CHAPTER 32 BENNETT #2
“Can you turn up the music up front, man?” OC asks the driver.
“Sure thing,” he says, moving the music to the front so we can talk softly and he can’t hear us.
“I’m not in a good headspace, man,” I say, my leg bouncing, my energy dark, pushing me to make a mistake, to do something I shouldn’t.
“That’s why you need to get home and just fucking chill. Take a shower and then start at it with a clear head tomorrow.”
I grind my teeth together. “I don’t think I’ll get any goddamn sleep tonight. I’m buzzed, ready to wear through a goddamn wall, do damage. I want to do damage. I want to feel pain other than the pain that’s tearing at my heart right now.”
“I get that, more than anything. But it’s not going to help, and the last thing you need right now is bad press. Gretchen would lose her shit.”
“Fuck Gretchen.”
“Yes, I agree. Fuck Gretchen, but Graydon would say the same thing. You need to handle this internally. Texting me was smart. In the morning, you can text Graydon and get his advice as well, but taking this out in public, making a scene, not fucking smart, man. That’s how professional careers plummet, and what’s going to hurt more than not having the girl is not having the girl and losing all the hard work you put into getting to where you are. ”
I know he’s right. If I did something stupid, like lose my shit in public, it could have severe consequences and ruin the years of sacrifices and hard work that becoming a professional baseball player required, as well as all the sacrifices Gabby made for me. And I couldn’t do that to her.
So even though I’m itching to just take someone out for no other reason than expelling energy, I know I need to go back to my place, sit on my goddamn hands, and just stare at a wall until I’m calm.
Not wanting to talk, I spend the rest of the car ride staring out the window, trying not to let my mind race to that red dress she was wearing, or how that red lipstick would transfer over to Cougar when she kisses him, or how she might get out of that dress later.
Instead, I attempt to practice steady breathing while OC reads me an article about Maple and Graydon and their social media presence, something I couldn’t give two shits about at the moment.
When we pull up to my apartment building, I offer OC a nod with a curt thanks and then get out of the Suburban before heading up the steps to my building.
What if the date was shit and she’s home already?
What if I run into them in the hallway?
What if they came back early and she invited him to her apartment and they’re there right now, fucking making out on the goddamn bed I got her?
I punch the elevator button to go up and immediately get in, pressing the button to my floor. Someone asks me to hold the elevator, but I pretend I don’t hear them as I click on the button to shut the doors sooner. Thankfully it works this time.
As I ride up the elevator, I’m tempted to call Gabby, to grill her on what else Bower told her about her life and to ask what the hell Gabby said that would make Bower have this complete one-eighty. She was sucking my dick off before I left, and now she’s on a date with another man.
How the fuck does that work?
When I reach my floor, I unlock my door, and I don’t bother turning the lights on as I toss my keys and wallet on the table next to the door, lock up, and then head straight to my bedroom, where I flip the light on, only to find Bower curled up on the bed, wearing a pair of shorts and a T-shirt.
Holy fuck, she’s…she’s here.
In my bed.
Not with him.
Chills spread across my limbs from the mere sight of her, that’s until I notice her tear-stained cheeks and bloodshot eyes highlighted by the lamp on the nightstand.
Did he do this to her? I’m going to fucking kill him.
I rush over to her and sit on the bed, placing my hand on her hip as I say, “What did he do to you?”
She shakes her head, more tears streaming down her face as she says, “Nothing, he did nothing.”
“Then why are you crying?”
Realization doesn’t quite hit me that she’s here, in my apartment, out of that dress, no makeup on her face, and looking like she’s been crying for an hour, but she is.
She’s fucking here.
What does that mean?
Whatever it is, I can’t get my goddamn hopes up, because I don’t think my heart can take getting dragged twice, well…three times in one day.
“Bennett.” She sniffs and wipes at her eyes. “I…I think I’m falling for you.” My breath escapes my lungs from those six words.
I think I’m falling for you.
Fuck, how I bled to hear those words from her, for so damn long, and now that she’s said them, it doesn’t feel real.
“And I can’t stop that feeling, no matter how hard I try or what I tell myself.”
My heart hammers in my chest, joy ready to burst out of me, but I hold back, because she’s crying about it, which means she could say the words but still take them away from me. Like she did only a few hours ago. “It doesn’t matter, because you and me, it can’t happen. I need to move on.”
