Chapter 25
brENT
I don’t understand how each time continues to surpass the last. As I get older and more experienced with sex, and my partners become more experienced, it’s natural to enjoy it more each time.
Of course, there’s the occasional dud, right?
Either there’s not enough chemistry between the two of you, or maybe it’s just not good.
This is different. It defies logic. Rafe can’t feel exponentially better every single time. I feel completely undone as he takes me. Like he shuts off my volition, and my body can only respond to the way he fucks me. I’m nothing but a bundle of nerves, reacting to every touch, kiss, and thrust.
Even when my body is wrung out and needs a break, I want more. When I’m raw and need a break, I can’t stay off him.
My days are numbered. This holiday has an expiration date. I need to get my fill because I’ll never experience this same level of connection with anyone for the rest of my life. Even if it’s only pretend.
When I’m standing in the shower and Rafe is holding me, gently washing my body of lube and his cum, I can pretend that this is the hundredth time we’re doing this. It’s a year in the future, and we’re still fucking like rabbits, and Rafe still holds me firmly to him as he carefully washes me clean.
I close my eyes, reminding myself that we’re on a timeline this morning.
We’re expected downstairs soon. Still, I allow myself to get lost in this moment.
His arm is so secure around me. Tight. Strong.
Even though it’s dangerous for my heart to do so, I give into my secret longing and pretend this is real and won’t end when we go back to school.
Rafe’s fingers skim my hole for maybe the dozenth time. He’s all sensual business as he uses his fingers to help along all the remaining goo in my body until I’m squeaky clean. Reluctantly, I let him go, and together, we wash. Sometimes our hands move over ourselves, and sometimes each other.
It’s a testament to how tired my body is since I don’t manage to get hard again even as we fondle each other. We dry and get dressed.
Rafe is as quiet as I am while we walk hand-in-hand down the hall toward the front door. I wonder what he’s thinking about? I steal a glance at him and wonder if it could possibly be something similar to what I’m thinking?
He said he’d been thinking about the guy he hooked up with at the glory hole party. Does that mean something? It was a hookup. It can only mean he enjoyed my body, right? Glory holes are sex. If nothing else, it proves that we have chemistry even when we’re anonymous.
That chemistry is still very real when we’re aware of who we’re fucking.
At least I know that’s not pretend. Does that mean something, though?
I’ve heard a lot of opinions about the importance of sex.
It can make or break a relationship. But it doesn’t define one.
Is that sexual connection enough to encourage exploration of something real? Or am I just grasping at nothing?
“You okay?” Rafe asks, pressing his lips to the shell of my ear.
I sigh. “Yeah. Perfect.” My eyes meet his, and I think we share a smile. It’s easy to look at him and think that he might feel the same. Maybe a spark. A smidgen of the same feelings I have.
“Happy?”
The way he’s looking at me makes my heart flutter. I nod. “Yeah. You?”
Rafe smiles. “Very. I’m glad you’re here, Brent.”
I sigh.
“Ride with us,” Enfield says, grabbing Rafe’s wrist and pulling us along with him and Xavi.
I shift to look for my uncles and cousins. Zaiden sees me looking for them and waves, offering me a smile and nodding. Okay, they’re good. He and my cousins will follow within the caravan toward the boat—wherever that is.
“What do you think?” Xavi asks as we settle into the car. “Are you up for swinging?”
I almost choke on nothing as I look at him with wide eyes. Rafe and Enfield laugh.
“Sorry,” Xavi says, giggling. “I forgot you weren’t part of the conversation to begin with.”
“I’m not bashing anyone’s yum but… you’re cousins,” I say, looking between Rafe and Enfield.
“Well, technically speaking, I think swinging is basically switching partners. Not a group fuck, so it would be you and me swapping,” Xavi says, and my eyes remain comically wide.
He laughs. “This is theoretical and not a suggestion between us anyway. I just meant in general. Is that something you’d consider? Something you’re interested in?”
I look at Rafe. My cheeks feel ridiculously hot. He’s grinning, more amused by my response than anything else.
“I don’t think so,” Rafe says. “I’m not interested in letting someone else touch my partner.”
“Does that mean you’d consider hooking up with someone outside of your partner if they agreed to sit out?” Xavi asks.
“No.” He continues to hold my gaze for a minute. “Actually, I don’t know. Not just me fucking someone else, but the idea of swinging. I suppose it would depend on my partner and what they’re interested in.”
