CHAPTER 39
MAPLE
“I’ll text you,” Graydon says, his mouth inches from mine before he lets his lips linger for a few more seconds. “Bye, beautiful.”
I smile. “Bye.”
One more kiss, then he takes off down the hallway before I shut the door, lean against it, and slide down to the floor, where I let all the pent-up tears I’ve been holding back for the past fifteen hours spill over my cheeks.
I cover my face with my hands and allow my sobs to rip through my body.
For the anger and frustration to take over.
For the fear and worry to consume me.
And for every last word Gretchen said yesterday to seep in.
After she cornered me into signing an NDA about my future breakup with Graydon, Gretchen put me through a crash course in what to expect when Graydon “does end things.” There was no doubt in her mind that the breakup was inevitable, and I felt like absolute shit.
You’re just a zookeeper. What draw could you possibly have?
I was shown examples of the narrative we’d follow, of how I’d have to take the blame, which would then mean I’d be followed and pursued by the media for explanations and statements.
It was…unlike anything I’ve ever seen before, like witnessing your funeral before it even occurs.
Then I was thrust back into work, where I had to act like my heart wasn’t being torn apart, one word at a time.
It took everything in me to hold back, to not crash and burn in front of all the visitors, but as the day went on, my heart weighed heavier and heavier, and when I didn’t think I could do it anymore, I slipped and fell into the flamingos’ water.
Hank thankfully brought me home so I could shower, and I blamed my tears on embarrassment.
Then I cried in the shower, sobbed actually, letting the hot water sluice over me. When I got out and saw Graydon’s text, I knew I was going to have to pull it together before he got to my apartment. So I thought of his handsome face and pushed away the idea of having to say goodbye to it.
By the time he came around, I’d had enough time to put on a happy face and push the day to the back of my mind.
I’m glad that I did because I saw the worry etched all over his brow, and I didn’t want him worrying about me.
He has enough going on in his life, and I’ve learned that he’s not great at processing stuff when he’s overwhelmed, so I took the burden of what happened and let it rest on my shoulders while I eased his anxiety.
But now that he’s gone, I let all of that bottled-up anxiety and fear pour out of me.
I don’t know how long I stay there, sorrow racking my body, but I stay there until I don’t have one more tear to shed. On a shaky breath, I stand from the ground and move over to the kitchen, where a mug of cold coffee waits for me.
Graydon made it.
My lip trembles.
Of course he made it.
He’s sweet and considerate and cares about me.
My lip trembles some more from the thought of losing that, losing him.
No, not again. Keep it together.
My phone rings from the other room and I hurry to go answer it. When I see Graydon’s name appear, my heart races with excitement. I take a second to steady my voice before answering.
“Hello?”
“Hey, beautiful,” he says, his husky voice instantly calming me. “I forgot to mention that we have a team dinner Friday night. I meant to ask you if you wanted to go but forgot, given everything that happened. Would you do me the honor of being my date?”
My smile stretches from ear to ear. “You sure you don’t want to take someone else?” I sit on my bed, pulling my knees up to my chest as I pick up the pillow he slept on and hug it close.
It smells like him.
“Who the hell else would I take?”
“OC,” I tease.
“Fuck…no.”
I let out a low chuckle. “You two would look cute together.”
“Would rather eat rusty razor blades than take that annoying puke anywhere.”
“He’s not that bad,” I reply, making Graydon grumble.
“He counted how many times we had sex the other night.”
“As if you weren’t counting.”
“I was counting, but that’s because I was the man fucking you, not him.”
God, the way he says “fucking,” it’s like he’s purring in my ear. Such a turn-on.
“I don’t know. Maybe you should give him a chance. He would be the sunshine to your grumpy.”
“Keep joking about it and see what kind of spanking you’ll get next time I see you.”
“Is that supposed to be a threat? Because to me, it sounds more like a good time.”
“Maple,” he says in a gruff tone.
“Yes?” I ask, a smile on my face that I can’t seem to hold back.
“You can’t turn me on before I head into training.”
I laugh. “Is it really that easy?”
“With you? Always.”
How can he say something so simple like that, yet make my cheeks blush like he’s right here in the room, staring me down?
“Well, we can’t have you hard while touching your teammates.”
“Yeah, I want to try to avoid that.”
