CHAPTER 41 #2
His jaw clenches for a few moments, and then he lowers my leg and takes me by the hand. He leads me over to his couch, taking a seat, and then pulls me onto his lap, where I straddle him, his hands resting on my hips.
“Is this my permanent seat…your lap?” I ask, trying to lighten the mood.
“Yes. Get used to it.”
The clench in his jaw and the tightness in his shoulders lead me to believe that my attempt to ease his tension did absolutely nothing.
I wanted to do this here because I know his anger and instinctive behavior to protect me. I’ve seen it firsthand, and sharing this information with him where he won’t gather attention is exactly what I needed to do.
I place my hands on his chest and prepare for whatever wrath is going to be unleashed from him once I tell him what I heard. “Please don’t be mad at me for waiting to tell you this. I just wanted to make sure we were in a place where you could express yourself without getting in trouble.”
“Is what you’re about to say going to piss me off?”
“Yes.”
“Was someone mean to you? Because if so, I want to know who the fuck it was because I’ll be dealing with them.”
I rub my hand over his heart, the thumping of it going wild as he’s ready to pounce and make right however I was wronged, and I love that about him.
“It was about you,” I say softly. “I overheard your dad and coach talking about you.”
His eyes narrow. “What were they saying?”
I try to keep him calm by rubbing his chest, but I can tell already that it’s not going to work from the way his grip on me tightens and his breath hitches.
“They were devising some sort of plan to try to get you traded.”
“Traded?” His brows shoot up. “They can’t fucking do that. I have a no-trade clause.”
“For next year,” I say. “Something about your dad not wanting you to beat his records.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Anger billows up in him, tension rolling through his muscles. He gently shifts me to the couch and then stands to start pacing. “That motherfucker is scared that I’m going to break his records? So he’s going to try to upend my fucking life.”
Yikes. His anger went from zero to sixty, and I’m honestly wondering if this is something I should have told him.
Maybe he would have found out on his own, and if he did, who knows what he would have done if it wasn’t in the privacy of his own home.
I’ve seen him punch his dad at training camp. This…this might—
Graydon takes off toward the garage, grabbing his keys.
Oh shit.
“Graydon, stop, where are you going?”
“Going to talk to my dad.”
I’m off the couch and running after him before I can take my next breath. Quickly, I put myself in front of the garage door and place my hand on his chest. “Please don’t go over there, Graydon.”
“Why the fuck not? He needs to realize that he has no right being a part of my goddamn business. And I have no problem teaching him that lesson.”
“I know.” I rub my hand against his chest. “But going over there, especially in this state, is not going to help.”
“It’ll help me. I’ve been wanting to bury his goddamn head with my fist for a long time now.”
“And that’s what I’m worried about.”
“You don’t need to worry about me.” He shifts me to the side, but I hold his arm.
“Please, Graydon,” I beg. “Please don’t go over there. Stay here with me.”
His eyes find mine, and I plead with him, hoping he can see my desperation.
“He’s never going to learn if I don’t tell him to mind his own damn business. He’s going to keep interfering with my life. Over and over again, until…until he does something like take you away from me.”
If Graydon only knew the full extent of the conversation I heard. But considering his reaction to the little news I gave him, there is no way I’m going to give him all the information. He would combust.
“That’s not going to happen,” I say softly, attempting to ease the tension rolling through him. “I’m not going anywhere, Graydon. This is where I want to be, with you, here, so don’t worry about me.”
“I am worried about you,” he says, a small piece of him calming. “I have…I have too much baggage, beautiful.” And my heart cracks from that statement because I know he sees that as a negative…a burden, but I don’t see it that way.
“Everyone has baggage in their life, Graydon. Some more than others, but that doesn’t make you any different.”
“It does,” he says, his eyes snapping to mine.
“My own father abandoned my mother when she needed him the most. He abandoned me, left me to rot with a goddamn nanny while he was off fucking women and playing football. And now, while I’m older, living my own life, he’s still trying to fuck with me.
Attempting a trade for his benefit. Parents are not supposed to do that. ”
Neither are good coaches, to my knowledge. How could his coach support his jerkface father’s plans?
