CHAPTER 30
GRAYDON
So this is what happiness feels like.
It’s been so goddamn long that I’ve forgotten the way it feels to have my mouth keep tugging into a smile, the burdens I bear taking a break from pressing down on my chest, and the world seeming to fade away as joy seeps into my soul.
And she’s the reason.
Maple.
My beautiful Maple.
Did not see that coming.
She walks into the kitchen, wearing my shirt that swallows her whole, and it’s so goddamn cute that it makes me want to take it off and worship her all over again. But given that I only had one condom, I’m going to have to practice some self-control.
When she catches me staring at her, her cheeks pinken. So fucking adorable.
“Is this okay?” She tugs on the hem of her shirt.
“More than okay,” I say as I take her by the hand and pull her closer. I grip her cheek, angle her chin up, and kiss her lips, letting my tongue explore her all over again.
Supple.
Responsive.
Addictive.
Her hands move over my pecs, digging into my skin, branding me with her touch, something I reveled in just moments ago, trying to commit the way she touched me to memory because it felt so damn good.
I want to bottle up the feeling and live on it.
And as her mouth works over mine, her fingers imprinting into my muscles, excitement pulses through me at the thought of getting lost in her all over again.
I’ve fucked my share of women. It’s not something I’m proud of, but it’s something that has kept the edge off all these years, and I can honestly say, without a shadow of a doubt, that no one has ever felt like anything even close to Maple.
The moment her pussy started clenching around me when I was spanking her, I knew I was gone.
Fucking endgame.
There was no holding me back, and I took exactly what I wanted until I blacked out, curse words falling from my lips while I came.
She groans into my mouth, and I pull away, trying to give myself a fighting chance before I start getting hard again.
Her eyes flutter open, and she looks up at me, the most beautiful smile pulling on her lips.
My thumb slides over her cheek, her soft skin imprinting with the touch of my thumb. “You truly are breathtaking.”
Her smile grows wider before she starts shaking her head.
“What?” I ask.
“It’s just so crazy, all of this.”
“What do you mean?” I ask before I lift her, spin her around, and put her up on the counter so we’re more at eye level to have this conversation.
Her legs pull me in as she wraps them around my waist. “Being here, with you, like this. I don’t know. I just…I never really thought you and I would ever get to a place like this even though I knew I was developing feelings.”
“Maple,” I say, my hands sliding across her sides. “How could you not see it? The number of times I stole glances at you, wanted to be near you, the way I would touch you for no reason, how I would stare at your ass, desperately send you thirst traps…”
She chuckles, and her hands fall to my shoulders. “The thirst traps were surprising, but I didn’t always catch you looking at me, and I don’t know, you weren’t giving off the vibe of ‘Oh, I think she’s pretty.’ I guess I just thought it was all for show.”
“Not pretty,” I correct her. “Beautiful, Maple. You’re fucking gorgeous. You’re so smart. And your heart is, fuck, it’s one of a kind with the way you care for everything and everyone around you.” I press my hand to her chest. “I’ve never met someone with a heart like yours.”
“I could say the same about you.”
Now it’s my turn to shake my head. “No, it’s all darkness and shadows inside this hollow chest.”
Her brow creases. “How can you possibly say that after everything you’ve done for me?”
“I did those things because I liked you. If you recall, I was a dick at the beginning.”
“Yes, but there was always a heart inside your chest. You took care of me when you didn’t need to. You’ve spent your little free time driving me around, making my apartment more comfortable, and helping me spread awareness about the flamingos. You have a brilliantly beautiful heart.”
“Once again, I did those things because it was brought upon me and because I liked you.”
“I don’t believe it. What about that boy who came up to you when we got tacos? You made his year.” Her hands slide up to my neck, locking me in place. “Please don’t say you’re dark and hollow inside because I see so much more than that.”
I rub my lips together, her eyes boring into me, making me feel this overbearing need to share.
To open up. But such a concept is so foreign to me.
I don’t talk about my feelings. Never have since the moment my mom had her accident.
I did what my dad told me to do. I bottled them up, pushed them down, and forgot about them.
And with every day that passed, I grew more and more angry and less and less vulnerable, and before I knew it, I was going through the motions of life, moving toward one goal and one goal only: playing football.
And now that I’m here, several years in, I’ve become completely numb to the world.
