Chapter 21
I don’t know what I expect to happen when Penny unlocks her door and I walk in—okay, that’s not entirely true—but her taking my hand and leading up the stairs to two identical closed doors is not it.
I’ve been in every room downstairs by now, but this is my first time upstairs where the bedrooms are. When she opens the door, I’m unsure at first what I’m looking at. We stand in silence, Penny looking at me like she’s afraid I’ll bolt. That’s when it hits me where we are.
“This was your parents’ room, wasn't it?”
She gives one jerky nod of her head, and I take a moment to process what I’m seeing. My eyes roam the room, trying to take in everything at once. On the nightstand is a glass of stagnant water, with a pair of reading glasses lying on top of an opened pack of Marlboro Reds. A pair of leather boots sits at the foot of the bed, a chunk of dirt still caked on one side, and a Wrangler shirt with pearl buttons is slung over a chair in the corner. Next to the chair on a stand is the most beautiful Martin Six-String I think I’ve ever seen.
“You said you wanted real. This is as real as I’ve got.” Penny walks further into the room and I follow her. “I’ve never touched it, any of it,” she says in a hushed tone. “It’s like—” Her voice catches and she takes a deep, steadying breath. “It’s like, if I touch it, if I move one single thing, I might slowly forget them, little by little.”
I don’t respond right away. I just walk over to the nightstand that was Penny’s dad’s, careful not to touch anything. On it is a framed photo of a woman, obviously Penny’s mom, based on the copper hair. She’s holding a chubby, smiling toddler on her hip, and they’re both looking up at the man in the picture, maybe laughing at something he’s said. The man, who I instantly recognize as her dad, looks down at them, wearing a megawatt smile to match theirs.
Next to the picture is a grocery list of items that were probably never purchased: Eggs, milk, cigarettes, mustard . It’s like the day her dad died time stopped moving in this room.
I move to the dresser and see a picture of Penny on the day she graduated from Alabama. She and her dad are arm in arm, wearing matching expressions of joy, beaming at whoever is behind the camera.
As I take it all in, I spot things that must have belonged to her mom as well. A mirrored tray full of turquoise jewelry sits on the dresser, and next to it are perfume bottles so old they’ve probably lost their scent. It’s clear that her dad allowed this room to become a memorial to her mom, and when he died, Penny kept the torch burning for both of them.
She walks to where I’m standing and points to the tray of jewelry. “I used to ask my mom if I could try on her wedding ring, and if I promised to be careful with it, she’d let me. But when she died, I guess she was buried with it. If it wasn’t on her finger, it was always right here. And I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve stared at this tray, hoping every other time maybe I overlooked it. Hoping that that would be the time it would appear.”
Penny takes my hand and leads me to the next closed door. “There’s more, Austin. I’m showing you because I trust you. I’m trusting that you won’t judge, please.” The room is so jam-packed the Room of Requirement has nothing on it. Honestly, I’m not even sure what I’m looking at.
She must sense my confusion because she reaches for an old straw hat on a rack and holds it up to examine. “This was my pop’s hat,” she explains. “This is the exact rack he hung it on every single day when he got home. And this is my nana’s afghan that she crocheted when I was a kid.”
Suddenly, I realize what I’m seeing. It’s as if she gathered every single item an elderly couple might have accumulated over fifty or sixty years of marriage and stuffed it into this small bedroom.
“Baby”—I let out a long exhale through my nose—“you’re living in a house of ghosts.”
She looks up at me, those honey-colored eyes full of sadness, and she’s not the woman I’m falling for, or the studio owner. She’s just a girl who misses her family, and I’d give anything at this moment to take the pain of loss away. So I do the only thing I know to do. I wrap my arms around her, tucking her head under my chin.
Penny pulls away and guides me from the room, the door clicking closed behind us. When she sinks against the wall, I lower down next to her, and she leans, resting her head against my shoulder. I don’t know how long we sit like this; it could be minutes or hours, but she looks up at me with a sad smile that doesn’t reach her eyes.
“I need to tell you something, so you know what you’re getting into.” Penny’s eyes shift back and forth between mine.
“Anything. You can tell me anything.”
“You have to promise you won’t jump in and try to fix this. Can you promise me that? I have to do this on my own. I’ve gotta prove to myself that I’m able to handle all that’s been thrown at me.”
I nod and after several seconds she speaks. “I knew things weren’t quite right. Those years I lived in Nashville, I knew. He’d call me and something in his voice sounded off. But I was self-absorbed and didn’t bother checking in on him. I was finding my way in a city where everyone was trying to get their foot in the door. Also, I think maybe I didn’t want to face it. I didn’t want to come back here, where the ghosts of my mom lingered, and face the person my dad had become.”
Penny pauses, looking up at the ceiling, and I reach over, lacing my fingers with hers. She looks down at our hands, and then up to meet my eyes.
“Dad left me with an exorbitant amount of debt. I came close to losing this house, and I’m still paying on it. I wish I could figure out what the hell he was thinking.” She pauses for a second. “No, that’s not true. I know what he was thinking. He was an alcoholic who let the disease poison him day by day until it killed him. I’m so damn angry. But then when I allow myself to just be angry, I feel guilt. He was my dad. The greatest man I ever knew.” Penny’s chin wobbles, and I squeeze her hand in encouragement.
