feel like even more of a dummy. I kind of liked the idea of having a partner in ineptitude-crime for this hike. Now, it’s just me, trying to keep up with everyone else.
Really, it’s a good thing. I don’t need distractions right now. Getting hearts in my eyes over Grant would make it difficult to focus on the awesomeness of nature. Which absolutely requires my undivided attention.
Because it’s so compelling. Apparently.
I snap several pictures at the view point and make a few voice notes about where we are and what we’re looking at to help me keep track for later. When I get back home, all of these trees and rocks will look the same, and I don’t want to mix anything up for my presentation. Next month, I’ll make a case to the town council to expand my responsibilities and go full-time, so I need to get all the details right.
After a few minutes looking at the views, we spread out to take advantage of our last blessed moments with cell service. I move closer to the nearest tree but manage to stop before my face lands in a giant spider web, complete with fat spider. My skin crawls as though phantom insects are doing the cha-cha on me.
So peaceful out here.
Steadfastly ignoring thoughts of giant arachnids, I make my call.
“Proof of life,” I say when my sister answers.
Hope’s laughter is surprisingly clear for the teeny tiny bar my phone displays. “Are you even out of town? You’ve only been gone a few hours.”
“Feels like weeks.”
“Where is your chipper ‘what could possibly go wrong?’ attitude?”
Usually, I would be the first to try something new. But those things are typically more along the lines of new fusion restaurants or a retro denim-on-denim look. I want to see this trip as an adventure full of opportunities for fun, but it’s not giving me butterflies yet.
Well. It is. But not in any realistic or acceptable way. I need to squash out all the Grant-butterflies.
“That was the old Lila. The new Lila is bitter and jaded.”
“Unlikely.”
“Likely. The new Lila has already been covered in ants.”
“What?” Her shock is deeply satisfying. When I was well and truly swarming with bugs, the rest of my group took it a little too calmly. Only Grant stepped up to rescue me.
Which I am totally not thinking about .
“I’m communing with nature.” Lower, I whisper. “Please send help.”
“Aww. You’re going to have a great time.”
“You and I have had very different experiences in the woods.”
“Maybe. I mean, all of mine have been with Griffin, so…”
Neither of us spent much time outdoors growing up. I don’t even remember making mud pies as a kid. Hope changed all that when her boyfriend—her fiancé as of a week ago—came along. Now, she’s all about camping, hiking, and going feral in the great outdoors. She’s even gone fishing with him a few times, and I can’t decide if I’m more impressed or disgusted.
I barely even like to eat fish. I don’t want to actually touch them.
I might worry my little sister was trying to change herself to suit a man if it weren’t painfully obvious she truly looks forward to their adventures. The weirdo. Plus, he treats her like royalty and dotes on her as if the only thing he wants in the world is to make her happy.
Weirdos in love. Honestly, I’m here for it.
“I can see how a rugged mountain man might make the whole thing more appealing.” My gaze darts to Grant because I am a ridiculous little bean. I can’t help it—he fits the part. Luckily, he’s on a call, too, and unaware of my Pavlovian response to the words.
“There are some benefits to having a rugged mountain man at your side.”
“Mmm hmm.” I’m not imagining benefits with Grant. That would be a mistake and inappropriate and absolutely magnificent.
But mostly a mistake. I spent way too much time trying to be what my ex-fiancé wanted. I can’t start out at this kind of deficit with a guy—Grant’s some kind of mountain-climbing expert, and I can’t even take off my pack without risk of injuring myself. I probably sound like a dummy to him. I won’t be in another relationship with a man who looks down on me.
Of course, Josh didn’t start out that way. That’s the tricky part—how do you know the guy who’s showering you with affection now won’t look right through you in another year or two? You don’t. So, you focus on rebuilding your life from the ground up, with a move back home, an all-new job, and a vintage studio apartment that’s at the very limit of your budget.
And by you, I mean me.
“Speaking of men, both rugged and otherwise…”
“Don’t say it.” I wince, preparing myself for the worst. “Please don’t say it.”
“Mom hasn’t given up on setting you up with Dr. Brendan.” Her sympathetic delivery doesn’t make the news any easier to take.
As much as Mom loved my fiancé, after we broke up, she became my ultimate defender. We ate countless tubs of ice cream while I poured my guts out about all the red flags I missed until I was swimming in them. But now that I’ve had a few months to regroup, she seems to think it’s open season on finding me a man.
Her man of choice: some pediatric dentist my dad knows in Bend. I’ve put her off approximately one thousand times, but eventually, I’m going to have to meet him. Unless I find someone on my own, which is unlikely.
If my gaze darts to Grant again, it’s only because I enjoy his profile. That jawline should have songs written about it.
“She needs a hobby outside of our love lives.”
Hope’s sharp laughter cuts through the line. “You’re one to talk. You got to avoid this for years when you were in Seattle. When it was me, you said I should indulge her and give the guys a chance. Funny how you’re singing a very different tune now that you’re the center of her romantic hopes and dreams.”
“I was naive, what can I say?”
“All she wants is to steer a good man your way.” Hope’s sing-song voice is little sister perfection. “Like a pirate ship ready to plunder your seas.”
“Ew, no. Terrible image. There are no marauding men on my horizon.”
Inexplicably, Grant and I lock eyes. I freeze, a tiny woodland creature who just frightened herself. He’s definitely close enough to have heard that, right? His mouth tugs the tiniest bit at the edges before he drops his eyes back to his phone.
Then, his mouth tugs up a tiny bit more.
Yeah. He heard it.
We can all agree this hike is turning out to be a funhouse trip called Things That Make Lila Squirm . I’d like to get off the ride, but I’m strapped in for the next several days.
“I should get going,” I tell Hope. “There’s probably a hornet’s nest somewhere I’m scheduled to stumble over this afternoon.”
“You’re going to do great. Embrace the adventure.”
“I would like to embrace a cheeseburger and air conditioning. Are you aware of the toilet situation out here?”
Her delighted laugh holds zero sympathy. “It’s the wilderness, Lila.”
“I don’t even want to think about how comfortable you are with this.” Do they dig their own holes when she camps with Griffin? I guess that’s one way to bond with a guy.
“Then think about how you’re going to rock your presentation and get that promotion.” Her voice goes all rah-rah, cheering me on. “Tackle this trip as if it’s any other challenge like the boss babe you are.”
I stand a little straighter—which I can only do because nearly all of the contents of my pack are back at camp. I am a kick-butt, thirty-year-old woman who will not be intimidated by the wilderness or any of the contents therein.
Mysterious mountain man included.
“I am a boss babe.”
“Yeah, you are.”
“I’m going to absolutely crush my presentation.”
“Woo!”
“That promotion is mine.”
She’s going absolutely wild. “You’ve got this, Lila!”
I thumb off our call and take a couple more pictures of the mountains for good measure. Hope’s cheer turns into a rallying cry in my mind. This boss babe can handle anything the wilderness throws at me.
As long as it isn’t more bugs, please and thank you.