CHAPTER 31 BENNETT
BENNETT
I flee from the locker room, needing some space from everybody, and I walk down the hall of the home team’s stadium and find a quiet spot where I lean against the wall and then sink down to the floor.
What the hell happened from last night to just now?
The only person that would be able to tell me other than Bower is Maple, because she was the one who saw her today.
So I send a text to the group thread.
Bennett: OC, I’m going to have to ask you to please not be dramatic right now. I can’t fucking take it, please. Maple, I need to know what happened when you delivered the cookies, because Bower is pretty much detaching from me right now.
I wait for a few seconds and OC is the first to respond, of course.
OC: What do you mean?
Bennett: She thanked me for the cookies and then she just blew me off. Didn’t want to talk, said we could talk later. I don’t understand.
OC: Fuck, that’s not how we wanted things to go.
Graydon: Hold on, Maple is finishing up some supplements for the flamingos and then will respond. But she did say she learned some things that could be helpful…possibly hurtful.
“Fuck,” I say, dragging my hand over my face.
Why did we have to have a ten-day away trip now?
Why? Right when I was making fucking progress with her.
I know this is the second-to-last game tonight, and then we have an afternoon game that will get us home earlier tomorrow, but fuck, it feels like a goddamn eternity.
My phone buzzes again and Maple is the one who texts. Thank fuck.
Maple: First of all, she’s so sweet and kind. We exchanged information so we can meet up once in a while, as we both thought we needed to make more friends. I want to be honest about that, because moving forward, if she’s trusting me as a friend, I don’t want to give away her secrets.
OC: An honest woman.
Yeah, but not fucking ideal for me.
Maple: I will say this. She’s really torn.
She really likes you, Bennett, more than she said she should, but your sister is getting in the way of those feelings.
And Cougar, well, she has grown to know him better throughout the weeks that they’ve hung out and she said recently he’s been really helpful and she’s seen a different side of him.
Graydon: Their relationship is platonic.
Maple: Which means she’s getting to know him on a different level and vice versa.
She finds him funny at times, and he’s starting to let his guard down and show his true self, which is what she likes.
But when she’s with you, it’s different.
There’s comfort there, like that’s where she belongs. She’s very conflicted.
I tug on my hair, my mind fucking going crazy as my body itches with annoyance. What would have happened if I never actually set her up with Cougar? Did I really fuck this up for myself? Am I the fucking reason why I’ll never truly have a shot with her?
OC: But did it seem like there was a chance for Bennett?
Maple: It did, but I could see her pulling away. I could see her sparing him from the disruption everything would cause. I don’t know how helpful this is, Bennett, but I know there are feelings there for you. It just depends on if she will allow herself to feel them or not.
OC: How do we get her to feel them?
Graydon: I think he pushes for it. I don’t think he lets up, because when I was pushing Maple away, that’s what she did. She hung on, knowing there was a future there. Bennett, you need to do the same.
Maple: I agree. I think you fight. If you really like her, and I know she likes you, then you need to make her understand that you both can work through her fears.
OC: Agreed. I don’t think this is over. I think this is just the beginning and how you handle this moving forward will set the tone for your relationship. Fight, man. Fucking fight.
I let out a deep breath and rest my head against the wall, letting their words sink in and calm my raging nerves. They’re right, if I want this, then I need to fight. I need to show her that I’m the one. And the minute I get back from this away trip, that’s exactly what I plan on doing.
The phone rings and rings and rings.
“Hey, you’ve reached Bower. Sorry I missed your call, but feel free to leave a message and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can. Thanks.”
I clear my throat as the phone beeps, telling me to leave my message. “Hey, Bower, it’s me. Wanted to give you a call after my game, see how you were. Our texts earlier left me worried, so I’m just checking in. Give me a call when you can. See you soon.”
I jump off the treadmill after warming up my legs, needing to get nervous energy out this morning, and I grab my phone and head toward the locker room.
Last night we lost. I played like shit, and we’re so close to making the playoffs.
We’re in a tie right now for the wild card seed, barely hanging on by a thread.
It would be incredible if we made it, given everything the team has been through, but then again, we’re still a little disconnected and we make a shit ton of mistakes we shouldn’t.
Staring down at my phone, I check to see if there are any messages from Bower, and when I see nothing, I know that she’s avoiding me, because she’d have at least texted me by now. I try not to let it bother me, but instead, keep pushing forward like Graydon said.
So I call her.
It rings and rings and rings and just when I think it’s going to voice mail, she answers.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Bower,” I say, feeling awkward all of a sudden, like I’m back in high school trying to talk to a girl.
“Hey, uh…how are you?”
“Doing better now. Just wanted to call and see how you’re doing.”
“Fine,” she says, sounding weird. Not her normal, bubbly self.
“You don’t sound fine.”
There’s silence for a moment, and then I hear a sniffle, and my heart nearly rips out of my chest as I pause in the hallway.