“Hey, it’s okay to cry. Whatever you need, I can handle it.”
My words seem to cause a dam to break, because she lets out a strangled sound and tears begin to flow freely.
“I’m so fucking angry at him. Of course, he missed Mom. That’s to be expected. I missed her, too, but I had to shove it all into this tiny little box to be whatever he needed me to be. But why couldn’t he get help? Why couldn’t he hold himself together and get help? And now I’m left with nobody.”
Her words hit me like a blow to the chest and I think about that list of therapists my sister texted.
“The last few years have been lonely. Everyone has someone; Josie has her kids and their lives, Greg and Lisa have one big happy family, Jackson is busy with his diner. Sometimes I can be in a crowded room and feel alone.” She inhales deeply and lets out a shaky breath. “I haven’t been to the cemetery since my dad’s funeral. I’m scared to go, because then I’ll have to deal with all this.”
Bringing her close, I rub circles on her back. While I don’t know what it’s like to have nobody, I do know what loneliness looks like. I know what it’s like to feel like you’re floating alone on an island with nobody to reach out to. If that's anything remotely similar to what Penny is feeling, I’d gladly sit beside her on that island and we’d face things together, whatever they might be.
I hold her until her tears turn to sniffles. “I guess it goes without saying, but don’t tell anyone about what I’ve shown you. Josie knows those rooms are like that, but I haven’t decided what I’ll do about all of it yet. I know I can’t let them sit like that forever. It’s just hard, ya know?”
“Whenever you’re ready to tackle it, I’ll be right there with you,” I assure her.
“And nobody knows about the debt. Not even Greg.”
“You can trust me with everything,” I tell her.
Penny’s eyes move across my face, but eventually, she nods and looks down at her hands. “I know I can. The same goes for you.”
We slip into silence, our breathing the only sound, but then I hear a soft chuckle. “I can’t believe I just showed you my crazy.”
“Hey,” I say, dipping my head to meet her eyes. “I’ve got some crazy of my own. And my crazy really likes your crazy.”
She’s shaking her head smiling at me when the sound of my phone buzzing interrupts us, and I look down to see who’s calling. There are only a few people who it could be since my phone stays on silent with the Emergency Bypass turned on for my family and Penny only. My sister’s name lights up the screen.
“Shit. I’m sorry. It’s Cassie. I really need to take this.”
“Of course. I’ll give you some privacy.”
I’m a total ass for taking a call when it’s evident Penny is still warring with her emotions, but Cassie never calls me like this, and my mind goes to every worst-case scenario. I climb to my feet and head downstairs, answering the call on the third ring.
“Hey, Cass, what's up?”
“Aussie, you were right!” There’s anger in her tone, and I have to take a minute to think about what I might have been right about. All my senses go on high alert.
“What's wrong? Is it Mom?” My mind immediately fears the worst. I think Cassie and I both worry that one day, we’ll get a call that he’s gone too far and hurt her badly, or worse.
“No, oh god, I’m so sorry. I should have known you’d think that first. I’m sorry I scared you. But you were right, Alan is an absolute douchebag.”
Cassie goes on to explain that Alan has been staying later and later at his gym. She didn’t think anything about it because he has personal training clients, but tonight, one of her friends was there working out and she walked into the locker room and there Alan was, with his pants around his ankles, getting a blowjob from a woman who was a regular.
“He tried to deny it, but Danielle has no reason to lie to me. She gains nothing by making that story up. And if I'm being honest, I think I’ve seen the signs for a while now, but I’ve been in denial.”
“What do you need me to do? Beat his ass? Help you bury a body?” I ask, enraged but also hurting for my baby sister. “I can fly there and help with whatever you need. Just name it.”
She sighs. “I’m in an Uber headed to the airport now. I’m going home.” I know by home she means our aunt and uncle’s house.
“Let me come help. It’s the least I can do,” I offer.
“I’m not as devastated as I thought I’d be. I’m just pissed as shit right now. But I’d love it if you did. It might be the distraction I need from this cluster-fuck. If it’s not too much to ask.”
“No, of course it's not too much to ask. You know I’ll do anything you need. Let me text Ty and work out some details, and I’ll let you know when I’ll be there. I love you, baby sis. I’ll be there soon. “
“Love you too, Aussie,” Cassie replies softly.
I head back up to where Penny still sits in the hallway. She’s looking down at her hands, furiously picking at the skin around her thumbnail and chewing her bottom lip.
“You’re leaving?” she asks, not looking up at me, but worry is etched into her brow.
I sigh, lowering back down beside her on the hall floor to explain what's going on. “Cassie’s been dating this asshat, Alan, for a few years. I’ve hated him from day one. He told her he was working late, but tonight, let’s just say he was caught in a very compromising position when he was supposed to be ‘training’ the woman.” I put the word training in air quotes. “She’s getting a red-eye home. Cassie doesn’t even have a car.”
Penny looks up then. “Oh no, I hate this so much for her. Gah, men suck sometimes.” She looks back down at her nails, her teeth in her bottom lip.
