Chapter 2
TWO
Kyle
I don’t know how it happened, but I am surrounded by couples. The only odd couple here is me and my buddy Alex.
“Hey,” I elbow him in the ribs. “How the fuck are we the only people here who are single?”
He frowns and looks around the table. I see the exact moment the realization hits him.
“Fuck, I don’t know.”
I start counting. We have our friend, Cal, who is here with his girlfriend, Evie.
Then there’s our other buddy, Ray. He is here with his fiancée, Hayden.
They are actually the main reason why we’re here, to celebrate their upcoming nuptials.
We also have Ray’s father with his own fiancée, Evie’s parents, who are the oldest couple here, not necessarily in age but longevity.
We also have our other friend, James, and his girl, Carrie.
And then, there’s me and Alex, sitting like two bumps on a log, doing our best to fit into the conversation going on around us.
“Your baby is just so adorable, Carrie,” Hayden, the bride-to-be, calls across the table. “When me and Ray have a baby, I want one just like yours.”
Ray is not prepared for that part of the conversation. He about chokes on the sip of his drink.
“What baby?” he asks, making everyone laugh. “We’re having a baby?”
Hayden shrugs him off. “Not now, goofball. In the future. If it happens.” Her face softens up a bit when she looks at Ray. “And only if we’re both on the same page about it.”
“Same page?” Ray is ready to burst out of his seat. “I’m ready to start on one right now!”
“Jesus…” All the guys at the table groan in unison while all the ladies clap with excitement.
“Hayden, if you have a girl, she could marry Carry and James’ son,” Ray’s future stepmother suggests.
That only starts a friendly argument with Evie, who is Carrie’s best friend, and who announces that she claimed Carrie’s son as her future son-in-law way before now. They go back and forth for the longest time.
Since I have nothing to participate with in the conversation, I signal for a refill on my drink. The waiter rushes over right way, grabbing my empty glass and dropping another full one in front of me.
“You’re going to get drunk, dude,” Alex murmurs in the corner of his mouth.
I let out a snort. “I sure fucking hope so,” I tell him. “I don’t even know what’s happening right now.” I point to everyone at the table. “Remember when we used to get together in Cal’s backyard and just hang out? Party until dawn? Bring girls over sometimes?”
Alex nods in agreement. “Yeah, I don’t know what the fuck this is. I don’t want to talk about marriage, or babies for that matter. Ever.”
I take a long sip of my scotch, enjoying the smooth way it runs down my throat. Damn, this shit is expensive. I didn’t think to ask about the cost, I just asked for the top shelf. Eh, fuck it, it’s only money, I snicker to myself.
“You should’ve brought Mona to this shindig,” I tell Alex, referring to his on again, off again girlfriend. “Then again, had you done that, I’d be here all by myself.”
My friend’s jaw tightens in distress. “Mona and I are over.”
“Really?” I can’t help the laughter escaping the back of my throat. “Until when? Tonight at midnight?”
He flips me off, which only makes me laugh harder.
“Hey, Kyle,” Hayden calls from her spot at the table. “You’re having too much fun over there. Are you drinking?”
I lift my glass of scotch to show her and grin. “A little bit.”
“Aww,” she claps her hands together. “I love drunk Kyle.” She turns in her seat to smack her fiancé’s arm. “Remember when we were at that party, and Kyle’s sombrero fell over his eyes, so he kept on saying someone turned the lights off?”
We all bust out laughing at that. The night in question was epic.
It was actually a Memorial Day weekend party.
We’d all driven to the Hamptons to celebrate at Evie’s parents’ place up there.
Ray had brought Hayden as his guest after we dared him to get a date from a site called Holidates .
We didn’t think he was going to do it, but he showed us.
He found a girl for that party, and now he’s marrying her. Really weird, if you ask me.
“Who are you bringing as your plus one, Kyle?” the girl in question asks me.
“Oh, uh…” I take another sip from my drink. I hadn’t thought that far. I’ve never been in short supply of girls, so finding one to bring to this wedding shouldn’t be an issue whatsoever. “I’ll surprise you,” I wink at Hayden.
Apparently, my answer does not impress her. In fact, she frowns at me when she gives me a stern look.
“It will be an elegant affair, Kyle,” she warns me. “My mother will drop dead if you showed up with a stripper on your arm.”
My eyebrows go up in surprise. “Not like I’d announce that she’s a stripper.”