She shakes her head, tears spilling down her cheeks.
“I can’t like you, Bennett. I fucking can’t, but every time I breathe, I swear I can smell your cologne.
Every time I eat something, I swear I can taste you on my tongue.
And every time I close my eyes, you’re there, in my dreams, waiting to hold me, love on me.
You’re everywhere, no matter how much I try to avoid it and it’s…
it’s plaguing me. Eating me alive, making it so I can’t even function without thinking about your smile or the way you touch me.
Just make it stop. Please…please make it stop.
” She starts sobbing and then pulls her knees to her chest and buries her head in her hands. “I want it to stop.”
Fuck.
That kills me.
I can’t take seeing her like this, in so much pain. As much pain as I was in, this is worse. This makes me ache in a way I’ve never felt before, like someone is slowly, torturously ripping out my heart one second at a time, tugging and pulling so slowly that I feel every last ounce of agony.
I need it to stop. I can’t see her like this, feeling like this, so I do the one thing I know to do. I kick off my shoes and socks and then slip under the covers and pull her onto my lap, where she curls into my chest and fists the collar of my shirt as she continues to sob.
I rub my hand soothingly up and down her back, kissing the top of her head, and trying to take that pain away from her any way that I know how.
I try to ease her agonizing.
I try to make it fucking better even though I don’t know how.
She likes me but doesn’t want to. That’s a hard reality to face, because I want nothing more than to take her and make her mine. But she wants me to give her up, and I just don’t know if I can do that. She lives and breathes under my skin, always. I’ll never be able to shake her.
“I don’t want to like you, Bennett.”
“I know,” I say calmly.
“I don’t want to think about you.”
“I know,” I repeat, her words like a knife slashing over my chest.
“I don’t want to have this burning ache inside of me every fucking time I see you.” She lifts up, her eyes glossy with tears, her lips trembling. “But I do. I need you. These last ten days were torture. I thought about you all the time and wanted you here, with me, right here, in your bed.”
“I wanted that too, baby,” I say softly, my hand slipping under her shirt to rub her bare back. “I was agonizing over not seeing you every day.”
Her lip trembles some more as tears spill down her cheeks.
“I can’t have you. I can’t…have any part of you.
Not these strong, comforting arms. This handsome, sincere face.
These soft, addicting lips…” Her fingers brush over my face, her breath catching as she stares at my mouth.
“I can’t have any of it, but I want it. I want you, all of you.
I want to be able to stop pretending like I don’t feel anything, because I do. I feel so much for you, Bennett.”
“Then allow yourself to feel—”
She shakes her head. “I’ll lose Gabby. I can’t lose her. And I promised her I’d take care of you, watch over you. I promised, Bennett. From when I first met her, I told her I’d be by her side, helping her with you.”
My brow furrows. “I don’t need to be taken care of. I’m a grown-ass man who can make my own choices, and it’s about time she realizes that and you realize that because I choose you, Bower.”
She continues to shake her head. “Don’t…please, don’t say that. Please.”
I can see her will slipping, her wall cracking, and maybe this is not the right thing to do, given her moral dilemma, but to hell with it if I’m going to let a promise she made to my sister dictate what happens between us.
I slip my finger under her chin and force her to look me in the eyes.
On a deep breath, I say, “You’re it for me.
Where I’m concerned, I’m done searching.
I’ve found who I want, and I won’t let some idle promise stop me from taking what I want.
I’m not going anywhere, Bower, and I’m not going to stop.
” And then, I take a risk and bring my mouth to hers, a centimeter apart, waiting for her to say no, to stop me, but when she doesn’t say anything, I press my lips to hers and feel her melt into me the moment our mouths connect.
She moans softly, the sound so sweet, so fucking sexy while she shifts on my lap, straddling me. Her hands fall to my face, where her thumbs slide off my cheeks and her mouth opens while kissing me, intensifying our connection.
Fuck, she tastes amazing.
Feels amazing.
And as she continues to kiss me, dragging her tongue across mine, light bursts behind my eyelids, like fireworks setting off all throughout my body, igniting something deep inside me that feels like I’ve been repressing for so long.
My hands fall to the hem of her shirt and slide underneath the fabric, where my palms grip her sides and my thumbs land just below her breasts.