Chapter 20
Zac
Ipull up to my parent’s house, and walk in like I normally do. I hear Mom in the kitchen so I walk in there. She turns with a smile and hugs me tight. That’s exactly what I needed. Vince and Leland can give me everything I usually need, but sometimes nothing can beat a mom hug.
“Where’s your guys at?” She asks when she pulls back. She leads me to the table, pulls out my chair, pushes me to sit down and takes her own. It truly amazes me how easy they’ve all been so accepting of me. I even know Leland has been texting with both moms.
“Home,” I answer. “I just needed…some time with you.”
Mom pats my hand. “What’s on your mind?”
Mom and Dad have had to deal with my depressive episodes. They started when I was rather young, and it was a tough few years before we figured it out. They never gave up on me, made sure I had a safe place to go when I was feeling off. I sigh and Mom laces our fingers together, squeezing.
“Something happened with Leland.”
Mom frowns. “I just spoke with him. He didn’t change his mind, did he?”
I smile, loving that Mom talks to Leland regularly and shake my head. “No. I can’t go into details because it’s not my story to tell, but it was…rough. My mind has been spinning since.”
Even three weeks later, I still see Leland laying on the edge of that cliff.
I could see it all over his face that he was going to jump that day, and it scared the shit out of me.
I’ve had to fight really hard against my own mind so I don’t spiral.
I need to be there for Leland, but I also need to make sure I’m taking care of myself, which is why I came to talk to Mom.
Not that I can’t talk to Vince. I can, but he doesn’t need my baggage too.
“Have you talked to Vince, honey?” I shake my head and she gives me the ‘mom look’.
“Zac, Vince has been your rock since the day you guys met. Assuming he knows what’s going on with your sweet boy, you should talk to him.
I’m not saying you can’t come to me, but I don’t think I’m who you need to talk to right now and I already know what you’re thinking.
You think what’s on your mind will be too much for him and I can assure you, it’s not.
That man lives to take care of people. You included. ”
I know what she’s saying is true. Hell, I’ve known it for twenty years.
“I just needed—” My voice catches on the last word, and Mom is up out of her chair.
She pulls my forehead against her stomach and the dam breaks.
I let out all that emotion I’ve been holding in, tears streaming down my face.
So many things rise up, things that I blame myself for.
Mom rubs the back of head, soothing me in a way only Moms know how until the tears slow.
When I pull back, she’s already got tissues in hand that she always has in her pockets and wipes my face off like I’m not a grown man.
I laugh and playfully swat her hands away. “I can do it myself.”
“Shut up,” Mom says with no heat, finishing her job. She throws the tissues away, walks back to me and grabs my face between her hands. “Do you feel up to talking to Vince now?” I have no clue how the fuck she does it, but she can read me every time this happens.
“I do.”
Mom checks her phone. “How about this? I’ll go kidnap Leland for dinner since your Dad is out of town anyway, so you can have some time with Vince.
” Mom is already tapping out a message on her phone before I can answer.
I can already guess the response from Leland when she smiles. “He said he’d love to.”
“Thank you for accepting him, Mom.”
Mom shrugs and sits back down. “I’ve had a while to prepare since you told us about him in the first place.
I knew that if he caught yours and Vince’s eye that he was special, because what you and Vince have is already more than anyone could hope for in a relationship.
Meeting him just sealed the deal. He’ll be the glue that continues to hold you guys together.
” She pats my cheek and stands up. “Now, get out. I have dinner to get to.”
I laugh, stand up, and kiss her cheek. “Thanks, Mom. Appreciate the love.”
She swats my chest. “I don’t want to keep him waiting.”
We say our goodbyes and I drive back to the apartment, my mind swirling with how to talk to Vince.
I know deep down in my soul that he’ll understand, but I can’t help but worry that I’m still putting too much on him.
When I walk through the front door Vince is sitting on the couch, reading.
He sets the book down when he sees me and smiles.
“Hey, love. Leland went to eat with your mom, so I ordered from that little Italian place we love.” I kick my shoes off and walk to him before I change my mind.
I drop to my knees when he spreads his legs and lay my head down on his thigh.
This is how he taught me to talk about things, something about the submissiveness of the pose and the way his fingers run through my hair.
It calms me enough that I can open up to him.
It’s either that or he spanks it out of me when I keep it bottled up too long. “What’s wrong?”
“I feel like what happened to Leland that day is my fault.”
Vince’s hand pauses on my head and then continues. “How?”
“I should have stopped him from running out of the cafe. I could have kept him from going up there.”
“Leland’s mind wasn’t clear, love. Every bit of shame and helplessness slapped him in the face when he saw that man. Nothing you or I would have said would have stopped him. Would you have been able to stop him from going to the bluffs that day? Maybe. But he still would have found another way.”
“You think he needed that?”
