Chapter Twenty-Seven
Tori
I needed to tell Kincaid I was pregnant. After my initial burst of confidence—an unexpected certainty that I wanted to have a baby—I started to doubt myself with questions ping-ponging around my brain for hours on end. All the while, a clock was ticking.
In the muddle of it all, I went to see my doctor. “How far along do you think I am?” I asked.
She tipped her head to the side, her gaze studying me for a beat. “Just over eight weeks. You caught it early because you missed your period.”
“I know. If I didn’t have such a regular cycle, I probably wouldn’t have even taken a pregnancy test.” I took a shaky breath.
“Do you know what you want to do?” she asked gently.
“I don’t.” I paused before I added quietly, “Actually, I think I do.”
“Do you know who the father is?”
There wasn’t even an ounce of judgment in her voice, which was the only reason I could answer with my heart jammed up in my throat. “Uh-huh. I need to tell him.”
The words for how I’d tell Kincaid tumbled through my thoughts all the next day. I needed to talk to him. And yet, this whole situation was dragging all my trust issues up to the surface. It felt like I had hundreds of emotional alarms sounding in this situation.
“Kincaid’s a good man,” I murmured to myself as I drove to work that evening.
“Yeah? And you thought your dad was a good man, too. Look how that worked out.”
Good grief, I was to the point of two-way conversations with myself.
And yet, when it came to believing in my dad, it certainly hadn’t just been me. Most of the town had considered him beyond reproach—a family man, loyal, reliable, the kind of guy you called when you needed help for anything from an actual emergency to shoveling your steps in a pinch.
I shook my head, blinking back the tears stinging my eyes. At least, I was still relieved I’d gotten up the nerve to talk to Shelly. I wouldn’t say I had laid it all to rest. I didn’t believe that’s how things like that worked. Closure? Not a thing. You couldn’t undo things.
There were different kinds of grief. When all was said and done, you had to live with the past, all of it. That was the getting-over part—learning how to keep moving and carry any scars from life with grace.
Though my father hadn’t passed away until years after he’d detonated my trust, I’d still had to grieve him.
I’d grieved the idea of him, the man I thought he was.
I’d had to live with the betrayal I never saw coming.
Those scars had healed over, but they were carved on my heart.
My trust issues felt insurmountable sometimes.
“But Kincaid’s a good man,” I repeated to myself.
I took a deep breath and shook my head firmly. I needed to work. While it wasn’t my goal to be a waitress forever, I actually enjoyed it. Plus, the pay was pretty good, especially now that tourist season was heating up.
Once I arrived at Fireweed Winery, I could mostly forget about Kincaid and the fact that I was pregnant. I was leaning toward keeping the baby, and yet, I hadn’t spoken to anyone about this except my doctor.
Tish was floating around the restaurant tonight.
As my shift was winding down, I spotted her at the table in the break room with David, who lived in Fireweed Harbor but seemed to spend most of his time here in Willow Brook these days.
“What are you two doing now?” I teased lightly as I stopped beside them.
David grinned. “Specials. Can’t get enough of them, you know?”
“No,” I replied with a little eye-roll.
“Have you tried that mixed berry mead?” Tish asked, waggling her eyebrows.
I shook my head. “Not yet.”
“You should have some now,” she said.
David nudged an empty glass toward me, tapping the bottle beside it with one hand.
I shook my head again. “I’ll pass. I’m tired tonight. I don’t need anything to drink.”
I saw the flicker of curiosity in Tish’s gaze, but I ignored it. Not that I drank much anyway, but she knew how much I loved anything with berries.
Someone called for David from the kitchen, and he stood with a quick wink. “I’m sure I’ll see you around, Tori.”
When he walked off, Tish was still smiling at me. “What is it?” I asked.
She shrugged. “Nothing.”
“Are we thinking big thoughts tonight?” I teased.
She laughed softly before her gaze sobered.