At least I thought I was until Maple came into my life.
She started calling me out on my bullshit and challenging me. She made me care for something again, something new in my life, and she opened my eyes to see the moving world around me, rather than the stagnant rut I’ve been living in.
“Are you listening to me?”
I nod, my head tilting down.
“Tell me you believe me.”
“Hard to when I know the person I’ve been for over fourteen years. When I know the person I grew up with tainted me.”
She pauses and then softly says, “Are you talking about your dad?”
“Yeah. It was a lot, growing up with him as my dad, with him consistently damaging what little positivity I had left in me. I know the darkness he’s put inside me. I know the shadows I possess, Maple. And it only gets worse when he’s around.”
“But you are not that person. I’ve seen the man you truly are, Graydon.”
“You see someone different from who I’m used to being, and I think it’s because you brought it out of me, not because it’s the person I actually am.”
“You wouldn’t just change like that,” she says. “You were always this person. You were just hiding it.” She lightly presses her lips to mine, and I groan as I deepen the kiss.
I might not be the person she perceives me to be, but if being that person means I get to indulge in her, get lost in the feel of her arms and her mouth, then I will do everything to try to be that person.
Because I don’t want to lose this.
Not when I’ve finally found an ounce of joy in my pain-ridden life.
I’m going to be a selfish fuck and cling to this for as long as I can.
“Here, add what you need.” Maple hands me her phone as she makes herself comfortable on my lap, where I’m sitting on the couch.
I glance at the DoorDash order on her phone and scowl. “What the hell is this?”
“An order from a store. Figured you’d need a toothbrush since I’ve claimed you for the night. Oh, and you might want to add a shirt in there because I’m keeping this one.”
I shake my head and set her phone down before picking up mine.
“What are you doing? Do you not want to stay here?”
I give her a get real look. “Try kicking me out,” I scoff while pulling up DoorDash on my phone and then handing it to her. “Go ahead, put in an order for whatever you want.”
“Um, this is the same thing that’s on my phone.”
“No, it’s not, because it’s my credit card being charged, not yours.”
“Graydon, I can buy things.”
“I’m aware, but you’re not buying things when I’m around.” When she goes to protest, I add, “Don’t argue with the millions in my bank account. Okay?”
She sighs. “I don’t like taking advantage of you.”
“You’re not. I’m forcing you to let me pay.”
She chuckles. “Uh-huh, and what if I say no?”
“Don’t test me,” I say, my arm snagging around her waist, making her laugh.
“And here I thought I softened you up.”
One single brow picks up as I look at her. “Maple, if you’ve accomplished anything tonight, you’ve hardened me.”
Her eyes flash to mine in humor. “Oh, look at you being clever and carefree, just like in your texts.” She leans forward and kisses my lips. “I like it.”
Then she goes back to my phone and picks a store. “Now what sort of condoms do you use?” She gives me a mischievous expression, and it’s so damn cute.
“Give me that.” I take the phone from her, making her laugh, and I add condoms, a toothbrush, a shirt, and a few other things to the cart before I check out, making sure the delivery comes directly to me, because the quicker I can get those condoms, the better.
When I set my phone down, she turns to straddle my lap and pushes me up against the back of the couch.
I let my hands rest on her hips while her palms sear into my chest. “I’ve been meaning to say something to you, but I haven’t really had a great chance.”
“Hit me,” I say, feeling so goddamn relaxed that it actually feels unnatural.
“The mural. I know I said thank you, but I really want you to know how special it is. I had no idea you knew how to paint, and then to do it so beautifully, with all the hidden meaning behind it. It means so much to me, Graydon. Thank you.”
I smile softly at her, making her face light up. “You’re welcome.”
“Look at you smiling.” She says it in a way that’s more in awe rather than teasing. “You need to do that more often.”
“I think I might,” I say, smoothing my hands over her legs. “And I’m glad you like the mural.”
“Where did you learn to paint like that?” she asks, her thumb rubbing over my chest.
I swallow thickly, the answer on the tip of my tongue.
I’ve never really talked about this with anyone.
Hutton knows a little bit of my past—because my family was in the public eye—but talking about the accident and my childhood is something I haven’t done.
But this is Maple. So warm, so welcoming.
I feel myself loosening that tight grip I have on my past. I truly believe I can trust her.
Clearing my throat, I softly say, “My mom.”