Chapter 3
River
Why couldn’t Gabriel Tate have been a little nicer?
I’m not asking for much. Just less entitled.
He’s all I can think about now, as I enjoy my backyard with my best friend, Jana, and my older sister, Skye. Typically, we can’t be outside much in August because it’s not good for Skye to overheat, but we’re enjoying the cloud cover and cool breeze.
And sidenote: Yes, my parents liked their nature names. Sometimes I wonder if we’d had a brother, would he be named Forest? Or Elm? Or Rock?
Anyway, I’m trying not to think of Gabriel. I want to soak this all in—the patio wind chimes, the weeping willow with its magical branches nearly kissing the grass, the smell of mom’s roses. They’re yellow with a blush of pink on the edges. “Strike it Rich”
is the variety, something that always made me laugh in its irony.
Skye and I are so not rich that, in just a few days, our house will be officially sold and we’ll be moving out.
Someone like Gabriel Tate coming to ask me to work on a secret project for him would normally be cool. And would pay well—not a minute too soon.
In the end, I couldn’t do it. He made me all flared up and agitated, and it became a question of integrity. I can’t support something I don’t know enough about.
It doesn’t help that I opened my heart to him near the rafters of Longdale High School’s auditorium as a teen and he didn’t even remember me when I got the courage to bring it up later. I’m starting to rethink this whole angelic persona he has. I mean, who even came up with that in the first place?
Finally, I give in to his omnipresence in my mind and regal his visit to Jana, swearing her to secrecy. She’s doing what any true friend would do: gasping, oohing, and aahing at all the appropriate times.
“And then I told him I had a meeting, so he needed to go.”
I raise my chin.
She bumps out a shoulder like, Oooh. Burn! “And did you really have a meeting or was that just a power move?”
“Oh, I was dripping with power moves, Jana, don’t you worry about that. I did have to go to a meeting but not for work.”
I pause. “That’s when I went over to Caring Souls.”
“Gotcha.”
Jana’s expression clouds. “How did that go?”
The thing is, Jana probably already knows how it went. Same old, same old.
I drop my head in my hands. The skin of my arms is crisscrossed with lines from where I’ve been leaning on the weathered outdoor tabletop. My gaze goes to Skye, who’s four years older than me. She tucks a lock of her short hair behind her ear as she bends towards her dog. She’s trying to teach Lunch Lady Liz, a King Charles Cavalier, a complicated trick, but then giving her treats even when she doesn’t do it correctly. Skye named her after her favorite employee from her elementary school days.
“They’re saying it’s going to be sixty grand, Jana. I told them I couldn’t right now but asked them not to take me off the list yet.”
“I can talk to Antonio to see if there’s anything he can do?”
Jana’s worked as a nurse at Caring Souls, a group home for adult women with disabilities, for years. But this is something she can’t fix.
“Antonio was there, in the meeting. I know he wants to help, but his hands are tied. Caring Souls is out of reach for people like us.”
“Well, it shouldn’t be.”
Jana’s cheeks grow pink. “I bet he suggested you call the government, huh? Maybe he’s still heartbroken you wouldn’t date him in college and that’s why he doesn’t have any better ideas.”
“If by government, you mean the subsidized place in Boulder, then yeah. And I’m on their wait list. But it’s too far away and there aren’t nearly as many resources.”
I rotate my head to pop my neck. Skye gets all the chiropractic budget because she needs it more than I do. “And please. Antonio isn’t and hasn’t ever been heartbroken over me.”
He and I reconnected as friends when he moved to Longdale last year. Not that we hang out, since I don’t exactly have time for that kind of thing. But Skye gets to go to Caring Souls’ free programs a couple of times a week, and so I sometimes see him. He’s only ever been a friend.
“Why you don’t see it is a complete mystery, but whatever. And I know about the place in Boulder. I did clinicals there,”
Jana says. “You can’t send her to Boulder.”
Her lashes flutter as she rolls her eyes. “I mean, they’re fine. If it came to that, Skye would be fine there. But—”
she squeezes her eyes shut. “You can’t send her to Boulder.”
I know what Jana’s saying. The place in Boulder is . . . fine. But Caring Souls is in Tollark, the next town over from Longdale. It’s close, and it’s the cream of the crop.