Again, I was expecting everyone to laugh, but all I get are a couple of awkward chuckles.
Alex elbows me in much the same manner I elbowed him earlier. “I’m sure the stripper heels would give her away.”
“And the hair,” Carrie calls from the other side of the table.
“And lips,” Evie agrees.
“Oh,” her mother gets in on the action now as well. “The dresses they wear are pretty telling, too.”
“Okay, ladies, take it easy,” Ray begs. “You know way too much about stripper habits than we’re comfortable with hearing.”
“Amen to that,” James, Carrie’s boyfriend toasts.
That gets all the girls going some more, and they manage to kill another hour as they talk about stripper hair, shoes and dresses.
“Maybe we should go to the strip club after this,” Alex suggests quietly. “This is lame anyway.”
I turn my head to stare at him. He has this sour look on his face, and to say that he is in a bad mood would put it mildly.
“It’s not that lame,” I argue. “We’re here with our friends. Everyone is happy.”
Alex rolls his eyes at me, totally unimpressed with anything I’m saying. My brain is soaked in alcohol at this point, but I can still sense that he’s mad at the world.
Resting my elbows on the table, I speak low enough so that no one can hear us. “What happened with Mona this time?”
His entire body tenses at hearing her name.
Theirs is the weirdest relationship I’ve ever witnessed.
It doesn’t make any sense. He’s constantly bitching that he’s done with her.
Then, they run into each other, and they just happen to fall into bed together.
The next morning, he sends her away, but then he calls her back.
She always comes back. The cycle repeats.
“Nothing happened,” he now tells me. “She knows the score…”
“Which is what?” I recognize that my voice slurs a little, and I should probably shut up. Alcohol definitely loosens me up though. “That you’re taking advantage of her?”
The shock on Alex’s face makes me laugh. He really can’t believe what he’s hearing.
“What the fuck are you even saying?” he demands to know, a most menacing look in his eyes.
Unfortunately for the both of us, I am a little on the drunk side, so I don’t care.
“I’m just saying that you’re stringing that girl along, and she’s just too stupid to figure it out.”
I lift the glass to my lips, ready for another healthy sip, already anticipating the burn of the alcohol down my throat. That’s why I am very surprised when it flies out of my hand.
“Hey,” I protest. “That’s expensive scotch. You’re gonna have to pay for it.”
Alex is the ultimate cheapskate. He’d rather die than pay for anything extra for any of us. He constantly thinks that people are out for his money. It’s got something to do with his parents. I’m not sure, though.
Now, as he sticks his finger in my face, I have this overwhelming urge to poke him some more.
“If you call her stupid again, it’ll be your head rolling on that floor,” he threatens.
“Okay,” I laugh. “You’re the one taking advantage of her, and it’s obvious to everyone but you and her, but sure, kick my ass for it.”
His face gets instantly turns red. “I am not taking advantage of anyone. She hangs out with me of her own free will.”
I huff at that. “Probably because she loves you or some shit.”
The blood drains from his face, and he is rendered speechless. He stares at me, breathing heavily in my face, to the point where I have to push myself back a little along with the chair I’m sitting in.
“No offense, but your breath stinks a little,” I tease.
Alex doesn’t stink, and he also doesn’t find me amusing. Meanwhile, we managed to gather everyone’s attention. They are all staring at us, unsure of how to react to whatever is going on between me and our friend.
“Boys, I would appreciate it if you didn’t ruin my wedding with your antics,” Hayden speaks first. “I want joy and happiness,” she continues. “That applies not only to the day of, but to all the days leading to. Do not disappoint me.”
Ray, her fiancé, lets out a snort that he tries to hide behind a weird cough.
“You’re going to make such a good mom, baby,” he tells Hayden. “Get these losers in line.”
“Nobody is ruining anything,” I assure them, although, I have no idea what I’m talking about.
“I was just telling Alex here…” I point to him like they don’t know who I’m talking about.
“That instead of messing around with the lovely Mona, he should let her go. Maybe she’ll find someone else who wants to be with her. ”
“Like who?” he grows from next to me.
I shrug at that. “I don’t know. I guess I could ask her out if she’s looking for something casual…”
All the guys around the table grown in unison. “Dude…”
I start laughing. “He knows I’m joking.”
But, apparently, he doesn’t. I realize that when he topples me in my chair with a hard push.
