CHAPTER 41 BENNETT #2
This is embarrassing.
“I, uh…fuck, this is not the time to talk about this and now that I’m sitting here, in your place of work, I realize just how inappropriate it is to disrupt you, because I know this is not something you’d ever do to me.”
“What’s going on?” she asks, looking scared.
“I’m sorry,” I say, wanting her to know that. “But I have a game tonight and it’s stressing me and I just want to fucking know.”
“Know what?”
“I, uh…I’ve been struggling with where things are going with us.” She sits taller, her eyes looking concerned, but I keep moving forward. “I feel like you’ve been pulling away, and fuck, I like you, Bower, more than I think I can tell you at this point, and I know you’re not there yet, but…”
“Bennett, you’re worrying me,” she says, her eyes searching mine.
“I need to know where you’re at mentally with me, because if you’re just not in the same place and want some space, that’s okay.
I can honor that and give you time, but I do…
I do want to know, because the wondering is going to fucking kill me.
And if you’re seeing other guys, then just let me know because—”
“Bennett, where is this coming from?” she asks, looking so confused that I almost wish I never brought this up.
“It stems from the distance I’ve felt,” I say. “The worry I have over your feelings for me. And the fact that there were pictures of you with Cougar at the coffee house again.”
Her eyes search mine again before she says, “Let me see them.”
Let her see them?
No denial?
No reassurance?
Just let her see them?
Stomach churning, I pull my phone out and look them up quickly, then turn my phone to her. She takes it and scrolls through the pictures, nodding for a moment before she hands me back my phone and stands up.
“Bower,” I say, panic filling my chest. “If that’s what you want, just tell me, it’s not going to—”
She places her hand on my chest and pushes me back on the couch before straddling my lap. She grips my face and looks me dead in the eyes.
“I want you. That’s it. No one else.”
My hands fall to her hips as the smallest of weights is lifted off my chest.
“Those pictures, I can see how they might look. But it’s not as it seems. And I do believe you deserve an explanation, because if I saw you with another woman, I probably wouldn’t believe it, but I’d be extremely jealous.”
Her fingers play with the hem of my shirt, my skin prickling with the nearness of her, the comfort of her touch.
“I was at the coffee house, trying to get everything checked off my to-do list, and he showed up. We frequent the same place, so it was bound to happen. He asked to sit with me and I let him, because I felt like I owed him that after the night of our date. I showed him the progress I made on The Whimsy Wagon and then I apologized to him for the way I ditched him. He understood and asked if there wasn’t another guy, would he have possibly had a chance.
I told him maybe, but that I was falling for someone else.
” She pauses, her eyes connected in all earnest with mine.
“That’s you, Bennett. I’m falling for you, and as you know, I can’t stop that from happening. ”
Relief floods through me. Thank fuck.
“He did say if it didn’t work out to give him a call.”
My expression falls to annoyance, which makes her smile.
“It’s always good to have a backup plan.”
“Bower,” I say, making her chuckle.
“But in all seriousness, I know those pictures look like something else happened, but I can promise you, it was a conversation where I let him down gently. He actually said that he wants to change his dating lifestyle too. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I’ve just been…”
“Avoiding me,” I say, wanting to get that out of the way.
“Maybe,” she says, with a shrug.
“Why?” I ask, my grip on her hips tightening, not wanting to let her go.
She sighs and looks off to the side, and I can see that there’s a distinct reason but she is questioning whether or not she should tell me.
“Open communication,” I say to her. “I came here, looking like a fucking jackass, asking why you were with another man. I think you should open up too. Don’t you think?”
She nods. “You’re right. You did come here looking like a jackass.” We both chuckle and she sighs, her head tilting to the side. “A handsome jackass, though.”
“At least I have that going for me,” I answer.
“You have a lot going for you,” she says, her fingers playing with the waistband of my jeans.
“So…” I encourage her.
“Right, umm.” Her eyes dip down to my stomach. “Gabby called me…”
Probably should have fucking guessed that.
Whenever she pulls away, it’s because she’s reminded of the promise she made Gabby.
“What did she say?” I ask.
“Well, she asked if I knew about this secret girl you were dating, because apparently you accidentally sent her a text that I’m assuming was meant for me.”
“Fuck,” I say. I’d forgotten that my sister is nosey as shit and probably would have asked Bower about it.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about it, because it wasn’t anything where she’d suspect it was you I was texting.
And I didn’t want to cause more stress, but I should have known she would ask you about it. ”
“I know. She read it to me, but she was asking me a bunch of questions, and well, she said that it seemed like whoever you were texting, it seemed like you were in love with them.”
Oh.
Fuck.
Her eyes connect with mine. “And she asked if I thought that was true. I, uh, I really didn’t answer her.”
“But it freaked you out,” I say, knowing that the girlfriend thing nearly split us in two, but this…this could end us. I can feel it.
“It did,” she answers honestly. “On many levels.” Her eyes meet mine again. “I don’t want to hurt you, disappoint you, or make you feel any less than you are.”
“You don’t,” I say.
She nods. “I do. I know I do, or else you wouldn’t be here, at my work.
And then there’s your sister. Every time I feel better about these feelings for you, she reminds me why I shouldn’t.
So then I pull away, because that feels like the most logical thing in my head.
But…” Her hand connects with my cheek, her thumb playing with my scruff.
“Then you come to see me, and I can’t…I can’t pull away, Bennett.
Everything about you makes me feel better.
You make me feel desired, needed, comforted.
My life is so much better with you in it, in the capacity where I can call you my boyfriend. ”
My chest expands from that title, one that I will fucking hold on to.
“But I’m in turmoil all the time—”
“Don’t you think that if we could face these feelings together and they continue to grow, that when we’re ready and we do tell Gabby, she can’t really be mad at us, because it’s not like we’re just fucking…right?”
“Maybe,” she says, dragging her hand down my chest. “But I’m not ready.”
“I know. And you know that I promised on your terms. When you’re ready.
There is no pressure on my end. I just want to make sure we’re headed in the right direction, you and me.
That there is nothing between us. That you’re not holding back on sharing anything with me.
” I cup her cheek. “Because, babe, I’m in this for the long haul. You know that.”
She nods. “I do.” Her fingers play with the waistband of my jeans again. “I know how much of a long haul you’ve already gone through.” Her fingers slip under my shirt and then right to the button of my jeans, where she undoes them.
“Babe,” I say, my breath catching in my chest as she slides off my lap and between my legs. “Bower, what are you—”
She unzips my jeans and then tugs on them, pulling them down just enough to release me from my boxer briefs.
“Bower, baby.”
Her tongue circles over my cock, swirling a few times to get me hard as a goddamn stone before her mouth descends over my shaft, taking me to the back of her throat.
“Fuck.” I lean my head back, knowing this is not the fucking place for this, but to hell if I can stop her. Her mouth is sinful, and the moment it touches me, I have no control.