“Then let’s change the subject. About this party…”
“Right. Are you going to say yes?”
“I would prefer to keep you on the edge of your seat about my attendance, but given your possible hardening situation, I think I’ll be nice and let you know that I’ll be there.”
“Good.”
“Is there anything special I need to wear? Like, is this a fancy event?”
“No, really casual. Some of the guys who have kids bring them. It’s really relaxed, just a kickoff before the season starts.”
“Oh, okay. And are you sure it’s okay that I go?”
“Why wouldn’t it be okay?”
I drag my hand over my comforter. “Because I’m new. We’re new. I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable.”
“How would you make anyone uncomfortable?”
“I don’t know, Graydon. I just want to make sure it’s okay.”
“I’m saying it’s okay. Therefore, it’s okay.”
“Am I on the approved list?”
“I’m not sure you understand how this works. I tell them you’re going with me, and it’s done. That’s it. Are you hesitant because you don’t want to go?”
“No.”
There’s silence for a moment, and then he asks, “Are you hesitant because of what happened yesterday?”
Yes.
And terrified.
“I just don’t want to step on anyone’s toes.”
“The only toes you would be stepping on would be if I was dating someone else, and that’s not the case here. It’s you and you alone. Maple…” He sighs. “Please tell me everything is going to be okay.”
Tears spring to my eyes. God, I thought I was out of tears.
I swallow back the emotions, though, not wanting to cause him any concern.
“Everything is great,” I say, but it doesn’t sound as cheery as I want it to.
“I’m turning around.”
“No,” I say. “Don’t, you’re going to be late. I’m fine, I promise. There’s nothing you need to worry about.”
“Yeah, but you’re questioning if you should go to this party, and you don’t sound like yourself. Yesterday, I needed you to know where I stand, and it’s anywhere where you’re by my side.”
My heart clenches as I nod even though he can’t see me. “I know.”
“Do you?”
“I do.”
“Promise?”
“Promise,” I answer, hating myself for being so weak.
“Okay. Can I come over later?”
“I hope you do,” I answer, hugging his pillow closer. “I can make us dinner.”
“Maybe we can make it together.”
“I would like that.”
“Okay.” He lets out another sigh. “Are you good?”
“I am.”
“You’re not going to hide anything from me? Your feelings or anything like that?”
“No,” I answer, swallowing the lump in my throat.
“Because we’re in this together. I don’t care what anyone else around us says. This is between you and me and no one else, got it?”
“Yes,” I answer.
“Good. Okay, I’ll talk to you later.”
“Okay, bye.”
“Bye, beautiful.”
We both hang up as the tears I’ve been holding back fall down my cheeks.
God, what the hell is wrong with me?
I need help, and I need it quick. I shoot Everly an emergency text. If anyone can help me, it’s going to be her.
“Wow,” Everly says, shaking her head after I finish explaining how Gretchen came to the zoo yesterday and basically uprooted my entire life. “You know, I was kind of into the whole badass female PR person, but that was…that was uncalled for.”
“I know. She scares me, but also, I approve of the strength she has, something I’m jealous of at the moment.
” I sip my coffee, grateful Everly could meet me at the zoo.
We pulled up seats at the Lemur Café, grabbed some subpar coffee, and are sharing a muffin—one we are not licking from the center because I’m not sure anyone does that besides OC.
“You have strength,” Everly says. “Think about how you handled Graydon this entire time. Anyone weaker would have thrown in the towel, but you stood your ground and now look where you’re at.
You have the strength. You’re just a little shaken right now.
And rightfully so.” She leans in closer.
“Here you are, having the time of your life, fucking a mammoth of a man in front of a mirror, and then bam, you’re signing a contract about your breakup.
I mean, if it were me, I would be rocking back and forth in the corner asking for my mommy. ”
I let out a snort. “Well, you’re not my mommy, but you were my first call, that’s for sure.”
She presses her hand to her chest. “I’m honored, but this means I need to give you much-needed advice, right?”
“Yeah, that would be the requirement of being my first call.”
“Well.” She places her hand on top of mine. “My advice to you is to block out the noise and enjoy that man’s penis.”
“Everly.” I let out a boisterous laugh as I look around.