“I know,” I say softly. “And I’m so sorry that you have to have someone like him in your life. You don’t deserve that—”
“No, I do.” He shakes his head. “It’s not like I’m a goddamn hero that goes around saving lives. I’m a selfish asshole who plays football.”
“Selfish asshole? How on earth do you see yourself that way?”
His eyes land on mine, insecurity puncturing his pupils, and in a low, saddened voice, he says, “Claimed you as mine.”
“Graydon,” I whisper, my heart breaking. “That’s not selfish.”
“It’s not?” he asks, taking a step back. “Look at the shit I’ve already put you through. From the moment I met you, I’ve been a burden. I’ve hurt you. I’ve asked you to do things I had no right asking you to do, and now you’re subject to—”
“Stop,” I say, gripping his cheeks. “You’re spiraling.”
“Of course I’m spiraling.” He pushes his hand through his hair and steps away.
“You realize how ridiculous this is, right? My dad wants to get me traded so I don’t break his records because he’s so damn full of himself that he can’t possibly watch his son, that he couldn’t care two shits about, rise above him.
And you, the girl I fucking like, have to be the one who sits there and listens to it.
It’s embarrassing, Maple. You deserve better than this. ”
“Stop saying what I deserve because you don’t get to have an opinion on that matter. This is my life, and I’m choosing what I want to do with it.”
“You’re choosing wrong,” he snaps, causing me to falter in my confidence. He walks over to the kitchen and places his hands on the counter, where he takes a few deep breaths. “Maybe…maybe you should leave.”
Absolutely not.
I see what he’s doing, and I see where this is going.
He’s attempting to push me away, and I’m not going to allow it.
“If you want me to leave, you’ll have to physically remove me,” I say, chin held high even though he’s not looking at me. “You can push me away with your words, but I’m not going anywhere. So go ahead, do your best, Graydon. Say your worst, try to hurt me, because it’s not going to work.”
He turns to face me, his shoulders showing defeat, his expression twisted with pain.
“You don’t want this.”
“I do.”
“You don’t,” he says, his voice growing harsher.
“Graydon, do not tell me what I want, what I deserve, or what my opinion should be.” I stand with conviction, my voice unwavering. “That is not your choice.”
He blows out a heavy breath and shakes his head. “Please just leave, Maple. This is not something you can fix.”
“I’m not trying to fix anything. I’m just not letting you push me away because you’re spiraling.
You’ve had enough abandonment in your life; I refuse to be someone else who does that to you.
So like I said, do your worst, but whatever you do or say is not going to make me leave you here alone. Not happening. We’re in this together.”
He pulls on the back of his neck, defeat evident in his body language as he pushes off the counter and approaches me.
I hold my breath, preparing for him to escort me out the door.
But when he reaches me, instead of forcefully taking me outside, he closes the space between us, wraps his arms around me, and buries his hand in my hair as he pulls me in close, hugging me.
The feel of him clinging on to me like a lifeline nearly breaks my heart.
“Fuck, I’m sorry,” he whispers, all the pain I know he’s feeling coming out in those three words. “I’m so fucking sorry, Maple.”
I wrap my arms around him as well, and I rub my hand up and down his back, attempting to soothe him.
“Let me help you, Graydon. Please. I want to be here with you. If I didn’t, I would have left already. Okay?”
He nods and then presses his lips to my neck. “I’m sorry.” He pulls me in tighter, holding me as close to him as possible. I press my face to his chest, letting him use me to calm down.
We stay like that for a few minutes before he bends, brings his hands to my ass, and then scoops me up into his arms. I circle his waist with my legs and hold him as he brings me to his bedroom and lays me down on his bed.
Standing in front of me, he pulls his shirt up and over his head, then drops it to the ground.
With his eyes set on me, he spreads my legs and kneels between them, hovering his massive body over mine before slowly lowering his head centimeters from mine.
After a second of looking into my eyes, he closes the space between us and kisses me softly while his hand gently cups my cheek.
Our tongues mold together, his kisses like a drug, making me feel breathless and needy all at the same time. I could stay like this forever and be happy, getting lost in him and only him.
But there is a worry tapping at the back of my head, a gentle reminder of how the evening started. I kiss him once, twice, and then I pull away just enough to say, “Wait, we need to talk.”
He lifts up so our gazes match. “Talk?”