Besides, Skye has her heart set on going to Caring Souls. She has friends there. She’s been asking for two years, and for two years I’ve said no. I’m responsible for her. Even though I’m younger, I’ve had guardianship over her ever since our parents died.
The thought of letting her go live in a group home is laughably stupid. There was no way I was going to allow that. She wasn’t ready, and still isn’t. But our neighbor, the one I’ve been paying to come spend several hours a day with Skye, is moving across the country. And Skye simply cannot be left alone all day while I’m at work.
My parents gave it all they had for their child with an intellectual disability, providing her with everything she needed to excel in all the ways she could. There were no limitations in their eyes. They were Skye’s biggest cheerleaders.
And they were killed in a small airplane crash three and a half years ago.
So there’s that.
The moment we were told the horrific news, I made up my mind. I couldn’t process anything until I told myself I would take care of Skye. I would be her champion, like Mom and Dad were. And even through the nightmare of having to bury both of my parents when I was twenty-four years old, that thought kept me going.
I have to be okay for Skye.
But good resources for persons with disabilities are hard to come by.
I’ve tried. I make a good wage, I really do, but my parents had zero extra dollars when they passed. I sank to the pantry floor and sobbed my eyes out when I discovered how much Skye’s various therapies cost. Thankfully, she gets disability and our parents’ social security benefits checks. We’ve made it work, barely, but getting her into Caring Souls can’t happen yet.
When I don’t respond, Jana taps my hand, gives it a little shake and smiles. “So what are you going to do?”
I clear my throat. “Well, obviously, move. But beyond that, I don’t know.”
“Yes, you do. You and Skye are coming to live with us.”
“For the hundred time, I’m not crashing your honeymoon pad! I’ll figure it out. There are some apartments here in town. Something will become available, eventually.”
Real estate in Longdale is tricky. More demand than supply, especially now that Tate International has brought so much to the town. Longdale is growing and feeling those growing pains.
“If we had an extra bedroom, I’d hog tie you and throw you over my shoulder and take you in that way. But as we only have two very comfy sofas for you to sleep on, I won’t force you. Still . . . the offer stands.”
“Thanks for wanting to hog tie me, I guess? And thanks for the offer.”
My focus on Skye has eased up as I’ve thought about the magnitude of everything going on. But then I notice my sister’s no longer in the backyard.
I spring from the patio chair so quickly I bang my knee on the table. “Skye?”
I dart around the side of the house just as the gate bangs shut.
When I fling open the gate and reach her near the middle of the front yard, she wiggles out of my grasp with a laugh.
“You can’t go in the front by yourself, Skye.”
“But Lunch Lady Liz is with me,”
Skye insists.
“She’s not very responsible,”
I counter. I corral the dog and get her to go back through the gate and Skye follows, lying down under the willow and letting Lunch Lady Liz settle on her stomach.
I relax back down on my chair with a yawn.
“I thought you put a lock on the gate,”
Jana says.
“I did. She promptly figured out how to open it. She’s too smart for her own good.”
“Agreed. So with the sale of the house, you’ll have enough for Caring Souls, right? And an apartment for you?”
“Possibly. But I still want to keep Skye’s music and art classes going, and that’s not cheap. And all her therapies.”
Our insurance covers some of it. But there are things they deem “elective”
that I have to cover.
“You’re always doing things for other people. What about what’s best for you?”
“What do you mean? What’s best for Skye is best for me. It’s the same thing.”
“Not always, River.”
Jana shakes her head. It’s a discussion we’ve had many times. She doesn’t get how it feels to be responsible for your sibling.
“I keep hoping Skye will magically change her mind and decide she doesn’t even want to go to Caring Souls,” I say.
Jana makes a humming sound and rests her chin in her hands. “You know that’s not happening.”
“I know. But the second anything happens there, I’m pulling her out. I’ll start working from home if I have to.”
“You gotta get a home first.”
Jana winces when I do. “Sorry to be so blunt, but Caring Souls is going to be amazing for your sister.”
“I only agreed to try to figure it out since there doesn’t seem to be any other option.”
I look over at Skye again. She’s now giving Lunch Lady Liz a belly rub.
She’s been going to Caring Souls’ two evenings a week for years and has friends there. A van transports her, and it’s been great. Still, it’s going to be a rough transition. And having her live there full-time feels impossible, and irresponsible of me.