“Bower,” I say, panic in my voice. “What’s going on?”
“It’s nothing, I’m sorry, I’m just…fuck, I need to go.”
“No, don’t fucking hang up, Bower. I’m not kidding. Tell me what’s going on.”
“Bennett, I can’t…I can’t do this and I’m sorry. I know…I know you have feelings for me, but it’s just so complicated and I don’t want you to get hurt—”
“Then what the hell are you doing? You’re seriously going to tell me this over the phone?”
“Because you come home tonight and I don’t…I don’t want you to…to…”
“To what?”
“To think that, that there’s something between us.”
“But there is and you’d be lying to my fucking face if you told me otherwise.”
“I know, but I think we just need to have some…some distance, okay? That’s why I answered the phone, to tell you that we shouldn’t, umm…we shouldn’t—”
“Say it to me without crying, Bower. Tell me to leave you alone without crying.”
She sniffs, takes a second, and then I hear her crying again.
“You can’t. You can’t fucking say it, because you don’t want to say it.”
“Bennett, please.”
“It’s not over, Bower. I don’t know what has happened in the last twenty-four hours, but I’m not going to let you just push me away when I know you don’t want to.”
“Please don’t make this harder. I just…I just need space. Okay?”
“No.”
“Bennett…” She starts crying again, and the sound rips me in half. I don’t want to upset her, but I’ll be damned if she’s going to choose this future for us.
“It’s not over, Bower. Not even close. And I will not allow you to push me away without looking me in the eyes and doing it. You owe me more than that.”
“I…I can’t do this.” And then she hangs up. Disappointment rushes through me.
I stare down at my phone, at the picture of me and her that I have on my wallpaper, my grip tightening.
This is not fucking over.
Over my dead body will I allow her to end us, especially without a solid explanation.
I head back to the locker room just as my phone buzzes in my hand. My heart leaps in my chest, hope spiraling through me that it’s Bower calling back, but instead, it’s Gabby.
I sigh and lean against the wall as I answer the phone. “Hey, Gabs.”
“Oh my goodness, as he lives and breathes. I didn’t think you still talked to your big sister anymore.”
“Sorry, things have been crazy.” I push my hand through my hair, my mind still racing over Bower.
“I know. Playoff run is hard. But you’re almost there.”
“Yeah, pretty close. We have to win this afternoon,” I say on automatic.
“You will. Although, what happened last night? Not to make you feel bad or anything, but yikes, brother.”
“Not my best showing. Put in some extra work this morning, though, warmed up my legs and about to hit the cages to focus on some extension in my swing.”
“Smart. You always put in the work. It will pay off. Ryland also said you’re slicing a little, pulling your shoulder out before you should. Keep it tight.”
“Tell him thank you. I’ll work on that in the cages.”
“I know you will. By the way, I was in San Francisco yesterday. It’s a shame you’re on a long away trip. I could have stolen you away for a second.”
“Wait, you were?” I ask. “Did you see Bower?”
“I did,” she says. “We had lunch at a sandwich shop around the corner from your apartment building. The soup was so freaking good, and Bower caught me up on everything she’s doing.
Her book truck and how she put in an order for it, and the name, ugh, so cute.
Oh, and she showed me the logo that Cougar helped her with.
” A spike of anger shoots up my spine from the mention of his name.
Hell, from the mention of the book truck and how she’s done so much, apparently, and not said a goddamn word to me.
“Cougar helped her?” I ask, trying not to say it with a clenched jaw.
“Yeah, he helped her pick out the truck and offered suggestions for the logo. Seems like they’re getting along nicely. It’s good to see her find someone. I know she’s been looking to be in a relationship for a bit, and Cougar, he’s a good one. It’s so sweet that you set her up.”
My tongue glides over my teeth as I try not to break a fucking blood vessel. “Yeah, didn’t, uh, didn’t know things were getting serious for her.”
“Well, from what she told me, they’re taking it slow, but I think that’s how the best relationships form—well, besides me and Ryland, but we are the exception.
Anyway, I asked her if she was going to bring the book truck out to Almond Bay and she said she was considering it. She might move. Isn’t that amazing?”
Consider me fucking blindsided, because what the actual hell is happening?
I leave for ten days and feel like my entire life just exploded in front of my face.
“Bennett?”
“Yeah, sorry, uh, one of the guys was asking me something. That’s, uh, that’s great. Hey, I hate to cut this short, but I think it’s my turn in the cages.”
“Yeah, of course. Just glad to hear your voice. Maybe next time I’ll catch you in San Francisco.”
“Totally. Love you, Gabby.”
“Love you too. Kill it today.”
“I will.”
Then we hang up and for the second time in ten minutes, I lean against the wall of the tunnel and slide down to the ground. My world’s crumbling around me, and I have no idea how to fucking stop it.
I just need to get home.
I need to get home and see her and fix all of this.