“I think he thought he needed that. Leland had to hit rock bottom before he was truly ready to seek help. That was his rock bottom. What matters now is we support him in every aspect of his life.” Vince hooks his hand under my chin and pulls my head up so I can see his eyes. “You should have talked to me sooner.”
I swallow. “I know, but I didn’t want to overwhelm you.”
“You would never overwhelm me if you needed to talk. I also get my strength from you and Leland. That strength bleeds out when I need to be there for you, which is always. I need you to remember that your problems are mine. That’s how this works.”
“What about your problems?”
“You help me each time you remind me that I’m doing the right thing, or when you come to me with your needs. What I do for you might be different, but what you do for me isn’t less important.” I let that sink in and take a deep breath that feels like the first one since that day.
“Can I…stay here until the food arrives?”
Vince pulls my head back to his thigh and continues rubbing my head. “You can stay there as long as you need, love.”
I might have needed Mom to point me in the right direction, but this is what I needed.
* * *
Leland is acting weird.
Not in a bad way, just secretive. He assures us that we’ll love the secret once he’s ready, but it still makes me wonder what the hell he’s up to.
It’s been a few days since I talked to Vince, and we all had a long talk when Leland came home.
I told Leland about my feelings from that day and he stayed attached to me like a spider monkey, making sure I knew that I had nothing to worry about.
I needed to hear it in his words that I didn’t fuck up that day.
Things have been much smoother since, and I feel like we’re back on the right path.
I look up at Vince when he shuts his laptop.
“Leland just asked if we were coming straight home after work.” Leland didn’t come into work today because of an early therapy appointment, and we always make sure he either stays home or goes home right after so he can process what they’ve talked about.
They’re always hard on him because they’ve started digging into his past, so he has to talk about what he went through.
“Do you think something is up with him?”
Vince chuckles. “Yes, but I don’t think it’s anything bad.”
“Can we leave now?” I need to know what the fuck is going on, and if Leland is making sure we’re coming home then hopefully today is the day.
Vince checks his watch. “Yeah. We don’t have any more appointments for the day, and he should be home by now. Let’s go to our boy.”
I’ve never got my shit together so fast, and we’re finally on our way to the apartment. When we walk in, I can hear a giggle from the back that’s very distinctively Oliver.
“Pretty boy?” I call out. The giggle is cut short and then Oliver is skidding down the hallway in his socks, red faced and out of breath.
“Oh, hey guys.” Oliver twists his hands in front of him, showing his nervousness.
“What’s going on?” Vince asks, shrugging out of his suit jacket and loosening his tie. Vince kicks his shoes off, before stepping further into the apartment and Oliver holds up a hand.
“Wait! Leland, uh, he isn’t ready.”
“Were you guys fucking around?” I ask. I’m not mad, they have free reign in that area, but Oliver is acting like they’re committing some mortal sin.
Oliver giggles again. “No. That would have been much more fun than what we’ve been doing.”
“Someone better start talking,” Vince says in that voice that brooks no argument. Oliver shivers at the tone and I have to bite my tongue to keep from laughing.
“One more minute!” Leland calls out from the back of the apartment. Oliver runs off, and I hear Leland laugh loudly. “Okay! I’m ready.”
Vince and I exchange a look before following the sound of his voice. I have no idea what to expect when we go into our room, but it’s not Leland sitting on the bed waiting for us. He’s fully clothed, nothing is out of place and he’s smiling.
Oliver kisses me and Vince on the cheek. “I’m going to go. Call me later, Le.”
“Okay.”
Vince waits until the apartment door closes before cocking his head at Leland. “What’s going on?”
With a deep breath, Leland slides from the bed and opens our walk in closet.
We follow him inside and it takes me a minute to figure out what I’m looking at.
Between mine and Vince’s clothes, Leland’s are now there.
His shoes are placed neatly below them, and on the shelf beside his clothes is all the gorgeous lingerie that we bought him.
Before I can ask if this means what I think it means, he pulls us back to the room.
I look around and start seeing little pieces of Leland sitting around.
A picture of him and Oli on the dresser, the blanket that he usually has on his bed is draped across the bottom of ours and the stuffed teddy bear that Jace got him last year when he was sick is on the nightstand.
“Baby doll?” Vince questions, also afraid to hope. “Does this mean what I think it means?”
Leland nods, but I can see how nervous he is by the set of his shoulders. “My lease ran out and I, um, figured since I’m here all the time anyway that it would be okay to move my stuff in.” Leland frowns. “I should have talked to you first.”
Vince and I move in on him at the same time, sandwiching him between us. Vince tilts Leland’s face up to his. “You just made us the happiest two guys in the world.”
“You’re not…upset?”
I laugh and kiss the back of his neck. “No. We’ve been wanting you here with us everyday.”
“If you want me to move my stuff somewhere else—”
Vince cuts him off with a kiss that makes Leland melt against his chest. Vince pulls back and puts their foreheads together. “Absolutely not. This is your home now, baby doll.”
“Home,” Leland whispers, like it’s just hitting him. “You guys are my home.”