Same with selling the house. I didn’t think it would ever come to this.
“I give Skye a week, tops, before she begs me to bring her home.”
Yep. It’s inevitable, and I’m not going to mind one bit.
Skye stands up from the grass and carries Lunch Lady Liz in her arms, holding her around her middle as she shuffles over to sit with us in the shade. We’ve had to reduce her physical therapy to just twice a month, for financial reasons, so her limp is back with a vengeance. It’s hard to watch your sister regress right in front of your eyes.
“Lunch Lady Liz needs a hug,”
Skye says sweetly, holding out the dog to my face. Try shortening the name and you’ll get an earful from Skye. Don’t tell her, but sometimes, when she’s at activity nights, I shorten it to “Lunchie”
or “Liz.”
Who has time for that mouthful?
The dog, wearing a yellow T-shirt and yellow ear bows, licks my face as I take her in my arms while Skye sits with a thud in the chair next to me. She’s always been tall and lanky, only starting to round out a little after she turned thirty. She has cherubic cheeks and big brown eyes, same as mine. Freckles dot her nose, and her smile has the power to lift the grumpiest of grumps.
I turn my focus to Lunch Lady Liz. It’s too painful to look at Skye right now, knowing she still isn’t understanding fully that by this weekend, we’re permanently moving out of the only house she’s ever known. Jana thinks she’s fine with it since there’s the possibility of her being at Caring Souls. But it’s going to hit her when she can’t ever come back here, I know it.
The Grim Reaper of anxiety snakes around my middle, like it has every day since my parents’ deaths.
It’s okay. Really. I have a healthy and happy sister. I have a cool job. I’m dog aunt to the cutest pup you ever did see. Plus, I have excellent hearing, gums that my dentist can’t stop gushing over, and a car that runs most of the time.
“Store?”
Skye asks, like she does about ten times a day.
“We just went to the store yesterday,”
I remind her gently. “We’ve got food here.”
Besides, I don’t add, we really don’t have the money. I swat away a wasp buzzing by Skye’s ear.
“Pretzels,”
she says matter-of-factly. I can barely keep us stocked on all her favorites. As I live and breathe, I will convert her to healthier options one day. It’s my lifelong quest.
“We’ve got pretzels,”
I say. “Tons of kinds. Go inside and bring out some bags and we’ll all have a big pretzel fest!”
“Yeah,”
Jana joins in. “You’re always so nice to share your pretzels.”
It’s true. Skye is sweet and generous. She has more love in her little finger than most people have in their entire bodies. She would hug every single person she sees if they would let her.
I suck in a breath as the wasp zips around her head again.
“Hold still!”
I shout as I stand, waving my hands to shoo the pesky wasp away. “Get out of here!”
I tell the wasp as panic starts to fill my chest.
Jana squeezes my shoulder. “It’s okay, River.”
“She’s going to get stung.”
“Probably not,”
Jana says. “And even if she does, she’ll be okay. Neither of you are allergic.”
“I know, but—”
“River, you’ve got to stop worrying so much about her.”
Jana gives it to me straight. Doesn’t mean I always want to hear it. And I’m not going to just stand here while she gets stung.
“Pretzels,”
Skye repeats as she stands. She gives Lunch Lady Liz a pat on the head, and before going inside, she pats Jana and me on the head, too, which makes us laugh.
When Skye’s gone into the kitchen, Jana pins me with a look. “I think you should sign with Caring Souls.”
At my protest, she holds up her palm. “Call Gabriel Tate. Tell him you’re sorry for brushing him off and that you’d be interested to hear more about this job.”
My stomach drops. “It’s not a good idea to work with him. We have a past that he doesn’t remember but I do. He doesn’t even remember that he didn’t remember! And I can’t help him if he doesn’t tell me what’s up. He was being so stubborn about it.”
“Skye deserves this. And you deserve being able to have some more time for yourself, River. Call him and get some more information.”
She fluffs the top of her brown pixie cut. “Wouldn’t hurt to ask.”
I could call him. Eat my words a little. Tell him he has to tell me the whole story upfront so I can do a proper job of it.
I sigh and shake my head. “Whatever amount he offers me, I’m going to require he double it.”
Jana beams and gives me a high five.
In any case, I’m going to make sure he doesn’t forget me this time.