“Hey, I can practically hear your thoughts right now. What’s going through that pretty head of yours?”
She looks back up, still worrying her lip. “Is this it? Once you’re back in Texas, are you staying there?”
I tilt her chin up to force her to look at me. “This town isn’t done with me, and I’m not ending what we have going here.” I motion back and forth between us. “I told you I’m all in. I meant it. Something really good is happening between us. You feel it too, yeah?
Penny’s eyes go soft and she nods.
Suddenly, I get the craziest idea, that doesn’t seem crazy at all. “Come with me. Meet my family.”
Her eyes widen and she huffs a disbelieving laugh. “I can’t do that! How would that look if you brought someone you just met home with you?”
“It’d look exactly like what it is. I’m bringing someone home who I care about, and I want my family to get to know her better.”
Penny has wormed her way into my heart effortlessly in such a short time, and I’m not ready to go days without her.
“When would we go?” she asks hesitantly.
“I think I need to go tomorrow.”
“I’d need to get some things lined up for the studio,” Penny says. I can tell she’s already warming up to the idea.
“You don’t have another session until next week, right? We’d be back in plenty of time for that,” I assure her. “I think we’d stay two or three days, but not the entire week.”
She stares in the distance, nodding her head back and forth like she’s mentally rearranging her to-do list. “I can’t believe I’m about to agree to this, but yes, I’ll come.” She looks at me with a bit more confidence and nods.
“Yeah?” I ask.
“Yeah,” she says.
I reach out and tug her head close to me, kissing her temple.
We stand and head downstairs. She goes to the kitchen, making arrangements for someone to feed Honey, while I head to the living room to call Ty. He hates Alan, too, so despite my sister’s pain, he agrees with me that this news isn’t the worst we’ve ever heard. He’s gonna book us a flight for in the morning and I can return the rental van at the airport.
Light footsteps approach right as I end the call, and I glance up to see Penny standing in the threshold.
“Hey, you. You get everything squared away for Honey?” I ask her.
“Yep. Josie and her kids will feed her. How about you? What did you and Tyler decide?” She walks over and sits on the couch beside me, tucking one leg under the other. I notice her toenails are painted yellow to match the swimsuit she had on earlier. This pulls at something beneath my sternum. Her nails are ragged from her biting habit that I’ve noticed, but something about those yellow toenails. It’s like she gave a big middle finger to everything that keeps trying to bring her down and she chose to paint them a sunny yellow anyway.
I fill her in on everything, and as I’m rising to head up to start packing, she reaches for my hand, a worried expression on her face.
“Are you sure about me coming? This feels like an intrusion on a private matter.”
I lower back down beside Penny, taking her hand and looking into uncertain eyes.
“I’ve never been more sure of anything. There’s not a doubt in my mind about this. It’ll be good for you, and I think you’ll love everyone. Plus, I can’t wait for them to meet the woman who will finally make me famous.” I knock my shoulder against hers, pulling a small laugh from her.
“Okay then, I’ll try to quit worrying.” She's quiet for a minute before a shy smile forms on her lips. “Austin?”
“Yeah?”
“Stay here tonight?”
I arch a brow at her, and a pink flush creeps up her neck. “Not for that. That's not what I’m saying. I’m just not ready for the night to end.”
“If you’re sure, then yeah. I’d like that,” I say, my heart picking up its tempo. “Let me run and pack.”
Penny nods and rises to head to her room, but this time it’s me who stops her.
“I’m glad you’re coming with me,” I say softly, looking up at her.
“Me too, Austin. Me too.”
Before I get to her door, an idea hits me. “Pack a swimsuit! Preferably that yellow one,” I call out, not looking back. I head into the night with her laughter following behind me.
My bags are packed and loaded into the van in record time. After a quick shower, I let myself back into Penny’s house.
“I’m back!”
“Up here!” Penny replies, and I head up to her room. When I step in, my breath hitches. She’s freshly showered, wearing a tank top and tiny sleep shorts. Her hair is piled up in a big twist on top of her head, wisps of it curling at the nape of her neck. I might have thought she was stunning the night I met her, but now that I know her—really know her—seeing her like this just about does me in.
After she zips her suitcase closed, we head to her bathroom and brush our teeth together. Is it too soon to imagine doing this with this woman every night for the rest of our lives? Hell, yes, it is, but I can’t stop my musings as we go through our nightly routine together.
Once we’re in her room I turn off the overhead light leaving only the soft glow of the bedside table lamp and we climb into bed.
She reaches, switching off the light and scoots over, spooning her back up against my front. I wrap my arm around her waist, breathing in her floral-scented shampoo, and something else that I’m learning is distinctly her.
“Hey,” she whispers.
“Yeah?” I whisper back.
“I’m kinda excited about the trip. It’s been a while since I stopped working and went anywhere.” Penny’s voice holds an edge of excitement—the exact reaction I hoped to hear.
“You don’t know how happy that makes me. This’ll be a good few days.”
A few minutes pass, and I think she’s asleep, but then I hear her whisper, “G’night.”
“Night,” I say and lightly kiss her shoulder.