It all happens so fast, I don’t have time to grab onto anything, and before long, I am on my back, with my legs up in the air.
The wind gets knocked from out of me, but it’s only temporarily.
Besides, the alcohol helps with numbing the pain from the impact.
“You are dead to me.” Alex points at me when he says that.
For a second, I think he’s joking, and I start laughing. But then, I see the desperation on his face. It sobers me surprisingly fast.
“Dude, I was only joking.”
I put an arm up, hoping that he’ll grab me and help me up. Instead, he stares at me for the longest time without saying a word.
“I swear to God that I was joking,” I repeat. “I would never go out with a friend’s ex, no matter how hot she was.”
Alex continues staring, his jaw tight and murder in his eyes. But then, he visibly relaxes. He stands up and grabs me by the outstretched arm before pulling me back up to my feet.
“You guys are just too much fun.” That’s Ray’s future stepmother talking. “It’s like watching a TV show,” she gushes. “I absolutely love it. Who is this girl anyway?” she asks as she leans over the table to address Hayden.
Everyone starts talking at the same time, with all of them trying to add more to the story while they share details of Alex’s love life.
I turn to look at my friend, suddenly ashamed of myself.
“I’m sorry, man,” I tell him. “I didn’t mean to talk like that about Mona. I was only teasing you, and…” I take a deep breath in while running my fingers through my hair. “I took it too far.”
He pats me on the back in a friendly move, which doesn’t feel like forgiveness at all.
I wait for him to say something, and when he doesn’t, I feel really bad about the whole situation.
I feel like I ruined the night, at least for him.
Everyone else around the table is having a great time gossiping about Alex and Mona.
“I should go.” He pretends to check on the time, acting all rushed, like he’s late for something. “I have some things going on in the Japanese market. This is a good time for me to take care of it.”
“Don’t go, man,” I beg. “Let’s have another drink…”
Alex pulls out a hundred-dollar bill and drops it on the table.
“Here you go, buddy,” he says. “It’s on me. It should also cover the drink I spilled.”
With that, he walks around the table, shaking all the guys’ hands and giving a quick hug to all the ladies. He gives me another quick wave before walking away.
I sit back down at the table, but I’m not in a partying mood anymore. I suddenly feel out of place since I am the only person at the table who is not part of a couple. This truly blows.
“We need to find Kyle a girlfriend,” I hear one of the girls saying.
That gets them going, with everyone having an opinion on the type of girl I should be dating.
Before long, things are out of control, and I worry that if I don’t intervene, they’ll talk me into walking down the aisle at the first date with some unknown person.
“I don’t need help finding a girlfriend,” I finally speak up. “I have plenty of choices.”
Hayden, not one to ever miss anything, rests her chin on her hand and gives me a sly smile.
“Do tell us, Kyle. What are these choices you speak of? I would like to know if whoever you’re bringing will need to be photoshopped out of my wedding pictures.”
I open my mouth to respond, but my mind goes completely blank.
I can’t think of one woman I could bring to Ray and Hayden’s wedding, who would be an appropriate option.
All the girls I’ve dated, for lack of a better term, have been loud and on the obnoxious side.
But I never cared because they could blow my mind in bed, and not like I was looking for something serious anyway.
However, now that I am being put on the spot, I am a bit embarrassed. What can I say though, I’ve never been interested in having anything meaningful. I figured I’d play until I’m ready to settle down.
The next thought popping into my head sobers me all the way. I am going to be thirty years old next year. That’s a bit too old for me to act like life is one long frat party.
I let out a long sigh, looking around the table. Everyone is coupled up and happy. And then, there’s me. Well, me and Alex, too, although, there’s the sticky situation with Mona. So, I guess there’s just me then.
“I will bring someone appropriate to the wedding,” I hear myself say. “And I can’t believe you would even doubt me.”
Hayden’s eyes widen in surprise. “I would like to meet this girl before my big day.”
“Me, too,” everyone else says in unison.
I swallow hard, wondering where in the hell I am going to find an appropriate date on such short notice.
And then, it’s like a lightbulb goes off in my head.
I can sign up for the Holidate app. After all, my friends have all used it so they shouldn’t judge.
But I don’t plan on telling them about it.
“I will make the arrangements,” I tell them, referring to them meeting this imaginary girl I plan to introduce to them.
I’ll have to get right on this. Stat.