She casually shrugs. “What? It’s the truth. That’s exactly what I would do. Who cares what Gretchen says? Who cares what his coach or his pill of a father says or the fans? You like him, right?”
“I do,” I answer. “A lot. No offense to Hardy, but I don’t think I’ve ever felt this enamored with a man before.”
She chuckles. “Hardy will be fine. Trust me.” She winks.
“And if this man has captured you this much, then stop worrying about everything around you and start worrying about what kind of lingerie you plan on wearing for him tonight. Seriously, Maple, take it from someone who worried a lot when it came to pursuing a relationship—it’s a waste of time.
Take what you want and enjoy it. Fuck everyone else around you. ”
I nod. “It’s just…he’s so high-profile.”
“You knew that going into this, though.”
“I know, but feelings weren’t involved then.”
She nods. “Ah, I see. Well, if feelings are involved now, then all the more reason to tell everyone to fuck off and serve yourself. I think as women, specifically empathetic women, we tend to want to please everyone around us and make sure people approve of our decisions, but for what? To make others happy? Screw that. We need to start taking care of ourselves, start caring about what the reflection in the mirror wants, not everyone else.”
She’s right.
I’m always trying to please.
Always trying to be selfless, to be the good girl, the person who appeases everyone else around her, because I don’t want to come off as a bitch or difficult. But why?
Am I living this life for others or for me?
“I can see by the way you’re sitting taller that you’re possibly giving yourself a mental pep talk. Please, invite me into it.”
I laugh.
How many times have I acquiesced to Phil’s demands of me at the zoo?
Even if it’s taken extra time in my day.
If I’m honest with myself, I only stayed together with Hardy for as long as I did because I didn’t want to make waves or disappoint him.
We were never the right fit. If I went down the proverbial rabbit hole, I’m certain I could revisit many situations where I’ve stayed quiet in my life and not demanded what I wanted.
“I was just thinking that I’ve spent my entire life appeasing others, even my beloved flamingos, and that maybe it’s time that I appease myself. I want him, Everly, so why don’t I just take him?”
“That’s what I’m talking about.” She smacks the table.
“You take what you want and do it unapologetically. If anything, the Foghorns should be grateful for the relationship you’ve developed with Graydon.
I saw the other day that season ticket sales have increased, and the social media for the Foghorns is on fire.
Their social media team is running on content of you two. ”
“What? Really?”
“Uh, have you not been paying attention?” she asks as she picks up her phone and taps away on the screen.
She shows me the feed for the Foghorns, and there are a few videos of me watching Graydon. One of Graydon pushing my hair out of my face. Another of him smiling down at me. And the views on the videos are insane.
“Oh my God.”
“Yeah, they’re going crazy, so I understand why they’re worried about the breakup and how it might play out.”
“But to preplan a breakup? That just seems so…ominous.”
“I could not agree more, but they are seeing your relationship as a business. Not that I’m sticking up for them by any means.
They can rot in hell for all I care, but what you need to do is block out that noise and focus on the way Graydon looks at you, because girl, that look he’s giving you…
It’s the same look Hardy gives me. It’s the same look I see Brody give Maggie.
Hudson practically devours Sloane every time he sees her, and don’t get me started on those Cane brothers.
Uteruses weep whenever they look at their soulmates.
This is very much real for Graydon, and I think you need to hold on to that and not overthink it. Just feel and enjoy.”
I attempt to hold back my smile. “He really does look at me in a special way, doesn’t he?”
“Uh…yeah. If I wasn’t so massively in love with my husband, I might have watched that video ten times while weeping instead of three times.”
I laugh and then click on the video, watching his eyes light up as I jog toward him. God, she’s so right. It’s all there, the evidence. And this wasn’t for the cameras, this wasn’t for some PR idea, this was him just watching me, taking me in, and someone catching it secretly.
I wet my lips. “This whole relationship was so unexpected. I truly did not like him at first, but then, something just switched. I started seeing past the grumpy facade and started noticing the little things. And all those little things have added up to something so much bigger. I really like him, Everly.”
“Good, because clearly he really likes you.”
I nod. “He’s told me several times.”
“Then hold on to that, live off that, and the rest of it, the rest…it can just fade into black. Because you have everything you need.”
“I do.” I smile and stare down at the video again. “I have Graydon.”