“Sex isn’t sacred,” Enfield says. I glance in his direction and meet his eyes in the rearview mirror. “It’s sex. It can be whatever it is to you.”
I take a breath and shake my head. “I haven’t thought about it before.”
“Are you talking about it?” Rafe asks them.
Xavi and Enfield both shrug.
“Dunno. A friend threw out the idea,” Enfield says.
“Enfield’s never been with another guy,” Xavi says, grinning. “I think it might be fun to see what he thinks.”
“You’re not worried that it would ruin your friendship?” Rafe asks.
I glance at him.
“Nah,” Enfield says. “I use ‘friend’ loosely in this case, but still, I stand by what I said. Sex is sex. If you make it awkward after, that’s on you. It doesn’t have to be.”
Rafe looks thoughtful as he considers this.
“How does it work? You just swap partners with this couple, or is it like a party where everyone swaps?” I ask.
“No, just this couple,” Xavi says.
“Are you interested?” Rafe asks Xavi.
“I mean, not in a way that I’m lusting after someone else, you know?
Swinging is a kink, in some respects, right?
Some people are into it. Some are not. There’s a lot of research on how kinks actually strengthen bonds and trust with your partner.
There are also studies that show that kinks can enhance your sex life,” Xavi says.
“I love our life—all aspects of it—and I don’t think it needs improvement.
But the idea that it can get better? Is that a temptation? ” He shrugs.
“Sleeping with someone else can strengthen your relationship,” I muse.
“You need to turn off all monogamous brainwashing,” Enfield says, laughing.
“The what?”
All three laugh. Rafe pulls me to his side and kisses my cheek. “I imagine that your parents have drilled into your head that a healthy, normal, Christian relationship is between a single man and a single woman, no?”
My mouth opens and then… well, fuck. “I guess so.”
“Monogamous brainwashing,” Xavi says, nodding.
“Don’t take this wrong,” Rafe says, kissing my lips. “If you only want a monogamous relationship, that’s fine. That’s respectable. It’s the idea that it’s the only kind of healthy, so-called normal relationship type that we’re referring to as the monogamous brainwashing.”
“Oh, I… I guess I never thought about it.”
“So are you horrified by switching partners because it makes you want to clutch your pearls in mortification, or is it just not for you?” Rafe asks.
I laugh. Shaking my head, I shrug. “I don’t think I really have an opinion. I guess I’d have to talk about it and think about it.”
“Are you considering it? Truly?” Rafe asks his cousin.
They share a smile. “Maybe,” Enfield says. “I’m not too proud to admit that the thought of having sex with another man is a bit intimidating. I’m not sure if I’m more afraid of liking it or hating it.”
“Because that challenges your straight brainwashing?” I ask, earning myself more laughter.
Enfield is still laughing when he shakes his head.
“I’m not arguing about all the different kinds of brainwashing that we’re subjected to for our entire lives, including and especially hetero-normalcy.
But in my case, I simply never met a man who made me believe I’m attracted to men.
I’ve never been opposed to it. Xavi is just the first and only guy who has stirred any reaction in me. ”
“Ah, the horrifying gay-for-you trope,” I muse.
Rafe is familiar with my relating life to book tropes, so he just chuckles. Enfield and Xavi give me questioning looks.
“He’s an aspiring author. Everything is a love story,” Rafe supplies.
“Ah,” Enfield says.
“Oh! I get it,” Xavi says. “Yeah, I know some people get their panties in a twist admitting that it truly does happen that a person can and has only been attracted to a single person of the same sex and doesn’t feel the need nor want to claim the label of gay or bisexual.
It’s ironic that they feel so strongly about being able to label themselves how they want to but get all up in arms when someone doesn’t agree with them for themselves. ”
“Yes!” Brent says.
“I don’t consider myself any label,” Enfield says.
“There are far too many, and it’s simply not important for me to label myself.
My identity is my own to claim however I choose, and I really don’t care enough to label my orientation since it’s no one’s business.
I love Xavi, and I don’t care if he’s a guy, girl, neither, both, somewhere in between, or out of this world. ”
Xavi snorts. “That started out so sweet.”
Enfield grins. “However, yeah. I’m intimidated by the idea of having sex with another guy. There’s a really good chance I won’t be able to get it up at all.”
I laugh and then cover my mouth. He grins at me in the rearview mirror.