“You know, when I moved here, I was in kind of a panic. I was pregnant and all alone. The father was ignoring me, and I didn’t know what to do.
Now, I feel like I belong here,” Tish continued.
“To be honest, that’s not something I’ve experienced much in my life. ”
“What do you mean the father was ignoring you? Griffin’s really involved,” I pointed out.
Tish shook her head quickly. “Not Griffin. He adopted Teddy.” She rolled her eyes.
“I’m referring to Teddy’s sperm donor before Griffin and I got serious.
” When my brows hitched up in question, she added, “We were dating, but he ghosted me before I found out I was pregnant.” She shook her head, as if to herself. “I was so stupid.”
“What do you mean?”
“Unplanned pregnancies and all that.” She gave a wry smile.
My words slipped out without any thought. “Tell me about it.”
Her eyes narrowed slightly. “What do you mean?”
I wanted to play it off, but the need to talk to someone overrode everything else. With a blush heating my cheeks. I sat down with a thump in the chair across from Tish. “I’m pregnant. And, I’m completely freaking out.”
Tish immediately reached for both of my hands, curling hers around them and holding firm. Her grip was warm and steady, and I could feel the strength she was trying to lend me.
I blinked rapidly, trying to hold myself together, but my tears spilled over anyway. “If you didn’t know, birth control doesn’t always work,” I whispered.
She released one of my hands, snagged the box of tissues in the center of the table, and thrust it toward me. I took a handful, dabbing at my eyes and blowing my nose. “Yeah. So, uh, we used birth control, and I’m pregnant anyway.”
“It happens. I’m assuming Kincaid is the father?” she asked hesitantly.
I nodded slowly. “The only possibility.”
“Does he know?”
“Now that’s a loaded question, Tish,” I said dryly before I shook my head. I took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I know I need to talk to him. But first I have to decide what I’m going to do.”
She held my gaze for a few beats. “Look, if you decide to have the baby, yes, you need to tell him. But until you make that call, what you do is your choice.”
Her tone was calm and practical and slightly eased the anxiety churning inside of me.
“I know. I’m about ninety-eight percent sure I want to have the baby.
” I shook my head slowly, rolling my eyes as I lifted my hands and let them fall into my lap.
“I’m still almost dismayed that I’m even contemplating this.
If you had told me—frankly, minutes before I saw that positive pregnancy test—that I would want to keep a baby I didn’t plan to have?
I would’ve told you no way. No how. Never, never, never.
And yet...” I trailed off. “Here I am seriously thinking about it, and I can’t even believe it. ”
“It’s okay,” she assured me gently.
“I know it’s okay, but what the hell am I thinking?” I muttered.
Tish tilted her head to the side, her gaze kind and understanding. “Honestly? I could’ve said any of the things you’re saying right now when I found out I was pregnant. In my case, it was a little more complicated because we started with a condom, and he stealthed me.”
My mouth dropped open. “Oh, my God. Are you serious?”
She nodded. “Oh yeah. It’s a crime in some states now. Not here in Alaska yet, though.”
“Oh, my God,” I whispered.
“Anyway,” she went on, “it all worked out for the best. I didn’t plan it.
He wanted nothing to do with Teddy. Pretty much blew me off the whole time.
” She smiled softly. “And then, Griffin and I fell in love. It hasn’t been the easiest—we still had to jump through a few legal hoops because the sperm donor’s kind of a jerk.
But I’m here to tell you: no matter what you do—and I don’t have an opinion about what you do—I seriously considered abortion, too.
But I decided against it.” She shrugged.
“Even though, logically, it probably wasn’t the easy choice.
You just have to do what feels right for you.
What is it?” she asked, as more tears spilled over my cheeks.
Just when I thought I had them under control. “I just... I don’t know what to do. Obviously, Kincaid didn’t plan on having a baby, because we did use birth control. I don’t know.” I swallowed hard. “What if it doesn’t work out with him? This is terrifying for me. He seems like a good man.”
