CHAPTER 16 BOWER
BOWER
“Don’t ever leave me ever again. You live here now,” I say to Gabby as I loop my arm through hers and hold on to her tightly while we make our way through the Bombers concourse.
Ryland’s behind us, carrying our food and drinks, because he insisted, not because we forced him, although I do enjoy him being a pack mule so I can gush with my best friend.
“You’re the one that left me,” Gabby says.
I shake my head. “No, you got married and traded me in for a more muscular, grumpy version.”
“I love him, but he never could replace you.”
“Keep saying that to me. I need the reassurance.”
She chuckles and then leads us down the stairs to our seats.
Bennett must have pulled some strings, or he straight-up paid for it, but he got us great seats, ten rows back from the first base on-deck circle.
Ryland and Gabby were, of course, frothing at the tickets, while I just admired their appreciation for good seats.
After we’ve sat down, we fit our drinks into the cupholders. I grab my hot dog and hand my phone to Gabby. “Can you take a picture of me with my hot dog?”
“Sure.” She chuckles. “Do you want the field in it, or just you and your hot dog?”
“With the field.” I roll my eyes. “I want to do a front and a back picture to send to Bennett so he can see the shirt I got to wear.”
While I was out making the rounds for Adalade today, I had Mark drop me off at a sporting goods store, where I bought a shirt with Brinkman and his number, twenty-two, on the back. It’s a bit tight, because it’s a kid’s size, but it was either that or a size way too big for me.
“You’re going to send it to Bennett?” Gabby questions.
“Uh, yeah, so he can see that his neighbor supports him.”
I hold up the hot dog and she snaps a picture before I turn around, my hair to one side, and she takes another picture.
When I grab my phone from her, I motion for her and Ryland to get together. They’re both in their Bombers gear, twinning and looking so adorable.
“Smile.” I take the picture and then open up my text thread with Bennett. I include all the pics and tell him we plan on being the loudest.
Once I’m good with that, I put my phone to the side and take a huge bite of my hot dog, staring out at the well-manicured field.
“Wow, that grass is so—” I pause when I turn and see Gabby and Ryland both staring at me. “What?” I wipe at my mouth. “Do I have ketchup on my face?”
“What’s going on?” Gabby asks.
“What do you mean?”
“You just sent Bennett a picture of you.”
“Uh, yeah, because I’m wearing this shirt and I’m at his game.”
“That’s…very girlfriend-like of you,” Ryland says, picking up his beer and sipping from it.
I scoff, because he has completely lost his mind.
“Girlfriend of me?” I ask. “Uh, no, it’s not. First, I’m seeing someone sort of—kind of—second, I’m just being a friend, and there’s nothing girlfriend about me and Bennett.”
“Are you sure?” Gabby asks. “Because that would be…well, it wouldn’t be right.”
“Of course it wouldn’t be right. He’s eight years younger than me, your brother, and not my type.” Ehh, maybe a little my type. The dark hair, light blue eyes, and thick scruff… God, so hot…
I mean, not him, just that aesthetic of a man.
Bennett is… Sure, he’s attractive and the muscles don’t hurt, but like I said, not my type.
Did you believe that? Because I didn’t.
“Well, all of that,” Gabby says. “And the fact that you’ve been in his life for so long helping me take care of him. You made me that promise one night when we were working at the Olive Garden, and I wasn’t sure I was going to make ends meet.”
As if I could forget the promise. I remember that night. I found her sobbing in the back of the stockroom and when I asked her what was going on, she was at her wit’s end, unable to make rent and didn’t know what to do because her sketchy boyfriend at the time took money from her.
“I promised that no matter what, I’d take care of Bennett.”
“And when his apartment was broken into and…and they robbed him blind, that was…my lowest moment, Bower. But you promised you would help take care of it, and you did. You helped with filing the police report, even though it was months later. That’s the friend I need.
I don’t…I don’t need a friend trying to hook up with my brother.
I need you by my side, like you always have been. ”
“And I am,” I say. “Nothing has changed. It’s you and me.”
“I know, I just…I don’t know, for a second, I freaked out. I’m sorry.” She shakes her head. “God, what a weird way to start a visit.” She laughs nervously.
I take her hand in mine. “You’re good. Bennett and I have been spending a lot of time together because he’s the only person I know here, but there’s no need to worry.
We’re just friends and we’ll keep it that way.
” I smirk. “I’d like to set him up with someone, just like he set me up, but I don’t know anyone. ”
“Maybe we can make him a dating profile,” Gabby says with excitement.