Xavi twists in his seat to look at us again. “You’re Omegas, though. Your frat is known for its sex parties. Do you have swinger parties?”
“Nope. That’s a DIK thing,” Rafe says.
“How so?”
“It requires more organization and thought than just planning a fuckfest,” Rafe answers.
Xavi grins. “That’s funny. You think they’ll do something like that in the future? Or have they already? I feel like Eli’s mentioned something about a new kind of party.”
“Eli?” I ask.
“Vincent? Do you know him?”
Rafe and I exchange confused looks. “How do you know him?”
“Get ready. Okay, so my bestie is Sparrow Madison, right? I grew up next door, so to speak. Sparrow is married to Dak Bozik. Dak’s bestie is Edin Levine.”
“Ahhh… And Edin’s boyfriend is Eli,” Rafe says. “Got it.”
“Yep.”
“What DIK does isn’t shared with us ahead of time,” Rafe says, shrugging. “So unless someone who visits regularly like Eli or his twin, Zeke, is involved and mentions it, then we’re not aware any earlier than the rest of the student body.”
“Oh. I thought you collaborated on stuff,” Xavi says.
“Eh. Rarely. We collab with the Alphas more often than the DIKs.”
“I didn’t know there was a third fraternity.”
“Alpha Zeta Psi is a sorority.”
“Oh.” He looks between us, and I can tell he’s schooling his expression.
I laugh. “Yeah, some of us aren’t excited to have naked women around, but you know what? It’s actually less bothersome than you might think. We color code clearly, and there are never any mix-ups.”
“It’s a good thing to collaborate, especially with sex parties.
Even within the LGBTQIA+ community, there’s a big tolerance stigma, and if we truly want to break down the barriers in every aspect of our lives, we need to practice what we preach.
One day, I’d like Pride Month to be a lot like Memorial Day.
A remembrance of the shit we’ve gone through instead of us still needing to fight and resist the toxic world.
But whether we like it or not, part of making that reality is breaking down all gender segregation in our lives, too.
I like to think that OXL is a step in the right direction.
I’m not saying try something you’re not interested in.
This isn’t about changing your sexuality one way or another.
It’s about acknowledging that everyone is human with the same needs and there’s no reason to exclude anyone. ”
“You’ve been talking to Grandma,” Enfield muses.
Rafe grins. “It’s difficult not to see her logic. There’s a ton of hypocrisy in the world, and if we want to erase the barriers, we need to start in our own backyards.”
“That’s cool,” Enfield says. “But you never collab with DIK?”
Rafe looks at me, and I shrug. “Not in my years there,” I say.
“To be fair, our years there have mostly had a little girl in our frat house, which means we tabled sex parties in the house for a couple of years. We just had our first one in over two years right before winter break,” Rafe says.
“Ohhh, tell me all about it,” Xavi says.
“Orgies and glory holes,” Rafe says.
He sighs. “I feel like I’ve lived such a vanilla life. I didn’t go to college, so I didn’t get to have these experiences.”
“We can work on the glory hole thing,” Enfield says.
“You’re not volunteering to host an orgy for me?” Xavi asks, amused.
“We can talk about it.”
Xavi’s smile is that of a man who knows their partner will give him nearly anything he desires. I can’t help but look at Rafe. He meets my eye and smiles.
“Did you go to the party?” Xavi asks.
Rafe and I nod.
“Orgy, glory hole, or both?”
“Glory hole,” we say at the same time.
Xavi laughs and lightly slaps Enfield’s arm. “Glory hole, Enfield!”
“We’ll work on it,” Enfield says.
“Was it amazing?” Xavi asks.
I nod.
“It was amazing,” Rafe says. “I hadn’t stopped thinking about it until we got here.”
Xavi looks between the two of us. “I can’t decide if that’s a good thing or bad.”
“We accidentally found each other,” Rafe says and presses his lips to my temple. “So it’s a good thing.”
“Accidentally, huh?” Enfield asks.
“How did you know?”
Rafe grins. “I have a unique dick.”
Xavi is both curious and flushed. I can tell he kind of wants to ask, but asking makes him blush. Neither of us offers what makes Rafe’s cock recognizable from one side of the glory hole and beyond. That’s our secret.
His hand grips my thigh, and I’m distracted from our conversation when I look out the window at the yacht waiting for us. I shake my head. Honestly. Is anything this week going to be underwhelming?