I bring my hands around his neck, holding him in place and reassuring him that I want him here, this close…with me.
“Yes, I just want to close out the issue with your dad.” My thumb strokes the back of his neck. “I need you to promise me that you’re not going to leave this house tomorrow or the next day or the next and have words with your father that lead to using your fists.”
His brow pulls together.
“I’m serious, Graydon. Please. I know what he has planned is wrong and could mess with your life, but taking action like I know you want to will mess with your life even more. There’s a smart way to go about this, and it doesn’t involve getting into a fight with your father.”
“He’s never going to stop if I don’t handle it.”
“And you can handle it without using your fists. Let’s be smart about this and think how we can best him with your smarts and the popularity you’ve been able to obtain over the years.
” I play with the short strands of his hair.
“We don’t have to come up with a solution right now, but we can think on this together, okay?
Please just don’t try to go fix it yourself. ”
His jaw ticks, clearly not happy with my ask.
“Please, Graydon. Promise me.”
He drops his head and lets out a heavy sigh. “Okay. I promise.”
“Look at me and say it.”
His eyes meet mine, and softly, he says, “I promise.”
“Thank you.”
He leans down, his body draping over me like a blanket as his forearms fall on either side of my head. “When did you start caring about me so much?”
I softly smile. “I think I started caring about you the moment you insulted my flamingos.”
He shakes his head. “No way you started caring then.”
“I did. I cared enough to get you to realize the error of your ways.” I lightly press a kiss to his lips.
“And you did it by making me clean dishes.”
“It was your penance.”
“I would prefer another punishment.”
“Yeah, well, at the time, we were not in a position where I could dole out that kind of punishment.”
He chuckles, his hand dragging up my side. “Trust me, if you did, I would have accepted it.”
“You’re such a liar. You could barely stand to be around me when we first met.”
“I didn’t want to be around the zoo. You, on the other hand, that’s a different story.”
I shake my head. “Uh-huh, and why were you such an ass then?”
“Because I might have wanted to be around you, but I wasn’t ready to admit how I was feeling.”
“So you were acting like an elementary school kid.”
“Exactly.” He chuckles, the lightness in his expression finally appearing again.
“That’s not very grown-up of you, Graydon.”
“Never claimed to be mature.” His thumb strokes my cheek before he sighs again. “You’re so goddamn beautiful, Maple.”
My cheeks heat from the compliment.
“That’s what caught my eye first, your gorgeous face.”
“And I thought it was my ass.”
He laughs. “That was what got me to start sending thirst traps. Because if you could walk around with an ass like that, then I was at least going to show you what I had to offer.”
“I didn’t need a thirst trap to notice,” I say, surprising him, which is so cute.
“Tell me more.”
“How about I show you?” I ask, pushing at his chest so he lies flat on his back. I straddle his lap and then pull my sundress up and over my head, revealing my strapless bra and red lace underwear.
I reach behind me and undo my bra, his eyes going dark as they hungrily roam over my chest.
One of his hands cups my breast as his thumb caresses my nipple. “I don’t know what I did to deserve this…deserve you, but I’m going to continue to be a selfish motherfucker and hold you as long as you will let me.”
“It’s not selfish when I want the same thing,” I answer as my hands go to his jeans, and I start undoing them.
“Trust me, Maple, I’m getting the better end of the bargain.”
I shake my head and then pull his pants and boxer briefs down, revealing his hard-on. I let my palm glide over his length before leaning down and letting my tongue circle the head.
“Mmm, no…I am.”
And then I take him fully in my mouth while he lets out a satisfied moan, allowing his body to sink into the mattress as his hand pulls my hair to the side.
When I glance up at him and catch his gaze on me, all I can think is Wow. This man, who has faced so many obstacles throughout his life—including his father’s jealousy and scorn—is looking at me as if I hung the moon. Talk about undeserving.
He’s a man I could fall in love with. If I’m not there already.
Everly’s words have gone through my mind several times since she pointed out how Graydon looks at me.
I can understand if he can’t find the words to tell me he loves me—and I bet the last time he heard them was from his mom before her accident—but the reverence he’s showing me now? That suggests love.
I’m the lucky one, Graydon. You are incredible, and I think I love you. Will always love you.