“Oh my gosh, I love—”
“Nope,” Ryland says, draping his arm behind Gabby. “Not going to let that happen. Let the boy figure out his own love life. He probably hasn’t put effort into dating because he’s coming toward the end of his season. He’s focused, and he’s gained so much popularity that it will be harder for him.”
“Hmm, I didn’t think about that.” I bite my hot dog.
“Yeah, me either.”
“Good thing you have me,” Ryland says, looking completely in his element.
“Maybe the guy you’re seeing knows of someone. Maybe he has a sister,” Gabby suggests.
“I can ask.” I think about it. “Ehh, maybe I’ll wait. I’m still getting to know the guy.”
“Didn’t you have another date?”
“We’ve had three,” I say, as if that’s an impressive thing, but it’s really not, because two of the dates I’ve only been half-awake.
And the only reason I went on the second morning date was because Cougar said he liked it so much he wanted to do it again. Being the sucker that I am, I caved and said I couldn’t wait.
“Three, that’s so great. Have you guys kissed yet?” Gabby fully turns toward me now, blocking out Ryland, but he doesn’t seem to care as he continues to watch the grounds crew prep the field. And this is why I didn’t tell her I was looking for something more serious, because…the questions.
“No,” I say. “Haven’t really had that feeling, you know?”
“Really?” Gabby asks, her confusion actually kind of comical. “That’s very unlike you, looking for a feeling.”
“A feeling of attraction,” I clarify, not wanting her to get too excited again. “I think I might be broken.”
“No, not broken.”
I slowly nod and dab my napkin at my mouth. “Yup, broken, because I haven’t thought about him naked once, and you know how much I like to think about dicks.”
“Jesus,” Ryland mutters off to the side.
“I like to think about them penetrating me and tickling me and rubbing all over my face.”
“Can you not?” Ryland asks, leaning forward. “There are people around us.”
“And they’re paying attention to the game, not to us,” Gabby says and then turns back toward me. “So you haven’t been thinking about his penis in your mouth?”
“For the love of God,” Ryland grumbles.
“No,” I say, panic hitting my voice. I haven’t been able to say this to Bennett, because that would be weird, and I haven’t had a chance to catch Gabby up, and there is no way in hell I’d say this to Adalade, so I’m finally getting it all off my chest. “I have not had any visions of his penis near me and it’s… it’s disturbing.”
“This conversation is disturbing,” Ryland says.
“Shhh…” Gabby shushes him with a finger. “Watch your sports.”
“This is your sports too.”
“Yes, but my favorite player is still in the locker room, so I can focus on my friend right now.” Turning back toward me…again, she says, “It does seem like you might be broken. Maybe it’s all the romance you’ve been reading. It’s desensitized you.”
I shake my head. “If anything, it’s made me hornier. I just don’t know if I’m into this guy.”
“Which is odd, because he’s hot, tall, muscular—”
“Sitting right here, babe.”
Gabby turns to Ryland and kisses him on the lips, like full-on open-mouthed kiss that makes him clear his throat when she pulls away. “And I love you so much.”
Happy with that, he goes back to drinking his beer but keeps his arm draped over her chair, never letting her forget who she belongs to.
And that, right there, is what I want.
I want that all-consuming love where there’s a healthy possessiveness between two people, where you stake a claim, letting everyone else know that the person you’re with is off-limits.
I want to feel the passion they feel, I want to be able to freely kiss, with open-mouth kisses and tongue and get lost in the moment in public without any repercussions.
I want to feel loved.
Held.
Cherished.
And when I’m with Cougar, I’m just not there. Yet.
“Maybe he’s not the guy for you,” Gabby says.
I shrug. “I don’t know. I’m going to go out with him again, as he texted asking when I’m free.”
“Really?”
I nod. “Yeah, he started chatting during our last date and maybe he sees me differently, like…I don’t know, like I’m not like the other women he’s dated who probably go out with him for one thing.”
“The sex.”
My lips thin. “You don’t have to put ‘the’ in front of sex.”
“Feels more official that way.”
“Yeah, perhaps. Either way, yes, maybe he’s used to women like that and I’m just not her, so he finds me fascinating.”
“Probably. And that’s something to hold on to. It’s nice to be fascinating.”
“Yeah, I guess so.” I sigh and look out toward the field. “Just wish being fascinating came with dick tickles.”
“Don’t call it that,” Ryland says.
“Sir.” I lean forward, looking him dead in the eyes. “May I remind you, once again, this conversation does not involve you. So keep that trap shut or I’m going to swap seats with your girl and you’ll then have the utter joy of cradling me for the next three hours.”
He turns away and goes back to observing the field.
“That’s what I thought.” I sigh and say, “Now, where was I?”
“Dick tickles,” Gabby says.