“I think he is,” she added.
“I don’t—” My voice wavered. “I have major trust issues. Because of what happened with my dad.”
“Yeah,” I said softly, “like the whole freaking town trusted that man. Everyone.”
“Well, maybe not everyone,” Tish replied, giving me a look. “But lots of people were surprised, from what I understand. It doesn’t mean what he did is something most people would do. Maybe if you’re ninety-eight percent sure you’re going to have this baby, you should talk to Kincaid about it.”
I opened my mouth to reply, but she held up a hand. “Maybe you just tell him all your worries. Tell him that you’re not sure you can trust him—but that it’s not him. It’s trusting anyone.”
“Tish,” I protested. “You make it sound like that’s simple.”
“Oh, it’s definitely not simple,” she said, laughing under her breath.
“Few things are.” She paused before circling her hand in the air.
“But when I got pregnant, it clarified everything for me. At least it did once I accepted it. It was like all these things I used to wonder about, or worry about, I could suddenly assess them quickly. This is right. This is what I want. This isn’t.
That kind of thing. My priority was my baby, and it made other things easier to not worry about, if that makes any sense. ”
I exhaled slowly, feeling that pressure in my chest build again.
“I can’t tell you what to do,” she said. “But I’m here if you want to talk more. Call any time. I’ve never been the best sleeper, so even if you’re up in the middle of the night—just send me a text. I’ll wake up and listen as long as you need.”
My eyes went wide as I let out a disbelieving laugh. “Are you serious?”
“Absolutely. Although I’m making it sound like it was easy for me to decide to have Teddy, it wasn’t.
Not at the time.” She leaned back, her expression softening.
“It’s true that everything felt clearer once I made the decision, and especially after he came into my life.
But I felt so alone through it all at first. I really did.
Honestly, moving here helped me. I love my job. You know Phoebe?”
I nodded. “Yeah. We both grew up here.”
“She and Archer have that little garage apartment behind their place. I ended up renting it from them for a bit. Phoebe helped me so much. She still does. After that, I moved into the place Madison rents to us now.” Her lips curled slightly with a smile.
“She’s another good friend. I don’t think you have to have a lot of friends in this life.
But I feel lucky because I have more than I ever imagined here. It’s the good ones who matter.”
I swallowed hard. My throat was suddenly tight, and I blinked against the sting behind my eyes.
“You don’t have to be anything other than yourself for those kind of friends,” she added softly.
Holding her gaze, I reached for her hands, squeezing them firmly before letting go. “You’re a good friend, Tish.”
Her eyes warmed. “Ditto.” She sat back and looked toward the window. “When do you see Kincaid again?”
“He actually flew down to Seattle this weekend to see his dad. He and his mom went down there.”
Tish nodded slowly. “So... when he gets back? You could try to talk to him about what’s going on. Handling it all by yourself will only make it more difficult.”
I sighed. “I know you’re right. I have to talk to him.”
“The world won’t end if you don’t,” she said, lifting one shoulder in a shrug. “But if he’s important to you—which I sense he is—you have to talk to him.”
When I got home that night, I walked Bella out into the yard. An owl hooted at us from the trees nearby. I wasn’t even sure Bella could hear the sound. The sky was dark with the moon rising above the mountains.
I took a deep breath, savoring the crisp, fresh air.
Bella seemed to sense that I needed her presence, and she lingered close beside me as we walked back inside.
I sank onto the couch, and she curled up next to me, resting her head in the curve of my hip as I idly stroked over her ears—her favorite way to be petted.
That slow, steady breathing of hers and the warmth of her fur beneath my fingers soothed something raw inside of me.
“I have to talk to him, Bella,” I whispered as I glanced down.
Her trusting, cloudy gaze met mine, her little tail wagging. Even though I wasn’t sure how to do this, I knew that she had faith in me.